Author's notes at the end.

Disclaimer: Saiyuki is not mine. The story is fictional and all similarities to people and events in real life are coincidences.

I pass a hand over sightless crimson eyes, closing them forever. You would never believe me, but I can tell you with much certainty, Hakkai, I will see you in Heaven.

Those Beautiful Green Eyes

Chapter Fourteen

"Well, I didn't expect to see someone from the Sanzo-ikkou," Jien addresses me as I walked out of the room I had deposited Goku in. I had chosen to put him in the room farthest down the hall in the third floor in hopes that the rest of the people in the house would miss his presence. I wonder what my brother would say if he found out that he had been with someone from the Sanzo-ikkou all these years.

It's almost funny.

I turn to Jien who looks about as exhausted as I feel. There was about as much humor in his voice as there is on his somber face. "Karin?" I ask him, reaching back to close the door behind me. I try to be quiet. I know that when Goku awakens, he will either rampage or leave, and if he chooses to rampage...

I examine Jien's injuries. Mine are nothing compared to his, Yaone's, and Karin's wounds, but...

...we wouldn't be able to hold him back.

The door softly clicks shut, its sound matched in volume by Jien's reply. "She's in the library. Yaone's treating her wounds," he avoids my gaze, fighting the tears that I can sense are threatening to form in his eyes. "She hasn't talked since she found out that Father had died."

I nod, understanding. I briefly wonder what had shocked her more, learning that her beloved Father is dead or finding out that he was a youkai. Hard to gauge, in this case, and it isn't like me to ask.

"How's he doing?" Jien composes himself and peers over my shoulder and at the door of Goku's room.

I remember smelling the putrid scent of festering flesh when we had fought and I remember seeing the countless sores and infections marking his body. I remember thinking that Goku was like a wounded animal, scared, untrusting, and alone. But when I lay him down on the bed, he had no injuries. "He's smiling..." I answer Jien's question. Somehow, that thought makes me happy.

An inquisitive eyebrow rises, "Smiling?"

"Aa," I begin walking back the hall towards the staircase. There are many things to take care of. Jien stays in front of Goku's door. I know that he wants to see it, Goku's smile, but Jien knows better than to do anything to try and disturb Goku right now. "I think he's dreaming of home," I tell him before continuing on my way.

"Maybe he's dreaming of the rest of the Sanzo-ikkou,"

Yeah, with the four of us, home and the Sanzo-ikkou don't really have much of a difference.

Jien catches up with me. There is a strange expression on his face. It is almost bordering on amusement. "I should have known he would be indestructible. Over two decades and he hasn't aged at all." He stares ahead at nothing and I take the opportunity to watch the many subtle emotions that are painted on his features. He is reminiscing. He catches me staring. "What?"

"You're weird," I tease him lightly.

"Is it really wrong for me to feel nostalgic in this situation?" Jien takes to watching our feet as we move through the halls. He seems to be taking comfort in the repetition of each step consistently moving forward.

I know exactly how he feels. No matter how painful memories are, I know that at some point in my life, I can actually smile, albeit bitterly, about them and tell myself that I lived through it. That none of that really matters anymore because I have overcome those things and there are probably tougher battles to face ahead. I have this luxury because I have an eternity to learn acceptance.

And once good memories and bad memories all become just memories, looking back gives a certain warmth that isn't easy to explain.

I stop by the stairs and he is surprised by the sudden change in the rhythm of movement. He stops as well just as I bodily turn to face him. "No."

Jien grins. "I guess not." Maybe he is dreaming about the Kougaiji-ikkou.

We make our way down the stairs and I glance at the door to the small room where we had put Hakkai's body in. It's the same room he had used when he healed Yaone after her last depressive fit. But, unlike Yaone, he wasn't bleeding. Dead people don't bleed. The blood stops flowing sometime after the heart stops beating, then everything is about gravity. I had placed him there before helping the others back into the house. No point in letting his dead body be the first sight Karin and the others see when they wake up, I had reasoned to myself.

Before I even realize it, I am in front of the door of the room where Hakkai's body lies.

Jien is behind me. "He shouldn't be going anywhere," his tone is once again serious, being reminded of the death of a loved one we are all facing.

"We should bury him before the sun rises," I voice out my thoughts. "No point in letting the townsfolk know about his death."

It's really hard to believe everything that has happened in such a short while.

"You're right," Jien nods sadly. "Without Father, there really is no reason for them to let these youkai stay in town." He loses himself in thought. I don't have to tell him what he needs to do, though Hakkai had instructed me to do so. It looks like he already knows his role in all of this. "Should I tell Karin everything now?"

Well, should he? "I don't know. If you think she's ready." I force myself to move away from the door I have morbidly become so attached to. "What will you tell Karin?"

A heavy sigh escapes his lips. "The truth, what else?"

"But what is the truth, Jien?" I pin him with a look. He is taken aback by the question and by the intensity of the stare that came with it. "What do you know is true?"

"I know as much as Karin needs to know," he finally replies after a few moments of silence.

The two of us are once again quiet. Without words, I accept his explanation. Without words, we decide to go to the library and do what needs to be done.

In a moment, we are in front of another door. Jien knocks on it softly and waits, making sure that we don't catch Yaone or Karin in a compromising state. Yaone, as I anticipated, lets us in.

"How is she?" Jien murmurs to the pharmacist. His words are difficult to make out, but years of spending time together taking care of Lirin and Kougaiji formed communication lines between the bodyguard and the healer that needed almost no verbal cues.

Yaone understands Jien perfectly. She moves her gaze to a dark corner of the library. "I tried talking to her, but we're not very close..."

I follow the direction her line of sight has taken, but not without noticing that her pretty eyes, though not puffy from crying, hold a sadness that cannot be fully comprehended by someone who has not experienced loss. But there is also strength behind that sadness. There is hope and a will to move forward. And there is understanding and sympathy for the only one of us who is not truly familiar with the fact of life that is being left behind.

I hear Jien's footfalls as he approaches Karin and I snap out of my contemplation of Yaone's eyes. I notice that Karin is curled up in a corner hugging a book tightly despite her bandaged arms. Even from this distance, I know that the book was not bound professionally. The leather cover is worn with age and use. I can tell that it is a well-loved volume, often read over the years.

I squint to get a better look at the title painted in black. "Bedtime Stories for Karin"

Even from this distance, I recognize the hand that printed those letters.

"She was completely silent and unresponsive at first, and then she saw the book on the shelf," Yaone explains in soft tones. "It took her a while to get it out in her condition, but she wouldn't tell me what she wanted and she wouldn't let me help her. She didn't make a sound as I treated her and set her bones, but she was screaming like she was in so much pain when she saw that book but couldn't get it. And then she just retreated into that corner."

As she spoke, I played images of what had happened in the library while I worked on Jien's injuries, took care of Goku, and afterwards helped take care of the other inhabitants of the house.

Yaone and I watch silently as Jien towers over Karin, motionless. Underneath his stillness I can see the internal struggle my brother is facing, pondering what he should do. He doesn't know how to get the stricken girl's attention. Karin is in a whole different world. His face doesn't light up when he gets an idea, instead it becomes grim with determination.

As Jien leans over towards Karin, Yaone figures out what he is planning to do. "No! Not that," she cries out as she lunges forward to stop him.

But Jien has acted too quickly for her words to register in time and is too far to be reached by just one step. Just like that, the book Karin had been so desperate to get was in Jien's hand. Karin instinctively reaches out to get it back. She produces a shriek of pure agony that almost sounds inhuman when she realizes that her physical limitations doesn't allow her to retrieve what she sees as her remaining connection to man she loved and saw as her father.

The sound makes Yaone freeze in her place. "Jien! What have you done?" she wails, but her words are lost in the milieu of Karin's shouts.

The internal struggle in Jien escalates to an all out war. He loses his train of thought and stands there, watching in horror, unsure of what is happening and if everything is real. I run to his side and grab the book. Neither he nor Karin seem to notice or care. I open the book to a random page containing a story entitled "The Goodbye". The story is written in Hakkai's meticulous hand and I find its apparent subject apt for the situation.

I crouch beside Karin and speak close to her ear.

"The Goodbye," I read the title in a modulated voice.

I hope that, even with all that is happening, she will hear me. I hope that this will work. If that damned Goddess of Mercy can hear my prayers right now, I sure as hell pray that she be merciful right at this moment and let this work.

"Once upon a time, there was a man who lived on an island with his wife."

I continue though Karin has yet to quiet down. Jien is now looking at me, still disoriented, but quickly coming to terms with the situation. Yaone is more concerned with how Karin is still carrying on.

"The island was big and beautiful and had everything the man and his wife needed, but still the man knew that his wife wanted to leave the island. Now, the man loved his wife very much and didn't want to be separated from her, but he did not want to leave just yet."

The familiar words are beginning to register to Karin and she quiets down. She looks at me like I'm an alien being, but she listens to my speech intently.

"He did everything in his power to keep her with him on the island. He knew that if she left him, she would never come back and that even if he went after her once he was ready to leave, he would probably never find her. So he took good care of her, using every bit of his strength to keep her safe and satisfied."

I shift positions and make myself a bit more comfortable. Yaone kneels beside me, listening in. Jien seats himself in front of Karin, losing himself to the tale.

"But the wife needed to leave, even if a justifiable reason could not come to her. So one night, the man locked every door and window in his house imprisoning her inside. He then spent the night destroying all the boats he could find, making sure she had no means of leaving. It was dawn when he finished and he was so tired when he got home that he immediately fell asleep. When he woke up, he realized that it was afternoon, and his wife was gone."

What the hell was Hakkai thinking of when he wrote this story?

"He ran after her, but could not find her on the island. He scanned the waters, but she was nowhere in sight. He then climbed the tallest trees and tried searching again. And sure enough, on a makeshift raft far out into the ocean, was his wife. She was a mere speck on the horizon, but his heart was sure that it was her. He called out to her begging her to come back and for a moment, he thought he saw her turn her raft around. He saw her wave at him, but he was so tired that he lost his grip and fell off the tree before he could wave back. And the speck passed over the horizon never to return again. The End."

Where's the goodbye in all of this? Hakkai, you twisted, twisted person, this isn't a story you read to children when they go to bed. At least, I don't think so.

Karin's first sound was a strangled whimper. This made me want to search through the book for a happier story at first, until I saw a solitary tear roll down her still expressionless face, "Father..." she sniffles.

"If you spend all your energy trying to keep someone with you, you won't know how to say goodbye," Yaone sums up the lesson I had earlier missed. "Separation is inevitable."

Goodbyes are a fact of life...

It is dark and I feel myself slipping away.

"Gojyo!"

You're calling out my name so urgently. Your voice is hoarse. I try to open my eyes, but they feel so heavy. I gather all my strength so I could lift my eyelids open and maybe look at you.

"Please, open your eyes, Gojyo." A sob? "I'd give anything for one more moment..." harsh whispering this time. My body is surrounded with warmth, which imbues me with strength. And for a moment more, maybe because of your prayers, my senses become functional again and I open my eyes to find myself staring straight into yours.

"Hakkai?" I manage to rasp out. I don't even recognize my own voice.

You smile, but your voice comes out weakly. I'm not sure if it's my imagination, but I think your hair is a lot lighter than I remember. The light in your eyes is dimming, hiding your emotions in the shadows of death. "Gojyo, I..." you begin to say. But then you fall on my chest, unconscious. You have no strength left. The warmth that had enveloped me dies away and I know now that it had been your chi all this time. I feel myself slipping again.

Fate is cruel, isn't it?

And just like that, the one moment you paid your life for is gone.

I reread the last two lines of the story, "He saw her wave at him, but he was so tired that he lost his grip and fell off the tree before he could wave back. And the speck passed over the horizon never to return again."

So, I'm the wife now. And yes, in retrospect, Hakkai did spend a lot of time taking care of me, but he did the same for Sanzo and Goku. But he did spend what was left of his energy to keep me alive...

Gods, Hakkai... You never even had the strength to say goodbye.

"Karin," Jien begins finding his words and immediately, my focus is on him. This, the brother who had comforted me for years when our mother wouldn't love me, he couldn't find the words to deal with someone who wasn't as messed up as I was. Then again, I don't think he knew what to say to me, either. "Please, Karin, look at me."

Karin can't seem to hear him. She does not move from her position.

Jien sighs and seats himself beside Karin. "I already lost two redheads who were very important to me... I thought third time would be a charm." He catches her attention this time, but she still seems to be in another world, but the small response was encouraging. "You've grown up so much, Karin. You've changed a lot from when I first met you."

Yaone leans her head on my shoulder as a sister would to a brother. She is fascinated by Jien's speech and actions. She's probably wondering where all of this is headed...

...as am I.

Author's Notes:

1 I'm abusing my right as a writer and am passing off Lirin as a blonde.

Sorry, I'm still speed-writing. I'm actually rushing my paper for an upcoming convention. I've been living at the lab lately and this is a rare break.

Thanks so much to all of you who reviewed the last chapters. Sorry I can't reply to each of you individually this time. Also, thanks to anyone who has read up to this point. Knowing that someone's reading is reward enough. Reviews are well appreciated, though. Flames are welcome, if absolutely necessary.

This chapter was too long so I split it into two. I'm debating on whether I should post the epilogue or not. My friend who found out what it was wanted to kill me when she did. Then again, I could always go into hiding.

Paris