Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters. I just enjoy using them for my own twisted and sick games. It's fun. Sometimes a story will come to you out of the blue. The idea is strong. So strong that it won't let you go until you sit down and put it on paper. This was one of those. I'm not sure what there was about it that struck me that way, or why it was a story that felt like it needed to be told, but it did. Here's hoping it didn't come off cheesy.
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After The Rain
The journal lay open, but she hadn't gotten past writing the date really. A few lines about her day, but nothing else wanted to come to her. And she just wasn't in the mood to force it she supposed. Sighing, she flopped over on the bed and looked up at the ceiling. Nothing had been right these past few weeks. It wasn't anything she could put her finger on, but she had most certainly been off her game. Even the people at the hospital had noticed. That was something she hated. She never wanted people to know what was going on with her. Things like that led to other things, and it would only end up causing her more pain. As a general rule, she liked to avoid pain of any kind.
Finally she just gave up. With a flick of her wrist, she threw the journal closed and rolled over onto her side. She could hear giggles from the other couple in the house and groaned. They were at it again. It was nauseating. Enough to make anyone hurl really. Get a room, she thought. But it was their house, so she supposed maybe she should be the one to get a room, even if it was only to get away from them. One of these days they were going to melt in the rain from all that sickeningly sweet mush that practically oozed from them. Disgusting.
Hauling the covers over her, she kicked the journal to the floor and squeezed her eyes shut tightly. The urge to cry was strong, but she told herself she would not let it happen. She would not cry for him. For what she had lost because she had been too blind, too scared… too… too everything to grab a hold of it when it was right in front of her. Tears subsided, giving way only to sleep.
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Liz sat at the kitchen table, the paper spread out across the highly polished wood, a cup of coffee wrapped between her hands. She perused the headlines, smiling at a few of them, shaking her head at others. One of these days she would learn not to even bother. There was never any good news in these things. Nothing but people getting killed and life going to hell mostly. She snorted slightly at herself. Now she was sounding cynical.
The sweetened liquid scalded her throat, but she let it slide down, liking the feeling of it. Besides, it woke her up before it was time to go to work. The thought of work actually made her smile. She had managed to get a highly coveted internship with a very well respected professor. Her dream of being a molecular biologist was closer than ever. That thought held her for a moment, then reminded her to look at the clock.
Softly she swore; it was later than she thought. Traffic was never good, and she wasn't really awake enough to fight it yet. But that made her smile too, because it made her remember why she hadn't gotten up as soon as her alarm went off. Setting the cup in the sink, she headed up the stairs.
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"You ready?" she asked. Not stopping for his answer, she slipped through the door into the garage and clicked the button that forced the car doors to unlock.
"Like I have a choice," he grinned at her.
Sliding easily into the passenger seat, he tossed his bag over his shoulder and into the back. He liked not having to drive in the mornings. Of course it helped that both of them were heading to the Emory campus. Him for classes, her for both classes and work. A smile pulled harder at the corners of his mouth as he watched her slip behind the wheel. As if suddenly aware of his gaze, she looked at him.
"What?" she demanded. "Did I forget to put my pants on or something?"
"No," he laughed. "Just reminding myself how lucky we are I guess."
That made her smile. She reached out for his hand, grasped it, and then brought it to her mouth. Placing a gentle kiss on it, she looked up into his eyes.
"I love you Max Evans."
Max smiled fully, his heart singing to him.
"I love you Liz Parker." He waited until she was smiling. "Now get to driving, else we're going to be late. Wreck down on Piedmont…"
She swore, then started the car and put it in gear.
---
She watched from the window as the car backed out of the garage and shook her head. How two people could be so disgustingly happy, she would never understand.
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"No way! You've got to be kidding!" Liz exclaimed into the phone. "You really talked to him?"
"I did," Maria assured her. "We had a nice long talk. And what's better… he's going to be in the area."
"No way," Liz squealed again. "You told him he had to stop by right?"
"Of course I did!" Maria's tone told her best friend that she was insane to think otherwise. "He'll be there next week. Of course he's coming by here to see me first." Gloating was something she could not pass up this time.
"You suck!" Liz said, but there was no malice in her voice. She was entirely too happy to know that he really was coming. They hadn't seen him in years. "Did you tell him about…"
"I did." Maria paused. "Well, most of it. I thought maybe it was better if he found out some of it on his own… you know what I mean…"
"Yeah." The excitement she had felt only moments before began to recede. The homecoming wouldn't be as great as she had first thought. There were going to be problems. But perhaps they couldn't, or shouldn't, be avoided.
"You going to tell her?"
Liz took a deep breath and thought it over. "I don't know," she admitted. "It will go badly either way." Maria couldn't argue with that. "Maybe I'll see what Max wants to do."
"Yeah, maybe he can give you an idea. I'd hate for an all out war to take place…"
"Let's hope it doesn't."
Maria agreed and let it go. From there they moved on to other topics.
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Thunder rumbled in the sky. The window held her reflection, but she looked past it into the black clouds. They held her mood. She wished it were already over. The thought of seeing him again turned her stomach inside out and she thought she might be sick. There were just too many memories. Too many things she really just wanted to forget when it came right down to it. And she didn't want to explain herself to him. She hadn't done it before, and she'd be damned if she would do it now. It was too late anyway. Life had continued on, and it had done so without him.
Closing her eyes, she thunked her head against the glass, letting the coolness soak through her skin, wanting it to soak into her mind and make it numb. But it didn't work and she found herself thinking back to it all.
---
"You're kidding, right?" Max asked her carefully. He saw no reason she would lie about such a thing, but the thought it might actually happen had never occurred to him. It had just seemed impossible for some reason.
"I wish I were." She dropped down to the bed and wrapped her arms tightly around herself. This had to be a bad nightmare.
"Oh God…" He trailed off, unable to think of anything to say that might comfort her. "Did you tell him?"
"Are you kidding?" It came out as a half laugh, half sob. "What, you think he would have stuck around and taken care of me or something? Please."
"No, but maybe…" Max sighed and sat down next to her. "I don't know. He has the right to know."
"No, he gave up those rights Max. The night he dumped me, he gave up any rights to know what is happening in my life." The look he gave her told her that he didn't exactly believe that. "Please," she pleaded with him, "You can't tell him. Promise me you won't tell him."
Fighting what he knew to be right, he gave in. "All right. But only because you asked me to. I still think he should know."
"No!" she nearly screamed. "I don't want him to know. Ever!"
Max hugged her close finally. The sobs over took her then and he said no more, merely rubbed her back and held her until it was over.
---
Michael had found her after it happened. She sat on the bathroom floor in a pool of blood. The tears flowed freely and she didn't even acknowledge him as he stepped inside the small room.
He called her name softly. Never once did she turn her attention to him. Slowly he knelt next to her. Her aura was flickering, the black staying in place longer each time. Again he said her name. This time she looked at him.
"I lost it," she whispered. "I lost the baby Michael."
"Oh God," he breathed. Her pain, her anguish, filled him.
"I tried to stop it. When I felt the pain. I tried to keep it from happening. But I couldn't."
Michael reached out to her. He thought she might pull away from him, but the fight seemed to be leaving her body along with her blood. A quick look inside of her told him what he knew. She was bleeding to death. There was no way she didn't know it, yet she hadn't done anything to stop it.
"You're going to die." It came out harsher than he meant it.
A faint smile touched her mouth. "I know." That was all she offered him.
"You can't do that… let me help you."
"No, I just want it all to go away."
Michael couldn't believe he was hearing this from her. The words seemed so strange coming from her mouth. Grief poured from her in crashing waves.
"You can't give up," he said, his mind already reaching out to stem the flow of blood.
"I don't have anything left of him." Whimpers escaped her as pain racked her body again. "Just the rain…"
She lost her grip on consciousness with those words and Michael took the opportunity to lift her out of the blood and into her own room. He had called Max then, and they had both taken care of her.
---
Isabel wiped the tears from her eyes and moved way from the glass. The oncoming rain did nothing for the pain inside of her. It only forced her to remember the day… that day the baby had been conceived. On a blanket in the desert as the rain and hammered at them. She had never felt so alive.
Flopping into the chair next to the window, she stared blankly out the window at the spring thunderstorm that was brewing. Atlanta was famous for them. And they could be spectacular. But even though the sight could be awe inspiring, all she could do was think of the rain. Of the feeling of rain on her back, on her face. On her bare skin.
Forcing the thoughts from her mind, she closed her eyes and thought of how she had ended up here. At least that part was good. At least she had done something she wanted to do. She had made something of herself.
After graduation, they all agreed that they needed to get away from Roswell. Away from the suspicion that plagued them day in and day out. Away from the people who might expose them for what they were.
When both Max and Liz got the offer from the University, it seemed like the perfect escape. Atlanta was a big town, they could blend in there. And both Max and Liz could pursue the careers they wanted. They found a house to rent after just a few trips to the city. Big enough for everyone, they had said.
At first she had refused, but finally she knew if she stayed in Roswell another day, she would go insane. She couldn't be near the desert anymore. She couldn't be anywhere that had memories of him any more. Doing that would break her. Suddenly she was desperate to leave.
So they had moved. At first Maria had come with them as well, but it was only a matter of months before she decided her heart was elsewhere. She had decided to move to LA then, maybe to pursue acting. Maybe something else. The girl really hadn't decided. And of course Michael couldn't let her go alone. They hadn't admitted it, but they had all been glad he had chosen to go with her. While the relationship between Michael and Maria might not be perfect, at least she wouldn't be alone. He would be there for her. And who knew, maybe they would finally iron out whatever was causing all the wrinkles for them.
She herself, had decided to pursue nursing. At first it seemed odd. Max said he figured her to be the more doctor type. Not nursing. Nurses had to take orders. "Face it," he had told her, "You're just not the order taking type." But she had explained then. Nurses had more contact with the patients. More opportunity to really help them. Isabel had flown through the classes and had gotten her RN license in only a few years. After much thought she decided to work on the pediatrics ward.
It made her feel good to work around the kids. To soothe them when they hurt, to make them think happy thoughts when the news wasn't good. She resisted the urge to heal them all. To make them well from the things that brought them to her. But she knew that sometimes it was just meant to be, no matter how much it hurt. So she settled instead, for comforting them, and taking care of them, and taking away their pain when it became too great.
Each time one of them made it, fought back against the disease that threatened them, she felt like it was a triumph of her own. And when she lost one… Isabel would cry for days. Each loss was personal to her. It was like loosing her own again.
No mention was ever made of him while she was around. Isabel knew they tried hard not to remind her of the event, but sometimes that only made it worse.
All of it had been over five years ago. It seemed like ages. Like lifetimes.
And now he was coming back. He was going to return and she would have to see him. Her heart fluttered at the thought, but she quickly silenced it and shut it down. Shut down all the emotion she had felt.
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The sound of the doorbell cut through the sleep that had finally claimed her. Even though they didn't need much sleep, these days she took it whenever she could get it. It made things go away. Groggily she looked at the clock and sighed. Max must have taken the bus home and forgotten his keys.
She made her way down the stairs and yawned once before grasping the doorknob. Turning the deadbolt with the other hand, she pulled the door open. Shock nearly knocked her over.
"Hello Isabel," he said softly.
"Alex." Tremors ran through her body and voice. "Hello."
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"It's been a while," he said as she stepped aside and let him through the door.
"A few years," she replied, closing the door softly behind him.
"You look good," he told her, almost making her laugh.
Her hair needed to be brushed, she had no make up on, and she was still in her pajamas. Oh yeah, she thought, I look wonderful.
"So do you." She didn't bother to look at him again. It hurt too much. But it wasn't a lie. He did look good.
He had filled out. While still tall, his shoulders seemed broader than she remembered. His clothes fit tightly instead of hanging on him the way they had before. He carried himself with a new grace, a new aura of strength, than he had before he had gone… where ever it was he had gone. Isabel didn't know, and she wasn't sure she wanted to. It would only serve to remind her that she hadn't been there.
"Thanks," he said. He dropped his bag to the floor and looked at her. She had the feeling he was about to say something more, but instead he only asked, "Where's my room? I think I need a nap before Max and Liz get home."
"Up the stairs and to the right. Second door." A finger indicated the stairs. "There's an adjoining bathroom there too."
"Great." And with that he slung the bag over his shoulder and started up the stairs. Isabel left the entryway, not wanting to know if he looked back at her.
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Seeing her again had brought back all the memories, both good and bad. But he and to admit, right now, they were mostly bad. The night they broke up kept playing over and over in his mind. He had known she was hiding something from him that night, but he had never imagined…
Alex sighed and ran a hand through his dark hair. No matter what he had told himself, he hadn't been prepared for seeing her again. It hadn't helped that she had worn the same pajamas that he had seen her in so many times before. The ones she used to bring when they'd spend nights in the cave. They looked kind of ratty now, worn out, but they still looked wonderful on her. The cranberry color always did look good on her.
It had been two days since he had shown up at the door. Two days and she hadn't said more than a dozen words to him, tops. She hadn't even joined them for dinner. Instead she chose to lock herself either in her room or in the library. Alex tried to ignore the fact that she was trying to avoid him, but couldn't.
Even yesterday, when he had caught her staring out the window at the thunderstorm as it pounded the ground. He thought he had seen tears in her eyes, but when he approached, she had simply turned and walked away.
There were so many things he wanted to say to her. So many things that needed to be said. But he didn't think at this point they would ever come out. Instead, both of them would remain hurt and bruised for eternity. Nothing would ever wash that away.
Nothing had ever washed her away from his heart anyway. Not to say he hadn't tried to find something that would, but nothing had worked. His thoughts always wandered back to her. His heart always longed to take back that night in her driveway.
But there wasn't a damn thing that could take that back now. Not a single act that could make up for everything he had done. For leaving her. He knew that. But he wondered if she knew what he would do to take it all back…
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For the first time in days, she had actually bothered getting dressed. Instead of moping around in her pajamas, she had managed to work her way into a pair of shorts and a tank top. She hated weeks when she didn't go into the hospital. But they thought she worked too hard and pressed her to take time off when they thought it had gotten to her again. There was a time when she had argued with them, but it never did any good. Had she been anyone else, they probably would have fired her by now. Every three months or so she took a week off, just to gather herself again. But everyone there knew how much she was loved, and no one could complain when it came to working with her. In those weeks she was gone, the kids constantly asked about her. Not to mention the programs she had instituted in the hospital to make things better, not just for the kids, but for everyone. She had single handedly started the therapy rounds with the dogs. It had taken forever to get that one to go through, but she had never given up on it. Administrators had to admit that it was one of the best ideas to ever come out of the hospital. Three times a week therapy dogs came in to visit not only the patients, but the families as well. Everyone had been skeptical at first, but it only took one visit before Isabel knew it would be a hit. The smiles that came from everyone after the dogs had passed made it clear to her. Not to mention the fact that auras were cleaner, moods were better and everyone seemed more upbeat.
Sighing, she closed her eyes. Just a few more days and she could go back. The head of the hospital wanted to talk to her, and she knew what it was concerning. He was going to offer her a new job. He wanted her to head the new cancer ward. But she also knew that would mean less time on the floor. Less time around the kids. She wasn't sure she wanted to do that. However, she could also bring more programs into the ward that might help them. Isabel was torn on the matter. It was too bad there wasn't an in between. But if there were, she simply couldn't see it.
The flash of lightning brought her back to reality and she stood, unmoving, as the sky opened and emptied itself. Rain poured down, cleaning the dirt and pollen away from everything it had settled on since yesterday. Pollen in Atlanta was ungodly, leaving everything a sickly shade of yellow-green. Isabel was happy to see it go. Standing there, she watched as rain sluiced away dirt and grass away from the edge of the patio. Max had mowed the grass yesterday evening and hadn't bothered to clean up. Thunder crashed and the rain increased. A slight smiled played on her face. Today's storm would be worse than the one yesterday. More intense. The smile stayed, but tears began to fill her eyes. It was too similar to the storm…
Without understanding why, she stepped forward and grasped the wooden handle of the sliding glass door. As much as seeing it hurt, she suddenly had the urge to be there. To be in it… to let it wash over her.
She stepped out onto the concrete, instantly getting soaked as the rain pounded against her. Tilting her head back, she let the rain slide over her face. Let it wash away the tears she could hold back no longer. A few more steps and she was at the edge of the cement slab, her face still tilted towards the sky.
The rain didn't feel dirty to her the way it had so many times before. Didn't sting her with the unseen force of long buried memories. She closed her eyes, not to keep the tears from coming, but to allow the rain to slide down more of her face.
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He stepped into the kitchen, his mind wandering to the things that should have been said. To the things he should have done. The rain pounded against the house and he scowled at the sound. It was a sound he had grown to hate. A startlingly loud clap of thunder rang out forcing him from his thoughts. It was then he saw her.
Isabel stood there, her face tilted towards the sky, letting the rain drench her. Even though the rain had scrubbed away the tears that had fallen, were still falling, he knew she was crying. He could almost see the tracks they had left down her face.
Alex couldn't explain it, even if his life had depended on it. Would never be able to explain what made him cross the kitchen and walk out the door. Walk out and haul her into his arms.
---
The air around her crackled with electricity, but she still felt him before he even touched her. She opened her eyes just as he reached her. As he grabbed her by the arms and spun her around. At first she thought he was going to yell, going to ask her what she was doing out here. Tell her she was going to be struck by lightning standing out here like this. Tell her she would get sick.
But he didn't do any of that.
Instead he hauled her to him. Pulling her close, he wrapped his arms around her and buried his face against her wet hair. She almost protested that she would only get him wet until she realized he was already soaked as well. It made her laugh.
The sound echoed around them and he smiled. Sliding a finger under her chin, he forced her to look at him. Laughter died on her lips and he was sorry for that, but he would make sure he had every opportunity to make her laugh again.
At first he merely brushed his lips against hers, afraid she would tell him to go away. Afraid she would tell him he had to leave. Had to leave her behind one more time. But she did none of that. Instead she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer. Mouths fused and they clung to one another. Rain came down even harder, threatening to wash them away. Washing away the stains they carried with them.
Finally they broke apart and she gazed up at him, the questions on her face cutting him deeply. There would be no way he could ever answer all of those. No way to answer them in a way that would ever suit either of them. Instead, he took her hand and led her back towards the house. At first she balked, but finally began to follow when he tugged a few times. It wasn't the house he led her to however.
The air mattress rested in one corner of the patio. Max and Liz liked to lay out there at night and look up at the stars. Well, the stars they could see in the middle of the city. The lights sometimes kept them from seeing much of anything, but Isabel didn't think they really did much star watching anyway. They were always too busy gawking at each other. Alex grabbed it by a corner and drug it away from the wall. She asked no questions and he offered no answers. When it was where he wanted it, he turned to her again. Pulling her close, he wrapped his arms around her once more, hugging her tightly to him.
Her body was warmer than the air, and he thought she would be able to keep him warm in the middle of a nuclear winter. Slowly he slid his hands away from her waist. The tank top stuck to her skin thanks to the rain, but he managed to get his hands under it to press his palms against the small of her back. The heat felt like it might sear him and he wondered if he felt the same to her.
Isabel's hands moved from his shoulders, sliding down his chest to the waist of his jeans. She tugged the material of his shirt from the waistband and let her hands seek the feel of his skin. The muscles in his abs flinched as she pressed her hands against them and she worried that perhaps he hadn't wanted her to touch him after all. That thought was lost as soon as his hands began to roam her back.
Their lips only parted long enough for him to free her from the tank top she wore. He started for her again, only to be held back as she drug his own shirt over his head. Her gaze flicked over him and she smiled. She had been right… he had filled out. And nicely too. Winding her hands around his waist, she pulled him to her again. Skin pressed against skin and she closed her eyes, remembering what it felt like. His lips sought her neck and she shivered in spite of the heat. Hands roamed his back, feeling muscles, relearning the surface. When he nibbled her ear, she let out a sigh.
Alex was glad to see she hadn't bothered with a bra that day. As his mouth worked on her ear and neck, his hands slid between them to her breasts. Working them gently, he brought the nipples to peaks, then traced his fingers around the flesh. He could feel the faint lines of the stretch marks there. Pain shot through him, but he shoved it back, not wanting it to ruin this. Felling her hands at work on his jeans, he did the same. Isabel stepped back, shedding her shorts and he took that moment to rid himself of both Levi's and boxers.
Wrapping her in his arms again, he held her close, whispering things to her that were too soft for her to really hear over the sound of the rain. Gently he eased her to the mattress then balanced himself over her. Looking into her eyes, he searched them for any sign that this wasn't what she wanted. He saw nothing.
Having him balanced over her wasn't enough. Isabel wanted to feel him against her. Wanted his weight over her… pressing her down. She had to feel him against her. Desperately she pulled at him. When he refused to budge, she looked up at him and saw him searching her face for something. Unsure if he found what he wanted, she reached up and pulled his mouth to hers. All she could do now was show him.
Hands moved from his hair to his shoulders and she forced him to move further over her. Parting her legs, she let him settle there before breaking the kiss.
"Please Alex…" she whispered. The sound was just loud enough to be heard over the sound of the rain.
It was all he needed.
If there hadn't been so many years between them, hadn't been so much time lost, hadn't been so much pain buried, he would have taken his time. Would have brought her closer first. But there had been that many years, and there had been too much time lost. And the pain… the pain still cut into his soul any time his thoughts flickered towards those days. His body slammed down onto hers and he kissed her deeply. Kissed her until she thought she might die like this. Die as she fell into him again.
He slid into her then, happy to find she was ready for him. Rain pounded his back as he moved within her. Water dripped from his hair onto her face and she smiled up at him. Unable to keep himself from smiling, he looked into her eyes again, hoping to see some kind of happiness there.
She felt him searching her again, but still didn't know what he searched for. Winding her hands into his hair again, she brought him to her and kissed him. It was gentle this time, soft. A kiss that bared her soul to him. A kiss he accepted and returned fully. The tingling sensation started then and she knew it wouldn't be long. Muscles tensed, and then she was lost. His name was torn from her throat, the sound lost against the sound of the rain. But he had heard it.
The sound of his name coming from her like that and the sensation of her muscles clenching around him was too much. He felt himself go over the edge as well, but didn't try to hold back. Spasms passed as he emptied himself into her and he pulled her close, breathing her name against her neck.
When it was over, they lay there together, letting the rain wash over them.
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Max and Liz had nearly caught them there, but had stopped for a kissing session in the garage. It gave them enough time to get upstairs and get dressed.
Isabel stood in the middle of her room and stared at the wall. A hollow ache filled her and she dreaded facing him again. It had all been a big mistake. It would only lead to places she no longer wanted to go. With tears in her eyes, she flopped down onto the bed and curled up tightly.
---
Alex waited for her downstairs, and when she didn't show, he began to worry about her. Liz was the first to realize something had changed in the house, and suggested to Max that they go out for dinner. He asked her if she wanted to invite Alex and Isabel, but her look made him understand completely. Max had grabbed his coat and nearly shoved her out the door before she could say another word. It had made Alex chuckle.
But he wasn't laughing now. Now he was sitting outside of her door, listening to her cry. All too familiar pain ripped through him, cutting not only his heart, but his soul as well. He turned away from the door and started back down the stairs. It was time for him to leave.
No, he told himself harshly, you did that once before remember? Look where it got you.
---
The knock at the door didn't stop her tears, but it did make her speak.
"Go away Max!" she yelled, tossing a glare towards the offending door. When it began to open, she dragged a pillow over her head.
"Isabel?" he asked softly. The sight of her curled up on the bed tore at his heart. Things shouldn't have happened like this.
"Alex?" She peeked out from under the pillow, then pulled it back down. "Go away."
He had to grin. It was almost like high school all over again. Ok, it was pre high school. Quickly he sobered.
"Not until we talk." Dropping to the edge of the bed, he took a deep breath. "We've needed to talk for six years now Is."
"We did enough talking in my driveway," she said coldly.
It stung. He couldn't deny that. But he wasn't going to let her junior high bitch tactics distract him from the point.
"I loved you then." His voice was soft.
She remained silent and he could see her tense.
"I thought you were using me. Thought you only wanted me around to feed your ego. You were only happy with me when we were alone. When no one was around to see us." Alex closed his eyes. He could still recall the emotions he had felt that night. "We made love and then you didn't want to talk about it. You wanted to pretend it never happened. Wanted to pretend I didn't exist." A tremor ran through his voice. "I couldn't take it. Couldn't take loving you that much and knowing you didn't love me." He looked over at her. "It hurt too much."
"I loved you," she whispered. Slowly she pulled the pillow away and looked at him. She searched his face, trying to see the truth there. "I did use you," she admitted, "But it didn't mean I didn't love you. It didn't mean I was ashamed of you. I didn't want you to have to hear the comments. To hear people say you were just a pity date." He turned away from her then and she almost stopped. But she had bottled it up for too long and it needed to come out. Rising slowly, she sat up and looked at his back. "I didn't want you to have to put up with the things I put up with. And after that night it seemed to get worse. It was like they knew. Like they knew what we had done. And it hurt. Hurt because I knew they would never understand what it meant. They would never be able to comprehend what had happened between us. I couldn't tell them what you meant to me, because they just wouldn't get it. So I said nothing." A shiver ran through her. "And then… then you didn't want me anymore. But it didn't stop… I got dumped. The Isabel Evans got dumped by lowly Alex." She snorted. "And I ignored that."
Her breath caught, and the words that she had wanted so long to say to him filled her mouth, but refused to be spoken. With a harsh exhalation, she shoved them out.
"Then I found out about the baby. Found out I was pregnant. I told Max and made him swear not to tell you."
"I knew about the baby," Alex whispered, unable to face her after admitting that fact. "Michael told me," he said before she could ask. "But I was too stubborn to tell you. I wanted you to come to me for once. I wanted you to admit you needed me. That you wanted me." Tears fell silently. Wiping them away, he turned to look at her. "I'm sorry. I prayed every night that you would just give up and call. That you would walk up to me and tell me yourself."
Isabel didn't even try to fight the tears. "I wanted to. But I thought you didn't want me. And if you didn't want me, you wouldn't want a baby. A freak little half alien baby…" Her voice trailed off, overcome by a sob. Shifting, she brought her knees up and held them tightly to her chest. "And then I saw the blood. At first I didn't think it was anything. We don't get sick. And then… Then the pain started and I knew. I knew our baby was dead. I tried to heal it, tried to reach inside and see… but the pain was just so much. Like my insides were filled with glass. And the blood came harder…" She stopped, unable to continue.
"Liz told me when it happened. She was worried that you were going to just go over the deep end. But by that time I had already given in and agreed to go to college. It wasn't the military, but dad thought I'd come around. I had already gotten accepted to Somerset… it was as far away as I could get. I had hoped that being that far away would make you think about us…" He reached for her hand and grasped it tightly. "But then Liz called. I wanted to drop out then. To just quit and come back to Roswell, but she told me I couldn't. Aside from the fact my father would have killed me, I didn't think you would ever want to see me again." He squeezed. "I had left you. Deserted you and our baby…"
With an untangling of limbs, she hurled herself at him. Landing mostly in his lap, she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him close. He hugged her tightly to him, never wanting to let her go again.
"I'm so sorry," she breathed. "I should have come to you."
"And I never should have left you," he whispered.
Pulling away from her slightly, he lifted her chin gently and looked at her. "It's over. We can't get it back. But we can start over."
"Please," she said, starting to cry again. "After the rain it's so clean again…"
January 2000