Chapter Five
The girls stepped from the gloom of the warehouse into the blazing afternoon sun. All around them lay twisted heaps of metal, some still twitching. Shreds of colored cloth hung off them in ribbons and danced in the breeze wafting in off of the bay. Although she knew better, Raven couldn't shake the idea that what looked like a broken and battered doppelganger could just as easily be one of her friends, and she suddenly felt extremely lightheaded.
"What on earth happened here?" Sarah gasped.
"These robots tore each other apart, just like the ones inside!" Bunny breathed in awe.
"Well, they better not have torn my robot apart," Sarah huffed, "Where is everyone?"
Raven scanned the surrounding area, at first glance it looked deserted, but it was hard to tell with all the wreckage lying about. "There," Bunny pointed. Sure enough, Raven could just make out her friends in the midst of a smoking pile of debris. She couldn't be sure, but they looked to be relatively unharmed.
"Hallelujah," Sarah muttered, then raised her voice and shouted, "Vic!" They were too far away. "I'll go get them, let them know we're okay." She stepped forward, stumbled, then regained her balance and started jogging toward the Titans. "Victor! Vic!"
Raven watched her for a moment, then turned to Bunny, "Can you walk a little further? I'd rather not wait so close to the warehouse. Here, give me your arm again." Bunny sighed wearily and draped an arm over Raven's shoulder. Slowly, the two girls followed Sarah toward their friends.
It wasn't long before Sarah caught the Titans' attention. Even from a distance, Raven could see Cyborg's face split into a grin. He charged forward to meet his girlfriend, catching her up in an intense embrace and swinging her off her feet. Starfire and Robin paused briefly to greet Sarah before hurrying after Beast Boy.
"Geez, you're hurt!" Beast Boy called as he neared the two girls, concern etched on his face. Raven almost lifted a hand to her bruised eyebrow, but Bunny, sobbing, drew away from her and limped forward to throw herself into his arms.
Raven stood where she was, swaying slightly. She didn't trust her legs to obey her right now. The world tilted crazily, and she heard Beast Boy shout her name. Strong arms caught her and lifted her off her feet. She caught a faint trace of perfume as Starfire spoke near her ear, "Do not fear, friend Raven. It is your turn to be rescued." Then everything faded away.
She woke with a start, her head pounding, her eyes flying open and darting around in panic. Where …? The rest of her senses caught up with her and she relaxed. She was lying on a bed in the medical wing, the machinery surrounding her beeping and whirring with comforting regularity. She turned her head, and the bed beside her containing a still sleeping Bunny came into focus.
"You have awakened! How is your head? Are you feeling refreshed?"
Raven shifted her head on her pillow to face a visibly elated Starfire. The alien girl's exclamation must have alerted the others, because the faces of Robin, Cyborg and Beast Boy almost immediately appeared over her shoulder.
"Mod," Raven croaked, raising her head "I think I –"
"You didn't," Robin assured her. "I saw him sneak off a few minutes after you went inside. We'll have to catch up with him later"
Raven sank back into her pillow, relieved. She didn't think she could handle causing the death of another person, even someone as twisted as Mad Mod. Starfire reached out and covered one of Raven's hands with her own, radiating sympathetic understanding with every pore, and Raven turned to her friend with a silent plea. She wasn't ready to deal with everyone yet, not while her head was still pounding.
"I am delighted you are better," Starfire said softly as she gently tightened her grip on Raven's hand, "but perhaps you would like a remedy for your headache?"
Raven nodded gratefully, reminded once again of her tendency to underestimate Starfire. The boys were still hovering around her awkwardly, and in a fit of goodwill, she graced them with a reassuring smile. "Stop looking so worried," she demanded wearily as she sipped the water Starfire had handed her, "you can't get rid of me that easily."
Cyborg didn't return her smile as her rounded the foot of the bed. He grasped her other hand firmly and looked her square in the eye. "What you did was stupid. Really stupid. If you were any younger I'd … I'd ground you. But you—" here his voice broke and he drew a ragged breath, "you saved Sarah. She told me, she—" He cleared his throat and tried again, "Don't ever do that again, okay? I mean it, Raven."
"You're welcome," she said dryly, but she gave his hand an understanding squeeze.
Beast Boy sank down on the foot of the bed and grinned at her weakly, "What Rustbucket said, only without the hysterics. We're just glad you're okay."
"Agreed," Robin added, "although if you ever decide to go rogue like that again I may have to consider locking you in your room for major missions."
Raven wrinkled her brow in concentration. "Wouldn't work," she finally decided, "I know a few tricks."
Robin gave her a hard look and seemed ready to argue, but thinking quickly, Raven feigned a yawn and blinked heavily. "Sorry Richard," she apologized, "sorry. I guess I'm more tired than I thought."
"It is as I suspected!" Starfire grasped Robin's hand and pulled him forcefully toward the doorway, "Raven is in need of rest, we will have time to speak later."
Reluctantly, Robin allowed himself to be steered out the door. Cyborg followed after them, giving Raven a suspicious look and Beast Boy turned in the doorway and winked dramatically. She held a finger to her lips and they shared a conspiring smile. Beast Boy craned his neck to check the hallway and, satisfied that the others were gone, eased back into the room to return to her bedside.
"You sure you're okay? You need anything?"
She shook her head, "Nope. I'm just peachy."
"You wanna talk about what happened?"
"Not now, Garfield. I really am tired."
Beast Boy leaned over the foot of the bed and frowned sternly, "C'mon Raven. Talk to me. You know you'll feel better."
Raven gazed at him searchingly; she would have preferred to talk to Cyborg, but …
"I don't know exactly what happened," she admitted slowly. "I blacked out."
Beast Boy nodded, his eyebrows raised, but he didn't interrupt.
"I didn't consciously destroy that machine. I think being in mortal danger brought out the demon side of me. I went into a trance and when I came out of it, everything was in pieces." Raven looked down at her hands, she didn't want to see his eyes, "Garfield. I couldn't control it. So I … I let it tear the place apart. I just got out of the way."
Beast Boy sat down on the foot of the bed and leaned forward to catch her eye. "That was smart. You did the right thing."
It wasn't funny, but Raven wanted to laugh hysterically. "Smart? I lost control. There's still evil in me and it got the better of me."
"But it saved you," Beast Boy pointed out, "then you put it back where it belonged. You used it, not the other way around. Besides, doesn't this sound awfully familiar? Knowing when to let the monster out and all that? You … don't you remember?"
He suddenly looked very small and Raven smiled gently, "I remember."
"Good," he grinned, relieved. "So you and I have something in common."
She sighed dramatically and folded her arms across her chest, "Hmph. It was bound to happen eventually."
He continued to hold her gaze until she looked away, suddenly unsure of herself. Something subtle had shifted, something she couldn't put her finger on. "Thank you," she murmured sincerely. "I really do feel better."
"Great. Well … get some sleep. You look terrible."
She narrowed her eyes, but he just laughed and leaned down to place a soft kiss on her forehead. The contact was unexpected and before Raven could shut her mind to them she was engulfed in a wave of Beast Boy's emotions: concern, affection, and something … else. Raven smothered a gasp of astonishment and Beast Boy drew back, looking surprised and yet vaguely pleased with himself.
"Sorry," he said, not sounding sorry at all. He waved with an air of studied casualness and swaggered out the door.
Raven settled her head deeper into her pillow and stared fixedly at the ceiling. She stubbornly ignored the way her heart was thudding against her ribcage a little too quickly and how her lips kept flirting with the desire to smile. Determinedly she shut her eyes and suddenly, even with the late afternoon sunshine streaming through the windows blanketing her in its warm glow, she found it the easiest thing in the world to fall asleep.
When she woke again the sun had set and the room was dark except for the eerie glow of the machinery. Beside her bed she could hear soft breathing and, after a quick glance, she concluded that Starfire had drifted off. Carefully, Raven sat up and slowly perused the room.
She was alone except for the sleeping Starfire and the still injured Bunny. A glance at the clock on the wall told her that it was two-thirty. She briefly considered lying back down and trying to sleep again, but the walls of the room were closing in on her and she realized she was longing for some fresh air.
She lowered her feet to the floor and stood up cautiously. Aside from a few minor aches and pains, her body seemed to be fine. She retrieved her cloak from a nearby chair and wrapped it around her shoulders. She didn't see her shoes, but no matter; she would come back for them later. She started toward the door, but stopped after a step or two. With a pang that she classified as guilt, she turned back and moved to Bunny's bedside.
Raven didn't want to disturb her, but she didn't want Bunny waking up startled and alerting the others, either. "Hey," Raven whispered, gently shaking Bunny's shoulder, "it's Raven."
Bunny's eyes opened slowly and she turned her unfocused gaze on Raven. "Wha—what's going on?"
"I'm getting out of here. Too stuffy. But I'll try to do something for your ankle first." She stretched her hands over Bunny's leg and let the cool healing energy flow through her. After a moment Raven had to stop, her heart racing and her breathing ragged, but Bunny's body had lost some of its tension.
"Sorry," Raven panted, "I guess I'm still weak …" but Bunny shook her head.
"No, thanks. That's much better; it hardly hurts at all, now." There was an uncomfortable pause, then Bunny added, "I don't think I thanked you. For coming after us, I mean."
Raven caught herself before she could express her surprise. "You didn't."
"Yes, well … you saved our lives, I don't have any doubt about that. That guy is completely nuts, he should be … well, anyway. Thanks."
"You're welcome," Raven's voice was expressionless. They stared at each other in silence for a moment, then Raven stepped back and headed for the door.
"Raven!" Bunny broke out suddenly.
"Mmm?"
"I wish … I wish we could have been friends."
Raven stopped and turned to her again, one eyebrow raised. She couldn't bring herself to agree, but she offered Bunny a small smile in compensation. Bunny smiled back and Raven turned again to leave. Struck, suddenly, by Bunny's comment, she stopped again and regarded her closely. "Could have been?"
Bunny laughed nervously and shrugged, "Yeah, well. It's too late to do anything about it now, isn't it?"
"I—I don't …"
"But I just want you to know, you're still my hero. All of you are. I meant it when I first told you, and I mean it now. It's just … it's not what I thought it would be like. You know?"
Raven was still confused, but she nodded anyway. "I think you need some sleep. I'll talk to you in the morning."
Bunny smiled and waved toward the door, "Get gone before the rest of them stop you. I won't tell."
"Thanks," Raven gave her a genuine smile and quietly exited the room.
The stars, already fading into gray, disappeared as the deep red sliver of sun appeared on the horizon. For a few moments the city seemed to have caught fire, but the illusion faded as the burning sun cleared the hills and mellowed into a burnished gold. The cool breeze blowing off the bay teased at the folds of Raven's cloak and the ends of her hair. In a few moments the city would awaken, but for now Raven allowed the silence to seep into her soul. She would have to rejoin reality soon enough.
She tilted her head and listened to the sound of footsteps approaching behind her. Apparently reality was rearing its ugly head ahead of schedule.
"Aren't you supposed to be in the medical bay?"
Raven turned to look up at Beast Boy and retorted dryly, "I checked myself out early."
Beast Boy laughed and stepped up to the edge of the roof. "You mind?" he asked, indicating the ground beside her.
Raven shrugged and looked out over the bay. Interpreting the gesture as the invitation it was meant to be, Beast Boy flung himself down beside her and swung his legs over the edge of the roof.
"Been here long?"
"All night."
He nodded and they sat in companionable silence for a few moments watching the sun rise in the sky and the city start to stir.
"How's Bunny?" Raven's quiet question seemed to startle Beast Boy out of his thoughts and he turned to look at her again.
"What? Oh, better. She's good. She's gone now."
"Mmm. How's she taking all of this?"
"Not so great," he admitted. "She broke up with me," he added.
"That's too bad, she—wait … what?"
"Yeah, I mean … not just now, but … I think this whole thing was too much for her. I think the Titans in her mind were a lot more fun to hang out with than we are. Y'know? Once she found out that the fighting and the danger weren't all they're cracked up to be, she kinda got scared. This whole thing with Mad Mod just confirmed her suspicions about us."
"Okay, but … I thought she really liked you?"
Beast Boy's wry smile didn't reach his eyes. "C'mon Raven, it's not about me. It never really is."
Instinctively, Raven kept silent and after a moment or two, Beast Boy continued, "I used to try to fool myself, but I don't think I'll even bother anymore. It's exciting to date a Titan, something to tell your friends about, y'know? For a while I thought Bunny might be different but ..." he shrugged dismissively.
"She was," Raven said quickly, unconvincingly. Beast Boy held her gaze for a second, his expression unreadable.
"You think so? Maybe she was, but she still couldn't deal. We actually broke up about a week ago. I guess Mad Mod didn't get the memo."
"I didn't know …"
"Yeah, I didn't tell anyone. Didn't really seem like a good time to talk about it, I guess."
Raven didn't have a response to this, but Beast Boy didn't seem to need one. Together they watched the water lap against the shore in silence.
"What makes you keep on trying, then?" Raven asked quietly, "If it always ends up the same way?"
He shrugged carelessly, "I dunno. I guess I figure that one of these days things'll go differently. It only needs to happen once. Besides," he grinned at her suddenly, "I really, really like girls."
Raven rolled her eyes, but she couldn't help returning his smile. "You're incorrigible."
He nodded wisely, "If by that you mean that I'll find the right one someday, you're right." He frowned slightly and added distantly, "I think so, anyway."
"You will," she agreed lightly. "She's out there, and she won't care if you're a Titan or an ex-celebrity or," she smiled at him teasingly, "green."
Beast Boy looked at her curiously, "You think?"
"I know."
He stared at her contemplatively. A smile crept over his face and his eyes flashed with something she couldn't define but that made her feel distinctly uncomfortable. She waited for him to speak, but he just grinned at her maddeningly and turned back to watch the ocean.
Raven watched the seagulls flying low over the water. Beast Boy swung his legs absently as they dangled over the edge of the roof. "Can I ask you a question?"
Raven snorted and shifted to a more comfortable position, "Would it matter if I said no?"
"Probably not."
She quirked the corner of her mouth up in a half smile as he grinned broadly at her. "So, listen. You remember a couple of years ago when you convinced yourself you liked Cyborg?"
Her smile slipped and she stared at him in frank astonishment for a moment. Mastering herself with effort, she forced her face into a neutral expression and replied flatly, "I don't know what you're talking about."
"Yes, you do," his voice was suddenly gentle, almost pitying, and she bristled at the implication. "Look, I'm not here to tease you, I just wanted to ask you a question."
Raven sighed, then boldly met his gaze. So he knew, so what? Apparently he deserved more credit than she gave him when it came to observation, but she shouldn't allow that to bother her. It was all in the past, anyway. Why should she care if he knew?
"So ask."
"Okay," he sounded slightly nervous, but his eyes were steady. "I just wondered … why Cy?" Perhaps misinterpreting her silence, he added hastily, "I mean, Rob would have been the obvious choice."
She couldn't help it, she laughed incredulously, "Richard?"
He smiled in obvious relief. "Well, yeah. He's the handsome one, and he's smart. He doesn't annoy you like the rest of us do. You guys are a lot alike."
"Mmm, true," Raven pretended to consider, "But Kory saw him first."
"Phftt, you could take care of her with one hand tied behind your back."
"Maybe, but why bother?" she stopped smiling and eyed him seriously. "Richard and I are too much alike. Intense, focused … moody. We'd be awful together. Besides, Kory's perfect for him."
"And you figured Vic was perfect for you?"
"No—it's not—I thought," she sighed and started over. "I'm very fond of Victor. When I'm around him I feel … content. It's nice. I don't have to worry about my emotions going haywire. I'm comfortable around him."
"So you wanted to hook up with Vic because he makes you feel nice?"
She resented his incredulous tone. "I didn't ask for your opinion, Garfield," she said icily.
Beast Boy held up his hands in mock submission, "Hey, hey. Forget it, I was just asking." She turned away from him and stared determinedly at the water below, silently willing him to drop the subject. She felt him lean back on his elbows to stare up at the sky.
"I dunno," he mused, "it just seems kinda tame to me. I'd rather be crazy in love, y'know? Deliriously happy. Even if it doesn't turn out the way I thought. Even if it did mean a few extra broken light bulbs." He tried to catch her eye, but she steadfastly ignored him. He reached up to tuck a rogue lock of hair behind her ear and said softly, "It's worth the risk."
She jerked away from him as if he had burned her. Her throat constricted as if she were about to cry and her heart ricocheted in her chest. The idiot didn't have any idea what he was suggesting. Just because he had no problem strewing emotions about like they were confetti didn't mean she had the same luxury.
Except … except that … hadn't she proved that she was stronger than she realized? Maybe the idea of letting herself feel joy and love wasn't so crazy after all. So her emotions might get a little out of control, couldn't she deal with that? All she had to do was let … what was happening to her? She looked down to see Beast Boy grinning at her knowingly. She shuttered her shining eyes and raised her hood to hide her rising color.
Of course it's not worth it, she reminded herself savagely. A few light bulbs, sure, but what about her? You let someone in and too many things could go wrong. Hearts could be broken, friendships could be destroyed. Look at … well, look at Beast Boy. If anyone was a human example of why not to abandon common sense for love, he was. She'd worked too hard for her current level of contentment, something as pointless as romance was out of the question.
Beast Boy was still looking at her as if waiting for a reply. "It's not worth it to me," she said evenly, "and I'm a little surprised at you. Do you like having your heart broken?" She regretted saying it immediately, but Beast Boy's reply was casual.
"Aw, Bunny didn't break my heart, not really. I'd hoped it might work out at first, but she wasn't my type after all."
Raven snorted in disbelief. "Tiny, blonde, bubbly? What's not to like?"
He laughed, "I know, right? I just realized I've had it wrong this entire time. It happens." He was gazing at her significantly now, an emotion she refused to identify radiating from him.
"Stop staring at me," she snapped, then mentally berated herself. Now he'd know he was getting to her. Annoying twit.
"So," he said conversationally as if unaware of her irritation, "if Vic makes you feel 'nice,' and Rob makes you feel bored—"
"I never said—"
"Of course not, but he does. If that's how you feel about them, how do you feel about me?"
Oh, he was asking for it. Raven snorted derisively and growled cuttingly, "You? Well, let's see. You don't respect my personal space, you keep trying to include me in your inane activities and you don't know how to shut up. It's like you're trying to make me crazy. Most days it's all I can do to keep from strangling you."
Raven inhaled sharply through her nose and glared defiantly at Beast Boy, but he was looking back at her with an oddly tender smile on his face. "Huh," he said, drawing his legs up and climbing to his feet, "that's pretty much what I thought."
"Really. Then why are you smiling?" she called to his already retreating back.
"Because," the grin in his voice was evident, "you just told me you're crazy about me and have a hard time keeping your hands to yourself."
Raven gaped soundlessly for a moment. Before she could form a scathing reply, the rooftop door had closed behind Beast Boy. He was gone.
She had to content herself with levitating a boulder and heaving it into the bay.