Even heroes have a right to bleed
Summary: Even heroes have to take care fo their own heart. Clark decides to take all his fears and doubts, throw caution to the wind and tell Lana the truth... with a little help from Lois. One shot.
Disclaimer: I do not own Smallville or any of it's characters...curses.
Clark sat in the loft staring idly down at the pencil in his hand. He was supposed to be concentrating on the biology report in front of him, but how could anyone expect him to concentrate after what he saw today. Clark had walked in on Jason and Lana kissing outside the Talon a few hours earlier right before it had closed. He had gone to bring his mom her dinner. Clark shook his head, deciding to give up on the report. He let the pencil drop from his hand onto the desk before standing up and walking aimlessly over to the wide opening he had stood before so many other times. Clark knew it shouldn't have bother him so much, he knew that Lana was dating but just wasn't ready to see her kiss someone else. Clark shifted his gaze from the bright stars down toward the fields below that stretched before him for miles. He could still hear Lana's voice.
"I'm sorry you had to see that Clark, but we both knew that it would happen."
Clark had known but still hadn't been entirely prepared. He cursed himself for it. After all hadn't it been he who had broken it off? And it had been he who had pushed her away so many times afterwards. Clark new that even though he tried to deny it trying to spare his heart, he was still in love with Lana. That's right. Clark thought. Loved her so much that he couldn't bare to put her in danger, to hurt her. Even though Clark was more certain than ever that he had made the right decision he couldn't help thinking about what might have happened if he hadn't pushed her away. Would they still be together? A burst of heat shot through Clark as he clung to this happy thought. Clark pushed this to the back of his mind. He had made his choice, there was no going back. Clark watched a deer walk slowly through the tall grass of the field, pausing every couple of steps to graze.
"Hey Smallville! You up here?"
The deer perked it's head up at the harsh sound then dart into the trees. Lois.
"Clark, I was wondering what had happened to you, you haven't said anything since you got back from the Talon." Lois reached the top of the stairs. "You ok?"
Clark didn't turn to face her. "Now you're worried about me?"
"Don't flatter yourself, I just thought something big must've happened since you didn't send a couple sarcastic jokes my way tonight." Lois smiled wryly and walked over to join Clark. She took a deep breath of cool night air and sighed. "Something happen between you and Lana?"
"Look Lois, I really don't want to talk about this with you." Clark jabbed almost to quickly, which answered Lois's question.
"Ok, don't bite my head off." Lois held up her hands.
"Sorry." Clark leaned against the frame of the window and stuck his head slightly out to let the night breeze play on his face. "I just.."
"Look, Clark." Lois refrained from using her favorite nickname. " I don't know about what has happened between you and Lana, though I think I get the idea and I don't pretend to know anything about relationships but-"
"Your not going to give me any sage advice are you?" Clark interrupted.
Lois scoffed. "I was just going to say that you can think about other people all you want but you need to take care of your own heart too."
Clark gave a weak smile. "You sound like my mom."
"Yeah well, as long as you don't start calling me mommy, I can live with that." Lois punched Clark lightly in the arm. "Goodnight." Lois walked across the room and descended down the dusty steps.
Clark stood in silence. What if Lois was right? What if he was just hurting himself and Lana by not telling her. I've gone down this road before, she would never except me. But what if she did? Clark shook his head. It was late and he had to be up early. Clark thumped sleepily down the stairs and headed for the house. He climbed onto the couch feeling relieved his parents had already gone to bed. Clark was once again left with his thoughts. What if she did? He rolled over and soon was asleep.
Clark sat bolt up right. He had had that dream again. Clark wished it would leave him alone. It was always the same. Clark would be wondering through the grave yard and Lana would be there and accuse him of all that had happened. Clark sighed, lifting a hand to his face and rubbed his eyes. He yawned and looked over at the clock on the wall. It was 5:00, Clark figured he might as well get his chores done before Lois got up. Yesterday it had taken him two hours to finish because he couldn't use his powers around her. Clark rolled off his make shift bed and pulled on a red t-shirt over his flannel pants. He took a deep breath of the cool air as he closed the door behind him. Clark pulled a pair of boots over his bare feet before setting off across the grass towards the barn. Clark loved this time of day, everything was so silent, and peaceful. He didn't get very much peace anymore, not since Lois had invited herself into his home. Clark grabbed six or so fence posts and boards on his way through the barn, super speeding out to edge of the Kent property where there was a bare spot in the fence. It was still very dark but Clark could see enough to judge where the posts should go. He laid the boards and posts on the ground before picking one up and moving towards the fence. Clark dug the post casually into the ground. He did this with the others at various spots along the fence line before moving onto the boards. Clark picked up a handful of nails he had left there the day before. He laid the board on the post and drove the nail into it. Clark stepped back to admire his handy work. The sun was getting higher he should hurry, Lois was getting up early today to go with Chloe to Metropolis. Clark finished the fence in about five minutes and headed back to the barn to do the rest of his work.
"Clark, there you are. How long have you been up for?" Martha greeted Clark as he tramped into the kitchen still in his pajamas.
"Since five, thought I'd get some chores done." The Kent's passed around a meaningful just as Lois entered the room.
"I can't believe that you people actually get up at this time everyday." Lois yawn and went to pour herself some coffee. She took a sip and sighed. Just as she did there was a honk. "Oh, that's Chloe, See you guys later." Lois headed for the door still carrying her cup when she stopped and back tracked. "Have fun today." Lois put her hand on Clark's arm and nodded in a very sarcastic way before once again heading towards the door. Once she was gone Clark turned to his parents.
"What was that about?" Clark moved towards the fridge and took out a carton of orange juice.
"Well, since Lois isn't working at the Talon today I need an extra hand- don't even think about it." Martha answered. Clark had just lifted the carton to his mouth.
"I think I could help out." Clark joshed as if he had a choice, he put the carton back in the refrigerator.
"Lana will be helping too." Martha added, expecting this to raise Clark's spirit, it had the opposite effect.
Clark's heart stopped. Great, just what he needed. Martha seemed to realize Clark's change in mood.
"I thought you would be happy about spending some time with Lana."
"I would have." Clark wasn't ready to share this matter with his mother just yet. Martha looked at him in concern but let it drop.
"Well, we should get going." Martha got off the stool she had been sitting on and carefully picked up a basket full of baked good. "I'll give you a ride." She gave her husband a quick peck on the cheek.
Clark had wanted to run but relented and nodded, following his mom to the car.
"I need two cappuccinos, one with whipped cream, one without." Martha Kent relayed the order to Clark before heading off to serve another costumer. Clark nodded and took a deep breath. He had no clue what was running through his mom's head, putting him in charge of the actual coffee making. Clark moved toward the coffee machine, cup in hand. He pulled the lever and it promptly spit decaf all over his front.
"Great!" Clark set down the cup. Clark was fighting with himself between being grateful Lana hadn't shown up or cursing it for the endless amount of food he had on his apron. He was wondering if she hadn't shown up because of him when his mother pulled him from his thoughts.
"Clark I need those cappuccinos!"
Clark looked up. "I'm trying." He once again picked up the cup. This time the machine worked properly, Clark let out a relieved sigh and turned around to give the coffees to his mother just in time to see Lana walk through the Talon doors.
"Sorry I'm late Mrs. Kent." Clark heard her murmur. Lana's face was red and her eyes swollen, it looked like she had been crying.
"It's ok, could you go help Clark with the coffee machine? It doesn't seem to like him very much." Lana gave Clark a long look as if she hadn't realized he was there then nodded and headed in his direction.
"What's the problem?" Lana moved to join Clark behind the counter.
Clark stumbled for words. "Uh….it keeps spluttering and stopping.. spitting..."
Lana looked the machine up and down then sniffed. "There might be some faulty wiring."
Clark gave the machine his famous 100 mile stare before speaking. "Yeah, it looks like one of the wires is broken."
Lana stared at the machine looking confused. "How do you know that?"
"Uh… just a guess." Clark turned to face Lana. "Are you ok?" He motioned to her puffy eyes.
Lana waved off his concern. "It's just a cold." She said unconvincingly. Lana turned towards him and their eyes met for the first time that day.
"You sure?" Clark searched her eyes, his stomach doing flip flops. It was always like that with Lana, no matter how comfortable they got or didn't get around each other, there were always moments when their eyes would meet and Clark would feel like the shy freshman he used to be.
"Yeah." Lana brushed him off once more. "Why don't I take over here? Your up in the running for the worst cappuccino with Chloe." She picked up the whipped cream bottle.
Clark and Lana made their way around the Talon, setting chairs on tables, his mom had asked them to close up. Come to think of it, she had left early, and had a funny look in her eye. Clark shrugged to himself.
A/N: Clark should have been more suspicious of his mother's intentions of leaving them alone with each other, but Clark being Clark….
"Alright, I think that's it." Lana hoped up on the counter. "I never thought I would be here this late again."
"You were here last night." Clark stopped himself. They had been carefully avoiding that subject all day.
Lana glanced at him but stayed silent, seemingly unsure of what to say. After a moment in silence she jumped off the table top. "Well, unless I help out a lot more that won't be happening again." Lana dusted off the back of her faded jeans, not matching Clark's gaze. Clark inclined his head confused but waited for her to go on.
Lana let out a short breath. "I don't think I can see Jason anymore."
Clark wasn't sure she should be talking to him about this but stayed silent.
Lana put a hand to her face and gave a troubled smile. "I can't seem to pick a guy that can be truthful." She turned her back on the dark haired boy. What Clark didn't know was that Lana had been late because she had just come from walking in on Jason threatening Lionel for the stones. Clark screwed up his face in concern and worry. He walked over to her so that they were facing each other once more and gently lifted her face so that they locked eyes, from his concerned greens to her tear filled hazel ones. He wished more than anything he could take the pain away.
"Clark." Lana's voice broke. "After everything that's happened, all our history… your still here with me. You've always been here."
Clark held her face and she leaned into his hand. "It's going to take a lot then what we've been through to keep me away." Clark became aware of how close their faces were, and closer. Clark's lips met Lana's. Clark waited, wondering if she would pull away, instead she leaned into the kiss and it grew deeper. Clark let out all of his built up emotion, he felt like he was pouring his sole into her. Clark felt Lana's hand in his hair and he in turn pushed his fingers gently into the small of her back. Lana let out a moan then suddenly broke the kiss and pulled her fingers from his hair. Clark looked slightly alarmed at her unfocused face which was still only inches away from his.
Lana took a step back and a tear rolled down her face. She shook her head.
"We can't." Another tear slipped from her eye.
"Lana…" Clark started stepping forward, but was stopped by Lana's fingers on his mouth. She shook her head again and backed away. She seemed to be fighting with herself and he saw another tear drop before she turned, heading rapidly for the door. Clark stood in shock for a moment before seeing the head lights that was Lana's car disappear.
Clark trudged up the Kent Farm drive way. It had taken him a long time to get home, he hadn't felt like running. Clark stopped outside the fenced in yard of the house. Lois was home, he could hear her from here. Clark moved past the house aiming for the barn. Somehow, he didn't think he could take Lois right now. The farm boy made his way through the barn and stopped to lean on a fence just on the other side of it. Clark's mind couldn't wrap around his new thoughts and worries. They had kissed, but she wasn't ready? He tried to convince himself that he didn't know why she had pulled away, but deep down he knew. Clark stared at the ground. She didn't want to be hurt again, she couldn't be with him knowing that he was hiding a part of himself from her.
"Clark, there you are, your parents were wondering if you were home yet."
Clark's eyes rolled to the back of his head, he hoped his silence would give her the clue to leave him alone. Unfortunately his subtly was lost on Lois.
"You must enjoy staring at your feet." Lois leaned her elbow on the fencing, staring at Clark in a very provocative way. Clark stayed silent but switched his gaze to the field in front of him. Lois sighed. "Ok, what's your problem now?"
Clark stood still, his gaze not wavering but in realizing that Lois was not leaving, gave in. "There are some secrets that if she knew about, she could get hurt."
Lois guessed they were talking about the infamous Lana Lang. "And she wants all of you." Lois fell silent which was a first for Lois Clark thought. Lois gave a short laugh. "Clark Kent, Smallville's proudest farm boy and part time hero. What is it with you and this hero complex you have established for yourself?"
Clark opened his mouth to jab back at her but then closed it. He hadn't expected Lois to understand but he wished she didn't get so much pleasure from his pain. What if she's right, what if I don't need to be doing this to myself? Clark shook this thought away.
"My advice," Lois continued "Is to tell her whatever it is, you couldn't possibly have any secrets worth anything, your only hurting her and yourself by staying away."
This comment had a great deal of irony in it but still surprised Clark to no end. Lois actually said something he could use. Besides the no secrets bit. Clark scoffed, hiding his surprise. "Two pieces of advice in two days, I'm starting to think you actually care about me."
"I just don't want you moping about bring my spirit down." Lois jabbed.
Clark's face cracked into a grin. "Well believe it or not, I think you actually helped me."
"I am just too good at this advice thing." She smiled cockily and headed back for the house, her pony tail bouncing up and down in back of her.
Clark smiled to himself realizing something. She hadn't called him Smallville. He decided he didn't mind the nickname so much, their conversation felt oddly empty without it.
Clark and Lois stood at the sink washing dishes. As always even this small task couldn't be done without hearing the older girl complain.
" I swear that dog knows I'm allergic!" Lois said for the fifteenth time sneezing into her sleeve, staring malevolently down at the golden retriever. "He follows me around everywhere."
"Just goes to show that a dog will love anyone." Clark smirked at her, setting the last dish in the cupboard.
"Guess we got the old Clark back huh Clarky?" Lois talked to the dog, giving Clark a side ways grin.
"It's Shelby." Clark was still mulling over the prospect of telling Lana the truth, but for some reason did feel much better than he had the day before.
Lois shrugged in a casual way at him, drying her hands on a towel. Clark turned around when he heard a car coming up the drive. It was Lana. Clark's insides squirmed, Lois peeked over his shoulder. "Well isn't that perfect." She said in a very satisfactory tone. "Go get her tiger." Lois gave him a little push in the direction of the door. He looked back at her and gulped then took a step then another until he was out the door. Lois smiled to herself. "I'm too good." Lois watched her favorite small town boy from inside, waiting until he started talking to the girl in front of him and watched the hopeful look on her face. "Good job Smallville." Lois turned still smiling to herself as she headed up the stairs.
Clark made a spit second decision as he stepped off the porch and strode purposefully towards Lana who had gotten out of her car. Lois was right, he had to take a chance. Clark's stomach twisted into knots as all the worst case scenarios came to the front of his head. "Lana…" Clark gathered his courage.
She beat him to it. "I want to talk to you, I didn't want to leave things the way we did. I pulled away because I need someone who is willing to be completely honest with me and you will always be a part of my life but I can't do this again." Lana held her gaze waiting for him to speak, she didn't have to wait long.
"I know." Clark held her hand. "I think I've finally got it right, I can't keep hurting you…and myself." Clark suddenly felt happier than he had in a long time. Some how he knew that things would be ok, somehow.
Lana looked up at him in disbelief. Could this be it? What she had been waiting all these years to hear? Rain started to drizzled down.
Clark smiled and took her other hand, ignoring the rain. "I want to tell you the truth, the whole truth."
THE END