Brace yourselves for a long winded story! I thought it was a necessary addition.

I hope you enjoy.

- Paris

Disclaimer: Saiyuki is not mine. The story is fictional and all similarities to people and events in real life are coincidences.

Those Beautiful Green Eyes

Chapter Nine

It is already dinnertime and it is also the first time we see Father after he took care of Yaone. Fatigue is already catching up with him as he sits at the table, with barely enough energy left to eat.

"Father?" Karin calls out in concern as she brings in some drinking water. The meal is again, simple, but even if it had been extravagant, I doubt that anyone at the table would have cared.

Father gives Karin, Jien, and me a warm smile. "Yaone-san will be fine. She will wake up soon." Karin is about to pour more water into Father's cup when she sees it is full. Father places his withered hand on top of hers. "You know, it was dangerous for you to use your chi like that. You could have died," he reprimands her gently. Then a look of pride passes over his face, "But if you had not closed that wound when you did, she would have died. Thank you, Karin-chan."

Karin shakes her head. "I was just doing what you taught me to do, Father." She eyes the old man's full plate, "And you really should eat. This was a very long day for you. It wouldn't do your patients any good if you got sick."

Father chuckles, "I guess you're right."

The rest of the meal continues in relative silence. Father appears to tired to say anything, while Karin and Jien are lost in their own thoughts. As dinner comes to a close, Karin speaks up. "I'll clean up here, Father, please go upstairs and rest."

Father is about to protest, but I cut in before he gets the chance. "I'll help you, Karin," I glance at our old host who is smiling slightly. "If that's okay with you, Father"

Father nods. "Yes, of course."

"And what about you, Jien-san?" Karin addresses Jien who has barely put a word in since that afternoon at the library. "I think it would be better if you stayed with us. It would be better for Yaone-san to wake up to a familiar face."

Jien, at first, appears to not have heard, but then he stands up and walks to the stairs, probably on his way to Yaone's room.

Father feels for his walking stick and then uses it to help him stand up. "Are you sure you'll be fine?" he asks.

Karin is exasperated as she says, "Yes, Father, now go rest!"

The old man is satisfied and heads for the stairs after Jien. Once he is gone, I begin gathering plates and Karin collects the glasses. We do this task with fewer words than exchanged during dinner. After clearing the table, we head for the kitchen to wash our loads.

Too many minutes of silence.

"For someone who doesn't like youkai, you sure help them a lot," I point out to Karin. "You're such a good girl," I compliment.

Karin shakes her head as she places the glasses carefully into the twin tub sink. "No, it's not what you think. I'm not a good person."

"No?" as she steps aside, I set down my own load of dishes into the tub where the glasses are. "You've helped a lot of youkai out, haven't you?"

She reaches over to turn on the faucet, "But good people always do things out of the goodness of their hearts. I try to be very kind to youkai because I do not like them."

"So you're trying to make up for your hatred by being kind," I restate her sentence as we fill the sink with water. She's just trying to erase the guilt. "Now, isn't that selfish?"

"I know," Karin picks up a sponge and pours liquid soap over it.

The water in the sink nears the brim, "Why are you feeling guilty about it?" I turn off the faucet and she takes a glass and scrubs it with her sponge.

She is quiet for a while, and then laughs softly and sadly. "You know," she begins to explain her laughter to me. "Someone once told me that guilt is a useless emotion. The act you did cannot be changed and you need a clear mind to make up for it. Guilty minds aren't clear minds so in order to make up for your past, you must learn to let it go."

She passes me the soapy glass and I rinse it in the second tub. "Is that a fact?"

"I don't know," Karin moves on to her next item. "I've never been without guilt. I've always felt negatively about youkai and I've felt guilty about that negative feeling ever since."

Is this how Hakkai felt about the youkai that kidnapped his fiancée?

We finish off the dishes in silence, but before we part, Karin places a hand on my arm. I turn to her and meet her pleading green eyes. "Please, you're the only person I've ever told these things to. Please don't tell anyone," she lowers her gaze. "I think the youkai here are troubled enough without my dislike for them pushing them away from this place. This has become their sanctuary."

"Who could resist those pretty eyes?" I swear allegiance to her in my own way. And my words have never been truer.

She looks content and bids me goodnight.

All throughout the dishwashing thing, I've been needing a smoke and right now might be the best time for it. I head for the door of the house. The front stairs might be a nice place to think things over. But when I open the door, I see Jien there, staring blankly at the streets.

"Oi," I greet my older brother. "Mind if I join you?"

"Go ahead, I was waiting for you," he replied quietly.

I pull out my cigs and lighter. "Why?"

"I wanted to tell you something," Jien is idly toying with a small pebble he probably picked up just then. "Call it my confession, if you must. Do you have the time?"

I sit beside him and light my cigarette. "Sure, but why me?"

"Because, you remind me of my brother."

I should, shouldn't I? Your brother was my past life, after all. I manage to not say anything, though. I just take a drag from my nicotine stick. "Aa."

"Gojyo was the very reason why I became so devoted to Kougaiji in the first place," Jien tells me. I remember from my childhood that this was the tone he used whenever he read to me bedtime stories. I look up at the stars and listen. I loved bedtime stories, especially if Jien read them to me. "Kougaiji...Kou was so much like Gojyo physically and emotionally, but in some aspects, Kou also reminded me of me. Because of that, I understand how Kou felt about his little sister Ririn. Mothers or blood didn't matter; it was always that innocent child calling 'Aniki' or 'Oniisan' that was worth the pain."

Aniki, huh?

I let the smoke leave my lips slowly, creating gentle swirls of white in the night air. A breeze dissipates my smoky image as Jien continues.

"My mother used to hurt Gojyo because he was the son of a human. I killed her before she killed Gojyo. I don't regret my decision," Jien tosses the pebble he had been playing with. "But I tried to atone for my sin by devoting myself to another life, so for Kou I changed my name to Dokugakuji and swore to serve him to his last breath."

But the prince is dead, now, isn't he. That's why you're Sha Jien again.

"Kou, for his part, promised to protect Ririn always, but despite his best efforts, Ririn was still kidnapped by her own mother Gyokumen Koshu," the last name is said with disgust. "Gyumaoh's body was in far too bad shape for it to be revived completely. That bastard scientist Grokumen Koshu hired decided that using Ririn's body as a vessel for Gyumaoh was the best possible way for revival."

Some people are just horrible. "I heard that the revival succeeded," I say, trying to hide the growing anger in my gut. Ririn was just a child! How anyone could do anything to hurt children still baffles me. Children should never be used for personal gain no matter what the reason.

Jien is staring again into space, detaching himself from painful memories. "They did. Ririn became the vessel for Gyumaoh and Kou could not forgive himself. When the battle between the Sanzo-ikkou and Gyumaoh happened, Kou's first instinct was to protect his little sister. It was Goku who removed his crown limiter that defeated Kou and Sanzo retrieved the holy and evil sutra and used their power to remove Gyumaoh from Ririn's body."

I take it Ririn didn't survive that.

"Yaone and I took Ririn and Kou out of Houtou Castle because it was beginning to fall apart from the rampaging Goku," Jien moves on with his narration. I finish my first cigarette.

I see that he is just letting the events roll off his tongue, not really controlling what he says. He feels as helpless as he did back then when these things were actually taking place.

"No one, not even the great Genjyo Sanzo could stop him. Sanzo had been too exhausted from controlling the power of the two sutras to do anything, I think. That was when the castle crumbled. The Sanzo-ikkou never got out. Gojyo died there, in Houtou Castle," he pauses for a moment and I take the opportunity to light a new cigarette. I am taking a drag from my newly lit piece of heaven from hell when Jien resumed talking. "And as it turns out, when Ririn was turned into a vessel, she had been killed so she could be replaced by Gyumaoh. Without Gyumaoh, Ririn was dead. Kou couldn't forgive himself."

I probably wouldn't have forgiven myself if I'd been alive to see Goku die, so what more Kougaiji who was actually related to Ririn?

Jien glanced up at the window of what I assume to be Yaone's room. "Kou lost it after Ririn's death. He barely ate or slept. He almost never talked. Yaone couldn't stand it. Despite her minding Kou twenty four-seven, his condition deteriorated. We sought help from the most well known doctors, but none would take us, because all known doctors were human since youkai doctors were still suffering from effects of the Minus Wave. That was when we heard of the deeds of this kind old doctor."

"Father?" I try to confirm my suspicions.

"Yes," Jien has a tender look on his face. "Father took us in without question. He even helped me get a job by giving me my limiter. When Kou died and Yaone started having violently depressive moods and began hurting herself, he helped us cope. Karin was barely a child then."

I extinguish my cigarette on the stone of the steps and Jien is suddenly watching me with interest. "Is that your confession?"

"Pretty much so," Jien responds, his gaze still on me as I stand up and dust my pants.

I stretch my arms lazily. "Well, it bored me to death."

He laughs. "Sorry, I figured you weren't the type who went for drama," he tells me. "My brother hated drama."

I look him straight in the eye and with much seriousness; I give my own confession in my own way. "Why are you talking about him in the past tense? You never know, he might still be around." I reenter the house. "Good night."

I can feel that Jien is still smiling, though he didn't understand my words, "Good night, Kenren."