I am sitting at work watching a patient while I write this for you, so please be gentle about some mistakes. Also I hope you can forgive me for not posting in such a long time. This chapter wasn't easy to write and there was so much else to do for work and so on.
Akkarin had changed back into the High Lord's robes while Takan had brought a steaming mug of sumi into the guest room for Lorlen.
"Sonea bids you goodnight, I sent her to her bed," Akkarin said unprompted, as if that was the most pressing matter to be addressed.
"She seemed seriously concerned," Lorlen replied, lost in thought.
An indefinable expression flitted across Akkarin's face. "I was able to allay her concern"
Gently Lorlen cooled the cup down to a comfortable drinking temperature and took a sip. Suddenly his mind went blank, even though he had so many questions. The High Lord took the moment to pour himself a glass of red wine and return to Lorlen with it.
"I suppose I owe you some answers. Though I would have preferred to keep you out of this, so the Guild won't lose it's confidence in you"
Lorlen snorted. "It's a little too late for that, Akkarin. Besides, if the Guild ever finds out that you are using black magic I will claim that every High Lord knows the secret, just as every Administrator knows that the High Lord has mastered this forbidden art. No one will be able to verify it"
Akkarin laughed softly. "Ah, that reminds me of how you used to give Lord Margen the most hair-brained excuses to cover my misdeeds"
"And they always worked" Lorlen boasted. They exchanged a look and suddenly everything between them was somehow easier. As if something had been loosened.
"Best case scenario, it won't need an excuse this time because it will never come out," Akkarin murmured and took a sip. All at once the light-heartedness had gone from his dark eyes and given way to the mask of the aloof High Lord. "But first I owe you the whole truth, Lorlen. Back when I went to Elyne to study Higher Magic, I didn't realise what exactly I was researching. I followed some leads in the allied lands, but none were really fruitful until I finally followed one last lead. It led me out of Elyne to Sachaka..."
There followed a story that Lorlen could hardly believe. And yet so many things suddenly made sense. Akkarin's caginess, his sudden seriousness, Takan's devotion to Akkarin, the worn, foreign clothes Akkarin had worn. Why he suddenly seemed uninterested in women after his journey, when he had never let anything burn before. Lorlen hardly knew what to say. "Why?" he finally brought out with difficulty. He was unable to say more because he was almost choking on his anger. How dare he keep all this a secret from Lorlen for so long? How could he betray their friendship so badly? Why had he not taken him into his confidence when Lorlen thought he had lost his friend to black magic? Why had he destroyed their friendship instead of trusting him?
Akkarin remained silent. Opened his mouth once briefly, then closed it again without saying anything. Lorlen snorted contemptuously. That was so typical of Akkarin. When it became important, he pushed everyone away. But today was not the day to be fobbed off with that. It was either all the way or not at all. "Out with it Akkarin. Why did you hide it from me for so long? Why did you rather destroy our friendship than tell me the truth? Is she worth so little to you?" Lorlen almost shouted the last words. He was almost frightened of himself. He never lost his temper.
Again Akkarin struggled for words without uttering a sound. Lorlen waited a long time and finally rose. The anger was gone and what remained was pure disappointment. This had been the chance to repair their friendship. But Akkarin simply threw it away ."I understand," Lorlen said coolly. All at once he was terribly tired and had a headache. Moreover, all at once his body seemed to remember the exertions of the evening and sent a dull ache through every limb. "Good night, High Lord."
Lorlen was almost out the door when he suddenly heard Akkarin's voice at his back, "Wait Lorlen, don't go. I did it to protect you" Slowly Lorlen turned around. Akkarin stared into his empty wine glass as he mumbled a barely audible "and me" after him. Lorlen didn't let go of the door and Akkarin sighed, "Sit down again. Please." The administrator closed the door, but he did not sit down.
In a tired gesture, Akkarin massaged his temples. All at once he looked tired and worn out. "Back then, when I returned, I didn't want to have anything more to do with all this. I never wanted to think about it again, nor did I want anyone to know about my being a slave. Dakova took a lot away from me, but he could never completely break my pride. But then the murders started and I was elected High Lord and I had to face the consequences of my escape all at once. If I had told you, you would have been in danger. And I couldn't be sure that you wouldn't go and report to the Higher Magicians instead of believing me. And before you get offended now - If I hadn't lived through it, I wouldn't have believed myself"
Lorlen slumped back in his chair. "And a year ago?"
Akkarin shook his head. "Had anything really changed then? I had no proof, at the same time I had to protect the guild. I made it my business to right all the wrongs that had happened and I can only do that if I don't have to worry about others. You, Takan, Sonea. All three of you know far too much about all this. What if you're careless in a thought communication one day? I can't control what you do. What if one of you accidentally says something wrong? The risk increases immeasurably with each confidant. For me, for you, for Kyralia"
Lorlen was silent for a moment, digesting this unexpected flow of words. This was Akkarin, all masks off, more vulnerable than he had been in years. He could hardly believe that all this was really happening. Of course, this evening made up for what had happened. Their friendship had undoubtedly been damaged and Akkarin's honesty did nothing to change that. But this was a chance for a fresh start. Lorlen felt as if he could breathe freely again for once. And they could finally work together again, as they had done since they met as novices.
"Look at it this way. You don't have to carry this burden alone. I won't say I can understand what you've been through. Probably only Takan can to some extent, but I'm sure I can help you pick up the pieces" Lorlen was careful to keep any compassion out of his gaze and voice.
"You don't have to do anything except keep this to yourself" Akkarin murmured.
Lorlen surprised himself by grinning. "Ah, just think of it as an old habit. But we'll deal with that tomorrow. For today, we should all go to bed" Akkarin returned the grin, suddenly not looking a bit like the High Lord, but more like the fun-loving boy of old. "Of course, Lorlen. I'm sure Takan will be happy to cook for us."
As he did so often, Akkarin sat in his armchair in the library, a wine glass in his hand, and thought. He could still hardly believe everything that had happened that evening. He had finally caught the next spy, at the same time Lorlen had found out more than he should have.
Had he been right to trust Lorlen? Or had he manoeuvred himself straight into a fatal disaster? What had pushed him to be so careless in the first place? There were so many unpredictabilities with Sonea and Lorlen as confidants, so many things that could go wrong.
Takan was not a risk. He mostly stayed in the house and to himself, he didn't have much to do with the other servants of the guild. Sonea had already been a big risk, but Akkarin had always felt he could control her. He trained her, she wore his blood ring when necessary, he had leverage over her should she change her mind.
But Lorlen? Akkarin was completely reliant on trusting Lorlen. And trust was something the High Lord could not afford.
After all, Lorlen had gone to his appartment after their conversation. Akkarin had followed him through the Inner Passages until he was sure he didn't need to take any action to protect Sonea and Kyralia.
His thoughts continued to wander to his novice. Should he reveal to Lorlen that he had instructed Sonea? Slowly he shook his head as if someone other than himself was present. No, better no one but him knew that Sonea had mastered Black Magic. He was her mentor and she had broken the rules of the guild because of him. As the first mage from the huts, Sonea held a special position in the guild that had to be upheld. If it ever came out that she had learned black magic, the guild would impose the death sentence without hesitation.
Everything in Akkarin tensed at this thought. He had already lost an important woman in his life and it had almost broken him. How would he survive then, should the next one also die?
Akkarin preferred not to think further about what this realisation meant. As long as he ignored it, nothing would happen. It was unthinkable anyway. She was his novice and far too young for him, not to mention that she feared him and had hated him not so long ago. Besides, this affection he felt for her was surely only due to the fact that she was the only person around him who knew his plans and his past. Once she had graduated and become a great healer and he would hardly ever see her again, this silly affection would pass.
"High Lord?" asked Sonea from the doorway. Caught off guard, Akkarin winced, almost spilling his wine. Yet it was utterly silly to feel caught; after all, Sonea couldn't read minds. At least not as long as she didn't have large amounts of magic in her. Akkarin had never figured out if it was a unique ability to read the surface thoughts of others or if every Black Mage could.
"Shouldn't you be asleep by now Sonea?" he asked sternly, yet gestured invitingly to the armchair beside him. She wouldn't have come to him if it didn't matter to her.
"I couldn't sleep," she confessed, sitting down beside him. "What happened tonight?"
Akkarin twisted one corner of his mouth into a small smile. It felt good that Sonea was talking to him normally again and seemed to have forgiven him.
"Lorlen had a little run-in with a Sachakan mage," Akkarin noted. Sonea's eyes widened. "Luckily I was there in time to confront the spy, but he died before I could read his mind".
Sonea cursed indelicately, Akkarin recognised some extremely crude curses from the huts among them and had to suppress a grin. Most of the time you didn't even notice that Sonea wasn't from the houses anymore, but at moments like this her broad hut slang returned.
"He'll send out a new slave, sooner or later, and then we'll find out more again," he reassured Sonea, even if he was annoyed himself. Not that the spies knew much, they often had valuable information about Kariko's current allies.
"You should take my magic, High Lord," Sonea remarked, this time without the cottage slang.
Wordlessly, Akkarin held out his hands to her and she placed her hands in his without hesitation. Hers were cool and familiar. Almost automatically, they both slid a little towards each other as Sonea let her magic flow and when the flow died down, he held her hands in his for a moment longer than necessary.