A/N: My first Instant Star fic! I don't own Instant Star, or the lyrics used. Those belong to Alexz Johnson. Who I liked way before Instant Star, by the way.
I drift away to a place
Another kind of life
Take away the pain
I create my paradise
Sadie's gaze was on Jude, her face sad.
"I loved your song. It was amazing. I wish I could write the way you can."
"Thanks, Sadie. But that doesn't make me feel any better about it. I'm scared, I'm really scared." Jude admitted.
"Me too." Sadie whispered, putting her arms around her younger sister.
"I'm glad he told her, but I wish he didn't have to leave. They're going to get divorced, aren't they?" The tears began to flow from her blue eyes.
"Probably. I'm going to miss him." Sadie said quietly, hugging her sister.
"I hope mom isn't mad at us for not telling her." Jude replied, voice breaking.
Both girls felt a soft touch on their shoulders.
It was their mother.
"I'm not mad at you, girls. It's not your fault. Don't you ever think that. I love you both." Their mom hugged them reassuringly. It made Jude feel a little bit better.
The past few weeks had been like hell for the sixteen year old. Getting broken up with publicly by the guy you love, and not only that, but he left her for another girl. That hurt beyond belief. Then when she turned to her producer and friend Tommy, they had a moment. They kissed, and now he made her pretend it never happened. Jude had liked Tommy for a long time, but it seemed like he didn't even care if he hurt her. And now her father did this to her.
Jude knew she was hurt easily, and that was a bad thing in her case because it seemed like there was always someone out to hurt her. Jude definately felt something for Tommy, and though he was slightly older than her, she didn't care. She knew he felt it too, and the only thing holding them back frome ach other was their age difference, and perhaps their professional relationship.
Everything I've held
Has hit the wall
What used to be yours
Isn't yours at all
Jude was a mess when it came to guys. There was Shay, who broke her heart into a million pieces. There was Tommy, who she felt understood her more than anyone possibly could. And then there was Jamie, her best friend. He'd been in love with her for the longest time, and it wasn't until recently she realized that. It made her feel horrible that he liked her that way, because she could only see him as a friend. Or so she thought. He'd been acting weird lately, but it was most likely the result of his broken heart. She needed to talk to him, because that's what friends did.
"Jude, hey. How are you?" His soothing voice came out of the speaker. How sweet it was for him to worry about her like that.
"I'm...living, I guess. My dad left today. Things are just pretty rough lately, I don't know. But I didn't call to talk about me. There's something bothering you, isn't there?"
Jamie swallowed the lump in his throat. She knew? She knew about his secret relationship? He didn't want her to find out this way. He wanted to be the one to tell her. Now it was too late, and it would screw up their friendship for good.
"Uh, yeah." Jamie mumbled nervously, running a hand through his thick brown hair.
"Jamie, I know how you feel about me." Jude admitted, knowing Jamie might get a little upset at her realization.
"Oh yeah, that." He replied, relief washing over him.
"I'm sorry, but we can only be friends."
"I know that. Is that all you called for? Cause I...have to go." Jamie said quickly, heart racing faster and faster. He was afraid if he didn't hang up now, the secret would come shooting out of his mouth. And he wanted to tell her in person.
"Yeah, that's all. See you later." But Jude couldn't even finish saying goodbye before Jamie hung up on her. Confused, she hung up the phone, sprawled out on her bed.
Falling apart, and all that I'm asking
Is it a crime, am I overreacting
She started picturing her and Jamie together, if they'd ever date. She knew he would be the perfect boyfriend, because he was already the perfect best friend. Smiling, Jude pulled the covers up over her head and fell asleep.
The next morning, the sixteen year old was woken up by her sister.
"You need to go to school," Sadie urged, hugging her younger sister supportively. "I know things have sucked lately, but you're missing a lot of schoolwork."
Jude nodded, getting up out of bed and beginning to get dressed. Her sister gave her a grin, and a pat on the back.
"I'll see you there." Sadie said, leaving the room.
Jude stared into the mirror at her own reflection. She was beginning to hate how she looked. Because she felt like maybe the way she looked had something to do with all the rejection she'd been getting. She lifted up her shirt halfway, studying her stomach.
Was she fat? She couldn't tell.
With a sigh, Jude grabbed her backpack, and headed to school, not eager to face all of her classmates and their questions.
Oh, he's under my skin
Just give me something to get rid of him
I've got a reason now to bury this alive
Another little white lie
"I heard you sing your new song...is it about Shay?" Someone asked her as she walked in. Jude turned around, looking at them.
"No. It's not." She rolled her eyes, hastily making her way to her locker.
Kat and Jamie gave her encouraging smiles as she threw her books into her backpack. They exchanged glances with each other.
"Let the day of questioning begin." Kat said under her breath, watching the people around them. They weren't making any effort to keep quiet as they talked about Jude. It didn't bug her that much. She was used to it by now. It was just when they talked to her directly that was annoying. She could care less what they thought.
The three friends walked together down the hallway, as Jamie decided now was the best time to tell Jude.
"So, Jude, I've got something I want to talk to you about."
"Maybe later Jamie, I have to go to class." She blew him off, walking into English class, all pleasantness escaping her.
"We have to tell her." Jamie said to his girlfriend, wrapping his arms around her.
"I know we do. Right now is hard for her, and I don't think she needs our problem to deal with too." Kat replied, pulling away from the hug and beginning to walk to her class.
"I think we're just finding excuses not to tell her." Jamie argued as Kat rolled her eyes, leaving him standing there in the hallway when the bell rang. He sighed, running up the stairs and to his Algebra class. He was late.
Excellent.
What you had didn't fit
Among the pretty things
Never fear, never fear
I now know where you've been
Jude was having a tough time paying attention in class. Her thoughts kept drifting away to her father. She wondered what he was doing right now. How he felt. She couldn't help being angry at him, but at the same time she was sad he had to leave. She was afraid that he would be torn out of her life completely, and she definately was not ready for that.
Her thoughts twisted around, coming to Tommy. She hadn't talked to him, and she had the intense longing to. She made a mental note to talk to him after school, and tried to pay attention to everything the rest of the day. She didn't need to fall behind.
At lunchtime, Jude and her friends ate silently. They were all lost in their own little world, and none of them felt the need to speak.
Jamie was thinking about Jude. He was in love with her, and he knew it. He'd loved her since he was a little boy, and there was no denying it. No matter how far back he managed to push his feelings, they always seemed to be escaping back out. Though he liked Kat, he knew that his heart would always belong to his best friend.
Kat was thinking about the secret she was keeping from her best friend, something she had never done. She had never once lied to Jude, and wasn't proud to start now. She was hesistant to tell her about what happened for various reasons. She was afraid, mostly, of what it would do to their friendship. She knew what Jamie felt for Jude. She knew what Jude felt for Jamie. She couldn't help but worry though, that Jude would suddenly start pining after Jamie, and she would be left hanging, all alone.
Jude went through the rest of her day without talking to any of her classmates. Even when they started asking her questions, she found it best to ignore them. Eventually they'd get the picture and go away. She brushed a piece of her auburn hair out of her eyes as she left the school, getting ready to walk home. But then she spotted her dad's car beside the school. Jude walked towards it, excited to see her dad in the car. He gave her a hug, and this time she didn't resist.
"Hey. I came by to see you. Wanted to know how you're doing." His eyes were sad, the frown evident on his face.
"I'm alright, considering everything. What about you?"
"I'll be fine. I'd offer you a ride home, but I can't. I'll call you sometime, okay?" He squeezed her hand and drove away, leaving Jude sitting there on the curb, lost in thought.
Braids have been untied
Ribbons fall away
Leave the consequence
But my tears you'll taste
A few minutes later, the singer heard another car drive up beside her. She looked up, seeing Tommy sitting there in the car, slight grin apparent on his face.
"Go ahead. Get in." He said. Jude considered, and then she did as he told her, getting into the passenger's side as he drove away from the school.
"I'm glad you came, Tommy. I wanted to talk to you."
"About us?"
"Not just about us. That song I wrote wasn't about you. It was about my father. You see there's been a lot going on at home. To make a long story short, my dad is cheating on my mother. She kicked him out." Jude explained, trying to keep her voice steady. Tommy gazed at Jude worriedly.
"Are they getting a divorce?" He asked carefully, slipping on a pair of sunglasses.
"I don't know. Most likely. I've been...writing a lot of songs lately. Right now is an emotional time for me. Not only my dad, but the other things I'm going through, you know?"
Tommy nodded, stopping the car in front of Jude's house.
"I'm sorry for everything." He apologized, looking the younger girl in the eyes.
"Thanks." Jude mumbled, unbuckling her seatbelt. Before she stepped out of the car, Tommy kissed her. It was unexpected, yes, but not bad. She kissed him back, and when she pulled away, Tommy smiled.
"You're welcome."
Jude smiled back at him, getting out of the car and running into the house.
Falling apart and all that I question
Is this a dream or is this my lesson
Sadie was waiting for Jude when she came inside, smiling a little.
"I won't tell." She said, winking.
"I thought you..."
"No, you can have him. Besides, that guy from the photo shoot? He totally wants me." Sadie grinned, sitting down on the couch. Jude sat down as well, smile widening.
"I talked to dad." Sadie's smile faded when Jude said this.
"How is he?" Her eyes turned worried, her face serious.
"He said he's okay. He said he's missing us both, and he'd be sure to call."
Sadie nodded thoughtfully, leaning back into the couch.
"I love you, sis."
"I love you too." Jude answered.
Their mother walked in, looking triumphant. She sat in between them on the couch, putting one arm around each of them.
"Got the divorce papers drawn up, I'm going to be sending them, and this will all be over soon."
The two girls didn't look happy.
"It's all for the best." Their mother claimed, planting a kiss on both girls' foreheads, and returning to the kitchen.
"Yeah, right." Jude muttered, feeling resentful. She didn't want her parents to get divorced. It would screw up everything. It was all her dad's fault..
I don't believe I'll be alright
I don't believe I'll be ok
I don't believe how you throw me away
I do believe you didn't try
I do blame you for every lie
When I look in your eyes, I don't see mine
Jamie kissed his girlfriend, smiling down at her. They were watching a movie at his house, and they were cuddling.
"This is nice." Jamie said happily, taking Kat's hand.
"Yeah, it is." Kat admitted, grinning.
There was a knock on the door and Jamie jumped up, practically running. It was Jude. He wiped his mouth, ears burning red.
"Oh, hey Jude. Kat and I were just watching a movie, care to join us?"
Jude walked in, not paying any attention to Jamie. She joined Kat on the couch, hugging her and starting to cry.
"Okay, I guess you'd rather cry." Jamie mumbled, sitting down in a chair and watching the two girls.
"What happened?" Kat questioned, wiping Jude's tearstained face.
"My mom is all giddy, she got the divorce papers drawn up and she's sending them...and then he'll be out of my life!" Jude sobbed louder, not able to control herself. As much as she hated her dad right now, she loved him deep down. She felt like she was never going to see him again.
"That's not the way divorce works, Jude. He might get weekends with you, even. That would be nice, right?"
"But you know how busy I am. And weekends? I like having a full-time dad, thank you." Jude got up from the couch, walking into the kitchen and splashing some water on her face. Her two friends followed.
"Jude, Kat and I are dating." Jamie said. It felt nice to get it out, but the look on Jude's face wasn't good.
"What? Since when?"
"Before you freak out, for a little while now, but there's a lot going on in your life and we AGREED not to tell you yet so you wouldn't get upset." Kat practically hissed the word 'agreed' at Jamie, because he had managed to spoil the secret too soon.
"Oh, so you're sparing my feelings, huh? Well next time, don't even bother to tell me anything, because I don't want to know. I am sick of this. Everyone always thinking I can't handle the truth. I can't trust ANYONE, can I?" Jude shrieked, becoming hysterical. Kat tried to calm her down, but when she tried to touch her, Jude just pushed her away.
"Don't. I need some time."
And Jude left the lovers there, feeling horrible.
Oh my permission to sin
You might have started my reckoning
I've got a reason now to bury him alive
Another little white lie.