CHAPTER THIRTEEN:
Always
Harry sat on the bench in front of the lake. He was soaking wet and water dripped through the gaps in the wooden seat. The sun was setting and he looked upon the horizon with a hint of guilt in his mind. What had he been thinking? He knew that he insulted Ginny, but he was too stubborn to admit his mistake.
He sat and pulled his knees to his chest as he rocked on the edge of the seat. He pulled out his wand, said a charm, and he was dried within seconds. He ruffled his hair and let out a sigh of frustration. His guilt was rising in him, but his stupidity was over-powering it all.
He felt a weird feeling in his stomach and he set a hand to it. He was hungry. He should be too, considering he hadn't eaten since Hermione's disappearance at the second selected task. He just looked upon the water with one thought: 'How could Ginny do this to me?'
He felt a sudden change in mood though. His heart pounded and he jumped slightly out of his seat when a small, soft hand was set on his shoulder. His head turned sharply as he faced this girl who he was joking himself by. She stood there, with a mixture of fear and regret in her eyes, and stared at him. He felt like her prey.
"We need to talk." She said rather orderly.
"What for Granger?" Harry said disapprovingly.
"It's Hermione, and we need to talk about your attitude." She sat with a hiss. Harry went to stand up, but she pushed him right back in his seat. "Don't run, because we are going to talk!" He sneered at her.
"My attitude? You are the one who promised you would be there, and you weren't! So at least I have the decency to keep a promise." Harry said proudly and Hermione let out a snort.
"You…" She laughed. "Keep a promise?" She started laughing insanely. "You said once before to promise wit me that we would never fight again… and look where we are." Hermione said, casting her hands in the air.
"This is different!" Harry said with a growl.
"No, I don't think it is." Hermione crossed her arms angrily. "And I'm being to think of you as being bipolar." She hissed.
"Bipolar? Haha, don't make me laugh." He said with a mocking tone. "Just because I was hurt about you not showing up there doesn't mean I lack the capacity of my temper."
"Well, then prove it."
She looked at him with deep, glaring, and ruthless eyes. If he said one more thing she swore she'd pounce on him. She glared at him like a snake to a moth, and she could have given anything to have fangs at this moment. She felt her blood boil, this kid was so stupid right now.
"How can I prove it? I show it all the time!" Harry hissed.
"Harry, I've took this far enough." Hermione said as she cast her hand up and slap his directly across the face. "This isn't you, so bring back you… now!"
"Oww," Harry said when he stroked his cheek. "What was that for?" Harry asked, still sliding his hand up and down.
"For being stupid." Hermione said and he turned to her. "Now, are you going to act normal?" She asked.
He nodded.
"Good… now first things first… Why to hell did you do that to Ginny?" She asked in a rather confused tone.
"I don't know." He answered.
"Ok, then why are you so mad about the littlest things lately?"
"I don't know."
"YOU HAVE TO KNOW!" She demanded. "You don't even have a right to be mad at Draco, and yet you are mad at him." She sighed.
"Don't have a… DON'T HAVE A REASON?" Harry repeated with anger. "I do have a reason!"
"Then what is it?" She asked forcefully.
"He took you away from me." Harry clasped his hand over his mouth.
"What?" Hermione stopped and felt her heart pound.
"I must go." Harry said hastily and in no time disappeared behind the castle doors.
He hurried along the passageways and up through the long, curvy corridors. The day was a little chilly, but not too bad. Harry didn't notice because he felt his face grow hot. He was blushing?
"Stupid, stupid, stupid." He said to himself over and over. "Why do I have to be so…" He stopped.
He hits something hard and was knocked to the ground. He shook he head quickly and opened his eyes as a girl with fiery red hair stood above him. She didn't look mad or upset anymore, she looked hurt. Harry blinked his eyes as he filled with concern and mumbled something to her. She chose not to hear and she was going to walk away when Harry had stopped her.
"Ginny, wait." He pleaded.
She chose to ignore that too. She wasn't mad or upset, but she was confused. Harry acted much differently towards her, and she didn't know how she could ever forgive him. She didn't think he would forgive her. What he said did hurt her though, it was terribly rude and it felt like he tore her heart in half.
Her eyes were filled with tears and streams of dry tears were dried onto her cheeks. Harry could smell the salty-ness without being close enough to touch her. He hurt the only person who loved him for him, and she seemed to be gone. She couldn't be gone, he had to reach her.
"Ginny please." Harry pleaded again, but she remained to walk down the hall. "I'm sorry!" He shouted and Ginny stopped in her tracks. Her teary eyes turned to him.
"Harry, you don't mean that." She said simply when she turned again.
"Yes I do." He fell to his knees and sat in front of the window.
"If you're not sorry then don't say it!" Ginny scolded.
"You might not believe me, but I am sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I have just been through a lot these last couple of days and well, I haven't been myself." He sighed.
"I noticed that." Ginny rolled her eyes. "And why is your cheek red?" She asked with an annoying tone in her voice.
"Hermione hit me, and I think it worked." He sighed. "I don't know what was wrong with me." He said.
"Harry, I love you but I don't think I can be with you any longer." Ginny said truthfully.
"Neither do I Gin." He revealed. "I came to ask you to forgive me and except my friendship." He said.
"This is where I'm confused." She said. "Why would I forgive you?"
"I don't blame you for asking that question." Harry mumbled.
He looked at her with confusion and guilt as it rose inside him. He wanted to run or fly or something to get his mind off this. This was his fault, and he couldn't turn it around. He had no way of realization of it either. Ginny knelt beside him and wrapped her arms around his neck in a friendly hug.
"I'm sorry I've pushed you so hard." She said in a silent whisper.
"You didn't, I was just too stupid to not control my temper." Harry sighed.
"Harry, don't be so hard on your self." Ginny assured as she pulled him into another hug.
"I'm sorry Ginny," He returned the hug. "I'm sorry for not believing." He said.
"Believing? Believing what?" She asked, confused.
"For not believing you in saying I was just like my father. I've heard of him day in and day out. Everyone says he was a preppy, snotty, popular guy whom everyone hated because he was cold hearted." Harry said, rubbing her back gently. "I promise not to grow up like him… I promise."
"Harry it doesn't matter if you grow up like James. You'll still be Harry, and that's the most important part." Ginny said sweetly.
"Why are you so nice to me Ginny?" Harry asked with a sigh.
"Because no matter what, I'll always love you." Ginny said soothingly.
"Ginny, I don't deserve your love. Nor do I deserve anyone else's. I don't belong here anymore." Harry said and Ginny gave him a confused look.
"What are you talking about? What do you mean you don't belong here?" Ginny asked, still confused.
"You'll understand… someday." He said.
Harry didn't even no the answer. Ginny tried to make him feel better, but he couldn't do anything. He just stood, walked away, and lost himself in his thoughts. Things were getting to his head, but there was one thing that he trapped in his mind for a while. He wouldn't speak of it, never.
He walked down the halls and peered at one of the portraits. It was empty. Where in Merlin Beard is he? Harry asked himself, but there was obviously no answer to it at all that helped. Harry tore his face away and walked further down. A voice scrambled in his head and then he heard that familiar sound: clunk clunk clunk.
"Potter," A gruffly voice said. "What are you doing in the east wing?" He asked.
"Professor Moody." Harry gasped. "I was just looking for um…" He stuttered and then sighed. "An answer."
"Well, students aren't allowed in this wing anymore." Moody growled softly. "Were you not listening at the feast yesterday?" He asked.
"I was, but… I wasn't thinking when I headed down here." Harry said truthfully.
"I understand, but you might want to head to your room. McGonagall is going to be inspecting this wing soon, and you can't afford any more trouble." Moody said, and Harry nodded in agreement.
"Why are you helping me?" Harry asked, rather confused. "I don't recall you taking likings to students." He said.
"You don't listen do you laddie?" He asked with a small smile. "I might have been impersonated, but I do know the difference between those in need and those who desire it all." He winked.
"Thank you Professor." Harry said gently and he nodded.
"Now, head back to your room." He said. "I feel McGonagall's presence. I'll stall her for you." He winked again.
"Yes Sir." Harry said and he heard Moody clunk himself away.
Harry had a lot of things on his mind, but more things kept piling on to the others. Why did Moody help him out? Harry knew he was once impersonated by Crouch's son. Mr. Crouch was once Percy Weasley's boss who was attacked by his son whom he had sent to Azkaban. His son then killed him, and tricked people into thinking he was either sick or missing.
Harry didn't know what he was looking for when he stepped foot down that wing. He knew he wasn't allowed there, but something had drove his mind into thinking something there would help him. The empty portrait, where Sirius once stood, was empty. Why was it empty when he was there all the time? Is it possible he returned to Grimmauld Place?
Harry had received all of the Black's fortunes when Sirius was killed. He preserved himself in a painting and Harry arranged to have it in the school, where he could contact him, and it was done. Harry was one of the richest in his world, and he felt this made him more of a target for Voldemort. Something was going to happen sooner or later that would change him forever.
Harry had also received the house, the silver, and everything the blacks owned. Harry had given Hermione full access to the Library for her birthday, he never read anyway, and he basically called it hers. Ron had also received a small sum of cash from Sirius' will, but obviously not as much a Harry.
Harry's responsibility was now BuckBeak's. Buckbeak was now without an owner and Harry had to fulfill that title. Harry did give the Order permission to use Grimmauld Place for the headquarters still, but Harry still spent his summers there. Luckily he had no reason to return to the Dursley's.
He took a sharp corner down a different wind and soon came to a portrait. A young woman with long, gorgeous, blond hair stood there with a charming smile on her face. Harry often talked to her when no one was around, but he just sighed deeply and mumbled the password to her.
"Gitchy." He said simply.
"Harry, what's wrong?" She asked.
"Sorry Lola, I'm not in the mood for conversation." He said. She sighed.
"Sorry dear, I'll let you in." She said.
She opened up her portrait and Harry walked inside. He didn't care about the other Selects in the room, so he continued to walk in. He marched through his door, let out a loud growl of frustration and slammed the door. He turned sharply to flop down on his bed, but someone had stopped him. A girl.
"Hermione, what are you doing here?" He asked. Hermione looked up to him with tears in her eyes.
"Harry, I needed to talk to you." She said with a yelp.
"Please… er – don't cry!" He pleaded. He hated how he made everyone cry all the time, and even when he didn't mean it.
"I don't mean to cry Harry… I just feel so stupid." She spoke sadly.
"You're nothing compare to stupid Hermione." He said lightly.
"Look Harry, I didn't mean to slap you earlier… but I need to know what you were going to say." She pleaded.
"What do you mean?" Harry asked.
Flashback:
"Oww," Harry said when he stroked his cheek. "What was that for?" Harry asked, still sliding his hand up and down.
"For being stupid." Hermione said and he turned to her. "Now, are you going to act normal?" She asked.
He nodded.
"Good… now first things first… Why to hell did you do that to Ginny?" She asked in a rather confused tone.
"I don't know." He answered.
"Ok, then why are you so mad about the littlest things lately?"
"I don't know."
"YOU HAVE TO KNOW!" She demanded. "You don't even have a right to be mad at Draco, and yet you are mad at him." She sighed.
"Don't have a… DON'T HAVE A REASON?" Harry repeated with anger. "I do have a reason!"
"Then what is it?" She asked forcefully.
"He took you away from me." Harry clasped his hand over his mouth.
"What?" Hermione stopped and felt her heart pound.
"I must go." Harry said hastily and in no time disappeared behind the castle doors.
Harry could feel the wonder boil in her veins. She was worried, but she was mostly curious and needed to know what he meant. She looked at him as tears leaked down her cheeks, but what Harry said next made her loose control.
"I can't talk about this." He said stubbornly and headed for the door.
Without even thinking he felt two hands clasp his shoulder and pull him back onto the bed. Hermione's eyes were flaring as she stood above him with wonder and madness in her eyes. Harry hit the bed with a thump and sat there, amazed.
"What the hell?" Harry asked and Hermione looked at him with flaring eyes again.
"What did you mean by Draco taking me away from you?" Hermione asked to get straight to the point. Harry had to think of something fast.
"Lovely day outside, let's go find Ron." Harry suggested and Hermione pushed him down again.
"Answer me." She said sharply.
"No, because if I tell you then you'd hate me forever!" Harry snipped and Hermione looked at him with a confused look.
He had to find a way to get out of this. He couldn't tell her what was trapped in his mind, because she would laugh and scream and probably slap him. Harry wished more than anything that he was invisible. This was not happening, and he would not tell her anything.
"Why would I hate you?" Hermione asked tersely.
"Because it's something that requires you and Draco. It's something that I…" He stopped. "Something I can't tell you." He crossed his arms.
"You can tell me anything Harry." She smiled.
"Not this." He mumbled.
"It's not like you're in love with me or something." She laughed.
Harry heard that word and his head snapped directly to the floor. He felt his body quiver and his head explode. Hermione hadn't noticed until she stopped laughing that a complete and utter awkward silence pressed through the room. Only a slight ringing sound remained.
"You are," Hermione said as she blinked. "You really are, aren't you?" She asked.
Harry didn't know what to do. He felt his face grow deep, deep, deep red and he resisted to look directly at her. He stared at a bright spot on his rug that gleamed with sunshine and stared at it. He didn't look at her, but Hermione's heart pounded rigidly. Harry had nodded his head.
"But…" She was speechless.
"But nothing, happy kill day." He said stupidly. "I knew you would be upset." He said lightly as he stood and wiped the dust from him.
"Mad, why would I be mad?" She asked.
"I am nothing but a fool." He said sharply. "You are with Draco, and obviously happy. So don't worry about me." He said in a low tone.
"You aren't a fool, but I can't leave Draco." Hermione spoke with tears in her eyes.
"I am a fool, because I was too busy and I let you go." He said and Hermione shook her head.
"I'm still here." She insisted.
Hermione stood from her seat and walked to him. She clasped two arms around him and hugged him tightly. It was a friendly hug, but it felt more then that to Harry. Hermione didn't know what to say to him. He loved her, but she didn't love him… this was all wrong. She pulled away.
"You might be here, but I am still invisible." He said.
"You aren't invisible… you're just, you." She said awkwardly. She had no idea how to make him feel better.
"Well you can go laugh your head off because the stupid kid fell in love with you. Go on, or you can do it here… it doesn't matter." He said in an annoyed tone.
"Harry, I'm not going to laugh." She said seriously. "I love Draco, and it would never work out between us." She said. "I'm sorry."
She thought for a minute. She needed something to make him smile and Hermione figured it out, but would she do it? Before she debated on it she did exactly what she was thinking. She smiled lightly and quickly kissed his lips sweetly. And the smile had crawled across Harry's face.
"It was to make you smile." She noted and then quickly said something else. "Please, remember that that kiss was for what could have been and not what could be." Hermione said lightly before she walked to the door.
"Always."
Author's Note:
Oh my god, I am so so so so so so SO sorry that I haven't updated in like two months. I had this ALL ready, but I keep forgetting to post. I am so sorry to those who review my story and I hope you like it. PLEASE Review… it's been a while.
Updated: (Saturday)August 20, 2005