Disclaimer: These characters are the property of CBS, inc.

A/N: I hope you were all good to your mothers this year. I was and so, of course, this chapter took a little bit longer. Only two more episodes left. Will we get a little bit more GSR to hold us over 'til fall. It would be a gift certainly. I can only hope. I have a stronger sense of the story I am going to tell now, and am relieved. I hope you like it. I appreciate your support and treasure your comments. As always, thank you.

Sheila

Chapter 7

Hope Springs

For a long moment, there was nothing but silence. Grissom nodded to Warrick, but kept his eyes on Sara. "I realize that I'm here without an invitation, but you did say that if I needed to talk before Friday and I didn't have your phone number…" He stood there, vulnerable and real, waiting for her to respond.

"How did you find me?" Sara looked genuinely confused.

"That would be me." Matthew raised his hand.

"Matthew!" Marc slapped the back of his head.

"What!" Matthew took cover away from his partner. "Gil is good for Sara. He just doesn't know it yet."

Marc looked away in disgust.

Grissom stood quietly as the drama evolved around him.

Sara met his eyes. "We should talk."

Warrick let out a breath. "That's my cue to leave."

"Sounds like a plan." Marc began steering Matthew to the door. "Have you eaten, Warrick?"

Warrick shook his head.

"There's a great Cuban place on Sunset. Mojitos like you wouldn't believe."

Warrick nodded. "Let's go."

Matthew narrowed his eyes again as Warrick walked past. Marc grabbed his partner by the arm and pulled him toward the door. Matthew started hissing in his ear. "I don't know about this. This guy, this Warrick…Marc, you don't realize what a tremendously sexy guy you are. He may be straight, but you have the kind of masculinity that transcends sexuality. You just don't know." Marc gave Sara one long suffering look and dragged his boyfriend out into the hallway. The door closed quietly behind them.

Sara gestured at the sofa. Grissom sat down, and watched her settle into the overstuffed chair across from him. "How are you feeling?"

"Tired. Confused."

Grissom licked his lips. "You look great."

"My pants don't fit."

Grissom raised an eyebrow.

She stroked her abdomen. "It's…I don't know."

"May I see?"

Sara chuckled. "Are you doing research?"

"No." Grissom said softly.

"Come here." She gestured for him.

He got up and knelt in front of her. She pulled up her t-shirt and reached for his cool hand, bringing it to rest on her midriff. He made a noise at the back of his throat as his hand made contact. She felt his fingers tremble under her touch. She slid his hand up and down, and he was able to find the new curve of her abdomen.

She held his hand there tightly while she talked. "I don't know what to do. Tomorrow, I have an appointment. I want to keep this baby. I have no doubts about that. I haven't even said that aloud yet, but it's the truth. I just don't know how to do it well."

He started to respond, but she interrupted. "I hold you to nothing. This is my decision. I am probably doing the wrong thing...She sighed deeply. "Lord knows I don't know the first thing about being a good mother."

Grissom pulled his hand away gently. "I don't know, Sara. I think you're going to be a great mother. Fierce. Strong. Committed."

She looked away. "In any event, you are held to nothing."

"Sara, I don't really understand your motives for saying that, but be clear about this…" He worked his mouth for a moment. "I want this baby too."

She looked at him with eyes wide. "Really? This fits into your pneumatically sealed life?"

"No. But I want this baby nonetheless. There is nothing rational about it."

Sara was stunned.

"Look, I realize that I am supposed to be the guy who doesn't feel anything, but I want this baby. I want you to be the mother. I want to help. I want to provide." Grissom sighed and could no longer look at her. "I want to love this child."

"Wow! Is this kid going to be screwed up or what? With the two of us as parents, this baby has really got an uphill battle ahead of him…or her." Sara shook her head, a grin tugging at her mouth.

Grissom smiled. "I am having some trouble with time. How long ago was it exactly?"

She laughed. "Um, 12 ½ weeks. You were pretty messed up. Julianne Phillips' death was hard on you. We didn't see you after the funeral for days." .

Grissom pulled off his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "You have finished your first trimester."

She nodded.

"We don't have much time, Sara. Six months to become experts at this."

"I've ordered books, lots of them. They should arrive this week."

He nodded. "Hmm. I think we need more…practical experience. Any ideas?"

She shrugged. "Catherine?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Catherine teaching us to be parents? Interesting idea. Not sure she really warms to the topic though."

Sara chuckled. She folded her legs up under her. He was glad to see her really relaxing. He couldn't remember the last time he had seen her like this.

He shifted on the sofa, letting the tension in his body go. He worried his lower lip a little as he considered his next words. She sat patiently, watching him struggle with his thoughts. "Sara, I want you to know that I will try very hard to do this well. I…don't, I didn't have much of a father. In fact, I don't remember missing him much after he was gone. Guess I grew up thinking both that fathers weren't very important and that they could judge you for years beyond the time you last saw them."

"You had a good mother, Griss. That's the role model you use; not the guy that went out for cigarettes and never came home."

"Who are you going to use?" He immediately was sorry for saying it. He tried to retract it, but she held up a hand and responded.

"It's a good question. I don't know really. One of the things I haven't figured out."

He looked around the room. "Still not unpacked. That's good."

"Why?"

He shrugged. "It'll be easier to move you back to Vegas."

She laughed. "I'm not going back to Vegas."

His brow creased and he stared. "Ah, we're…are you saying that we aren't going to do this together?"

"Define together." She rested her head on the back of the couch and watched him. There was a subtle shifting of control in the room, and she was the first one to know it.

He swallowed. "I don't know. We work on this. We talk. I have a spare bedroom. You wouldn't have to worry about anything. We have a history, feelings to explore. We do what we have to in order to raise this child well."

She closed her eyes and sighed. He waited, but for a long moment there was nothing. He was beginning to wonder if she had fallen asleep when her eyes popped open. "Grissom, I need you to listen to me carefully. You and I together has been nothing but heartache, almost from the first day. Do you think this child would benefit from two people so unhappy with one another? Do you think I benefited from parents who didn't like each other? You yourself said that you liked it better after your father left."

He couldn't begin to respond. He suddenly felt tremendously sad. "You don't…What do you want from me?"

"I want what you can give. If you want to be a part of this child's life, I will support that. Vegas is a 75 minute plane ride from here. You can have holidays, weekends, we'll work it out. I don't have any desire to keep this child from you. I welcome the support."

"And that's it?"

She sat up and leaned forward. "I can't hope that you'll change, that you'll want me in your life in a way that's real. I can't do that anymore. It's the 21st century. People don't need to stay together for the children anymore. Or they shouldn't. You telling me that you are going to try hard…it's too late. For the sake of this child, we have to move on. We deserve happiness. I think that there is a very real possibility that I stared down that suspect because I didn't care anymore."

Grissom sucked in a breath. He leaned forward. "Sara, was it suicidal? Are you telling me that you…" He couldn't finish his thought.

"I don't know, Grissom. I don't think so. But I know that I didn't care. I was too tired, too sad. I can't go back there. In the last two weeks, it has felt like a fog was lifting. I have room to breathe again."

"I did this to you?" He felt frozen.

"No," She shook her head emphatically. "I did this to me because I was so wrapped up in the idea of you. And I can't be that person anymore. She would not be a good parent to this baby."

"Do you think I can just let go? Do you really think I don't feel love, that I haven't wanted you, loved you all of this time?"

Sara froze. He spoke as if it had been a topic of conversation between them for years instead of the first time she had ever heard him use those words. She carefully considered her words before she spoke. "It never looked like love. It never felt like love. So the fact that you say it existed has no real meaning to me now."

Grissom let his frustration leak into his words. "You feel nothing for me?"

She was on her feet standing before him. "Gil, listen. I can't do this," She touched her stomach and then gestured at Grissom, "And this at the same time." She flopped back down into the chair. "Thinking about you is not good for this." She rested her hand on her middle. After a moment, she spoke again, "I am hoping that, one day, we can be friends again. I think that is what I will miss the most."

His hands folded together, he stared down at the carpet for a while. Sara bit her lip. She wanted to reach out, she wanted to take it back and give him one last chance, but she didn't dare. Her baby needed her stronger than she knew how to be around him. She blinked away tears she refused to shed. Finally he lifted his head. "I'm so sorry, Sara."

She nodded. "Don't wallow in this. You are even harder on yourself than I am. Use this. Make it an opportunity to grow. Maybe it can help you be the man you want to be. Maybe, it will help you be the father you want to be."

He pursed his lips. "Maybe I can become someone safe in your life again. And we…can learn to not hurt each other. I can gain your trust and we can start over again."

She shook her head. "Whatever you do, do it for yourself and your child, not for me. We have to take our own paths."

"You've really been thinking about this."

She snorted. "Actually, I haven't much. I'm almost as surprised as you are right now. But it feels right. It feels like something I should have done with you years ago."

"I can't call you?"

"Of course you can, and we can talk about the pregnancy and becoming parents and things like what color I should paint the baby's room. Call me every day if you want. Let's just stick to what's important right now, okay?"

He nodded slowly. He started to get up. "I know you have quite a crowd going with you to your appointment with the OB-GYN tomorrow, but I was just wondering if I could be there too."

She smiled. "I think I'm going to call the guys and tell them to sleep in. So if you don't mind, maybe just you could go with me. It's an early appointment. We can go, and then maybe have breakfast. Stop at a bookstore, and use your credit card to pillage the pregnancy/childbirth aisle. What do you think?"

He let out a deep breath, sounding everything like relief. "Sounds great, Sara."

"Want to sleep here?" Grissom's eyebrows jumped and she laughed. "On the couch, I mean. I figure you don't have a hotel. It's midnight. We have to get up early. Let me grab a pillow and a blanket for you." She disappeared into the hallway without waiting for a response. Grissom sank back into the sofa. He doubted he would get one moment of sleep. Already her words echoed in his head, creating a rhythm of their own. His carefully scripted life had just come to an end. He was living day by day now, no idea how he would ever be able to control the emotional cyclone growing in his gut.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………

She lay on her bed, gripping a pillow around her middle. She did everything she could to settle her breathing. The apartment was small, and there was only a wall separating her from him. Her pillow grew damp from her tears. She longed to let go of the emotions she held together so tightly in front of him. The best she could do was to bury her face in the pillow, and muffle her sobs. It was amazing what a good actor she had become. He told her he loved her and she responded like a patient school teacher with a child. She called him Gil, showing him her new power. She told him it was over; explained that she had no more time for this nonsense. Unfortunately her heart was in direct conflict with her actions. If his outline darkened her door right now, it would be over. She would pull him in, apologize, take him into her bed, trust him, and send them both down an irretrievable path of pain and disappointment. It was a truth she felt deep inside.

And yet, she kept her eyes glued to her open doorway, hoping to find him standing there. He would ask softly if he could come in. He would say that he needed to talk. He would sit on the edge of the bed, and when she became emotional, he would reach for her, and they would spend the rest of the night in each other's arms, talking and holding one another. She rolled away from this image, and desperately tried to create another. But even the baby couldn't compete with the gray haired enigma lying out on her living room sofa. She found that it physically hurt in her gut that she was denying herself the possibility of Gil Grissom.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Warrick looked up from his cup of coffee, Kenyan dark roast. Matthew had been trying to school his boyfriend on the health benefits of green tea, but Marc was ignoring him as he nursed a double shot of espresso. Matthew continued unperturbed until his cell phone shrilled and he turned his attention to a fellow ADA calling about a plea bargain. Soon he had wandered off to the back patio of the coffeehouse, one arm waving wildly as he emphasized his distaste for the offer. Marc sighed and looked at Warrick, "He's nervous; very worried about Sara and Grissom. Matthew doesn't have biological family. They stopped talking to him twenty years ago when he came out and never looked back. He's formed his own family; Sara being one of the first people he adopted after he and I started dating. He's a little crazy about this right now. Wants to protect her from any more pain, help Grissom reach out to her, and become Uncle Matthew in the process. He has a lot of balls in the air. Ends up coming off as a little intense."

Warrick smiled. "And he thinks I am here to steal you."

Marc sputtered coffee onto the table and laughed. "He doesn't really. He's just marking his territory a little. He does that whenever a good looking guy is within shouting distance."

Warrick looked at his watch. "I wonder where they are. They should have been here 15 minutes ago. I still have to try to catch a flight back to Vegas. Picked up a double for the morning to make up for lost time."

"Well, it's 2:30 now. Last shuttle leaves at 7 p.m."

Just then, Marc caught a glimpse of her, weaving her way through the tables packed with people sipping coffee and talking. Behind her, a slightly beleaguered Grissom moved more slowly, weighed down by heavy bags of books and limited space for maneuvering. Sara's face erupted into a smile when she saw them and she sailed in with hugs before settling in between them. Grissom hefted the bags under the table and looked at her, "Would you like anything?"

She shook her head. "I'm good. Thanks."

Grissom turned a weary head to look toward the packed coffee bar and thought better of it. He dragged a chair over and sat with them.

"And?" Marc leaned over.

She couldn't control her grin. "It's good. I'm healthy. Everything is in order and I am going to have this baby."

Matthew came striding back into the room and hugged her from behind. "The news is good?"

She nodded and he kissed her cheek.

Warrick noticed that Grissom was much less animated, even for Grissom. He smiled and nodded and dutifully hauled out all of the books they had purchased on pregnancy and childbirth while Sara showed them off. In full geek mode, they planned to study their way to parenthood. He noticed that Sara's gaiety seemed a little forced. She focused all of her attention on himself, Marc, and Matthew as if Grissom wasn't even at the table.

For his part, Grissom responded with one word answers. An awkward silence fell at the table as they all realized the unacknowledged dynamics. Warrick reached under the table and found her hand. She smiled at him, but he could see the moisture building in her eyes.

Matthew seemed to sense something because he brought none of his manic energy to the proceedings. Instead, he stood back quietly and took it all in. Finally Grissom sighed and spoke, "I want to thank all of you for your support. I'm going to need to get back to Vegas tonight and it feels good knowing you are all here to watch over Sara."

Warrick thought it was the saddest he had ever heard Grissom sound. Silence again took hold until Matthew spoke, "Before you go, Gil, I set up another appointment for you at Doctor Chu's. Follow-up. Help you deal with the stress."

"I don't really have time, but I appreciate the kindness, Matthew."

"Nonsense! You can go before you leave."

Warrick's brows raised and he waited for Grissom's irritated reply to Matthew's fussing, but he got nothing. Instead Grissom just gave him a thin smile and said thank you.

"I should probably go. Get to the office. Have a backlog of work, and my boss is going to go ape shit if I don't get caught up." Sara's voice seemed to surprise Grissom, and he jerked his head in her direction. For a moment they stared at each other. Marc signaled to Matthew and they got up. Warrick saw this and followed suit. "Hey, we'll wait for you outside." Without another word, the three of them disappeared into the crowd of people around the bar.

Grissom broke their silence. "I can call you every day?"

She nodded. "And I will let you know about all appointments."

"You promise to take care of yourself." He locked eyes with hers.

"Yeah. I'm going to stay out of the field for a while if Marc lets me. Working at the lab will give me time for some reflection; it'll keep me away from crime scenes with armed suspects."

Grissom spoke softly. "I'm sorry, Sara. I took you for granted. Didn't know how much I was hurting you, but didn't pay that much attention either. You deserve better."

She couldn't control the tears. She let them fall down her face and turned away when the nakedness of her emotions proved to be too much.

He got no reply so he stood up. Pulling the bags out from under the table, he waited for her to acknowledge him, but she kept her face averted. Finally he nodded and left. If was only after she could feel his absence that she dropped her face into her hands and wept.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

This time, Thomas came looking for her. She looked up and found him standing in front of her, glaring.

Her brows rose. "Yes?"

"They haven't come for her."

"Attica?

"Hope!"

Sara sighed. It was clear that she was going to have to pick her battles. "It has only been two days."

"They haven't even called to arrange a pick-up. I haven't heard from her parents or the police."

"It's okay, Thomas. I'll call and find out what's going on."

He nodded. She blinked when he didn't move. "Thomas, go away. I'll call when I am done reviewing this file."

He wore a frown, but reluctantly left her alone. She watched his retreating back and wondered if anyone thought that she was a little too intense when she first started out.

………………………………………………………………………………………

TBC