Chapter 34 - Prying for information

Present day - March

Dimitri POV

Rose was clinging to me for dear life, pressing herself against me for comfort. I held her tight, somehow wanting to erase all my mistakes I had made in the past. I wanted to erase everything that she had gone through. I wanted to erase Moore and everyone else that had harmed her when I was unable to protect her. At some point I had begun to murmur in Russian, paying very little attention to what I was saying. Mostly I was saying sorry over and over again.

I relished the feeling of her in my arms but I couldn't stop looking around trying to find any sign of movement. The park I had chased her to was dark with very little lighting, allowing plenty of hiding spots. I felt observed.

With a deep sigh I decided to end the moment that had passed between us, the moment of sheer relief and honesty when she had finally acknowledged me. I placed my hands on hers, gently prying her fingers open so that she would release the bunched up material of my shirt. My chest was damp from her tears and it felt cool in the March air.

I looked down at her only to find her shy and unable to meet my gaze. It seemed as if she was embarrassed, but for what I couldn't understand. She was still beautiful, even with her eyes red and puffy from crying.

I stilled slightly by the thought of her appearance, something I had efficiently tried to suppress since her sickness. I didn't want to be the kind of man who would use her vulnerability. She needed someone solid, someone to help her. I didn't want to think of her as beautiful, I didn't want to think of her as anything else than someone who had endured abuse. If she noticed my internal struggle she didn't let on.

She was only wearing a knitted sweater, and in the darkness it almost looked black instead of burgundy. She shivered slightly and looked up, finally meeting my gaze.

"Let's go back," I said and gently took hold of her hand. I tugged it slightly and was pleased to note that she followed my steps. We didn't speak on the way back, having said everything that needed to be said.

The door to our motel room opened behind me and I recognized the sound of Spiridon's movements.

"Did she wake up?" I asked without turning to look at him. He slumped down next to me so that we were both sitting on the ground.

"Nah, she's still sleeping."

It had taken a while for Rose to fall asleep, but in the end the long day had finally caught up to her. I still couldn't truly comprehend what had transpired between us after I had caught her. I had finally gotten her to acknowledge who I was. It felt like I had finally gotten the reaction I had hoped for the first night we raided the Institution. But hearing her open up and revealing only a fraction of what she had endured weighed me down so much I had escaped outside into the cold air the second she was asleep. A part of me wondered if I should've taken the vodka out here with me but while I may be many things, I wasn't the same as my father.

"You know, I followed you. I saw you two in the park. I heard everything she said, everything you said." He seemed tense, carefully picking his words. "In the end, it looked like you were about to kiss her."

I looked up at him in surprise. Admittedly, I had lost control and allowed myself to be close to her, probably closer than she would've wanted. I had cupped her face so that I could see her, to convince her that everything was alright. I had wanted to convince her that I was worthy of her trust. I had held her tight against me, trying to shield her small form and erase the years of failure.

"No, that was never my intention." I cleared my throat. "She's too young and too fragile. She needs professional help. I would never take advantage of her like that."

He stared at me, assessing me with his cold gray eyes for a moment. He seemed to find what he was looking for and almost imperceptibly nodded to himself before turning his head. "Good. You would do well remembering that."

I didn't reply, but calmly kept eye contact. I meant every word that I said to him, I would never take advantage of Rose.

We sat in a relatively comfortable silence for a while after that, giving me more time to think about it all. My feelings about Rose acknowledging our encounter ten years ago were conflicting. It was both relieving and earth shattering. It meant that she knew on some level that I had kept looking for her all those years, but it also meant that she knew I had failed her for ten years. I pulled my legs closer and leaned my forehead on my knees, wanting to shut everything out.

"Hey Dimitri," Spiridon bumped into my shoulder, wanting my attention. I just groaned in response. "Hey, man come on." He repeated his movements like the little asshat he was.

"What, Spiridon?" My voice sounded angrier than justified even though he irritated me.

"How does it feel now that she knows it's you? I mean, you've searched for this girl for a decade and now you found her. And in a sense, she found you tonight as you now both know who the other one is. So how are you feeling?"

The only reason I graced him with an answer was the sincerity in his voice. "Actually, I don't know. It's a lot going on. I was, in a loss of better words, disappointed that she didn't know from the beginning. But now that it's all out in the open that gnawing feeling hasn't disappeared. I was just thinking about how it feels good that she knows I didn't give up on her. But at the same time, it took me ten fucking years to find her. I've failed her again and again and I don't think coming in at the last minute compensates for those ten years of a terrible childhood that she had to endure. All because I couldn't keep her safe all those years ago." I talked faster and louder each sentence, giving away my frustration.

"Don't be so hard on yourself." As I started to protest what he was saying, Spiridon raised his hands to silence me. "Let me finish. I don't say I understand everything you and Rose are going through because of your past. But I'm absolutely sure that she doesn't blame you for needing to grow up and become the professional guardian you are before being able to take that whole place down. I for one aren't so sure that I would have persevered to search for a girl I met for just a couple of hours when I was fourteen, soon fifteen. I had other stuff, mainly girls our age, on my mind. So I'm just saying don't be so hard on yourself and that I think you should talk to her about it. I'm sure she would agree with me that you are not the one to blame for her situation." With that said he stood up and walked off. He walked around the corner, making the last round before bed. I stayed put until he returned.

"So I guess we're back to camping tomorrow?" he asked as he approached. Efficiently showing that he had dropped the subject.

"Yeah, I think that's best. We should try to get closer to Court and it shouldn't be too hard to find a good camping ground around that area."

"True, unless you take Strigois into account. They do like those woods."

I thought about how Rose had reacted the night we raided the Institution, when she thought that Strigoi would be lurking in the woods. "You know, when I caught Rose in the woods, when you were getting the car the night after the raid, I said to her that we didn't have much time and that they were coming for us. I meant the back-up that was sent, but she thought I meant Strigoi." I scratched my jaw. "We should add that to the long list of things we need to ask her about." The thought of Rose encountering a Strigoi made me almost nauseous. When camping we wouldn't have the protection of wards. "How long do you think we can keep up with being nomads?" I asked.

He gave it some thought before he answered. "We're going to run out of cash soon enough. We need somewhere to stay, long-term. Have you thought about Princess Dragomir's offer?"

I recalled what the princess had said on the tarmac after we had gotten off the plane. She had given me a card with her contact details and demanded that she help Rose. I wasn't sure what exactly that help could be, given that we didn't have the time to discuss it in length, but she had made it sound like she had a place for us to hide Rose. I didn't take it seriously, knowing that she was a Royal Moroi.

"If nothing else, maybe she can provide us with financial support. You know she's loaded," he continued.

"I don't really see how grabbing cash from the Dragomir princess would be any safer than going to an actual ATM. At least we'll have time to flee the scene after using the ATM until they track the transaction, the same can't be said if we meet up with the princess."

Spiridon got up from the ground and stretched his back a bit before turning towards me. "She didn't reveal Rose." I was about to object but he held up his hand again. "Think about it, they're the same age. She's also a girl, an orphan for that matter. The only one left in her line. Not all Moroi are plain evil, Ivan and Tasha being two good examples. And taken ones are widely known nowadays with many Moroi despising how little Court is doing to stop all that. If she continues to keep her mouth shut and doesn't let anyone know what she saw, then she could potentially be an ally to us. God knows we need powerful friends."

I stood up as well getting ready to do one final round before bed. "Maybe," I dismissed him.

I slept poorly and decided to take a morning run when the first rays of sunshine seeped through the curtains. The air was crisp and the miserable town we stayed in was sleeping, exactly what I needed. I hadn't woken Spiridon to tell him what I was doing so after half an hour I turned back towards the motel. I passed a gas station on my way back and went in and bought some fruit, more water and two coffees. With my purchases in each hand I walked briskly back towards our room, feeling a strange need to check that Rose was alright.

As I approached the door, Spiridon came out and whispered "she's still sleeping, let's talk over there." He pointed towards a table with benches only a couple of yards away. He took one of the coffees as we walked over and sat down on the bench closest to our door. Instead of sitting normally with our feet under the table, we were both seated the wrong way with the table supporting our backs as we leant back, both wanting to be able to move quickly if needed.

"I thought about what you said yesterday, about adding another question to the long list of things we need to ask her. I think it's time to get answers now, Dimitri. We need to know more to be able to help her and the others. I don't want to do something idiotic that could have been prevented if we had all the information."

"So all the other times you've done something idiotic it has been a calculated move?" I asked jokingly. The twitch of the corner of his mouth was the only sign that he had heard me so I continued in a more serious way. "I agree with you that we do need more information, as I did last time you wanted to interrogate her, I'm just not sure how to get it without putting her through unnecessary distress."

"But that's where you're wrong, it's not unnecessary," he said exasperated. "It could save a whole lot of lives. Sure, she might be momentarily uncomfortable, but on the whole it's necessary. You let your feelings towards her cloud your judgment and frankly, I'm tired of treating her like she's going to break at the slightest thing. I believe she's tougher than she looks, I'm guessing one needs to be to live at such a place with those worthless guardians." He said the last word with disdain. "I say we ask her and if she can't bear it we'll think of something else."

I couldn't really argue with his logic. We needed information and we had a source available. Maybe I had let my feelings get in the way, I've treated her as if she's still that small girl running through the forest in Baia. But she's not that little anymore and so far she has shown us again and again that she can set her own boundaries, as long as she isn't sick.

"Speaking of things to ask her about, did you notice how she reacted when Dragomir and Ozera were mentioned?" Spiridon continued, taking my silence as a sign of agreeing with him.

I knew exactly what he meant. "Yes, it was clear that she had heard those names before," I said. "If she can identify any Morois that have visited the Institution it will steer us into the right direction."

"I know I didn't actually believe that they would actually sell these children, trafficking them between Morois, but the evidence is starting to pile up. I mean her reaction last night alone was disturbing. When the waitress suggested the virgin margarita she thought we were going to sell her and it's clear that she knows something for her to react like that and think that." He paused, looking into the distance. "Right before the raid, you heard what Moore and that other guardian were talking about. How she's more valuable untouched. I mean, a part of me is just relieved that based on that and her reaction that she seems to be a virgin, that she has been spared that kind of abuse. Not that it rules out sexual abuse altogether, I mean we don't know if the Moore incident was the first of its kind." We both swallowed hard and took a few steadying breaths. "But Dimitri, this whole thing is just so fucked up if it's true and dhampirs are being sold like a fucking commodity."

"I know what I saw at the market. They were displaying her to the Morois, both male. I think we can conclude that these girls are being trafficked, and the common factor is their sickness. But it just doesn't explain why. Why traffic sick girls because, like you said when I wasn't willing to face the truth, anyone can be turned into a blood whore. There's no need for the sickness, the bite and the compulsion is more than enough. Your questions are still relevant, why keep these sick girls at Institutions? Why place them there so young?"

The last time we had broached this subject I had been unwilling to face it, but with Rose so far away from the Institution I felt that I could start seeing things more objectively and re-focus on matters at hand.

"I think it's better if you're the one who tries to pry information out of her. Now that it's out in the open that you're her Dimitri-" he paused slightly, "she'll be more comfortable with you."

"Not only that, but your last stupid attempt didn't really help your cause," I added drily, taking a long sip of my coffee.

"I don't think we can keep up with this for long. Even if we would have the financial means, being on the run and not allowing her any form of consistency is not good for her. There was a reason these children were sent to rehabilitation centers."

"I agree, we need to come up with a long term solution soon."

Rose POV

I woke up feeling more rested than I have in a very long time. I stretched my body and turned around towards Dimitri in the bed next to mine. But he wasn't there, and the spot on the floor was also empty. I couldn't hear that anyone was in the bathroom or their voices outside. It was really strange being all alone, realizing I had been in their direct proximity ever since my sickness passed with the exception of that moment I had to myself in the woods. Rose from just a couple of days ago would have been scared. I on the other hand was certain that they wouldn't leave me in danger.

I rose from the bed, collected my toiletries and stepped into the bathroom. I brushed my teeth and felt a smile coming at the thought of a long hot shower. Even though I had just washed my hair I decided to do it again since we were probably going to stay in the tent from now on. I wasn't sure when I would have the next opportunity to do it. I took my time, not hurrying. I loved showering, especially now that I got to do it alone. At the Institution we had a girl's bathroom where all the showers were next to each other with very limited privacy. There was also a shower in the infirmary that we sometimes got to use, if the doctor took pity on us.

When I was done I stepped out of the shower and used a very coarse towel to dry myself. There was a hair dryer, but it was almost useless on my thick locks and once again I gave up before my hair was completely dry. I tried the tinted lip balm Dimitri had given me and it made my lips feel so soft.

I put on some of my new clothes, the practical kind instead of the casual, and stepped out into the room. Both men were still missing so I roamed around the room until I found something to eat. I was feeling a little uneasy, so much had happened yesterday and I was desperately trying not to think about it all. Allowing myself to do that would only overwhelm me further. It was still hard to believe that my Dimitri had searched for me and came to my rescue. I absentmindedly rubbed my chest, wondering what felt different. It took me a while but I realized the constricting feeling of anxiety had dispersed, and I was certain that my Dimitri had managed to make it disappear.

I found the round pastries, the donuts as Spiridon had described. Somebody, probably Dimitri, had stored them in a plastic bag to prevent them from drying out. I could see the little marks on one of them where the candles had been. The sight of the little marks brought tears to my eyes recalling how kind Dimitri and Spiridon had been to me not only yesterday, but the entire time I had known them. It was humbling to realize how far they went to ensure my wellbeing and beyond.

I absentmindedly ate all three donuts and immediately felt better.

The door opened and Spiridon stepped in, looking at the last piece of the donut in my hand. "What the hell, did you eat all of them?" he grumbled.

I shrugged my shoulders. "I'm solving my problems like any self-respecting person, with food. Yes, I ate all the donuts. Deal with it." The old Rose would have hidden in the bathroom, absolutely terrified of the punishment to come or bowed her head and begged for forgiveness. I was amazed by my courage. Spiridon chuckled and shook his head in exasperation.

Dimitri stood behind Spiridon and I could see his shy smile and what looked like pride in his eyes. It didn't make any sense.

For some reason I felt really self-conscious under Dimitri's gaze. It almost felt as if we had just met each other despite being in each other's company for almost two weeks now, but in a way we did have a reunion only yesterday. It was still hard to believe and accept that he had been searching for me all these years, just like in my dreams. It still felt too good to be true, but I ignored my feelings of insecurity. He had come for me, and he was here. I gave him a shy smile back and something seemed to glint in his eyes.

"So what are we up to today?" I asked more casually than I felt.

"We're packing up here and getting on the road," Dimitri said in a matter of fact voice.

"Yeah and then we'll spend the night at a private castle." Spiridon added jokingly.

"Unless you've gotten a magic tent I would say you're lying."

"Oh, Rose. I would never lie to you about such things." He defended himself before adding. "We might just have very different definitions of what a castle is."

It didn't take that long for us to get our things in order and just a half an hour later we were on the road again. I got to sit in the front next to Dimitri who was driving. Spiridon had spent the first ten minutes complaining that it was unfair for him to sit in the back. When his arguments about his length didn't work he tried to argue that he was a better driver than Dimitri, which earned him a snort from me. I was surprised that Dimitri didn't say anything or try to defend himself. We fell into a comfortable silence for a while.

"Rose, hand me the bottle," Spiridon said.

"Wouldn't hurt to say please, would it? Even I learned manners despite growing up in that place," I said and handed him the bottle. He took it without a word and as he was taking a long sip Dimitri slammed the brakes so that he spilled water over himself.

"Fucking asshole, you waited for that, didn't you?"

"Sorry, I'm not as good at driving as you are," Dimitri deadpanned.

"Maybe you should try to say thank you, douchebag," I added. I had a feeling both men were quietly impressed by my new-found confidence. A lot of my confidence was relying on having a giant Russian guardian next to me who I knew would step between Spiridon and I if I goaded him too far. The fact that I had my Dimitri in my corner was making me brave.

"Ah, my long lost nickname. You know, I've kind of missed you calling me that. Nice to hear it again. Although, I'm not entirely sure what made me earn it in the first place."

"You walked straight into me!" I exclaimed.

It was clear that Spiridon didn't understand what I was referring to at first, but then he seemed to realize that I was talking about the first time we saw each other, when he bumped into me at the market. "Oh come on, that's hardly enough reason to call me a douchebag. Trust me, I've done things far worse to earn that."

"I'm sure of that," I muttered dryly. "Because of that little incident, Moore decided that it was finally time to once and for all correct my behavior. Such utter bullshit you know, first Igor just leaves me there to my own dealings and then you go and bump into me so that Moore thinks I wandered off fraternizing with a stranger." As soon as the words left my lips, I knew I should've kept quiet. The silence that followed was thick, an uncomfortable tension hanging in the air.

I noticed that Dimitri was gripping the steering wheel so hard that his knuckles were white, but he didn't say anything. In fact, the tension in his body was the only evidence that he had even heard me. "I'm sorry, uh, I didn't mean to-" I started rambling, but was immediately cut off by Spiridon. I was startled when I felt his hand land on my shoulder. I fought the urge to turn around in my seat, instead settling on turning my head a fraction so that I could see him from my periphery in case he was going to hurt me. I didn't think he would, but years and years of not being safe around guardians had ingrained those instincts.

"Rose, I'm-" he trailed off before clearing his throat and straightening himself slightly in his seat, removing his hand. "I'm sorry, that was never my intention. I never wanted you to face any consequences of that, I just needed to plant the tracker on you."

Oh. I somehow thought he had done it out of spite, playing some kind of game with me. I had never really understood why he had walked straight into me. I knew that he wasn't to blame for what Moore had done, but I realized that a part of me had unconsciously resented Spiridon for his involvement. I swallowed thickly and nodded, acknowledging his apology.

"This Igor, he was the other guardian at the market right?" Spiridon asked. I nodded again. "A friend of yours?"

It seemed weird how both Spiridon and Dimitri had asked me if Igor was my friend, but I then realized it was probably because I used his first name. "No, not really. My closest friend is Meredith. There weren't really a lot of students my age. There were a couple of girls that were sort of my friends, but they all graduated before me. Rest of the kids were a lot younger than Meredith and I." I wasn't sure exactly why I had said all of those things, probably just to steer the conversation onto something less upsetting.

Dimitri seemed to sense what I was about to ask so he cut to it, explaining that they hadn't heard any news from the Commander about the other children. That was unsettling. Spiridon broke the silence before I could dwell on it too much. "You said students? Would you have classes and stuff?"

"Yeah, I mean we had classes during the day."

"Is that how you knew about Court?" he continued, and I nodded. I was relieved to see that Dimitri's knuckles were back to normal.

"What kind of classes did you have?"

"Mostly it was about Morois, like Moroi history or learning about all the Royal lines. Learning about Court and all the regents. Values and stuff like that, but also other stuff. We all learnt how to write as well as some math. Oh and we learnt about housekeeping. Where did you go to school?"

"We both attended 's, an Academy in Russia," Dimitri replied. "Do you remember anything from the time before you got to the Institution? Did you go to an Academy?"

"Not much to be honest. This one time I heard these older kids talk about this boarding school called 's Academy, and it took me a while to realize that was the place they had transferred me from. The only reason I made the connection was because they talked about someone who used to care for me, but I can't really remember her that well. I think she might've been a guardian there or something."

"Can you remember her name?" Dimitri asked gently. I got the distinct feeling that both men wanted me to continue talking, careful not to spook me.

"Alberta." They both seemed to be deep in their thoughts. "Did you also learn about Moroi history and stuff like that?"

"Yes, but mostly we just trained and learned combat. We spent the majority of our time in the gym," Dimitri replied. My cheeks heated a bit as I got my first insight into why Dimitri looked the way he looked and once again, the image of him clutching his towel in an attempt to cover his crotch popped into my head.

"The boys got to do that but us girls never got to learn anything like that. I used to be so jealous of Eddie and Mason."

"You´ve mentioned Mason before and that he became a guardian, so the boys didn't have the same classes?" he asked and I shook my head solemnly. "In the beginning we did, but the older we got the more separated we became. Eventually Eddie and Mason were just like the other guardians, even sleeping in the guardian quarters." I just didn't have the energy to get into all the ways we were punished and bullied into submission by the guardians, some more than others. They knew about Moore and what he was capable of, but Moore wasn't the only one who had hurt me throughout the years. I didn't miss the glance between Spiridon and Dimitri, and it was clear that they had noticed that I kept things from them.

"Do you remember how you got to the forest?" Dimitri asked, and noticed the perplexed look on my face. "When you were a child, that time I took you home to my family," he explained.

"Not really, I don't remember much. At first I didn't even understand that something was wrong. It was only in the car with that strange man that I got really scared. I'm not entirely sure, it's quite hazy, but I faintly remember that Alberta didn't want me to draw attention to myself. I remembered that she told me to not let anyone know I was sick. After the man had taken me, we were on a plane, I remember that my ears locked the same way as this time. But then I'm not sure, we drove again and I think we stopped for gas or something and I just ran into the woods."

I looked over at Dimitri, who gave me a tentative smile. My cheeks were heating up when I continued. "And then you found me."

"Ah, is this when the first manhandling took place?"

Grateful for Spiridon's interruption I averted my gaze from Dimitri and looked outside the window. There was a hint of sadness in Dimitri's smile that brought me down, and I wondered what would make it go away.

Author's note:

We're so overwhelmed by the positive feedback, huge thanks to everyone. And we also noted the comments regarding longer chapters, we're happy to say that most chapters will be longer from now on (e.g. chapter 38 is already over 6500 words).

Also, we passed 100k words! Feels unreal that a mutual project that started off with some ideas throwed back and forth has resulted in this, with much more to come.