A Second Chance
Chapter 24 - Help.
DISCLAIMER: Buffy the Vampire Slayer belongs to Joss Whedon, and Harry Potter to J.K. Rowling. I don't own anything.
TIMELINE: AU. Set ten years before (Around 1988) "Harry Potter and the Philosopher's stone", during and after Harry Potter book 5, "Order of the Phoenix"(2003). During and after BTVS season 7, "Chosen". Pretend HP book one happened in 1999 during Buffy season three )
SUMMARY: BTVS/HP crossover. After James and Lily reappears, seemingly alive and well, mysterious things start to happen. New allies are made, prophecies revealed...and people keep rising from the dead. What's going on? And what has Voldemort got to do with it? Are the Scoobies and the Potter's second chance at life enough to stop the Dark Lord from spreading darkness across the country? Or is the world in need of more miracles?
PAIRINGS: Too many to count.
Thanks to my beta: Charmed Chick
The silence was deafening, and Willow had never felt so lonely in her whole life. Suddenly, coming down her didn't seem like a such of a good idea, and her first instinct was to run back to her dorm and never come out.
She looked around for anyone that could build up her courage a bit- enough to step inside. She spotted Spike at the Head table, and Willow managed a small smile. Spike looked shocked for a moment, and then smiled back - or more like grinning.
Buffy was confused. If anyone looked at her face at the moment, they would see a mixture of pity, hate, friendship, fear...pretty much every feeling you could think of. Charlie was gripping her hand so hard it hurt, but she barely noticed it. Her mind was a swirl of thoughts. Willow. Murderer. Death. Willow. Friend. Best friend. Happiness. Forgiveness. Willow. Darkness. Hatred. Blood. Willow. Nerd. Geek. Willow. Wicca. Magic. Willow.
Buffy didn't know what to focus on. A part of her wanted to run down there, hug her, and say everything would be okay, but another part (and the biggest one) wanted to make her disappear, scream at her. Hate her. Charlie was white in the face. She was the one who almost killed Buffy- or actually did kill Buffy. And he knew he may never be able to forgive her.
Faith watched Willow curiously. Even though they'd never been really close, she felt connected with the redhead - maybe because she knew what she was going through. Being evil and all. And she knew how hard it would be for her friends to forgive her. And it would probably take even longer for Willow to forgive herself. It had taken several years in jail and thinking to make Faith forgive herself. And she still lapsed into silence and thoughts sometimes, although not so often anymore. Mostly thanks to a certain werewolf who partly understood what she was going through. She could only hope Willow found someone she could open up to and understand her too.
James was confused. Or confused was a too small word. Willow was the reason he'd almost been killed by Voldemort. But it was all part of a prophecy, wasn't it? And just the fact that Willow had turned back from the 'dark side' made her grow in his eyes. But he still didn't know what to think. He looked down at his wife. Lily's face was unreadable.
Oliver didn't know why Vi had suddenly stiffened. He didn't know who Willow was, what she'd done. But suddenly, Vi seemed to relax a bit, and was now watching the redhead in the door with a curious expression, like she was wondering what the girl would do next.
Ron was staring at Willow, his eyes seemed to be close to falling out of their sockets. Hermione looked like she was thinking hard, and watched Willow with an expression not far from Vi's. Harry didn't know what to think. He knew what Willow had done, but a part of him wanted to understand the wicca. And another part was just a mix of feelings. He looked at Dawn to see what her reaction was - her face was like stone. Full of cold. And Harry knew Dawn would not be one to forgive Willow so easily.
Willow took a deep breath, and looked around again. Everyone had different expressions on their faces. She found herself wondering where Tara was. She wasn't sure, though, if she wanted her to show up, or not.
"Hey, Red." Spike suddenly said. "Have you frozen on the spot? Get up here."
Willow blinked, surprised. Then she smiled, a little hesitantly, but a smile nonetheless.
As Willow walked up to the head table, she saw that Faith was carrying a smile on her lips too. And then Willow knew everyone didn't hate her. There were people who understood her. But she also knew some may never be able to forgive her. And truth to be told, Willow didn't mind. In her heart, she knew she didn't earn their forgiveness.
"So, where's Glinda? Seen her around somewhere?" Spike asked, trying to start a conversation. Most of the people around the Hall had started eating again, but some where still watching her.
Willow blinked. Glinda? Then she remembered -Spike's nickname on Tara. She shook her head. She had no idea where she was.
"Would you like some tea, Miss Rosenberg?" Dumbledore asked, with a twinkle in his eyes. Willow was surprised that the kind wizard spoke to her after all she'd done. She thought about it. Tea wouldkeep her occupied for a moment, but she wasn't sure she could gulp anything down. She shook her head, and Dumbledore smiled.
"That is completely alright. Miss Rosenberg, if you feel up to it, could you come to my office after we've finished our meal?"
Willow nodded slowly.
"Good, good. I was thinking we could have a little talk about your rehabilitation."
Willow stiffened. He couldn't mean he'd help her do magic? Willow shook her head.
"What do you mean?"
Willow kept shaking her head.
"I-I...don't..."
"Oh, but Miss Rosenberg. The only way to get back to your old self is to face your fears - the magic. To quit wouldn't help."
"Why not?" Dawn spoke up from the Slayer table further down the Hall, and Dumbledore watched her curiously.
"Why can Willow not quit? It would be best for all of us if she didn't do magic again - no risk to mess up." Dawn's voice was accusing, full of bitterness.
"There may come a day when miss Rosenberg's magic is needed," Dumbledore said calmly. "And I would much rather have her be able to control it, than not using it, with the risk it could be released without control at any second."
Willow's heart fell. So they didn't trust her to be able to quit. Not that she was surprised. She didn't earn their trust. But the words spoken by Dawn hurt, even though she knew they were the truth. Willow and magic was not a good combination.
Willow walked silently up the stairs to Dumbledore's office, the Headmaster beside her. When they got inside, they sat down.
"Now, Willow. I need you to talk to me. Tell me what you feel." Dumbledore looked into Willow's eyes, searchingly. Willow said nothing.
Dumbledore sighed.
"I didn't think so. Would it be easier if we didn't speak, but have a telepathic conversation?"
Willow hesitated. Wasn't that magic? She didn't want to do magic.
"I send a question to you through my head, and you think about your answer. It is not magicon your part, it is magic on my part." Dumbledore said. "I'll read your mind, you will not read mine, only hear my thoughts."
Willow nodded slowly.
"Good." Dumbledore looked at her for a moment, before sending his first thought.
"What do you feel, Miss Rosenberg?"
"Feel?"
"When you watched your friends down inthe Hall, what did you feel?"
"Fear."
"And why is that?"
"I was afraid ofwhat they would think of me."
"You don't think you deserve them hating you?"
"Yes...but I was still afraid. Not that they would hate me- I know I don't deserve forgiveness."
"Then why?"
"I believe, a subconscious part of your heart and mind want their forgiveness, and another do not. It is up to you whether you will be able to forgive yourself. It will take time, yes, it will be hard, yes. But you will only be able to move on if you try to understand yourself. And tostop doing magic is not the right answer."
"Why?"
"I think you know why. You need to learn how to control yourself, or you will never be able to find peace with yourself."
"I don't deserve it."
"Maybe, maybe not. But I think your friends would be happier if they knew you could control your magic."
"I don't want to do any more magic."
"Magic is a part of you, Willow. If something happens, the magic will take control over you once again. If you can control it, that won't happen. If you can control it, you can choose whether or not you want to do magic. If you can't, the magic will choose for you."
"If you can control the magic, you can stop doing it whenever you want. If you can't, the magic will take over. Suck your soul. Tempt you to use it. And sooner or later, the things that have already happened twice, will happen again."
"...Help me."
Dumbledore smiled.
A week later, Willow had started trying to control her magic. So far, she hadn't done any, but was simply practicing different relaxing methods. Meditation, yoga... She was seeing Dumbledore once a day to talk about her feelings. She was eating again, with the others, in the Great Hall, even though she was afraid. But Dumbledore said facing her fears was a good step on the way. He had agreed to let Tara teach Wandless magic instead of Willow, but only until she was ready to take over. Tara was avoiding her. Willow didn't know if this was a good or bad thing. Most of the time, she thought it was good- that she wouldn't need to face her, face her feelings, find out what Tara thought of her. And sometimes, she hated it. When she needed her, needed the closeness they once had.
Harry, Dawn, Hermione, Ron and Ginny sat at the Gryffindor table, watching the new first years parading in.
"I have no memory of being that small," Ron said, and crooked his head a bit.
"Me neither," Harry agreed. "They get smaller every year..."
Hermione rolled her eyes.
"Be quiet now! The hat's going to sing!"
As Hermione said it, the Hall grew quiet, and everybody started to watch the Sorting Hat, as it twitched, and a rip near the brim opened wide like a mouth- and the hat started sing.
"When I was young, and not so ugly, I was sitting on a head.
Now I sort you into houses, see what qualities you're fed.
You might belong in Hufflepuff, a loyal house, oh yes.
Or maybe in dear Ravenclaw, with intelligence and cleverness.
Gryffindors are brave at heart, and courage is a must.
Slytherin is a house of cunning, but not a house of trust.
So put me on, and I will sort you, but wherever you belong -
Remember this, I tell you now, trust mein this song.
When times are dark, just like today, and Hell is open wide,
you need to put away your grudges, choose the rightful side.
The war has started, and Hogwarts is threatened, we need to help it stand.
So find your allies, find your hope, and give a helping hand.
It is not lost, my friends, there is a chance -to make the evil go away.
But only if we want to win, and see another day.
There is a chance, a growing hope, and he is here at our school.
Some people called him crazy, some people called him fool.
But still he stood, but still he fought, and he was proven right.
You all now know of whom I speak - Harry Potter, hope and light.
He is now stronger, and he has help, the long lost has returned.
So use your mind, and use your heart, use what you have learned.
Because the prophecy speaks true, and this is how it's going to end.
Two men enter, one man leaves - one from Hell, and one Heaven sent.
Now put me on, and I will sort you, wherever you will be.
Remember this, remember that. Listen, learn and see."
The hat fell silent. The Hall was completely quiet, and Harry could feel all eyes on him.
"Well...that was interesting." Hermione said. "Does anyone understand what it means? I only understood some things."
Harry was quiet.
"I do." He then said. "Remember the prophecy? At the Department of Mysteries? It is about me and Voldemort?"
"You've heard it?" Ron sounded shocked. Harry nodded.
"Yeah."
"And you didn't think to tell us?" Hermione said, eyes widened.
"I didn't know what to say. Can we take it later? The sorting's beginning."
Ron glared forawhile, but then nodded.
"Fine. Promise you'll tell us, though."
"Promise."
After the sorting, Dumbledore stood up, and clapped his hands.
"Welcome to another year at Hogwarts!" Dumbledore said. "I have some news this year, but first some old announcements. The Forbidden Forest is just that - forbidden. For all pupils." At this he gave the 'Trouble Trio' a look, before continuing.
"I have also been asked by Filch, the caretaker, to remind you all that no magic should be used between classes in the corridors."
Ron rolled his eyes. "What a surprise..."
"Quiet, Ron." Hermione hissed.
"And now, to the new announcements. Or Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, professor Umbridge, decided to...retire...after some eventsat the end of the term last year." Dumbledore's eyes where twinkling madly, as everyone in the student crowd (minus some Slytherins) cheered wildly.
"And it is with great happiness I introduce our new, and old, Defense Against the Dark Arts teachers. Lily Potter, and Remus Lupin."
The applause where now deafening, if you, again,didn't count the biggest part of the Slytherin table.
"I hope they will stay at the post longer than a year." He smiled. "There is also a new House - 'Bufaxawidaan', and that house is for the Slayers - the Vampire Slayers, who have joined you as students, and the fight against Voldemort."
There where some gasps at this.
"I also want to welcome backOliver Wood to our school. Mr. Wood will take the place as flying instructor, as Madame Hooch has decided to retire."
There was a fewmomentsof silence,and then the Gryffindor table started to applaud furiously. You could also here some catcalls, and a lot of girls from other houses trying to get his attention. Oliver searchedout Vi's eyes, and when he found them, he winked, and Vi blushed.
"We also have a new teacher in Muggle-studies - Alexander 'Xander' Harris."
More applause and some catcalls.
"There are also some new subjects, available for those in third year and up. We have Fighting Skills, taught by Faith, and Buffy Summers - the original and longest living Slayers."
There where some gasps at this.
"Demonology, taught by Anya Jenkins, also known as Anyanka, an ex-vengeance-demon."
Even more gasps.
"Rupert Giles will teach Research and Documenting-skills, along with Andrew Wells. Mr. Giles is the Watcherto Buffy Summers, and Mr. Wells a watcher-in-training."
Small whispers.
"And lastly, we have Wandless-magic, also called Wiccan-magic, which will be taught by Tara McClay for now. Miss McClay is a very powerful wicca, and she will be joined in her teaching by Willow Rosenberg, once we have come further into the term."
Willow swallowed. She had no idea if she'd be ready so soon...
A lot of whispers.
"Now, I only have six words for you, before you are free to tuck into the amazing food: 'May the Force be with you!'"
Every Slayer, Scooby, and everyone else who knew Andrew, turned to look at Dumbledore.
"It's official - Andrew is contagious." Dawn said, horrified.
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/Ida