I'm back! Throws confetti Anyway, that's about all there is to be said. On with the chapter!

Disclaimer: Don't own Teen Titans, never will.

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The Sixth Chapter

(Just to throw you off)

'Twas a beautiful day. The sky was blue, the sea was green and a merry little yellow submarine cruised lazily in the depths of the ocean. (I don't own the blue sky, the green sea or the yellow submarine…yet.) However, all was not as it seemed. For in the belly of the merry little yellow submarine, a group of teenage crime-fighting super heroes were just waking up, having been knocked unconscious from the impact of being teleported through a portal that had, one way or another manifested itself in the center of their kitchen back at the rather tackily named Titans Tower.

"Dude…what happened?" Beast Boy asked warily, rubbing his head and looking around the room.

The others sat up and looked around their surroundings as well. The room was dark, save for a small candle that flickered in the corner, casting their shadows on the wall. Beast Boy inspected the shadows carefully.

"Hey Raven, your shadow is a little on the pudgy side…" Beast Boy said without thinking. A moment later, he felt the impact of a large melon-like fruit hit the back of his head. He let out a yelp of pain.

"YOW! Hey, is that a cantaloupe you threw at me!" he spun around and looked down at the fruit in surprise.

"Probably is," Raven said, "I didn't really pay attention to what I was throwing at you. My mind was too occupied with the urge to kick your, presumably, furry little green butt." She then levitated over and kicked Beast Boy in the behind. Beast Boy fell forward, and sat himself down on the ground, pouting.

"That cantaloupe looks rather familiar…" Starfire said, leaning in for a closer inspection of said fruit, "Did we not see it rolling across our kitchen floor not too long ago?"

"Hey, I think she's right." Cyborg said in amazement, and the squirrel chattered its agreement.

"Indeed, I am. And I really would rather that you didn't throw me around." a frighteningly familiar low and calm voice said. The Titans realized that it was the cantaloupe that had spoken.

"Dude…" Beast Boy whispered in disbelief, scrambling over to where his wide-eyed friends stood, "That melon-thingy-"

"Cantaloupe." Raven corrected him dryly.

"Cantaloupe just talked!"

"Thank you, Mr. Obvious."

"Give me a break, Raven."

"Whatever."

"The real question is, how did it just talk, and why do I have the nagging feeling that I've heard that voice before." Robin cut in to their bickering, rubbing his chin thoughtfully and frowning. The cantaloupe shifted its position slightly.

"Ah, that is just like you, Robin. Always so annalistic, decisive. The way you always think things through is simply delicious." The cantaloupe said in an almost flirtatious way.

"Uh…okay…" Robin said bluntly, a look of pure confusion on his face.

The confusion turned to shock as the cantaloupe suddenly grew drastically in size, morphing into none other then…Slade.

"WHAT THE HECK!" Beast Boy exclaimed, jumping back and tripping over Raven's cloak, which caused her to fall over, resulting in a very angry Raven and a very agonized Beast Boy.

"I'll maim you later." Raven muttered darkly, and Beast Boy gave a scared little squeak.

"Why are you always so cranky?" Beast Boy asked from inside a crate that had conveniently been placed there for his hiding purposes. Raven opened her mouth, but paused, a vein throbbing on her forehead. She took a deep breath.

"Do you really want to know?" she asked coolly. Beast Boy thought for a moment, but seemed to find the task too difficult, because he quickly stopped his feeble attempt at thinking things through and nodded.

"I'm having my period." Raven said, gritting her teeth, and shouted, "And it's annoying the HELL out of me!"

Silence fell over the room. Everyone stared to Raven. Raven gave them all a glare, the vein on her forehead pulsing with rage.

"Well, it's not my fault that demons get it five times more often then humans!"

Everyone remained stunned. Beast Boy's jaw was hanging on its hinges. The crate the green boy was sitting in exploded in a combustion of black magic.

"GET BACK TO SLADE!" Raven roared, and everyone gave a simultaneous 'Eep!' before turning back to said villain. Slade took a moment to recuperate. (A/N: I love that word…)

"Ah…oh yes. Indeed, it is I, Titans. Slade."

Gasps all around.

"Bwaha, hm, yes. Anyway, I suppose you're all wondering why you're here." The evil villain said, stippling his fingers in a villainous sort of evil genius sort way, "Well, since I am the villain and as the cliché goes, I must now reveal my truly devious plot, I suppose I will indeed reveal my devious (and it really is very devious) plan."

He then made a whistling sound, and the gerbil army (That has been hiding…somewhere. Yeah…yeah, that's the ticket!) assembled behind him.

"You see, Titans, the gerbils are working for me." Slade paused for affect, and everyone gasped, "I sent them to Titans Tower (Who named that place, anyway? Bah, such a tacky name!) under the impression that they would be taking over your home. However, they were merely to lure you here. Of course, after waiting a while with still no sign of progress, I decided to teleport over to the Tower (Using my very nifty teleportation device I got off E-bay; you never know WHAT you'll find there!) to see what was taking so long."

"No way…YOU were that cantaloupe!" Cyborg gasped.

"Indeed." Slade said, nodding at the brilliance of his façade, "I then teleported you all here."

"But why did you want to bring us here in the first place?" Robin asked.

Slade smiled villainously.

"Well, to bring you to me, Robin." Slade paused once more for affect, "But not because I want to be my apprentice, as you are all obviously thinking, but rather, for more…personal needs."

Everyone stared in disgusted disbelief. Robin's eye (or mask, rather) twitched.

"Dude, that is wrong on so many levels." Beast Boy said with a shudder.

"Not so wrong as you would assume," Slade said calmly, "You see I need someone to look after me in my old age. Yes, even I, the notorious Slade, am growing old. And constantly fighting a group of prime-condition teen age super-heroes can really take its toll on a guy, not to mention all the other hardships I've been through like falling into a pit of lava, being given fire powers only to have them ripped out of me again, and rather painfully at that, then there's the constant getting kicked in the face, missing and punching the often concrete ground, getting zapped in several different manners and wearing this very uncomfortable armor. Plus, I have arthritis in my left thumb."

Everyone continued to stare for a moment. Finally, Robin spoke.

"There is no way I'm going to look after you."

"I had a feeling you would say that," Slade said, waving his hand nonchalantly, "Which is why I have made certain arrangements with the authoress. By paying the fee for the charges pressed against her by the Baudelaire triplets, she has bestowed me with the power of…PLOT TWISTS!"

Slade then laughed menacingly, even though it's rather out of character for him.

Cue shocked gasps.

"How could you do this to us?" Starfire said in anguish.

Hey, I'm broke. Besides, this makes the story more interesting.

"We'll get our revenge later." Raven said with a menacing glare.

Gulp.

And with that, Slade pushed a red button, and PLOT TWIST! Raven turned into a purple llama.

"Peachy." Raven said dryly, and spit.

"You shall never get away with this!" Starfire shouted the rather clichéd phrase, her eyes glowing green. She balled her fist, which lit up with green solar energy. However, just as she was about to fire a starbolt, PLOT TWIST! A bucket of creamed corn emptied over her head, knocking her off her feet.

Cyborg fired his sonic canon, but Slade dodged agilely, pressed the red button, and PLOT TWIST! His arm turned into a sausage.

"What the-?" Cyborg exclaimed, as the squirrel on his leg suddenly got a hungry look in its eyes. It started to scale the metal-man's leg.

"Hey! What's the big idea?" Cyborg exclaimed, attempting to force the squirrel back down with his regular arm.

Robin was about to launch his attack, but alas, the moment he started running, a poll manifested itself in front of him, and he ran into it. No, this had nothing to do with the PLOT TWISTS!…He just had really rotten luck.

Coincidentally not a moment after Slade was also hit with a sudden case of rotten luck.

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Well, there you have it. I'll be sure to update soon! Remember, reviews are always appreciated. Plus, they help give me motive.