Please be reminded that I don't encourage people to slash themselves, though I know for a fact that many people really do. Sorry if the Jien is OOC. Replies to reviews are at the end.

- Paris

Disclaimer: Saiyuki is not mine. The story is fictional and all similarities to people and events in real life are coincidences.

Those Beautiful Green Eyes

Chapter Eight

The light of Karin's chi did not last long. After a few moments, she falls to the floor, exhausted by her efforts. "Karin!" I rush to her side. Jien can only stare, frozen with guilt and anguish, tears flowing freely.

Karin gives me a reassuring smile, "I'll be fine. I'm just not used to using my chi." She glances at Yaone with worry, "More importantly..."

I look Yaone over. The most serious injury she had was the self-inflicted slit on her wrist, which Karin had just partially closed. The rest of the wounds on Yaone are fairly shallow, but judging from the stains on her clothes, she already lost a lot of blood. I see a number of scars on Yaone's arms and legs.

Obviously, this isn't her first time to cut herself.

Father comes in with a basin and a kettle. Inside the basin are a washcloth, a number of bottles and some bandages. He easily makes his way to Yaone.

Karin stands up and takes the basin from him. "It's not as bad as that other time," she quickly empties the basin.

"Yaone-san," Father's brow is knitted with concern. He feels for the basin, and then pours the hot water from the kettle into it. "Karin, please take Kenren and Jien-kun to another room." He dips the washcloth into the water and soaks it thoroughly.

Karin takes Jien's hand and motions for me to follow. We leave the room just as Father begins stripping Yaone of her clothing. I wonder how a blind man can treat people without the gift of sight. I close the door behind me. By the time I catch up to Karin and Jien, Jien is walking without having to be guided. His movements are mechanical and his face is dark, though.

"In here," Karin brings us to a grand room, which turns out to be a library. "This is my sanctuary," her own introduction to her world as we walk in. All walls are lined with shelves filled with different sized and colored volumes. It reminds me of Tenpou's office. I am almost overwhelmed by the number of books in the room had I not picked up just about the amount of books several times in my immortal life from the floor of said office.

This library, thankfully, is organized.

Karin seats Jien on the chair behind the desk in the room. She searches in her pocket and finds a limiter, which she attaches to Jien's ear. Jien doesn't make a move to protest and probably from both physical and emotional exhaustion, the tempering of his youkai power knocks Jien out. I settle on the bookshelf's ladder.

"It's a complicated matter," Karin sighs to me as she sinks down onto the worn carpet.

I want to smoke, but respect for both Karin and the room stops me. I opt to just run my hand through my hair. "I take it this isn't the first time."

She meets my gaze, sadly, "No, I'm afraid it isn't."

The intense grief in her expression makes me uneasy and I raise my eyes to the high ceiling.

Karin begins picking on the carpet. "Aren't you going to ask what happened?"

Screw it, I need a cigarette. I dig into my pocket and find my pack of partially flattened cigarettes. Mental note to self, tight pants pockets are not a place for cigarettes. "Do you want me to ask?" I inquire as I pull out my lighter and light my stick of vice.

She doesn't answer.

"It really isn't my place to ask," I point out and she refocuses her attention on me. "But if you want to tell me something," I grin to encourage her. "I could never say 'no' to a pretty face."

She returns to picking on the carpet and is quiet for a very long while. I sense that she is gathering strength. When she finally talks, her voice is different. It sounds determined.

"I don't really know all the details, but I know that things began even before I could remember. Father doesn't talk about it, and I don't ask Jien-san. Yaone-san, I don't often see. She rarely leaves their house." She pulls her knees up to her chest then rests her head on the desk's front. "But, I remember, when I was much younger, Jien-san and Yaone-san were always here accompanying a redheaded man."

Kougaiji.

Karin nestles her chin in between her knees, "Then the redheaded man got very ill and had to stay here. Yaone-san wouldn't leave his side."

I see tears welling up in her eyes. "Eventually, the redheaded man died. That's when Yaone-san first cut herself," she squeezes her eyes shut. I don't really know if she did that to stop the flow of tears or if she just instinctively did it to shut out bad memories. "Father was worried about her so he asked her and Jien-san to stay. I was going to call her for dinner, when I saw her..."

She begins sobbing, her resolve dead. I can understand how mortifying the scene must have been for her, as a child raised with love. For Gojyo, that would have been an everyday occurrence: the drawing of blood.

It's strange how an every day occurrence for one person could be so unusual and unthinkable for the next.

"Karin saw Yaone slashing her wrists," Jien explains. He seems to have been awake for a while. "But Yaone did not stop at her wrists. She wasn't able to protect our prince and princess and so she felt that she didn't deserve to live."

Sounds like Yaone.

"But she didn't deserve to die, either," Jien seems to be fixated with something on the floor. "At least not quickly and without suffering."

Karin says nothing. She just sits there, lost in her own memories.

I shift my attention back to Jien, "And you?"

"There are other ways to make up for what you weren't able to do." Jien replies somberly, "And atone for things that you did."

Author's Notes

Since things are picking up at school, I was kind of rushing this fic so I could finish it before inspiration and time ran out. But then I got some wonderful advice from narrizan-san to take my time (Thanks narrizan-san!).

Okay, next chapter will be up after I graduate on 2007!

ducks to avoid flying rotten food stuffs, books, and whatever else can be thrown

Nah, I'm just kidding.

To Mika-Samu and ennui deMorte: Hmmm...Maybe... Thanks for the reviews and may I say that you have very interesting ideas.

VG Terra, Vain Girl, ShadowKat-Shidobukatsu, and Marron-chan1, thanks for the reviews.

To everyone, thanks for reading up to this point. I wasn't really expecting anyone to follow this when I first posted it. Thanks very much.

For those who hate me, flames are always welcome, in case you didn't know.

- Paris