Disclaimer: I do not own 'The Zeta Project'. I do not own any of its characters. I deeply appreciate Robert Goodman as the creator of 'The Zeta Project' and all 'The Zeta Project' team. So it's just a fanfic.
This is a fan fiction version of Ro's Reunion, told from Zee's point of view.
As English isn't my native language I want to thank Jane for her editing work on this chapter.
And I want to give great thanks to SteelNeko for her help.
Ro's Reunion
Chapter Three
Zee's point of view
Ro was still aghast at what was happened and we were still on our way toward the door. But that man had no intention to leave us alone! He overtook us almost laughing again, "Hold it, don't leave so soon! Wait up! While you're here, let's get a promo shot!"
I flying camera passed right beside my head, I even had to bend a little in order to avoid it. We didn't needed any shots anymore, so I was ready to do something to eliminate this camera if it was necessary, but Ro pushed it away and she lifted her clenched fist against Harry Lux, "I'm about to give you a promo shot! C'mon Zee, let's beat it!"
Skye, who talked with Macy and her mother, noticed the commotion and headed over to Ro, "Is there a problem?"
"Not anymore. We are out of here!" said Ro making again her way to the exit. I followed her without turning around to see Skye or Harry. I only heard Skye to say with a scolded tone, "Harry?" and then his sarcastic answer, "Turns out the kid's camera shy."
It was Skye who overtook us this time, "W, wait! I'm sorry!"
We stopped, and turned around toward Skye, but Ro's face was even angrier and she crossed her arms on her chest again.
Skye definitely tried to fix the problem, "I thought everything was already arranged, that you knew why you were here" she said politely.
Ro kept silence, so I felt obliged to answer politely as well, "We were told you could help find Ro's brother."
"And we can!" said Skye confidently, "We're experts at this. We have researchers across the country. Right Harry?"
"You said it" Harry Lux answered, but Ro didn't look convinced at all, she had turned her back to Harry and Skye again, so Skye approached behind Ro and put her both hands on Ro's shoulders, "Look, I know it can be scary, putting yourself in front of all those people. But think of what you have to gain. Isn't it worth the risk?"
Skye meant Macy and her mother and Ro turned to look them. Macy's mother held her lost and found daughter's hands talking and smiling at her…
And it was too much for Ro. She wanted to find her mother as well; she wanted to find her family or her brother at least. And she wasn't so angry only because her appearance in a talk show was a threat for us and will bring Bennet here.
She was angry because she had to choose.
If she agreed – she probably would find her brother.
But bringing Bennet here she probably would lose me.
Refusing to appear in the show she would remain with me.
But she definitely would loose her brother that way.
She was angry because it was a hard decision she had to make. She wasn't happy and there was no way for her to be happy no matter what she would choose. She would lose, whatever she would choose, she would lose. She would lose her brother or me. She had to choose between her brother and me.
And she was choosing me.
But it was a sacrifice, which made me feel guilty. Yes, we had done so many sacrifices till now, in order to save each other, in order to remain together, but now it was different. I couldn't accept this… I mean… to see how devoted Ro was towards me… That was all I wanted to have, that was all I wanted to know, because… it was as an answer to me, so clear as never before that Ro wanted to be with me and that she needed my devotion to her, but… There had to be some other way… we had to find some alternative… Ro deserved to find her brother, to find her family and it was my duty to see her reunite with them. We just needed to talk, to invent something, to invent some way to find her family without loosing each other.
So a few hours later we were here, on a bridge, with the sleepy town around us…
But we didn't talk. We were here for hours, it was 10:30 at night already, but we weren't moving even a step forward to making some other decision, we didn't manage to invent anything, we just stood here in silence. There were no people around us anymore; we were alone on that bridge, having only a full moon in the deep blue sky above us and the calm deep blue river's waters around us in this deep blue night.
I was standing with my back on the railing, I was leaned my hands backward on it and Ro was leaned her elbows on the railing with her face toward the dark waters.
I doubted that Ro would say something. She had taken her decision and she didn't want to discus it at all. But I still wanted to change her mind, so I broke the silence carefully saying that maybe she had to go on that show tomorrow. Her face became more thoughtful and sad, but she refused, again, "I can't do it. We should have blown this town already. If I show my face on that show tomorrow, Bennet'll be all over me."
I looked at her. There was an option. I didn't understand why Ro didn't say anything about this till now. Maybe she was so upset that she had missed it. So I had to say it and… I said it, "That's no reason to stop. I can hide 'till the coast is clear."
Ro turned towards me almost angry, "Don't you get it? There is no ' 'till the coast is clear'! Once Bennet gets his sights on me he'll be watching me day and night, hoping I'll lead to you. We'll never be able to see each other again."
I avoided her eyes unable to say anything. I had to be aware about it. She was right. If she would go on this show the next day, there would be no 'till the coast is clear', we'd never be able to see each other again, indeed. I clearly understood this, but… in the same time I knew I had to keep insisting that Ro had to take this chance to find her brother…
I... I'd never felt something like this before… something tore my feelings a part… I… I really never felt before this terrifying fear that everything around me and inside me failed and ruined from that thought to lose Ro… to be unable to see her again, to talk to her, to take care of her… to hear her voice again, to see her face again, to see her smile… I… I didn't want to lose her; I didn't want to leave without her… I… I never thought we could separate… It was… as if I was falling in some whirlpool, which dragged me to the bottom and I couldn't go out…
But I had to set her free, she deserved her family, she deserved her happiness, I had no right to stop her… I wasn't a part of her family; I even wasn't a human being. She couldn't exchange her real family for a synthoid like me. It wasn't right.
I slowly turned my head to look at her… and I said the only possible thing that I could say, "I would miss you, but I can't stand in the way. This is your chance to find your family, Ro. You wouldn't have to run anymore."
As she had leaned her elbows on the railing again, she turned towards me somehow surprised and frightened… as if… as if she had expected it… and at the same time… as if she hadn't expected that I would ever be able to say this… and she tried to protest, saying, "But…"
I interrupted her not knowing how I was getting together my strength to say… quietly and tenderly indeed, but absolutely categorically at the same time, "You have to do this."
It was a long moment of silence… when Ro looked immovable up at me straight to my eyes and I looked at her… the longest moment in my life… when we both didn't believe that all what was happening was really true… knowing that that was fair, that was right, that was just what we both had to do… although all of her soul and all of my soul screamed that we shouldn't separate…
Ro took a step towards me, lowing her eyes as a sign that she wouldn't hide how much she wanted to cuddle in me and I opened my arms to meet her without hiding on my turn how much I wanted to shelter her in my hug…
And we hugged each other... she burred her face in my chest, and I held her in my arms… as tender as I could… gently placing my hands over her hair and her back…
I really hugged her, for the first time and… I couldn't help but think that that hug now seemed as our try to say goodbye the first day after our meeting, when Ro had hugged me for the first time, saying, "Good luck, Zee"…
I was so perplexed then, I didn't dare to hug her back…
She wasn't the first human being who hugged me like that; indeed, she wasn't the first human who treated me as a human as well, knowing that I'm not. Max was the first human who had hugged me when I had to leave her and Batman. It was a friendly gesture of hers, a proof that she took me as someone who's not just a machine, but… I didn't return the hug. Not only because I wasn't sure I had the right to return hugs… but most of all because I was so obsessed with my freedom, I had a new hope, a much more real hope, so I didn't feel any sorrow leaving Max, but Ro…
Even back then, when Ro hugged me for the first time… I was sad loosing her. It was a vague new feeling, which I was unable to fully understand then. I only felt that actually I didn't want her to leave, I didn't want to lose this strange tiny blonde girl, who astonished me so much being so brave and so fragile at the same time. I merely felt; too obscure again, that somehow… I had to be with her in order to protect her and… in the same time I felt that I needed her to survive in that weird, foreign human world… I felt that we needed each other, but… I hadn't any reason to be sure about that, I hadn't any idea what exactly was the real meaning of all this and… I didn't say anything; I didn't ask her to stay. I merely let her leave…
Now was different. Now it hurt, now was hard, now was painful, now was unbelievable that that was happening to us. I wasn't ready to let her go and… I would never be… I really thought I could hide till the coast is clear…
It was almost like some horrible joke - earlier today I had said, pretending to be Ro's brother, that, when someone you care about is taken away from you, it must hurt much…
I supposed it would hurt much, but I didn't know that it really could hurt so much…
Now this was becoming real.
I wanted her to find her family; I wanted it, sincerely, but… I have never had the time… or should I say… I have never had the will to think about an eventual meeting between Ro and her brother, but… somehow… I was sure or… I wanted to be sure, that that meeting couldn't change anything between Ro and me; I even didn't imagine I could lose her that way…
Was her brother a good man for real? She hadn't any idea what he had become in all those years, neither had I. Could he take care of her?
I really didn't want to let her go.
And I really couldn't stand in the way either.
She had to reunite with her brother; he was her real family, not me.
She had to take her chance.
Although I still needed her…
Yes, I needed her, even more than ever and not only because she was my guiding light in those still so weird and foreign for me human world. She was my best friend, the only one who understood me, who helped me, who taught me. She was the only one who believing me, who fought for me, the only one who trusted me so unreservedly…
The only one who was so devoted to me.
The only one to whom I was so devoted.
The only one I had in this world.
The only one I wanted to live with.
Not only because I was getting used to see her around.
I loved to be with her, I loved to see how she smiled, how she walked, even how she frowned; I loved to hear her voice, I loved to look in her light blue eyes.
I loved my life with her.
I loved to take care of her, I loved to do anything for her sake, knowing that she felt good, dressed and fed, cozy and warm, healthy and happy, and safety…
Everything had sense because of her, everything was worthwhile with her.
She was the reason I lived, the reason I didn't want to give up, she was my strength, my hope, she was everything to me…
I wanted to be free, indeed, but more than everything else I wanted to become more and more human because of her. I wanted to be more and more her kind, hopping that that way I could be as long with her as it was possible…
Why our first real hug had to be our farewell hug, the last one before all those days of loneliness, which would ruin my world since tomorrow?
It was so good to know that she was in my arms…
Yes, I only could know, as I was unable to feel, but it was so good to touch her hair anyway, to hold her, to hug her…
How I wished I could be able to feel right now… to feel her tiny body in my arms, to feel her hair under my fingers, to feel the warmth of her breath on my chest…
I never felt such a strange and terrible pain before…
It wasn't a physical pain; of course, I hadn't any idea what a physical pain was, but…
I knew that that horrible fear to lose Ro, that sharp needles in my mind and my soul were… a real pain…
Did she feel the same pain now?
Would she miss me so badly as I already missed her?
Probably, as she cried, still hiding her face in my chest, still holding me tight…
I looked up at the sky…
Why I couldn't be as cold inside of me as my metal body was underneath this human hologram?
Why I couldn't be as cold and indifferent as that stone moon up there?
Why I was different?
Why I had those feelings and conscience of mine?
Why I was so helpless to change my fate?
Why should I lose Ro?
Why I couldn't find the answers?
Why there was no hope for us to remain at least a little bit more together…
Why everything had to end that way?
Why I was unable to cry…
Yes, I wished I could be able to cry right now…
I really wished to be able to cry…
Ro let go off me, wiping her eyes. I didn't hide my unwillingness to let her go and slowly taking my arms down; I retained for a while her hand in mine. It wasn't just one of my usual gentleman's gestures this time. She still needed me, she still needed the protection I was able to give her and I still needed to protect her. It was just in a second, or two, but… it was such a strong, almost unconquerable feeling between both of us, which turned into an irresistible wish we could hug each other again in order to never let go this time…
But neither of us dared to do this.
Was this everything I could do for her?
Was this the right way to say 'goodbye'?
Was she waiting something from me?
Something very important, which would prove to her that she was really everything for me, something, which would prove to her how much I'd miss her…?
Could I kiss her 'goodbye'?
Should I kiss her?
Did she really want me to kiss her goodbye?
It was an ordinary gesture as soon as we were going to separate for good.
Maybe it was the right way for someone to say his last 'farewell' to her, who was his best friend?
I always asked her when I was at a loss in human behavior, but it felt it impossible to ask her now…
I hesitated too long, I lost the moment, even if she had waited for me to kiss her, she had slipped away from that moment.
Her voice was disappointed and sarcastic, when she said, "You suck, you know that?" and she snaked her hand from mine, even stepped back a little bit.
"Suck?" I questioned very confused, indeed.
We still stood there face to face and I tried to find the answer in her eyes.
Did she mean she had enough of me that she had to try to find her brother tomorrow? Or was she saying, 'You're really annoying, Zee', because she was frustrated that I was leaving and that she knew I was right even though she didn't want me to be? Or… what if… what if she was disappointed not only because of all this, but… because I didn't dare to kiss her?
But she didn't give me any sign; she didn't give me even the smallest sign of her real thoughts.
We just stood there.
I didn't want to leave her.
She didn't want to leave me as well.
That was all we said to each other in this moment of silence, when we still looked at each other's eyes…
Then she merely smirked bitterly, saying not only more disappointed this time, but even somehow tired, "Forget it"
And I knew – it was the end.
Not only of our conversation.
It was the end of our life together.
There was no place for that word 'together' between Ro and me anymore.
We merely would wait tomorrow, which would separate us for real.
That tomorrow, which would separate us forever…
to be continued…
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