Title: Least Expected
Authors: DemonessOfPunishment and The Demonic Duo
Rating: R
Disclaimer: We do not own Harry Potter.
Summary: Sirius leaves home for an all boys school, returning later to reunite with past friends and notices an unexpected change with one Remus Lupin. It seems that the librarian's tired of being "proper" and "prudish." AU, SLASH. SBRL.

Sirius sat on the floor, rummaging through the bags from the hardware store. He was currently in search of the plastic coverings that would protect everything from the paint. Remus was looking through some of the other bags, and was unable to find the plastic covering. The long haired man finally came to a conclusion, and it wasn't one he liked.

"We have to go to the hardware store." Sirius stated. "I forgot to buy plastic coverings."

"How could you forget the covers?" Remus questioned.

"Well....when I got there, I couldn't find the colors I was looking for, so I had someone help me, and she turned out to be a real psycho. So then I had someone else help me, but he just hit on me, so I was thinking more about getting the hell out of the store then anything else." Sirius explained, getting off the floor.

Remus cocked his head to the side innocently, his eyes quizzical. "You were attacked by a psycho and then hit on by a guy?"

"Pretty much." Sirius pouted, grabbing his keys. "Can you come with me?"

The lithe man seemed hesitant to respond, but couldn't decline. Sirius had obviously perfected the puppy look and it was tempting his hormones. Boy, would he give anything to jump Sirius right then and there. "...Fine, just," he bit his lip. "Keep to the speed limit?"

"Don't worry, it's not like I'm in any hurry of getting there." He said.

The two of them left the house and got into Sirius's car. The drive, Remus noticed with relief, was much more slow and calm than it was the other day. They arrived at the hardware store, and with a loud, mournful sigh, Sirius heaved himself out of the car.

"It won't kill you, Sirius." Remus rolled his eyes.

"You don't know that!" Sirius stated. "It nearly killed me last time! That chick scared me! Then I had to go home and deal with some grumpy old man and two psychotic lesbians!"

Remus stared at Sirius. "I'm telling Dee you called Michelle psychotic."

Sirius eyes widened in fear. "Please, don't. She'd kill me in my sleep."

Remus snorted in amusement and walked around the car, grabbing his arm. Tugging somewhat forcefully, he managed to get Sirius across the parkinglot and into the entrance of the building. He glanced around quickly.

"Alright, show me the isle for paint supplies." Remus demanded, not letting go of Sirius's arm. It seemed to relax and comfort the poor, scared man. He mentally sniggered.

Sirius lead Remus to the isle where Robert had taken him earlier. They strided side by side down the row, searching carefully for the large plastic sheets.

"Ow." Remus muttered, looking at the paint brush that was on the ground. It had hit him in the back of the neck.

Sirius frowned. "That's odd, the paint brushes are in the other isle... only the rollers are in this one."

The two men directed their attention to the woman from earlier in Sirius's day. She had gathered an armful of paintbrushes, at least over a dozen, and was glaring angrily at Remus. Sirius raised both eyebrows, catching the malicious grumbling Becky was saying. "Evil twerp... steals my men... fag."

Sirius shook his head, moving closer to Remus. "You're so popular." He joked.

Remus rolled his eyes. "Let's just not even get into that conversation." He muttered.

"She's the psycho I was talking about. She scares me." Sirius stated conversationally. "She started screaming about how she turns men gay, and brought up her brother. I was seriously frightened."

"Sirius, she won't kill you." Remus stated with a smile.

"How do you know? She's already made an attempt on your life!" Sirius countered.

"With a paintbrush." Remus added.

"Whatever, lets hurry up and find what we came here for, before she remembers where the more dangerous tools are." Sirius hissed playfully, grabbing Remus's wrist and rushing away from Becky. Remus was torn between amusment with Sirius and frustration over Becky. Once again, he was pegged in the back with a paintbrush.

"WHORE!" Becky screamed. Remus grit his teeth, and Sirius was still determined to find what they were looking for. "Unnatural bitch!"

Remus's nerves were wearing down, and when Sirius stopped and grabbed a package of plastic covers, he was hit again with another brush.

That was enough. Remus had enough. Turning on his heels, the auburn haired man stalked towards the blonde who still held a few paintbrushes. Removing his glasses from his face, Remus placed them on his head as he glared at the woman in front of him.

"Look, I don't know what in the hell your problem is, but continue being a stupid bitch and beaming me with those, and I'll use them to paint you on the wall." He threatened, his arms flailing effeminately.

Becky glared back at Remus. "You're such a whore. You always steal my men and you broke my brother's heart!"

"Only in your mind!" Remus countered. "What makes you so damn sure that we're together?" he questioned, pointing to Sirius. "He's my friend. Get that through your stupid blonde head."

"Your friend?" She spat with disbelief. "THEN WHY ARE YOU TWO HANGING ALL OVER EACHOTHER?!"

"We aren't hanging over each other." Remus countered in exasperation. "We're here to get something he forgot. We're painting his house, what else would we be here for?"

"TO FLAUNT YOUR F-FREAKISHNESS!"

Sirius walked up behind Remus, making a piteous attempt to gain his friend's attention. "Remus?"

"Just a minute, Sirius," Remus said in false sweetness, waving him off.

"Okay." Sirius sighed, standing behind him, waiting for the other man to finish his argument. He couldn't believe how much Remus acted like a woman.

Becky glared at Remus. "You're a freak, a fag!" she shouted.

"Like I haven't heard that before," Remus grumbled. "You're nothing more then a preteen slut with nothing better to do the strut around town banging every guy that you see." He stated. Turning, he grabbed Sirius' arm and dragged him towards the check out lines.

"Wow, Remus, I never expected you to throw such a tantrum, you argue like a girl." Sirius teased, putting his forehead against Remus's temple to lighten the joke.

"It wasn't a tantrum, but I do find it very vexing that no matter where I go... she's there and screaming at me." He stroked Sirius's hair with one hand, handing the package to the cashier with the other. "You know you're on her hit-list now, right?"

"Great, not only do I have to worry about castration in my sleep... but I have to worry about psychos trying to shag me while I'm trying to catch Z's or take a shower."

Remus chuckled, dismayed when Sirius pulled back. "Well then, I suppose we'll have to stop at a lock shop some other time, hm?"

"Yep!" Sirius chirped. They took the purchased item and walked back into the parking lot. Sirius unlocked the car, shoved the box of coverings into the back and climbed in.

Remus rolled his eyes, pulling the seatbelt on and securing it. "You know, your cousin made you paranoid." He stated.

"Of course she did! I haven't even told you anything that she's done to me!" Sirius said. "She put her fucking snake in my bed while I was sleeping!"

Remus stared at his friend. "Sirius, no matter how much she hates you, she'd never do that."

Sirius fixed Remus with a level glare. "Look, Puppy, she did and she gave me a damn buzz cut, too!"

"Somehow, I can't picture you with a buzz cut." Remus murmured thoughtfully, relaxed as Sirius pulled the car out of the parking lot. "You've always had long hair, it's just not knotted and tangled now like it was before."

"Yeah, I learned how to take care of my hair." He sighed. "After I was nearly bald, I quickly learned not to take it for granted. Besides, Bella, the bitch, hates my hair."

"Why? It's lovely."

"That's why." Sirius glanced at him, frowning. "She doesn't like anything to do with me. I mean, she literally burned my list of phone numbers and addresses. Not only that, but she had my contacts restricted to family while I was at school."

"Well...." Remus murmured, not entirely sure where to go with that. At least he knew why Sirius didn't write or call.

Sirius grinned as they pulled up to his house. Looking around quickly, he shut off the car and stepped out. Still finding no sign of his neighbors, he walked up to his house with Remus. They still had a few things they could do before they could paint the house, but after those chores were done, the pink was gone.

After they were in the house, Remus and Sirius set out to cover everything on the bottom floor in plastic. The long haired man prayed, to whatever ultimate force there was, that he had enough plastic. He looked over at his friend, who was helping him cover the tower of boxes in plastic.

"Hey, Remus, what was up with that chick back at the hardware store? What does she have against you?"

"Um, I hired her brother at the library and we became really close... friends." Remus said, shifting the plastic some. "We began working there more and more because after years of living here, there isn't much else one can do for entertainment. He and I enjoyed books greatly, so we read and talked a lot. She was convinced there was some sort of relationship between us, even though he was dating another man at the library."

"Oh..." Murmured Sirius, thoughtfully. "And what's up with the library? It's closed now, right? What's happening?"

Remus smiled mysteriously. "I'm changing it and opening something new. Kenneth left, so why keep the library? Not everyone goes there and it's quite hard to support with college."

"What're you changing it into?" He inquired, peeking around the boxes at Remus.

Remus grinned. "Secret!"

"Oh, sure, keep the secret. I'm only you're friend, after all." Sirius jested, taking the paint tins and filling one for Remus and the other for himself. "You get that side and I'll take this side?"

"Sounds alright to me." said Remus, unpacking the roller, tossing it's small cover aside. He unwrapped the goggles and put them over his glasses.

The two started painting the walls white, going over the same spot a few times for good measure. As they painted in silence, Sirius thought about what the library could possibly be changed into. A hobby shop, maybe? No, that was too obvious, and he would have advertised, Sirius thought, glancing at his friend. Could Remus be turning it into that? He always wished there was one in town. Well, as long as it was fun, he wouldn't mind. Remus may have changed, but he can still do fun, right?

"Oh, c'mon! You can't even give me a hint?!" Sirius questioned, and Remus started laughing.

"No, of course not! Where would the fun be in that?"

Sirius sighed. "I'll make you regret not telling me." He said in a serious tone. Remus looked at him curiously, blinking as white splattered along the front of his shirt and across his goggles. He smudged some of the pain off his goggles and looked at his shirt.

"...you got paint on my shirt." He said childishly, Sirius cackled. "I liked this shirt."

Remus rolled the tool in the paint and flicked it at him, leaving an awkward white slash down Sirius's side. Sirius raised his eyebrows in surprise, dipping his hand into paint and patting it lightly on Remus's face. It made a squeak sound when he pulled his palm away and he grinned.

Remus pushed Sirius away, causing the black haired man to trip. Remus dipped his hand into the pain and smeared it all over the other man's face and goggles. "Careful, Sirius, I'm armed with paint and it's extremely dangerous for your hair."

Sirius glared playfully at his friend. "That's it, Rem... You're asking for it." He stated, standing and grabbing the bucket of paint next to him.

Remus raised an eyebrow, a grin on his face. "You wouldn't do it." He stated.

"Wouldn't I?" Sirius stated, lunging the canister forward. A quarter of the paint left in the bucket escaped, splashing along the front of Remus' outfit, covering him and the ground below him in eggshell white.

"If you waist too much, you'll have to face the wrath of Becky again." Remus said, staring at the mess. "And I won't come with you this time."

"I have another can, I can always spill the rest of this one on you." Sirius cooed, stepping closer in threat.

"I refuse to surrender!" Remus squeaked, moving around the boxes to get away from his friend. "And I absolutely refuse to reveal the secret!"

Sirius raced around the boxes, content with just teasing his friend for now. He stopped, blinking as Remus stood facing him, smirking. He didn't like that smirk, that was the kind of smirk he, Sirius, used for devious purposes.

Remus reached forward, pushing the can at Sirius, and grinning once the paint spilled over the taller man's shirt. "You look horrible in white, Sirius."

"You think so too?" Sirius murmured, pulling his shirt up in mock critique. "I prefer cool colors, but oranges and reds are nice too."

Remus rolled his eyes, putting the remaining amount of paint in the tins. A knock sounded on the door, and Sirius blinked. "I'm not expecting anyone...."

"It's probably James. I called him before I left." Said Remus, moving over to the door and opening it.

"Traitor." Sirius hissed from behind him. "We still didn't cover the pink!"

James peered in the house with interest before taking in the sight of his best friends. "So." He smiled. "Should I come back later? You two seem sort of busy."

TBC.

We apologize for the next chapters. Both of us have different online hours due to different time zones, so the next chapters will take a while.