Four Weeks Later

The following month was crazy busy, stressful, and exhausting.

Rey began to work with an occupational therapist from the Savannah Center for Blind and Low Vision three times a week. She learned not only how to comfortably move around her father's house without trouble, but how to use all the new gadgets she was acquiring, including audible watches, calculators, book readers, and a new phone that responded to voice commands. She learned how to use new computer software and continued her study of braille with the help of her father.

She learned how to use her cane more effectively, going out and about in the neighborhood, including the six blocks to the grocery store, always feeling a low level of panic and wondering if it would ever become second nature to her. A couple of times she broached the subject of getting her own apartment again to her father, but couldn't deny the relief she felt when he told her to not rush things and that she could live in the house she grew up in as long as she wanted.

Twice weekly, her father drove her to the Center for counseling, one day for a group session, which Rey hated, and another for a private one. It took three visits before she admitted she had been having suicidal thoughts; her psychologist, Dr. Kanata, didn't seem surprised. "Your life has completely changed," the older woman said softly. "You're having trouble believing you will ever enjoy it again. But I believe you can, and I'm going to help you believe it, too."

The only times Rey believed were the times she was at the barn. Poe agreed to work with her three times a week in the evenings, when the rest of his lessons were done, but he let her know she was welcome at any time. Despite that assurance, Rey only asked her father to drive her out during the times Poe would work with her and on Sunday afternoons, when she knew it was the quietest and there would be few people out and about. Though she didn't say anything, she felt as if she would just get in the way if she went out at any other time.

Poe organized one of the grooming bays with the rule that everything had to be put back where it belonged so that Rey could find it easy. Under his watchful eye, she became adept at leading either D.O. or BeeBee from their stalls to the grooming bay, and was able to groom both horses without assistance. Poe also made sure Dee's saddle was in the same spot so she could get him ready to ride by herself, and after every lesson she gave BeeBee a good grooming before he was turned out to pasture for the night. Poe was still working him regularly, though even Finn admitted the horse's attitude seemed to have improved just because Rey was back.

Poe was having her ride D.O. in his Australian Stock Saddle during the lunge lessons. When Rey complained about it, wishing for her own saddle, he had to remind her that she had not ridden in two months and her body was not going to be as fit as it once was. Though Rey had lost weight since the accident, it had been an unhealthy loss and a lot of it was muscle. After her first lesson, she conceded that Poe had been right and was grateful for the added stability the Stock Saddle gave her.

Rey had gotten lunge lessons as a youngster, and though they were in essence boring, she also understood how helpful they were. While she had natural talent for riding, she knew she could never have gotten as far with BeeBee as she had without having learned so much in those early lunge lessons. Poe told her not to consider this 'starting over' as much as 'rebuilding.' He said that once her body was once more balanced and secure in the saddle, he would 'set them free.'

After her lesson and once both D.O. and BeeBee were groomed and turned out, Rey would join Poe on the small screened porch of his little house just across from the barn. It was dark by this point, and Rey always knew that Poe, who had to get up early in the morning, was probably exhausted and ready for bed. But he never pushed to end the evening, and he seemed as content as Rey to just sit and talk as the night insects and birds sang around them. Eventually, Poe would drive her home, and Rey would try her best to muddle through her new life until the next lesson with him.

It was hard not to think about the fact that he was not her official trainer anymore. She was not really his student. She couldn't get her hopes up that now that he didn't have that barrier between them he would allow them to become more than friends. Even though their shared conversations, conversations where Rey sometimes found herself telling him more than she told Dr. Kanata, were comfortable and intimate, Poe never gave her any indication that he looked on her as anything other than a friend. And why would he, Rey asked herself? Why would he want a blind woman he would have to help the rest of his life?

Her reasoning didn't keep her from dreaming, though, that someday he would love her as she knew she loved him.

On this Friday evening, both of them seemed too tired for talk, but even the silence between them was comfortable. Rey was nursing a can of grape soda, her go-to drink after a hot, sweaty day with the horses, and she knew Poe was probably drinking his beloved lime fizz; he had become addicted to it shortly after settling here in Georgia. A native of New York, when he had decided to start teaching after his accident, he had chosen a location in between the two largest equestrian venues in the eastern U.S.: Wellington, Florida and Tryon, North Carolina. Rey had done her best to not give in to the belief that his choice of Jakku, the town she had grown up in, was destiny.

She heard him yawn and smiled, but then felt worry seep into the contentment she had been feeling. "I guess you better take me home so you can sleep." Though it was Friday, and Poe didn't teach lessons on weekends, there was a show in Savannah this weekend, and he had three students riding in it.

"Are you sure you don't want me to pick you up in the morning?" It was the fourth time he had asked if she wanted to go to the show.

Rey couldn't even stomach the idea. Not only would she not be able to watch the horses as they performed their tests, but the thought of all the pity she would no doubt feel from her former adversaries disgusted her. She had never been able to make friends out of fellow competitors. None of Poe's students rode at her level, so she was never competing against them, and the riders she did face off with had always seemed jealous of not only her 'cheap' but talented horse, but her trainer. Poe had not lost any fame since he quit riding, and the fact that he was still single meant he was very much on the radar of many a young rider.

"I'm sure," she said firmly, then set her can down and reached for her cane, standing.

With a soft sigh, she heard Poe stand and turn toward the doorway that led to the porch stairs. She followed, comfortable enough in her current environment that she had no trouble walking to the door and finding her way down the short staircase. She heard him open the door to his pickup and she moved next to him, feeling his body heat and breathing in the scent of sweat, horse, and him; despite the long, hot day behind them, it was a pleasant smell, and she couldn't help but pause to take it in.

She felt his hand land on her shoulder and he leaned in toward her. "Are you okay?"

Embarrassed, Rey gave him a quick smile. "Yeah." She reached for the door and felt her way into the front seat of the truck. He closed the door and made his way to the driver's side.

The drive was too short and yet too long. Rey felt guilt pour through her once more as she thought about all that this man was doing for her. About all that her father and Rose and Finn and her aunt and…

As she felt the truck brake and Poe put it in Park, she whispered, "I'm not worth it."

"What?" Poe asked, his voice sharp.

She turned to face him. "I'm not worth it," she repeated. "Everyone is doing so much for me and for what? You can't enjoy it. The burden I've become."

"Rey!" she heard him breathe. She heard the click of his seat belt, and then she felt him shift over closer to her. She jumped slightly as she felt his warm, calloused hand cup her cheek. "You are not a burden! To any of us!" She felt tears form in her eyes as his thumb gently caressed her cheek. "Not one person who is helping you is doing it because they feel like they have to. They're doing it because they love you and want to help you become independent again. Don't ever think you aren't worth it." He paused. "You are more than worth it."

Rey bit her lip and felt a tear slide down her cheek. She half expected him to wipe it away with his other hand, but instead he leaned closer and brought his lips to her cheek. The softness of his lips was in complete contrast to the roughness of his beard stubble, and she closed her eyes tight, absorbing the feeling. All too soon, he pulled away.

"If the show ends early enough on Sunday, let's go for a trail ride in the evening, okay?"

Rey sniffled, relieved at the change in subject. "What, you're going to let me ride on my own?"

"I trust Dee to take care of you," he said, and she could hear the smile in his voice.

She frowned. "Who will you ride?"

"I have a half-dozen schooling horses to choose from, Rey," he answered, his tone wry. "Unless you think I should ride BeeBee?"

She tilted her head, contemplating his words. "You know, he might like that," she said softly. "He loves to go out and about. I'm sure he misses it."

Poe was silent for a long while. "We'll see," he finally said. "Your father's at the door," he added, humor lacing his voice.

She huffed. "What am I? Fifteen?"

Poe laughed. "I'll see you Sunday."

She nodded. "Sunday." She could make it until then. She reached for the door handle, grasping her folded cane in her left hand.

"Goodnight, Rey." His voice sounded wistful.

"Goodnight."

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