Crimson Rain Drops
Chapter 6
Disclaimer: I only own the plot and the characters that obviously aren't in the books.
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Cold as Ice
Hard as Stone
Both believe
They must face this world alone
What happens
When Enemies Meet
All they share; a love of hate
But what they find; they do not seek
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Previously:
She sat studying to bottles for several minutes. How could something so small be so deadly? She just sat there, studying it. Then she got up and ran for the bathroom.
She shoved a finger down her throat and started to throw-up. She just wasn't ready.
Somewhere between the time she had gone into her room and she had ran for the bathroom, Draco had walked in from his patrol. He had been sitting on his bed reading when he heard Hermione's door bang open and moments later heard the sound of her throwing up.
He didn't know why, but he was worried. Getting up, he went to her room, and saw the note lying next to the two bottles. That's when it hit him just how much Hermione hated being on this earth.
He raced for the bathroom to find Hermione still getting sick.
Hermione felt someone holding her hair back as she got sick. At that moment, she truly didn't care who it was. All she could think about was getting all this poison out of her system. She just couldn't do it. She couldn't hurt her friends like this. Couldn't face the thought of giving up like this.
Finally she finished. She grabbed a towel and wiped it across her mouth, trying to remove all traces of the poison. She looked up to find Draco standing over her. That was when she completely lost it. She started bawling right there on the spot.
Draco looked down at her as she started to cry. He pulled her up and helped her out to the common room. Sitting on a couch, he pulled her down next to him and just wrapped his arms around her, trying to calm her down. He rocked back and forth and he smoothed out her hair. He didn't know why he was doing this, but he knew he had too. She needed comfort right now, and if he was the only one there, he would be the one to give it too her.
Finally, he heard her crying stop and not too long after her breathing even out as she fell asleep. Making sure she was in a deep sleep she took her up to her room, transfigured her cloths into pyjamas and cast a spell over her to make sure that every little bit of the poison was gone.
Last (after removing the note and bottles), he pulled the blankets up over her and added an extra one. Heading out, he took one last look at her.
"Why do you do this to yourself?" he whispered, shaking his head. He knew why he did it. And he prayed that her situation what nothing like it.
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"Granger?" Draco shook Hermione the next morning, trying to wake her for classes. "Granger, come on, we'll be late"
Hermione groaned as she felt herself being pulled from the pleasant world of unconsciousness. She looked up to see Draco staring down at her.
She let out a blood curdling scream when it registered who was standing over her.
"Ouch" Draco held his ears. "Jeez Granger, what are you trying to do to me?"
"What the hell are you trying to do to me Malfoy? God, scaring me like that!" Hermione shot back, kicking him in the shins as she sat up.
"Jesus Granger, all I was doing was waking you for classes. You know, seeing as they start in 20 minutes"
"Mental health day" Hermione grumbled as she tried to focus her vision again. She felt like someone was repeatedly hitting her on the head with a hammer and stabbing her in the gut with a dagger.
"Feeling, a little, shall we say, under the weather?" Draco smirked as he watched her sway when she stood up.
"That would be the understatement of the century"
"Come on Granger, time for classes. Cant miss them" Draco tried to get her motivated to get up.
"I told you, I'm not going. I can miss them if I want. Dumbledore's not going to get mad at me for wanting to have a mental health day you know" she glared at him.
"Fine, be that way. But I not leaving you here on your own. Nope not happening. So either I can go get one of the Laurthians or Cade to come and sit with you, or you can stick out the day with me. Your choice"
"Yeah, because I want them to know what happened last night. God, I may be suicidal but I'd prefer to do that dirty work myself instead of one of them doing it for me. Its just not as fulfilling, you know" she spit out, sarcasm dripping from every word.
"Ok, so I take it your going with choice number two then? Good answer, because that just means I have a reason to ditch classes" a small smile tugged at the sides of his lips as he watched her walk around the room, having to stop and steady herself every so often.
"Who said I wanted to spend the whole day with you in he first place? I know I sure as hell didn't" Hermione snarled. She didn't want to have him around today. Not after what had happened last night.
"Then I tell the others and they come and sit with you today. I already told you your options and seeing as you don't want them to know, that leaves staying here with me. That is, unless you plan to go to classes today. But I doubt it" He knew that she would fight this. Fight the fact that he wouldn't let her be on her own, but he wouldn't leave. He would never be able to live it down if he came in tonight to find her dead.
"Granger, you might as well just give up now. We both know that there's not a chance in hell that I'm leaving here today. In fact, until I know you wont try again, you are never to be alone for more then five minutes. I don't care if I have to start sleeping in the same room with you. You aren't going to kill yourself. Its that simple. But until I know that you will never try again, I cant trust that you can look after yourself"
Hermione met his eyes, challenging him. "Malfoy, we both know that I could get past you faster that you could ever pull out your wand. So why bother trying to do something that you'll never be able to. I would never let you sleep in the same room with me, never let you follow me around and most of all never again would I let you so much as eat with me. Besides, why do you care anyway?"
"Granger, the threats don't work. Physically, yes you could easily get by me. But I refuse to leave you alone. I will get you to the point of a complete mental breakdown if I have to. Anything to know that you'll be fine. I know what its like to be one of the ones that's left behind. You may go through a few moments of pain right before you give up all together, but you leave so many behind that have to learn to deal with the pain for what's left of their natural lives. Can you even imagine what it would be like for the others? Or even for the rest of the ex-Dream Team or the teachers. By killing yourself, you're taking away pieces of them that should always stay. Your slowly causing them to want to play with the same idea but wont, because they know what happens. Granger, never again will I see someone go through that. Its not fair to them and its not fair to anyone else. So, yes, I care. I care for all those that you're planning to leave behind"
A deafening silence seemed to cloak the room as he finished. With each word he spoke, her face had gotten a little paler. Her eyes were emotionless now. By seeing this, he knew that he had somehow managed to get something through to her. He didn't know what it was, and at this moment, didn't particularly care. All he cared about was the fact that she had actually listened.
He didn't want to see Luke, Dallas or Eva ever go through what he had. He wouldn't wish that on his worst enemy.
Hermione just stared at him. She had no idea. Well, no duh. Most didn't have any idea that he had never gone through something like that. How was she supposed to she have known?
"Malfoy, I. . . I have no idea what to say" she stuttered, at a loss of words for the first time in ages.
"I don't expect you to say anything, just promise me you wont try again. But even if you do that, I cant trust your word. You are not to be left alone until I know that you will no longer try to off yourself. That means saying goodbye to the drugs, goodbye to the privacy, and most of all, goodbye to the blade. No more cutting yourself"
Hermione bit her lip. She knew that he was right, but the blade? Why the blade? It was the one thing that she cared about so much. It was her one escape. How could he ask her to do something like that?
"Don't want to do you" he said. It wasn't a question, it was a statement. He knew what she was going through right now. He remembered when he had had a friend intervene like this. Though, in that case, it had been an actual friend. In this case, it was he deepest, darkest enemy of the past years. Also, he was her dark secret. He knew that. He knew what went through her head every time she looked at him, it was the same thing that went through his head.
No, they hadn't done anything. Nothing that wasn't allowed anyway. They had never had any romantic contact, nothing of that sort. That wasn't it at all. It was something that had happened late into last year, when Hermione had first started to really change at all. When she really started pulling away from the real world as people knew it. She had finally seen what goes on in the other half of the prim and proper world that she had been brought up in.
Finally, Hermione broke the steady stare. She couldn't look him in eye, not right not. After what seemed like hours, she looked up again and nodded.
"Ok, I'll do it. But only on 3 conditions. 1: I get some privacy, bathroom, changing etc., 2: Luke, Eva, Dallas and the rest of the world can never find out about any of this, but they especially cant know. They worry too much as it. And 3: You have to give up your blade too"
Now, it was Draco's turn to stare. How could she do that but yet, how could he not have expected that? Quickly recovering he looked into her eyes, searching them. Searching for any sign that this was all a lie, that she wasn't telling the truth. No way would she actually have agreed to that. To giving up absolutely everything because he told her that she had to.
"Malfoy, I'm not doing this because you told me too. I'm doing this because I cant stand the thought of hurting anyone. Of never seeing my friends again. Of never seeing the light of day again. And, believe it or not, I cant stand the thought of never having another fight with you" Hermione had felt his searching gaze, and just knew what he was looking for. Well, he wasn't going to find it. Not now, not ever.
"Here are the conditions: 1: You can have bathroom privacy, unless your taking a shower, then I have to be somewhere in the room because you cant be trusted with a razor, nothing of the kind. 2: no one will ever know, unless you do try to kill yourself again. Then I will make sure that they all know. And 3: I'll give up my blade" He held out his hand to her, "Deal?"
Hermione reached out and took his hand in his for a brief second. "Deal"
"Blade" Draco said simply. "We'll get rid of them at the same time ok?"
Hermione didn't answer, just turned to her trunk and dug until she found the elegant, silver dagger. She studied it one last time, even though she already knew everything. Every indent, every silver line that twisted and curved all over the black handle. The was a hint of gold here and there, and engraved were the words "My Day to Die is Not the Day I Will Say Good Bye". Never had she understood exactly what that meant, not until now anyway. The day she died was the day that she truly gave up. The day she gave up everything. The day that was chiselled into the deepest corners of her mind.
She held it out to him and he took the handle, then turned out and headed towards his room. He heard her get up and follow him, then her footsteps stopped when she reached the entrance of his room, letting him go and get his dagger.
Once he had it out, Draco immediately handed it to her. She stood studying it for a second, taking in the exquisite design. The blade itself was a very simple silver. But the handle was so beautifully designed. A black snake, outlined in green wound its way around the whole thing, silver words inset into the snakes body. "My Way May be the Only Way, But Whoever Said that It's the Right Way?". The rest of the handle that didn't have the snake was just the simple silver, but the silver itself was so beautiful.
"Granger, we have to decide together what to do with them. We have to make sure that we both know where they are, but no one else can find them. But, most of all, we must be linked somehow. If one picks up their blade and attempts to do harm with it, the other must immediately know. There has to be a tie between us. You know what I mean Granger"
Hermione nodded. "Malfoy, do we really have to do all this? Why cant we just rely on trust?"
Draco snorted. "Granger, do you trust me to never pick up that blade again? Would you honestly take my word that I would never try again?"
"No" she answered quickly. And it was the truth. She wouldn't trust that just because he had put it away, he would never pick it up again.
"That's what I thought. And, as much as I hate to admit it, we think along the same lines in most things. We both have trust issues. Only mine run deeper then yours ever could. You know that this is the only way right now? It makes up put total and complete trust in one another. For those few seconds, your life will be in my hands and mine will be in yours"
"Don't you think I know this Malfoy?"
"No Granger, I know you know it. Your not stupid. Not like most in this school. You know things. Things that a person should never know or understand. You have more knowledge of this world at age 18 then most have at 80"
"Fine, we can do it tonight ok?" Hermione glared at the floor. She didn't want to do what he was saying, but she knew that there wasn't much choice in the matter.
She turned to leave but felt herself stopped. "Let go of me Malfoy" she growled.
"Oh no, I don't think so. I don't trust you enough to let you go. Your not spending this entire day on your own"
"I'm going to grab my notebook, then I'm gong to go to my sanctuary alright? I need to think"
"You can think all you want, but your not allowed to be on your own. There's not even room for argument on this. Its pretty damn simple. You and I will spend this entire day together. Not because I want to. God no. I'm doing this solely for you and for our friends"
Hermione scowled at him, but nodded. She didn't have the energy to fight this morning and she just wasn't in the mood. Besides, it would be a lot easier to pull off skipping a day of school if both she and Malfoy were out. They could just say they were doing Head things. Like planning the upcoming dance.
"Shit" her eyes grew wide as this last thought flowed through her mind. "Malfoy, the dance. Two weeks from now. Nothings done on it"
"Guess I know what we're doing today then" he rolled his eyes.
"We can do it this afternoon. Right now, I'm getting my notebook, some homework and heading out. Its too early to be working right now"
And she did just that. She grabbed everything and headed out to the little meeting room. The others were all in school, so none would be here until at least lunch and by that time she would be back in the Head Commons working on plans for the dance.
Draco followed her, grabbing his bag so that he would have something to do that morning. Might as well get something accomplished. It didn't look like she would be talking to him anytime soon.
And so the morning slowly dragged on. Silence sat between them as they both worked. Hermione was writing so fast, that he was sure that there was no chance that even she would be able to read it later. Draco got most of his homework completely finished, leaving only a Herbology essay that he needed to get something from the library for and wasn't even due for the next several weeks.
"Where do you think your going?" he asked as she stood up and headed for the door.
"Bathroom. It's just down the hall. I'll only be gone for 2 minutes. Honestly, you can time me if you don't believe me"
"I think I just might" he challenged. He wanted to make sure she wasn't lying. If she was lying, she would back down and stay. If she was telling the truth, she would still leave.
"You do that Malfoy. Do whatever you fucking well please. I cant control that" she shrugged before walking out and down the corridor to the washroom.
Draco wasn't actually going to time her. She was obviously telling the truth. She wouldn't have left if she wasn't.
He glanced back at the potions text that sat in his lap. He had been trying to study it, but his mind had kept drifting and he had read the same line about 6 times now, yet he couldn't remember a single word that had been in it.
He pushed that aside and looked over to where Hermione had been sitting. Her notebook still sat there, open. Unable to control his curiosity for the first time in years, he got up and walked over to it.
Forever, Never and Forgotten
Never was it asked for
And yet , always was it there
But it seemed that not for this world
Was there a single care
Asked to stay away
Forever to it pry
Known something
But not a try
Forgotten are the days of sane
Remembered are what lies behind
Hidden from the world
Not a single kind
Were the days of peace
Are the times of war
Not what is thought
All what was for
Always was it there
And never was it present
Forgotten are the hours
Not possible to resent
Stay there forever
Never move ahead
Forget what's behind
All that's said
Left behind
Gone from this place
Care not for now
Realities to face
Mistakes that were made
But they don't exist
Imagination takes over
Not to resist
Final times
Rest forever
Take back Always
Remember never
Draco stared at the paper. He didn't know what to say, to think. He just didn't know. It just hit home so hard with him. Most wouldn't understand, but he sure did. He understood every line of it. Not only did it deal with the present, but the past, the future and everything in between. Parts he connected to that night last year. That night just seemed to be ages upon ages ago, but it wasn't.
Draco read it one last time before just setting it aside and thinking. Trying to think anyway. As it said, Final times. . . . . .
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That one didn't take to long now did it?? Was it worth the like week and a half (or was it two weeks?) wait?? I, once again, didn't have this one beta-ed. (I just did a VERY quick read over!) I apologize for ALL mistakes!! I'll get most beta-ed but seeing as I wont be to available this weekend, I thought I would just finish and post. Besides, who knows when I'll actually get it out once it is beta-ed right?
The poem above IS mine!!! Completely written, everything!
Well, I hope it was enjoyable. Now I'm going to go and finish my update for Daddy, I Love You so that all those readers do hate me quite so much! I've only been promising for like 2 months!!
As Always I LOVE MY REVIEWS!!!! Keep 'em coming!
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L&H Pure Mudblood