Author's notes at the end.
Disclaimer: Saiyuki is not mine. The story is fictional and all similarities to people and events in real life are coincidences.
Those Beautiful Green Eyes
Chapter Twelve
I stare up at the ceiling of my room in Father's house. There are too many thoughts—too many events from the previous day—that are running through my head.
Of course, the fact that someone, a so-called dangerous youkai, is coming isn't exactly a sleeping potion, either.
Not that I can't defend myself and the people in this house. I can do that. Oh yeah, Jien could always help, too. I bet Jien is thinking the same thing about me if he's still awake. Arrogant bastard.
I smile.
We'll be fine.
My mind wanders off to more disconcerting issues.
How did I really feel about Hakkai? In my memories as Gojyo, I could easily conclude that I was, at the very least, infatuated with my best friend. More importantly, how do I feel about Tenpou? I'm physically attracted to my superior, there's no doubt about that, but do I love him? If I do love him, then what about Karin? Why did I not feel anything when we kissed? The blonde prick Konzen had said that the eyes are the window to the soul and if he is to be believed then Karin is Tenpou's reincarnation.
No doubt I am still attached to Karin in some way. Maybe it's the red hair which reminds me of being a hanyou. Maybe it's the fact that her eyes are green like Tenpou's and Hakkai's. I don't really know. But if there's one thing I'm sure of, it's that I am not in love with Karin.
But am I in love with Tenpou?
And why would it be so important for me to figure it out? Tenpou made it pretty clear he did not want to be with me. No, I should never ever fall in love with Tenpou, no siree. He had given me an order. Explicitly. Even Hakkai, at some point, showed me the love he had for me was the love of a friend or a brother at the most. Neither Tenpou nor Hakkai could fall for a man.
Right?
So why is it so important for me to sort things out? Because I hate feeling confused. Because I hate not knowing where I stand with a man. Because I have a masochistic hope in my heart that insists that the man I love could change his mind.
Ha. Love? Do I love Tenpou?
Damn. I'm now back to square one.
I sigh and get out of bed. I need a smoke and maybe some fresh air, if that ever made any sense. In a few hours, the sun would be up, and I can't sleep. I move to the window so I can open it further and sit on its sill.
A chill runs up my spine. What the hell is that?
Concentrate, Kenren. Focus.
Oh shit.
I feel the youkai Karin was talking about approaching the village. He is still far, but he is coming fast. If he keeps up this pace, he should be here before morning. The chi is familiar, like it belongs to an old friend or even an old foe. I wouldn't want to be fighting that youkai, despite the fact that I know I will have no choice. His power is strong—damn strong—and uninhibited, probably a prelude to his nature as a person.
I hear a soft tapping noise coming from the hallway. The rhythm is urgent, but careful not to be too loud. I know exactly who it is.
I open the door and Father pauses for a moment, sensing my presence. He smiles amiably. "Could not sleep, Kenren?"
"Yeah," I tell him as I step out into the hallway and quietly close the door to my room. "Do you feel him, Father?"
"Aa." There is a dent in the normally serene demeanor.
I make my way to him, "Is this the creature that killed Karin's mother?"
Father weighs his words carefully. "The humans in the village say so." He proceeds to walk to the stairs. I notice that he almost doesn't need his cane to move through the hallways.
"What do you say, Father?" I press on as I join him. He obviously does not believe in the common knowledge that Karin was orphaned because of some heartless youkai monster.
He is quiet and reaches out for the banister he had earlier tapped with his cane. He seems distracted, because despite the earlier assurance in his step as he trekked down the hallway, he trips on his own feet as he steps onto the stairs.
I grab his arm, saving him from his fall.
He smiles at me, "Thank you, Kenren. Please excuse this clumsy old man."
"You're hardly clumsy, Father," I tell him as I guide his hand to the banister. Then I persist with my line of questioning. "And you're hardly the fool either. What happened to Karin's mother?"
"You're not going to let this go, are you?" Father chuckles, but it is sad and longing. "You remind me of someone I knew long ago." He motions for me to follow him. "Come, this is not the place to discuss matters like this."
He leads me to the ancient tree in the garden.
The large tree of some species I am not familiar with is the same tree Karin holds most of her classes under. I smile briefly as I remember the games the children and I played after their class. Father sits on a knotted root and I follow suit. When we are settled he massages the bridge of his nose thoughtfully. "I know for a fact that this youkai whom everyone calls a monster did not kill Karin's mother. He couldn't have. That was not his purpose for coming here. On the contrary, hatred of youkai did that."
Hatred of youkai...
It's typical. Everybody hates those that are not like them and those that they do not understand. Humans, youkai, even gods are guilty of that. Fear of the unknown is not unusual.
"What is his purpose for coming here? Why does this youkai keep coming back?" I decide to press my luck since Father seems to be in a very talkative mood. While his story makes sense, there are a lot of details missing. Curiosity or concern makes me want to know everything.
Father is pensive, and then half-jokingly replies, "Perhaps he comes for me." Yes, half-jokingly. There is an edge to his voice that tells me his words, to some extent, ring true. Is it for revenge? Is it one of those 'I live for the day that I defeat you with my own hands' kind of relationships?
In the distance, the youkai runs to this place with lightning speed. He is faster than I earlier thought. Father can sense him, but the old man seems unconcerned.
He should be here in no time.
Jien couldn't handle this guy. Shit. I'm not even sure I can.
Nah, of course I can! I'm Kenren. I'm a god. Then again, Homura and those two other guys were gods, too, and they were defeated by mere youkai and a human... and a monkey. Well, gods turned youkai, to be exact, and a damn strong monkey.
I briefly wonder if I could summon Gojyo's shakouju. That would really come in handy considering I didn't even think of bringing a side arm. Tenpou would shoot me with his side arm if he found out I did something so stupid as to relinquish my weapons during a mission.
But it was supposed to be a no-brainer and nonviolent mission...
I mentally kick myself. Why the hell should I apologize to a superior I haven't even found? And besides, when I find him, he will owe me one for bringing him back. No, this was a difficult trip. He will owe me plenty.
Wonder what favors I'll ask him for...
...then again, there really is only one thing I want from him, and that is one thing I will not demand. Be it love, affection, or just plain lust, if Tenpou were to return his feelings for me I want him to do it without influence.
Maybe I'll just ask for more wine. And maybe a long paid vacation.
Father points to our left and his movement catches my attention. "That's east. You might want to watch the sunrise later."
What?
"Uh...thanks," I manage.
He gives me a smile. It is warm, but I can tell that it is only on the surface. "There's nothing like a sunrise after a dark night to give people hope."
Author's Notes:
I apologize for not posting earlier. The deadlines started kicking in and I didn't have time to write, I mean with my organizations and all...
Yeah, this is a bit short. Please excuse me.
A thought came to mind while working on chapter 11, the flashback made me wonder about what would happen if Goku had been the one to find the Kama Sutra. Hahah. I can't imagine Sanzo going through the birds and the bees talk just because Goku found a copy of the verses of pleasure.
ANYWAY... :-)
Rnij and Mysterious A, blush Thanks.
MikaSamu, I have fic ideas, but I really have to put them on hold. Thanks for sticking with this. If I remember correctly, you were one of the first to start reading and reviewing this story. I appreciate all the support.
FairyMage, haha...I'm so sorry. 38? Okay, let's put my new knowledge to the test... Sanzo-Hakkai, right? Thing about Saiyuki is you can pretty much pair everyone up with everyone else.
ShadowKat-Shidobukatsu, thank you. I aim to please.
narrizan-san, thank you. If...nay, when I do the repost, I will develop her person a bit more.
Attiqah Gensui, I have it stored in my computer. It's an amazing work of literary art. The Taishou and the Gentleman, I mean. I think 'nice' is already being too kind, but thank you.
VG Terra, open-ended. Yeah. I will fix that when I find the time. I promise. Thanks.
Marron-chan1, well, no, I really don't have the time to proofread. Thank you.
Chris-Redfield26, lose this story? Whatever does that mean? Jien, huh? I guess that means I should be nice to him in the ending... Thank you.
Once again, thanks to everyone who read and reviewed. You're all always an inspiration.
- Paris