Disclaimer: I won't say it. I won't. You can't make me! YOU CAN'T!
Fine. I do not own the Teen Titans. Or Mary Poppins. She's British!
NOTICE: I realize that I said the 'Baudelaire triplets' in the last chapter. They are not triplets, they are siblings. Sorry about my mistake. ;;
Chapter the Seventh
Coincidences have a funny way of sneaking up on you and catching you by surprise. They can sometimes be associated with the classic 'déja-vu' in the sense that they leave you with an unsettling feeling. One is often left with a certain sense of puzzlement there after, and can continue to ponder the thing that caused the coincidence or 'déja-vu' for days after.
What does this have to do with the story? Beats me, I just felt like saying something intelligent!
Anyway, it was then that Slade was faced with a sudden case of rotten luck. Just as he was about to press the PLOT TWIST! button yet another time, Sergeant Nibbles bounded onto the villains arm and knocked the button out of Slade's grasp. Slade gave out a roar of frustration and looked down at the gerbil.
"What do you think you're doing?" he demanded. The gerbil merely looked back up at him in heroic defiance.
"You promised us Titans Tower, you made us believe that we would be able to keep it as our own! But it was all a trick? Well, here's some news, old chap: Gerbils don't come out with nothing!"
The Titans all stopped to gape in awed silence. Even the squirrel stopped its attempt to chew Cyborg's sausage-y arm off to stare.
"Why you ungreatful little-"
However, Slade had no time to finish, for with a wild cry of fury, Sergeant Nibbles pressed the button and PLOT TWIST! Slade turned into an acorn. But it didn't stop there. In a blast of blinding white light, the Titans were all transformed back to their original state- with the exception of Beast Boy, who was now a bright shade of neon.
"Aw, come-on!" Beast Boy wailed.
Hey, life ain't perfect.
"But dude, pink so clashes with the purple in my suit!"
You'll get used to it.
Robin approached Sergeant Nibbles.
"You saved us…how can we ever repay you?"
Sergeant Nibbles scratched his chin thoughtfully for a moment. Then his beady little eyes lit up with an idea.
"Give us Titans Tower!"
Everyone sweat-dropped.
"Permission to squash him?" Raven dead-panned. Robin shook his head.
"No, we should repay him somehow…but how?"
"Perhaps we could give them the alcoholic beverage that Cyborg has concealed from us in the back of our 'fridge'?" Starfire asked, clasping her hands and giving Cyborg a hopeful look. Cyborg glanced back and forth shiftily for moment, a pained expressing on his face. Robin frowned at him. Finally, Cyborg's shoulders slumped in defeat.
"Fine. Y'all can have my- I mean, the beer. 'Cause I didn't hide nothing!"
Robin rolled his masked eyes, but made no notion attempt to argue.
"Sound good to you?" he asked Sergeant Nibbles. The gerbil nodded his approval.
"A capital idea!" he said, and using the powers of plot-holes, the Titans and gerbil army all found themselves back in the kitchen of Titans Tower!
Cyborg grudgingly surrendered his beer to the gerbils, and with a tip of their helmets and a chorus of 'Hip hip, cheerio!'s, the gerbils went on their way.
Just then, the window flew open, and who should fly in using her magical umbrella but non other then Mary Poppins, the friendly British nanny!
"Hello, Titans!" she said in her sing-song voice, "I'm Mary Poppins, and I'm British!"
The Titans all stared. Mary Poppins didn't seem to notice, for she cast a quick glance around the kitchen, and tutted.
"My, this room is an awful mess! However sis it get like this?"
"Long story," Robin said, said, stepping forward, "Do you think you could help us clean it up?"
"Why certainly!" Mary said, closing her umbrella and taking out a feather duster from behind her back. She began dusting the table, singing some tune that I'm just too lazy to think up. After a few moments, she had somehow managed to clean the entire room until it sparkled and shimmered and shined! It was even better then Mr. Clean, who not only do I not own, but also don't believe to be so amazing as he's cut out to be!
"That's amazing, Mary Poppins!" Cyborg said over-enthusiastically.
"Yes, a marvelous job you have done!" Starfire said, clapping her hands.
"Now get the hell out of our tower!" Robin said cheerily. With a flick of her wrist, Raven encased Mary Poppins the friendly British nanny in her black magic and threw her out the window, umbrella and all.
"I'm going to miss Mary Poppins." Beast Boy said with a sigh, and every nodded and murmured their agreement. But oh well, people come and go, the world turns, life goes on, everything's hunky-dory!
"Oh, I just love happy endings!" Starfire exclaimed, clapping her hands gleefully.
"It's not quite perfect yet…" Robin said, and he walked smoothly over to Starfire and whispered something in her ear. Starfire's face lit up and she nodded her head vigorously. Robin grinned from ear to ear, grabbed Starfire's hand, and pulled her our of the kitchen and down the hall.
The other stared, dumbfounded.
"Dude," Beast Boy said slowly, "You don't think they're gonna…"
"I don't know, but I wanna find out!" Cyborg said, and he and Beast Boy exchanged a sneaky glance before stealthily making their way down the hall after them. Raven rolled her eyes and prepared some tea.
A moment later, she heard the shrill scream of Beast Boy. The dark girl smirked but remained silent as she poured some steaming water into a mug.
Another moment passed. She suddenly heard a loud 'BOOYAH!' followed by a series of groans. Raven quirked an eyebrow, but continued the preparation of her tea.
Several moments passed. Raven sat herself down at the kitchen table and sipped her tea, weary not to burn her tongue.
"Come on baby!" she could hear Beast Boy saying, "Give it to me…"
"You shall not be so lucky!" Starfire's voice.
Raven frowned and looked down towards the door to the hallway.
She heard everyone gasped, and Robin let out a yelp.
"Not so rough, Beast Boy!" Robin said.
Raven stood up. She couldn't take it anymore. What the hell was going on?
She levitated down the hallway and stopped in front of Robin's room. She paused and listened at the door.
"Man, it's not his fault you suck at this!" Cyborg huffed.
"Hey, I haven't had much practice," Robin said.
"Then why were you trying to teach Starfire?" came Beast Boy's voice.
"I thought she should know!" Robin said defensively, "Who knows how many times she'll do it in her life?"
Raven's eyes were as wide as saucers. It was the best she could do not to shatter a window now. She took a deep breath to regain her composure.
Cyborg spoke again.
"Well, since you're so inexperienced, why don't I just teach her?"
"No, dude, I should teach her! I've been doing it longer then you." Beast Boy said.
"Hey, it was my idea in the first place!" Robin growled.
"Do not despair, friends!" Starfire's cheerful voice said, "You can all teach me!"
This was all too much for Raven. She punched in the security code and burst through the open door, bracing herself for whatever she might see.
"Okay, what's going on in here!" she demanded. Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked over at Raven in surprise.
In the center of the room stood Robin, Cyborg and Beast Boy, all of whom were standing over a Monopoly board that had been knocked over. Game pieces had been scattered all over the floor, and Starfire stood in the middle of it all, her arms held out in what seemed like an attempt to break the quarreling boys apart.
"Well," Robin said, "I was trying to teach Starfire how to play Monopoly when Cyborg and Beast Boy burst in and asked if they could play, so I said alright, but they wouldn't stop complaining and-"
"That's because you don't even know how to play the game properly!" Cyborg cut in angrily, "You were doing it all wrong-"
"Dude, I know how to play it better then any of you!" Beast Boy said, jabbing his thumb at his chest, "I've been playing Monopoly since I was six!"
"-And then Beast Boy went and knocked the board over-" Robin went on saying, "Because he kept getting over-excited about rolling the dice an-"
"FRIENDS!" Starfire shouted. The boys all paused and gave a simultaneous 'what?'
"Our friend Raven seems to be going through some form of shock!" Starfire said, pointing at Raven's body that now lay in a quivering heap on the floor, her eyes wide open and unblinking.
"'Sup with her?" Beast Boy said, and the other shrugged.
"I know what will help her!" Robin said suddenly, pointing his finger into the air, "A good old, healthy walk around the neighborhood!"
The Page Has Been Broken The Page Has Been Broken The Page Has Been Broken The Page Has Been Broken
And so the Titans set out for their walk around the neighborhood! Shocking, isn't it?
"Not really." Robin said wearily.
Shut up, Robin.
"Where shall we go first, friends?" Starfire asked, clasping her hands excitedly.
"I say we take a nice relaxing walk around the Jump City suburbs." Raven said, a pleasant smile on her apathetic phase.
Everyone looked at her in shock. Raven glared at them.
"It is a crime to be remotely out of character every once in a while?" she asked in a monotone, a vein pulsing in her forehead. Cyborg shrugged.
"Makes about as much sense as everything else that has happened so far today." He said.
And so it was that the Teen Titans took a nice, relaxing walk around the Jump City suburbs! The tall, concrete houses cast long, foreboding shadows over the street, the lack of trees and shrubberies making the long, orderly road look like an unforgiving wasteland-
"Man, nobody cares." Cyborg said with a groan. A bolt of lightning came and struck him down, reducing him to a pile of ash.
I'm sick and tired of you guys giving me a hard time. I'M the writer, I'M writing the story, and I…am so damn hungry. What does a girl have to do to get a sandwich around here?
Dad: Make your own damn sandwich!
Me: I am SO moving out at the age of 20.
Anywhoo, Beast Boy, because he hadn't said anything in a couple of paragraphs, decided to tell his friends a tale.
"Guys, I'm gonna tell you a tale!"
"Super." Raven said sarcastically.
"Here we go." Cyborg said with a sigh, rematerializing back to his…er…normal…self.
"The tale I'm about to tell you is a chilling one…the tale of the Crescent…OF NO RETURN!" the green teen said, throwing his head back and laughing maniacally.
"If you're going to tell this story at all, make it quick," Raven said, her vein pulsing even more, "Because I warn you, I'm having a heavy flow and I forgot to bring extra tampons…and it's making me very, very ANGRY!"
Several street lamps exploded.
Everyone stopped dead as they heard a little, high pitched voice say "Rage shall consume you!"
"Shut up, dad." Raven said between gritted teeth.
"Aw phooey." The little voice said, and disappeared.
There was an awkward silence. They all continued to walk.
"Oh, yes, my story!" Beast Boy said, "Deep within the Jump City suburbs there lies a crescent of ghastly sorts-"
"I didn't know you knew what 'ghastly' means." Raven said, cocking an eyebrow.
"Shush!" Beast Boy exclaimed, waving his arms in the air comically, "Yes, a crescent of ghastly sorts. Skeletons line the sidewalks, and the smell of death hangs over the crescent shaped street like the smell of urine hangs over an outhouse! But why are there so many skeletons, you may ask?"
He paused and stared at them all. Everyone stared back. Finally, they realized that he was waiting for them to ask, so Robin said "What?" unenthusiastically. Beast Boy seemed satisfied.
"At the end of that dastardly crescent, there lives a monster…and monstrous, grotesque ("Where is he learning all these words?" Raven asked in disbelief) spider! NAMED JIMMY!"
Starfire gasped.
"Oh, how awful!"
"Yes, it is," Beast Boy said gravely, "And when an innocent person goes walking down that crescent, Jimmy comes and of his hiding place and quickly snaps them up, leaving his prey at the mercy of his ginormous ("So much for a good vocabulary," Raven muttered, "That's not even a real word.") claws! And the tearing of flesh, and the screams of the prey and- OH, THAT HUMANITY!"
Beast Boy had sunk to his knees, sobbing wildly. Raven kicked him in the side, partly to knock him back to his senses, but mostly because she liked inflicting pain on him. Starfire had a hand over her mouth and she thought of the story in horror.
"Surely no such creature could possibly exist!" she said fearfully. Robin was at her side in a heart beat (Oh, that Robin.) to hug her comfortingly…er…
"Robin, what are you doing?" Starfire asked, mild disturbance playing on her features.
"Aw, sick!" Cyborg exclaimed, "Keep your hands to yourself, man!"
Robin coughed uncomfortably and let go.
"Yeah, um, sorry." He then walked into a poll.
Serves him right for being perverted.
Anywhoo, Beast Boy had managed to stifle his sobs and pick himself up the ground, despite Raven kicking him, and the Team was off again!
They stopped dead in their tracks when they realized where they had ended up.
Starfire gasped, jumping into Robin's arms. Robin wiggled his eyebrows, er, mask, doing his best to look shocked as well. Beast Boy let out a shrill, girly scream and Cyborg uttered a dismayed "No!" Everyone turned to Raven, who was busy admiring her shiny belt (I want that belt!). She looked up at them, a confused look on her face, then looked at the street situation dawning on her.
"Oh, uh…oh no. How…awful." She said unenthusiastically, and the others turned back to the horror in front of them, for the beat up, creaking old street sign read 'Crescent of No Return'.
The Page Has Been Broken The Page Has Been Broken The Page Has Been Broken The Page Has Been Broken The Page Has Been Broken
Dun dun dun…cliff hanger! Wow, this was a longer chapter then usual…cool! Anyway, sorry I took so long to update. I had a case of writer's block. –Shudders-
Anyway, reviews are always welcome!