Disclaimer: These characters are the property of CBS, inc.

A/N: Hi! I am glad you are all still with me. It looks like resolution time, but I don't think so, not so much anyway. I want to say thanks to everyone who reviews. Other authors have fancier systems of appreciation such as employing automated or personal replies or publicly acknowledging reviewers in the A/N. I am afraid that I do not have such a system. Don't have a lot of extra time on my hands. What I use on fanfiction is time stolen from other parts of my life. I will continue to acknowledge my appreciation more generally, and I hope that this meets your satisfaction. Anyway, I love hearing from you so I hope you continue to feel inspired to comment.

In other news: I want to thank Marlou in advance for her beta work. One of the nicest people, I love talking to her on AIM.

Sheila

Chapter 8

Hope Springs

"Hey, is everything all right?" Grissom spoke in low tones into his cell, hidden away in his office.

"Everything is good here." Sara sounded almost mechanical.

"Any difficulties? I've been reading on the possible problems in the second trimester. Are you eating a balanced diet? You are a vegetarian and probably should up your protein intake. Beans, cheese, nuts, peanut butter. But you know that. Are you taking any supplements in addition to the prenatal vitamins? I didn't know so I sent some in the mail. Organic. I researched them."

"Yes, thank you. Did I tell you I appreciated the special pillow and back support you sent me last week or the baby name books you sent the week before or…"

"It's too much, isn't it?"

"Maybe. I don't know. I've never been fawned over before. I don't know what to think about it all."

Grissom grew silent for a moment. He spoke as if realizing a new truth. "Not even when you were a kid."

"My parents were a little preoccupied with booze, anger and violence. I…didn't seek their attention."

He spoke softly to her. "We make this our opportunity to break that cycle."

Sara didn't answer. Grissom waited for her voice, but the silence only grew. "Sara?"

"Yeah. It's good. I gotta go. Talk to you…tomorrow, if you want." She hung up before he could respond.

Grissom groaned into the dial tone and shook his head hard in frustration. Nothing he said ever seemed to help.

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Thomas didn't need to prompt her this time. It took her three wrong phone calls, but finally she got a detective on the phone who was working Attica's case. "Sara Sidle. I'm calling from San Francisco about Attica Jones."

"Yes. I'm the detective on the case."

"Detective Bellecourt, I am a little concerned. It has been two weeks, and no one has come to pick up Attica's remains."

"Yeah, we're having a problem with that. It's unclear as to who had custody of Attica before her disappearance."

"Excuse me?"

"Attica was taken from her mother due to safety concerns four months before she disappeared. The county placed her with a foster family. The foster mom says that her social worker authorized a relative to take Attica for a weekend about ten days before she disappeared. The relative, a cousin of the mother, says that she had Attica for only a day before the mother picked her up for visitation. Mom says she returned the child to the cousin. The cousin says that this never happened and that mother dropped her off with the foster mom. The foster mom says that the last time she saw the child was when the cousin took her. It took them two weeks to notice that nobody actually had Attica anymore, and that only happened because the social worker's cases were audited by the state."

Sara swore into the phone.

He chuckled. "I am with you, Miss Sidle. But no one is going to pick her up until we know who is the most culpable for this girl's death."

"She can't just sit here. It's…she deserves someone who can care about this."

"I would come myself, but South Dakota doesn't put much money into public safety services. There is nothing in the budget to send me."

She sighed. "How much time do you need?"

"I'll call you by the end of the week."

"Thank you, Detective."

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

She picked him up at the airport. He offered to take a cab, but she insisted. Said she needed help with an errand. She smiled at him, and so he engaged in the small talk that he rehearsed during the flight. He began with a story about catching Sofia in a mistake that almost contaminated evidence. He explained that Greg was teasing her mercilessly, and that he wouldn't stop him because Sofia had done such a poor job of owning up to her error. She smiled a little, and so he followed up with some gossip about Nicky dating a showgirl at the Sands. She rolled her eyes knowingly for him. Encouraged, he finished up with Ecklie's most recent rant on lab procedure. She had several choice comments about Ecklie. Grissom almost felt comfortable. He chuckled at her rants. Then he asked her about work, and she launched into a critique of crime scene protocol, and how she almost had Marc convinced to prioritize the scene in the order they had it in Vegas. Grissom agreed with her thinking and offered to speak to Marc. She laughed, assuring him that she was up to the task.

When she stopped the car, they were in front of one of those oversized discount stores with a parking lot the size of the Astrodome. The store was huge and bright, and devoted only to baby things. It was not the kind of place he liked and he almost offered to take her somewhere with smaller shops, maybe some antique items or handmade goods. Then he remembered that she once expressed distaste for shopping, and he wondered if she wanted to be at this store in order to get as much done with as little effort as possible.

When she walked around the car to join him, he noticed, for the first time, the distinct changes in her body. She wore a shirt that stretched at her fuller bosom, and then tented over her waist, evidence of growth just beginning to assert itself. Her posture had changed, and her back was curving as compensation to her widening midriff. He wanted to stop her in the parking lot and ask her to turn around so that he could admire her new body. His edgy, lanky Sara had always been beautiful, but now she had taken on the remarkable task of growing this miracle and he found himself awed by her emerging softness.

She sensed his preoccupation and stopped in the middle of the parking lot. "Gil, do you want to see?" She grinned. "You know, for your research, of course."

He nodded and she pulled her shirt up slightly and reached for his hand. The curve on her warm skin had grown. He closed his eyes and imagined that she was laying on his bed, and he was beside her using his hands to shape her belly, caressing it, whispering to it, sharing in the experience of caring for and incubating this life. He almost groaned aloud at the longing for such an opportunity. When he opened his eyes, she was staring at him. Her hand gently removed his and she began walking toward the store without him.

Taking in a deep breath, he settled his emotions and followed her. In the store, she turned to him with a slightly embarrassed smile. "Maybe it is sort of early in the game to come here. I'm only four months along, but I want to begin to know what all of this stuff is."

"It's a good idea, Sara." If nothing else, he could reassure her on all things.

Suddenly she looked lost as she gazed at the over lit warehouse displayed before her. "I don't know what to think about except a crib and a car seat."

He put his hand protectively on her shoulder, praying for her tolerance. "Well, that's a good place to start."

Sara nodded and led them to the furniture section. A sea of cribs stretched out before them. She stood and pondered the different choices, but she did nothing else. He wanted to say something, again reassure her, but he could see the color rise in her face. Confused, he stood frozen beside her for a few moments, and then not knowing what else to do, he waded in amongst the cribs, and began reading tags, disclaimers, and testing bars for soundness. He absorbed himself with comparison shopping for some time, giving her space to settle herself again. Then he found her leaning over his shoulder, looking at the same tag he was reading. He smiled, but didn't look back.

After an hour, he stood up and looked at her. "There are some good choices here; though none of them are without fault. Is there a model that you particularly like?"

Her eyes widened. "I honestly don't know."

He surveyed the choices again with his eyes and turned to her. "Sara, let me take care of this. I will do all the research necessary, and find a good, sturdy crib that addresses all of our safety concerns. I promise you that there will be a crib in your apartment within the next month."

She nodded at him. "Thank you. I don't know what's wrong with me. I can't seem to make simple decisions."

"Hormones?" He ventured carefully.

She sighed. "Probably. Maybe. I see myself as incapable…unqualified to make these choices."

"From what I have been reading, your fears are nothing unique. Parenthood is a daunting task, particularly for those of us who didn't have great experiences with it growing up."

"You have really been patient with me, Grissom. I keep thinking that any minute you're going to walk away from this, but you don't."

Grissom looked down. "Sara, I have a lot of faults, and people often feel they need reams of paper on which to list them all, but I will never walk from you or this baby."

She creased her brow. "Grissom, how many times have you already done that? Don't promise not to walk away from me. You have already done that plenty of times. Just focus on staying in your child's life."

He started to respond, but she put up a hand in frustration, shook her head, and walked away from him. He didn't follow. He knew she would need a few minutes before they could ride in the same car. Instead, he turned back to the cribs, determined to start making better choices in life.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………….

"Let me see it again."

Sara handed Matthew the grainy black and white photo.

Matthew pointed at something and smiled at her. "Is that what I think it is?"

"I think so. The doctor thinks so. Only Grissom refused to see it. I think he wants a girl."

"How is my new friend?"

Sara chuckled. "I tell you, Matthew, when you take on a new project, you really pick 'em."

"He has a lot of goodness in him. I can feel it."

"He hasn't been good for me." Sara shook her head slowly as she gazed down at her steaming herbal tea.

"But he's growing. Even you can see that."

"And it took me getting pregnant with his child. Grissom loves control. It makes me wonder if he just needs to be here for the chance to have influence over his child."

Matthew sputtered green tea across the table and looked at her crossly. "You know better than that. Grissom likes control, but frightened people always like control. If anyone is the monster in this story, you are."

"What!" She pushed her chair away from the table.

Matthew was on his feet, reaching for her. "No, no, no. I said it wrong. Sit down. Nobody's a monster."

She glared at him as she slowly reseated herself.

"Sara, listen to me. You might not have control, but you have a lot of power in that man's life. Green Eyes told us all about it."

"His name is Warrick!"

Matthew scrunched up his face. "I realize that, Sara. But he is far too attractive to just be able to waltz into Marc's life."

"Okay, Warrick is not waltzing into anybody's life." She threw her arms up. "He was here to support me."

"Sara, you stick to the whole 'loving emotionally unavailable men' thing and I'll stay with the whole 'gay man protecting his territory' thing. This War-rick is a nice man, intelligent, handsome, and good. But he is not getting near my boyfriend without an escort. Capiche?"

"Okay." She bit her lip to keep from laughing.

"But tell me about Gilbert. How did he do at the appointment?"

"Gilbert!" She grabbed her head with both hands. "Oh Matthew, you slay me."

"I shouldn't call him that?" Matthew cocked his head.

"Sweetie, I think you should go ahead and call him whatever you want." She couldn't suppress a sly smile.

"But he did okay, right?"

Sara shrugged. "He's really trying. But I'm having the hard time. I'm waiting for it to get too intense for him. I am waiting for him to run."

"Warrick Green Eyes says that he had a very hard time after you left town. He says that Grissom literally chased away candidates for your position. He started having migraines after you left. Drinking. Impossible to work with. The guy really loves you, Sara."

Sara shook her head. "He just doesn't like not getting his way."

"I don't think so."

She looked away.

"So tell me how he touched your heart at the appointment."

"You're assuming—"

"Just tell me."

She dropped her face into her hands and spoke through her fingers. "He brought a notebook full of questions for the OB-GYN. Kept her in the room for an hour. Interrogated her mercilessly on a good prenatal diet, exercise, hair dye, kitty litter—"

"You don't have a cat."

Her head shot up, and she lifted her arms in amazement. "Doesn't matter. Apparently, he thought it was within the realm of possibility that I might get a cat."

Matthew rested his face on his hands. "That's pretty cute, Sara."

"I know." She said miserably into her cooling tea.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Grissom had an ultrasound picture in his shirt pocket. He didn't pull it out unless he was alone. Sometimes he snuck into the locker room just for the opportunity to pull it out and look at it under the bright lights in the bathroom. He wasn't ready to concede that this child was a boy. A boy sounded like more responsibility for Grissom. There were things that a father was supposed to teach a son. A girl was someone he could protect, but the teaching he could leave to her mother. Sara clearly had more skills to relate to a child than he did. Still the picture, even with its suspicious appendage made him smile.

So he was a man with a secret, but it was different than all of his other secrets. This one didn't settle quietly within his psyche, another testament to the mystery that is Grissom. Rather, this one left him bursting with excitement. It was surprising how this secret refused to rest. It pulled and pounded at him every waking moment, demanding his constant attention. He found it hard to concentrate on anything else.

As so often happened these days, he found himself in a room, not remembering how he got there. The break room was full of staff at this time of the night as swing shift rotated with night shift. So many faces he had known for years, Warrick, Greg, Nick, David, Doc, and a few newer faces like Hodges and Mia. He turned back to the hallway and saw Catherine huddled in conversation with Brass over a case file.

A compulsion seized him and he strode over to Catherine and Brass. "Hey guys! I need you in the break room for a minute."

Catherine began to protest, but he was already herding them into the crowded room. Brass passed into the room staring at Grissom with a surprised look on his face.

Grissom waved his hands in the air. "Ah, can I have everyone's attention, please?"

People stopped talking and stared at the spectacle of an animated Grissom.

He took a deep breath. "I know everyone is busy, and I only want to take a moment of your time."

Hodges curled up his lip. "Is this a fire drill?"

Grissom ignored him and looked out on the crowd of friends and colleagues gathered before him. He knew he needed to start quickly before the uneasiness brewing in his gut burst forth. "I, um, am friends with some of you, and acquaintances with others. However, I work in close proximity to all of you and want to share a piece of news with all of you."

He saw Warrick nodding at him approvingly. "I have had a tough time lately, these past few months, and…some changes have come my way."

The room was still, everyone focused intently on his words. He realized that there was no turning back. So, he pulled the ultrasound out of his pocket and held it up. "Um, this is a picture of my child."

He proudly displayed the black and white abstract to the room. For a moment, nobody moved. Catherine pushed away from where she had been leaning against a counter. "You're having a baby?" she asked for the room.

"Well, um, someone is. In fact," He worried his lips for a moment. "Sara is the one who is having the baby."

"Your baby?" Doc Robins was looking at him over the top of his glasses.

Grissom cleared his throat. "Yes, this is a fact. Sara Sidle is pregnant with my child."

"You dog!" Nicky was the first to stride over and slap him on the back.

Hodges' brow creased. "Isn't that illegal?"

Warrick glared at him. "Really?"

"Was she employed at the time?" He lifted an eyebrow.

"Yeah, and your mama was too."

Hodges rolled his eyes and looked away.

Brass came up with a wide grin on his craggy face. "Didn't think you would ever wise up, Gil. Good for you."

Catherine gave him a big sloppy kiss on the mouth and then grabbed the photo out of his hand. She brought it over to a strong light, and Doc, Mia, and David gathered around it, pointing and exclaiming. Nick wore a 1000 megawatt smile, and paraded around the room as if he himself was the father.

Greg came over and looked at Grissom with eyes narrowed. "I'm happy for you…and Sara. Be good to her. She deserves happiness." Of all people, Grissom suddenly felt intimidated by Greg. He nodded solemnly at the young man whom he had so often underestimated. Greg nodded back at him and then left the room.

"It's a boy!" Came an exclamation from the group huddled around the ultrasound. Catherine turned her head his way, and grinned wildly as she waved the photo at him. For the first time in a long time, Grissom felt like doing nothing more than laughing out loud.

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TBC