Title: Least Expected
Authors: DemonessOfPunishment and The Demonic Duo
Rating: R
Disclaimer: We do not own Harry Potter.
Summary: Sirius leaves home for an all boys school, returning later to reunite with past friends and notices an unexpected change with one Remus Lupin. It seems that the librarian's tired of being "proper" and "prudish." AU, SLASH. SBRL.

Remus sat in Sirius car, head down between his legs, as his friend sped down the road. Rock music blared from the speakers, one of which was next to his head. The black haired man looked like he was enjoying himself, slowly increasing the pressure on the gas pedal.

"Sirius! Don't you think you should slow down?!" Remus yelled over the rock music.

"What?!" Sirius questioned, turning down the music. "What did you say?"

"I said, slow down!" Remus shouted.

Sirius stared at him for a soft moment, glancing back at the road and nodding. He decelerated, and left the music low for his friend. "Sorry, Rem, forgot you didn't have a death wish."

Remus looked at him, appalled. "A death wish?! Of course, I don't! Are you telling me that you do?!"

Sirius grinned, turning down his street sharply and causing Remus to grab onto the seat and door in panic. "Hardly."

"Then what do you call your atrocious driving?" The librarian grumbled, pressing his face against the glass and watching the houses go by at a, thankfully, slower pace.

"Having fun?" Sirius suggested hopefully.

Remus glared at him in reply. "That was not having fun, that was being reckless!" he stated. "I can't believe you'd be so careless with another human life in your car!"

"Oh, Remus, you were never in any danger." Sirius said with a chuckle. "Besides, I wasn't going a whole lot over the speed limit."

"How fast were you going?"

"I don't know, fifty-three...fifty-five."

"Sirius! The speed limit is thirty-five!"

Sirius blinked owlishly at him, pulling in front a yard and looking at him. "So, I accidentally mixed the numbers up... there's nothing wrong with an accident."

"Sure, this accident didn't cost us our lives." Remus grumbled. "Um...why'd you stop?"

"We're at my home." Sirius grinned, turning the car off and stepping out. Remus exited the car and looked in the direction of his friend's house.

"Well, at least you picked a nice home." Remus murmured. "How long will it be before you destroy it?"

Sirius gaped at him, his jaw hanging. He collected his wits from the accusatory insult and smiled. "Well, I don't know about destroying it, but I will make my own personal touches to it."

"You're going to ruin it, I feel for the house already." He drawled.

Sirius glared playfully at his old friend. "I am not going to ruin the house. I may knock out a wall or two, but I'm not going to destroy it."

Remus eyed him skeptically. "That is one thing I'll believe when I see." He stated.

Sirius stuck his tongue out at Remus immaturely. "You're so mean to me!" he cried with false hurt, sticking his bottom lip out in a pout. The tawny haired friend stared blatantly at the pouting mouth for a breath's worth longer than he should have, before smiling smally.

"If you say so, Sirius." said Remus, his tone still dubious. Sirius stared at him, licking his dry lips before shrugging and unlocking the door. Remus stepped in first, grinning at the poorly painted white walls. Apparently, as for most houses, the walls had to be painted a neutral color. The coat layers varied in size and texture.

"Aah, I see that they had pink before." He drawled in delight. "Somehow, I see you more as a violet person."

Sirius raised both eyebrows in challenge. "Of course," He countered. "I'd have to leave you with the pink, now wouldn't I?"

Remus blushed. "So, are you going to give me a tour?" he questioned. Attempting to change the subject.

Smiling, Sirius nodded, taking Remus' arm and pulling him further into the house. "Well, naturally, downstairs, you have the dining room, living room, and kitchen." He stated.

"Naturally." Remus agreed, allowing himself to be pulled by his friend.

The upstairs walls didn't look any better then the ones downstairs. In the master bedroom, faded orange could still be seen through the thin layer of white paint. The room Sirius was using for his studio had the most awful neon green paint radiating through the new layer white. Patched over holes and old crayon markings were also visible, most of which were random, mindless scribbles.

The last room was a faded red, which didn't look so bad through the white, so Remus and Sirius concluded that the person in the room was the only sane one. That was until the librarian saw the bars on the windows.

"Kinky." Remus commented conversationally, striding over to tug on the sturdy iron bars. He glanced at Sirius. "Are you going to keep them?" If Sirius didn't know any better, he would have sworn that Remus wanted the bars to stay.

"For my own personal brothel? You bet." Sirius smiled sweetly. "This room belonged to a child, they put the bars on the windows for the kid's safety. I came here for a tour before it was all cleared out, and if you think this is bad..." He left the sentence hanging. Remus nodded and followed him out of the room. Sirius showed him the bathroom next, and he sighed in relief.

"Finally, something nice in this house." He looked at the silver fixtures and the light gray and black tiles that lined the floors in a checker board pattern and the matching ceramic ones in the shower. The toilet was black and the sink was as well. "I like it, are you going to keep it?"

"Probably. I like it too, though I'll need help painting the house. Will you help? I don't want James to see it quite like this." said Sirius, sheepishly grinning. "He'll never let me live it down."

Remus raised an eyebrow, his mouth twitching in amusement. "Well, I don't see why not. Just as long as it's between now and the end of the month."

"Well, at least you know I can't ruin my house anymore than the family before me." Sirius said, thinking back to the earlier topic from before. "And you'll be here to help me, so I don't see what how I'll destroy the place. I'm making an improvement."

Sirius and Remus jumped, a loud shrill noise echoing through the house. It paused a moment before starting again. The sound grated their eardrums, playing over and over again.

"What the bloody hell is that?! It's awful!" Remus shrieked over the continuous noise. Sirius shook his head balefully.

"The doorbell." He shouted glumly, hurrying down the stairs and wrenching the door open. He smiled slightly at the man, of whom he believed was one of the movers, and turned to rip the doorbell case open. It wasn't an easy task, but the plastic gave way and shattered, causing Sirius to use the plastic to sever some of the wires.

"Talk about 'The House of Doom.'" Remus griped under his breath, stepping up behind Sirius.

"I'm going to assume it belonged to the Addam's Family." Sirius stated, moving aside as the movers made their way in with boxes. Walking out the door, Sirius made his way over to the truck driver. "Excuse me, but mind telling me what took you so long?" he demanded, more then asked.

Shrugging the truck driver pulled out his clip board. "I said it would be three hours." He grumbled.

"Yes, but you were supposed to be here yesterday!" Sirius countered, lowering at the man. Remus followed, watching Sirius's temper rise with the the sluggish replies. He sighed, already determined to keep out of it.

"Look, pal." The driver started with a slur. "Just let us do our job and then you can pay us and we'll be on our way."

Sirius growled. "I have half a mind not to pay you, but fine, get off your ass and do something." He turned around, blinking adorably at Remus. He smiled. "Don't look so put out, Remmy, it doesn't suit you."

Remus shook his head. "Anger problems, Sirius?" He cocked his head to the side, but released a small grin.

Sirius beamed. "Not always! I went to classes for it!" he joked. "But the teacher was so boring that I pretended to get 'better' at controlling my anger just so I could leave."

Remus shook his head, laughing softly. "Unfortunately, you can't push them down the stairs, off a building, or shove them out into oncoming traffic, otherwise you'd have to unload the truck by yourself."

"That's not true, I'd get you and James to help." Sirius stated.

"That would work... up until you had to tell James why the truck showed up but there is no one to unload it." Remus countered. "Then he'd be too busy laughing."

Sirius glared playfully at his friend. "I hate you." He stated. "But I could say that they had to attend a meeting, though I won't tell him that it's with their grave."

"You can't hate me." Remus rolled his eyes, then sarcastically said, "And I'm sure you'd do that. James may act daft, but he's really not. Now, shall we stay here, or go and bug James?"

"But James'll see the house!" Sirius complained, his voice high and girlish. Remus snorted.

"Of course, he's meant to, remember?" He reminded the ebony haired man. Sirius bounced from foot to foot, shaking his head frantically.

"No, no, no, no, NO!" He whined, his eyebrows scrunched in faux worry. "He'll see the paint and then he'd see the bars. Remus, I can't let him see the bars!"

Remus grinned lopsidedly at the silly and cute antics of his friend. He had never pictured the other man to act in such a childish manner. Even when they were younger, Sirius's tantrums never quite reached this limit. It was hug and kiss worthy, in his hormonal opinion.

"Alright, I'll call James, you sit and fret about it." Remus said, then realized he didn't have a phone and the car was left in the restaurant's parking lot. "Okay... maybe not." He sighed, and Sirius's tantrum ceased and a wicked smile laced his face.

"I win." He cackled.

Remus rolled his eyes again. "Yeah, yeah, get over yourself." He said. "You aren't that great."

Sirius grinned from ear to ear. "But, of course, I am! Why else would I have the house with iron bars?"

Remus eyed his friend. "Because you're slightly psychotic?"

"Only according to shrinks with nothing better to do but study me." Sirius chirped.

Remus decided to save his thoughts on the possibility of him being able to study Sirius in certain ways. He simply smiled. "So, apparently I have something better than to study you?"

Sirius blinked at him, looked mildly thoughtful before shrugging. "I guess..." he murmured. "But how could you not want to study me? I mean... look at this body."

Remus watched Sirius trail his palms down the sinful fabric of his chest and had to look away. Unfortunately it was into Sirius's face and he blushed. "You're not that great, Sirius."

"How many times are you going to tell me that?" The taller man sulked. Is he not gay? Sirius thought, covertly pouting. He hadn't noted the blush.

After a few hours of waiting, everything was finally in the house, and Sirius signed the papers for the movers to leave. Sirius and Remus went through the house, getting lost in the maze of boxes. At the moment, they were just looking for clothes, and dishware. Everything else could be dealt with later, maybe after the rooms were painted. The bed had already been assembled in the master bedroom, and his drawing equipment had been put into the proper room.

"Hey, Sirius! I think I found your clothes!" Remus called to the other man from the other side of the room.

"Great! Where are you in the room?" Sirius questioned. He was sifting through a pile of unlabeled boxes, knowing that the bathroom accessories would be in them.

Remus looked around and chuckled nervously. "I'm not quite sure."

"Um." Sirius called, before grinning stupidly. "What color are the walls?"

He could hear Remus's peels of laughter. "I didn't think of that! Um... orange?"

Sirius left the living room and trudged lazily up the stairs and to the master bedroom. His grinned marched back onto his face at the sight of Remus sitting on the floor, a box wide open in front of him. Remus had used the pen, that he "borrowed" from the movers and had unfortunately (Sirius snorted mentally.) never returned, to open the boxes and had managed to find two boxes of clothes.

"Why, yes, they would be clothes." Sirius purred in amusement. He leant against the door frame, his orange shirt riding up his side. "Now all we have to do look for the dishware."

Remus groaned quietly, almost whimpering. "Spare me, Sirius, it was hard enough finding your bloody clothes." Though even as he 'complained', a few more hours with Sirius wearing that shirt was something he considered worth it.

TBC.