Crimson Rain Drops
Chapter 6
Disclaimer: I only own the plot and the characters that obviously aren't in the books. The poems used in this chapter is courtesy of WriterOfDragons from Evan2Alley (link in Profile). I obtained full permission to use the poem myself.
WARNING: There is dealings with Suicide in this chapter
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Cold as Ice
Hard as Stone
Both believe
They must face this world alone
What happens
When Enemies Meet
All they share; a love of hate
But what they find; they do not seek
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Previously:
"I've warned you time and time again, never call me a Mudblood. Hell, I've hurt you before and yet you never seem to learn. Well, Malfoy, I can get a lot more violent than this and we both know that I can severely hurt you if I want to. So next time, think before you say anything." She turned to the others, "I need some space, you guys know where to find me"
Unless you knew her really well, there was almost no way to tell that she was even angry. Not unless you talked to her anyway. And I feel so sorry for anyone that chose to cross her path that evening.
"What the hell were you thinking Malfoy?" Dallis yelled at him once Hermione was gone.
Draco fixed him with a withering stare, but it didn't seem to affect in the least.
"We've been working on her for days now, trying to convince her that your okay. Trying to get her to let you join us. And this is how you repay us? By pissing her off?"
"Did it ever occur to you that the perfect angel Granger, isn't what she appears to be? I know a lot more about her then you think and I know enough to shatter that image completely. Your perfect friend isn't so perfect. And have you ever noticed, that even though it doesn't look like it, she controls everything that her friends do? It's a quiet control, but its there"
"What do you mean?" Luke's eyes now only visible through small slits.
"Open up your fucking eyes for once and look at her. She has control over everything. But not only that, she has everyone thinking that she's so perfect. She's as far from it as you can be, and I've seen first hand. Push me, and I'll shatter the image that you have of her in less then a minute" He then got up and left, just wanting to get out. The get away from these people.
Little did he know, this day was the first of many like it. There were days to come the would be crazier and more painful then this one had been. His whole world was about to be turned around and jumbled into such a mess that no one ever thought he would be able to fix it. Days would follow this where he needed an escape, but none would be provided. But at the end of the day, if he fought for what he wanted, would it have been worth it anyway?
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Luke stared at the door that Draco had just walked through. He couldn't believe this. Someone had actually tried to tell them what they had been denying for so long. That there was something more to their Hermione. Something dark and hidden that should never be uncovered.
Only once had they tried to dig into Hermione's life outside of Hogwarts. They tried to dig deep into her mind to find out the way she thought, just for once trying to understand what went on in her head day in and day out. She had been so angry at them. If she wanted to share, she would, and they should've known that. Anyone with even the smallest amount of brains and two eyes could've seen that.
Never again did they try to pry. It was around that time that they had started to teach her how to fight properly, without hurting herself. It was also around this time that she had started to put on the emotionless mask around them. Before, it was like she had trusted them completely, never saw the point in hiding from them. Well, it all changed after that. She hid her emotions from them often, but they had learned to accept that as Hermione.
It was true that she had some control over their lives, but they had known she would when they had first started to talk with her and become friends. It was just part of who she was. She liked to have some control, so they let her. Luke had just never noticed how deep that control actually ran.
"He's right you know" Eva said from behind him. "About Mia not being perfect and especially about the control she has. She makes all the decisions, and we all back down from her"
"True, but you yourself have seen what happens when we don't back down when she's angry. She flips out and gets violent" Dallas countered.
"Guys, your both right. At this point I'm almost sorry I ever taught her to fight at all, but she needed a way to get rid of all that energy and that was the only way besides exercising that we could come up with at the time. Its not like books or something like that would've worked" Luke shook his head and started to head out into the hallway
"Where are you going?" Eva already knew the answer, but she had to hear him say it himself.
"To talk to her, you know that" Luke looked at his sister ans watched as her eyes widened slightly, then clouded over with a mix of worry and a little anger. She opened her mouth to say something but Dallas beat her too it.
"Are you stupid? Do you have a death wish or something? You cant be seriously considering going and talking to her about this. Not only will she kill us for going along with Malfoy, she will MURDER Malfoy"
"I'm going to talk to my best friend. that's it that's final. If you have a problem with it then you can stay here. But I wont. I love her too much and I'm going to try to get through to her" Luke was determined to go through with this, and they could see that there would be no stopping him.
Luke headed out into the hallway and moments later heard them following. When they reached the gym they found that Hermione was the only one in there. Head phones on and the music so loud they could make it out word for word. Her eyes were closed, but you could see the anger still there. Hermione had always been one to hurt, then forgive but she never forgot. She remembered everything anyone had ever done to her and she wasn't going to let them just get away with it. No that's not the way she thought.
Hermione's eyes opened when she sensed another presence in the room. She didn't need anyone around right now and she really didn't want them there.
"Yes?" she asked, pulling her head phones off and stopped her music.
"Mia, we need to talk to you" Luke looked her in the eye. This worried Hermione slightly. He had a worried but very determined look in his eye right then.
She got off the treadmill and sat on the floor, her back against the wall. "Fine, what is it?"
"Mia, we were told some things that really opened our eyes today. And we need to talk to you about them" Eva was chewing her lip.
"Pass me a water" she gestured to Dallas, who did as asked and tossed her a bottle. It didn't even look like what Eva had said had registered. She chugged the water and got him to pass one more before actually acknowledging what had been said. "Continue".
Her facial expression didn't change. Still angry, still cold, still distant, yet it was completely void of any actual emotion. The only way you could even tell she was angry was because her eyes were shifting slightly every so often, looking each of them in the face
"Mia, why wont you tell us anything about your life? We love you and we really want to know. There's something your hiding from us, and we want to know what it is" Dallas was concerned for his friend. He had known her for less time then the other two, but even he had seen a huge change in her over the past few months. She was slowly distancing herself from them. It was as if she knew something that they didn't but couldn't tell them.
"I told you before, that's none of your business" she paused between each word, emphasizing them, making sure that the others got the point.
"We know, but we wont accept that answer anymore Mia. We want the truth" Eva shot at her friend, starting to lose some patience. "You act like there's nothing wrong in your world, like everything's always just fine. But its not! How the hell are we supposed to be there for you if you wont even tell what the fuck's wrong! Mia, we let you do what you want and we just follow and we're perfectly fine with that. If you want control, go ahead, have it, but refuse to open up at all! You. . ." Hermione cut her off before Eva could continue any farther.
"I don't want to tell you because I don't want you to know! You guys already know enough as it is. You found out things that I never wanted you to know. You guys cant know what else there is! And I didn't ask to be made the leader of this little group, it just happened. If you have such a problem with it, then I'm sorry! I promise I'll never do it again! But you guys could never handle what else I have hidden" Hermione was angry, and she could've choked each one of them, but she wouldn't, it wasn't fair to them.
Hermione got up from her spot, grabbed her things and started for the door. She didn't want to be around them right now. Besides, she had an appointment to kill someone and she was already 5 minutes late.
"Hermione, wait" Luke ran up to her. "I don't care if you tell us or not. Just as long as you know you can come and talk to us whenever"
Hermione looked up at him. "Luke, I know. But if you'll excuse me, I have somewhere I need to be. Oh, and next time Malfoy tells you something, make sure that you think before you come and talk to me. You may be the three people I love more then anything, but I wont hesitate to hurt you if I;m angry enough. You know that"
She turned and walked out the door. She ran all the way to the Head Commons and slammed to portrait door upon her entrance/
"MALFOY!" she screamed, heading for his room
"Not now Granger, I'm busy" he said without looking up from the paper he was writing on.
"How dare you, you stupid bastard! You had no right to tell them anything."
"Oh, you mean they actually had the guts to come and talk to you? I'm impressed, never thought that they would actually do that. Guess I underestimated them didn't I?" Finally he looked up at her from his potions essay
Hermione smirked slightly at the sight of his face. There was already a bruise forming around his eye. She recovered quickly though, remembering why she was there in the first place. "Never, ever do that again Malfoy!"
"Why ever not? Its all true isn't it?"
"I don't care if its true or not. I could make your life a living hell just as easily as you could mine. Exactly as I told you earlier"
Draco just shrugged and looked back at his work. He had to finish this essay and he just didn't need her presence in his room. "Leave now Granger"
Hermione glared, but she left. After that she became even more quiet around her friends. She refused to take any of the bait that Draco threw at her. In fact, unless it was at the request of a teacher, she never spoke to him. She started to exercise more. Almost everyday for 4-6 hours. With that added to her work and head duties, she had little more the 4 hours of sleep a night, if she even got that much.
Her friends had been glad that they had talked to her, but also kind of regretted it. She had really withdrawn from them after that. They hated that she had resorted to treating them the way she had at first. Like she didn't trust them at all. They knew she had little trust in them as it was, but now, it seemed like there was nothing.
2 months passed liked this. Hermione said little, almost never participated in class, nothing. The teachers couldn't really say anything as her marks weren't changing. In fact, they had climbed quite a bit after taking a dip early in the year.
Then one day, Hermione was totally chatty again. She had full conversations with each of them, even skipped her work out session so that they could just hang out. They talked like nothing had ever changed. Hermione finally gave them each a hug and walked to her rooms.
She glanced around and saw that Malfoy was no where to be seen. She breathed a small sigh of relief. Pulling a note book out of her bag, she started to write. By the time she had finished, it was nearly midnight and she had been writing for the past hour. Glancing over it one last time she walked to her room and placed the note book on her bed.
Hermione reaching into the very bottom of her trunk and pulled a bag out from between several layers of clothing that she had left in there. Opening the bag she pulled out two small bottles and took them over to her bed.
She re-read her note, wanting to make sure it was perfect,. Making sure that she hadn't left a single thing out.
Why did I do this? Why did I decide that this was it? This was the end? Because in my mind it is. I'm not going any farther and I don't want to. Its not worth it. There's too much bull shit to deal with. You people think you have it hard? Parents went through a messy divorce? You lost a couple of friends? You feel like you don't have a place on this earth? Yeah, major problems there rolls eyes
You stupid friggin idiots! Try spending every day in a life that isn't yours. Being someone your not. Tearing yourself apart. Not a single person knows the real you. Not a single person knows theres a problem with you. Not your mother, not your father, not a single person close to you. Even though your best friend knows there's something wrong, they never do know what. God, can you imagine your parents actually being part of this whole reason why you're here in the first place/ I would've taken a messy divorce where I was stuck in the middle any day over what I have to put up with. But no use complaining about what I cant change now. No one but me will ever know all the reasons behind my doing this. And that's the way I want it.
Eva à If it wasn't for you I wouldn't have made it this far. I would've been gone long before now. Thank you for being you. For doing everything you ever did for me. For putting up with my bitchy-ness all those times. For everything. For simply just benig there.
Luke à I owe you my world. I love you so much and I thank whoever put you in my path. Thanks for showing me all those stress relievers, trust me, they really work!
Dallasà I may not know you overly well, but it's the same both ways. You always sat and listened to me when I didn't want to talk to anyone else. If I just needed someone, but there was no one else, you were just there and I thank you for that.
Malfoy à ( I know, you cant believe your mentioned right?) Ok, I have one thing to say to you. Thanks for showing my how to defend myself with my words. I've always been very defensive and assertive, but you gave me a chance to really use that to my advantage.
To anyone who was ever there for me à Thank you.
Eva, Luke and Dallas, I love you but theres no longer a place here for me.
Goodbye
Forever Love, Mia
Ending
Looking out the window,
Staring at my friends,
Wondering,
Should I do it?
Should I make this life end?
They heyare laughing ,smiling,
So carefree,
But would they be the same without me?
Would they care if i died?
Would they wonder why?
Would they cry?
Would they miss me,
As much as i would miss them?
One girl looks up,
And smiles at me,
I couldn't do it,
I couldn't set myself free,
They would blame themselves,
I would be chianed forever,
Wathching them tourture themselves,
Over my choice,
I couldn't bare it,
There actions were,
Stronger than my voice
Hermione put the note book aside and popped open the bottle, emptying its contents, then doing the same to the other. Then she just sat there, waiting for the pills and alcohol to tear her insides apart. She knew what to mix to make it lethal, and she wanted to make sure that it was final.
She sat studying to bottles for several minutes. How could something so small be so deadly? She just sat there, studying it. Then she got up and ran for the bathroom.
She shoved a finger down her throat and started to throw-up. She just wasn't ready.
Somewhere between the time she had gone into her room and she had ran for the bathroom, Draco had walked in from his patrol. He had been sitting on his bed reading when he heard Hermione's door bang open and moments later heard the sound of her throwing up.
He didn't know why, but he was worried. Getting up, he went to her room, and saw the note lying next to the two bottles. That's when it hit him just how much Hermione hated being on this earth.
He raced for the bathroom to find Hermione still getting sick.
Hermione felt someone holding her hair back as she got sick. At that moment, she truly didn't care who it was. All she could think about was getting all this poison out of her system. She just couldn't do it. She couldn't hurt her friends like this. Couldn't face the thought of giving up like this.
Finally she finished. She grabbed a towel and wiped it across her mouth, trying to remove all traces of the poison. She looked up to find Draco standing over her. That was when she completely lost it. She started bawling right there on the spot.
Draco looked down at her as she started to cry. He pulled her up and helped her out to the common room. Sitting on a couch, he pulled her down next to him and just wrapped his arms around her, trying to calm her down. He rocked back and forth and he smoothed out her hair. He didn't know why he was doing this, but he knew he had too. She needed comfort right now, and if he was the only one there, he would be the one to give it too her.
Finally, he heard her crying stop and not too long after her breathing even out as she fell asleep. Making sure she was in a deep sleep she took her up to her room, transfigured her cloths into pyjamas and cast a spell over her to make sure that every little bit of the poison was gone.
Last (after removing the note and bottles), he pulled the blankets up over her and added an extra one. Heading out, he took one last look at her.
"Why do you do this to yourself?" he whispered, shaking his head. He knew why he did it. And he prayed that her situation what nothing like it.
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YAY! I updated. And I didn't even have this one beta-ed. I just wrote it, checked it over (very quickly so I apologize for mistakes) and posted it! For anyone that actually thought I would kill Mia right here, I feel very bad for you. I couldn't kill the same character twice you know! And besides, I don't think I could go through killing a character right now anyway. I just did that, I'm not prepared to do it again!
Sorry that it A) took so long and B) is shorter then normal. This just seemed like such a perfect ending to the chapter, I couldn't ruin it with anymore being added to it.
Anyway, I hope that this was a chapter worth waiting for!
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L&H Pure Mudblood