Kenshin sat numbly on the porch of the dojo, his head rested on a beam and his eyes stared blankly ahead of him. At first his friends tried to comfort him, but now no one would approach him. Not only were his eyes red from tears, but they had turned amber. His fists were clenched together tightly, and his teeth were ground together; his true sign of anguish. Slowly, Kenshin closed his eyes. He could still hear Kaorus' screams echoing in his ears, could still hear the sound of their baby crying. When he and Yahiko arrived at Megumi's clinic, Kaoru was still in labor and Megumi refused to allow Kenshin to enter the room.
"I need to direct my entire attention on Kaoru," Megumi had told him as she desperately tried to block him from the room where Kaoru was. "And I don't need you distracting her!" The honest truth was, and Kenshin had figured this out later, was Megumi was afraid. She had been dreading this moment ever since Kaoru was suddenly struck ill.
"Kenshin," Megumi had emerged from the room hours later. "You're a father. Kaoru gave birth to a beautiful baby boy." In Megumi's arms laid his son, Kenshin's son. With shaking arms, Kenshin reached and took the screaming babe from Megumi, joy evident on his face. The child was beautiful, simply beautiful, and he and Kaoru had created him.
"How is Kaoru?" Kenshin asked after a few moments of staring at his son, their son.
"Kenshin," Megumi's face had darkened, Kenshin could never forget it. "There was a complication, a rare one; I didn't know how to correct it."
" What do mean Megumi?" Kenshin's voice had risen in fear. "Is she all right? Is she alive? Megumi, I can't handle this!" His voice had steadily grown louder until it was a desperate screech.
"Kenshin," Megumi hissed. "You must be strong, for now at least. Kaoru is alive, she wants to see you. But you should know," Megumi had swallowed; her Adam's apple was painfully visible through the skin on her neck. "She could, leave, at any moment."
"No," Kenshin smiled and shook his head firmly. "She can't leave, she won't leave, I need her to much. No, no, she won't leave."
"Kenshin," Megumi gently pressed him. "Please, go see your wife."
"I don't need to," Kenshin's voice rose to a painfully high level again, hysteria was returning to him. "She'll be fine, I know it! Kaoru will be up soon and playing with our son!"
"Kenshin!" Megumi slapped him painfully hard across his face. "Kaoru will not be around much longer, you need to get a hold of yourself and see you. She wants to see you Kenshin, needs to see you!" Kenshin was still frozen, his breath was hard to come by and he thought he might faint. A terrible force was gripping him in the chest, threatening to burst and break him, it constricted his chest, forced him to take deep breaths.
"Go Kenshin," Megumi took the baby from his arms, her voice was softer now. Gently she had pushed Kenshin into the room. Kenshin's knees had locked together, he had to shuffle forward. Any breath left in his body had been pulled out of him by an invisible hand when he laid eyes on Kaoru. Her skin was deathly pale, and agonizingly thin. Her collar bones and shoulders blades looked like they might break through the thin layer of skin left and protrude into the world. Her chest rose and fell violently every time she breathed, a rasping sound would escape her. He couldn't believe it, just that morning she had been vibrant and loving. He had no idea that on that same day she would be robbed of life.
"Kenshin," her eyelids fluttered open and her once blinding blue eyes were slowly being drained of their color. Kenshin felt his body snap back into a working order, for in a blink of an eye he was beside her, gently taking her hand in his.
"Kaoru," Kenshin took her hand to his face and rubbed it against his lips, then nestled his cheek into it. Kaoru slowly cupped her hand, trying to comfort Kenshin as best as she could.
"Isn't he beautiful?" Kaoru took a deep breath as a few tears escaped her colorless eyes. They sparkled and were vibrant, almost like they were Kaoru's life leaving her. They slowly trailed down her cheek, leaving a shimmering trail. Kenshin responded, using his other hand to lovingly wipe the tears from her face.
"Yes," Kenshin choked out, his voice was cracking in despair. "Our son, and someday I hope to have more." A sob escaped Kaorus' body, racking its way through her frail body. Kenshin knew, knew she was crying because she wouldn't be around to have more children. Slowly, Kenshin wrapped his arms around Kaoru and brought her up to rest in his lap, laying her head on his chest, cradling her head softly there.
"I love you Kenshin," Kaoru weakly brought her other hand up to rub his face. Kenshin turned his head to kiss her palm, tears leaking from his own eyes. He couldn't take it, couldn't handle it.
"Kaoru," Kenshin's sadness broke his small dam of self control, seeping out like an uncontrollable flood. He lowered his head to her face, roughly crushing his nose to her, closing his eyes tightly, and hoping that someway he could escape reality. "I can't do this without you, I need you koishi. You are the sole reason I draw breathe, why I live. Without you, I don't know what to do, what I am." His shoulders shook hysterically as he clutched Kaoru's to his body, trying to grasp her very life and keep it with him.
"You are Kenshin Himura," Kaoru had raised her hand to tangle itself in his hair, her fingers tenderly winding themselves into his fiery locks. "You are a father now, and if nothing else, that is what you are, what you do. You have to watch our son Kenshin!" Kaoru had begun to cry as well.
"I can't Kaoru," Kenshin chanted brokenly over and over again. "I can't."
"Kenshin," Kaoru desperately tried to get through to him. She weakly pulled his hair, but that only caused him to bury his face deeper into hers.
"Not without you," Kenshin repeated over and over again into her hair, his hands painfully grasping her shoulders, pressing her to him as tightly and as closely as physically possible.
"Please listen to me Kenshin!" Kaoru pleaded as sobs broke her voice, wrenching her body painfully. Kenshin, sensing her pain, instantly snapped back into control.
"I'm so sorry Koishi," Kenshin kissed her forehead, clutching her to him. "I just need you so much. I love you, oh Kaoru, how I love you!" Kaoru turned Kenshins face and brought his lips to hers, wrapping her arms feebly around his neck. Kenshin responded, deepening the kiss painfully far, crashing his tongue into her mouth and driving it deeper and deeper in. He needed to breath, his lungs were on fire, but he refused to let her go, he wouldn't let her go. Finally, Kenshin had felt a tremor run through Kaoru's body, wracking her against him. He pulled away, but kept close to her, keeping his face pressed against hers, taking in her scent desperately.
"I love you more than life Kenshin," Kaoru was now sobbing, her cries forever etched into Kenshin's mind, he would hear her for the rest of his lonely life. There was no other for him, he had been lucky enough to find her, and now he was losing her.
"Kenshin," Kaoru began to rub his face, gazing into his eyes that swarm with tears. "You are the most precious thing to me. I want you to know that, and I love you, I would of spent the rest of my life by your side, that's where I was the most happy, were my joy was boundless."
"Kaoru," Kenshin whispered as his own tears trailed over his cheeks. "Kaoru."
"Kenshin," Kaoru rested her head against his chest and her eyes closed peacefully. Slowly her hand ceased to rub his face, and it fell down to rest on her still body. All sound stopped, she was silent, still.
"Kaoru," Kenshin shook her body gently. "Kaoru please!" Kenshin began to shake her more fiercely.
"Come back Koishi," Kenshin wept into her still face and pale face. He clutched her body, wanted her to respond. "Kaoru!" He screamed as sobs rushed through his body, like blow after blow to his stomach, knocking the wind out of him. A horrible pit formed where his heart was; he couldn't breath. He suddenly realized that he was holding a dead body; he didn't want to hold the corpse of his wife. Kenshin tore himself away from the body flinging, himself violently back against the wall of the room. Kaoru's body landed slightly off the futon, her hair had fallen out of the bun Megumi had put up. It scattered around her body, encasing her face with black locks, hiding her from Kenshins view.
"Kaoru," Kenshin whimpered as he slid his body down the wall. "Koishi." The world slowly drained of its color, leaving everything lifeless and dead around him. Soon the light left, leaving Kenshin in utter darkness. Kenshin had awakened in his futon, alone. First believing it all to be a horrible, horrible dream. But as he had forced his way out into the kitchen, where all his friends sat with terrible expressions on heir faces, he knew it was true. She was gone, his Kaoru was gone. Once again, Kenshin blacked out. For three days he had been a zombie, eating nothing, speaking to no one. That was were he was now, sitting like a lifeless bump on the porch. Wishing that he to was dead.
" Kenshin," Megumi had carefully approached him. "Will you not see your child?" Kenshin had ignored her and his child who still had no name. Kenshin couldn't look at his son anymore. He loved his son, very much so, but he couldn't look at him, knowing that the little bundle of 'joy' was the reason Kaoru was gone from him forever.
"I can't go on without her," Kenshin thought to himself numbly. Knowing that for the rest of his life Kenshin would wake alone, be alone, was unbearable. A life without his beloved Kaoru was unbearable. No one even dared to speak to him about a funeral. Kaoru's body had been born away and was waiting for his final judgment, but Kenshin couldn't even think about it, wouldn't think about it. He knew, in the back of his mind, that if he didn't decide within thirty days Kaorus body would be lost to him. The government would do as it pleased with her, and Kenshin didn't want that. But he didn't want to think about it either.
"Kaoru," Kenshin whispered miserably, feeling the pit in his heart widen, threatening to engulf his whole being. "Kaoru."
Okay, I just want to point something. Kaoru did not die because Tomoe poisoned her; she died because of birth complications. Tomoe had nothing to do with her death. That is all