Title: Least Expected
Authors: DemonessOfPunishment and The Demonic Duo
Rating: R
Disclaimer: We do not own Harry Potter.
Summary: Sirius leaves home for an all boys school, returning later to reunite with past friends and notices an unexpected change with one Remus Lupin. It seems that the librarian's tired of being "proper" and "prudish." AU, SLASH. SBRL.

Sirius sat on the floor with his legs crossed, gazing up at James with mild irritation. He was currently being beset by the messy haired doctor, over the color of the room, while Remus mearly sat back and watched without bothering to conceal his amusement.

"You know, Sirius, pink speaks wonders for you." James said, his eyebrows wagging suggestively. Sirius was struck with the thought of when he was checking out his friend's backside, and nearly slapped himself and then James.

"I prefer violet, thank you." Sirius said sweetly, his mouth pressed together in a firm smile of annoyance.

James's eyebrows rose. "Oh? Why's that?"

"Add an 'n' between the 'e' and the 't' and you get violent... and if you keep pestering me, that's how my mood's going to end up being." Sirius grumbled, picking himself up off of the ground and stirring the trays some. "So are you going to help paint, or not?"

"That depends," James commented, "are we painting the walls, or each other?"

Sirius smirked, putting down the stirring stick and lifting the tray. "I think it'll end up being a little of both," he stated, turning and slashing the tray of paint towards James. Some of the white liquid landed on both Remus and James.

James and Remus glared at Sirius, who was wearing a grin that stretched from ear to ear. They stood there for a few minutes before they began laughing, the room filling with the happy sound. After simmering down, James finally replied.

"Alright, I'll help paint." James said, unpacking a pair of goggles and placing them on his head and over his glasses. Remus assembled his roller for him and he took it politely from his friend with a small thank you. Sirius pried open the newest can of paint and poured it in the remaining tin before placing it nearest to the hallway where the walls faded from poorly concealed pink to a mangy brown. James sniggered quietly, dipping his roller in paint. "Did you get the chance to meet these people, Sirius?"

"Unfortunately." He murmured, not offering any more than that. Each of them set off to a section of the room.

"Did you ask who picked their color scheme?" Remus questioned.

Sirius shook his head. "I didn't, but I got the idea that they had bad eyesight, so I guess hot pink looked good to them."

James laughed, shaking his head. "Well, Remus, what's your opinion? How did it look too to them?"

Glaring, Remus flicked his roller towards James, getting paint on the would-be doctor. "My eyesight isn't bad enough that I would choose this color."

"I thought you liked pink." James said, pouting.

"I do, just not... this pink." Remus grumbled, sending him a lethal look. James caught it and winked, leaving Sirius clueless over the exchange.

Sirius went back to rolling the white on, thinking over how much he missed. He pondered over the hidden secrets he had slip through the cracks and drain away from him. Peter, the young man who was once his friend turned social delinquent. James and Lily, married and him without being there to see them. Finally, there was Remus... the person he adored and yearned for the most was now a stranger. Friends, but strangers.

"Are you alright Sirius? You're staring at the wall and.. not painting." Stated James, adjusting his shirt. It was a dusty gray, streaked with white and blotched with pale fingerprints. In Sirius's opinion, the cut looked good on him, but the material reeked extreme pallor from being washed over and over. He had a sneaking suspicion that it was from high school.

Sirius turned to look at him, looking faintly pensive. "I'm thinking about the past."

James nodded. "Ah, yes, the past. Filled with lockers, test, and stamp collections."

Remus chuckled softly. "Do you still have your stamp collection?" he asked Sirius.

Sirius nodded. "Of course, do you guys?"

"Of course we do!" James said. "Like I would get rid of that."

Remus nodded. "It was one of the few things we still had that linked us to you, and we weren't going to get rid of them," he explained. "Well, some of us didn't."

Sirius stared at his friends for a moment. "Peter got rid of his?"

James nodded. "How else do you think he'd have the money to buy a car lot?"

Sirius thought about that for a moment. "You know, I did order gifts for you three but if I give him his, he's just going to sell it, huh?"

"Yeah." Remus answered gently, shaking his head. "You should just send it back, or keep it...."

James's eyebrows rose with interest. "Wait, did you say three of us... as in you got us all gifts? Why?"

"Because," Sirius said, pausing as if it would explain it all. "I wanted to, and it was an apology for not contacting you. You guys were the reminders of where a bothersome guy like me belongs." He grinned.

Remus laughed. "You're not all that bothersome."

"Yeah, you have your finer parts, too." James finished.

"And what finer parts would those be?" Sirius smirked. "I don't think I've shown you them."

James glared playfully at Sirius. "Pervert, I'm telling on you!"

"Who are you going to tell? You're mother?" Sirius asked.

"No, I'll tell Lily, then she'll beat you with another DVD case," James stated.

"Only if she does it in the movie store again." Sirius laughed softly.

James laughed as well. "Do you know how long she ranted about that?"

"I'd guess around a couple of hours," Sirius said.

"What are you two talking about?" Remus asked.

Sirius turned to him, explaining his so-called brilliant actions at the video store. Of how he handed Lily a romantic pornography and afterwards he also pointed out to James that he had met Remus, only he didn't recognize him. "Should have came in with me," he chirped. "I don't think Remus would have cared if you came in just to tell him that I was home again."

James shrugged. "Still, it worked out, didn't it?"

"Yeah, but it would have been nicer for me to know sooner." Remus pouted. I was checking out my old friend's package! he sulked quietly to himself.

James stuck his tongue out at Remus and shrugged again. "Get over it, Moony." He scoffed. "It's not like the two of you got into a huge argument because Sirius was noisy or something, so everything is fine. Unless... there's something you're not sharing with us," James suggested, wiggling his eyebrows.

Blushing furiously, Remus threw the paint brush at James as hard as he could. "James Potter, you are and forever will be a pervert." He stated.

"Don't forget that he'll always be a git!" Sirius added with a grin. He silently pondered over the possibility of a secret love affair with Remus, but there was always the nagging thought of the woman who answered the phone that day. Sirius blinked. "Hey Remmy, who was the woman that answered your phone?"

Remus raised an eyebrow, his earlier frustration with James completely vanished. "What woman?"

"The first day I called you, a woman answered the phone. Unless of course you were playing the part of a very convincing telephone transvestite..."

"OH! No! I would never." Remus huffed. "That was Veronica Shears, my neighbor. She was taking care of my cats."

Sirius stared and then wrinkled his nose in disgust. "Puppy, Moony... PUPPY! YOU have CATS?"

Remus sniffed indignantly. "Two of them, yes! What's wrong with cats?"

"What's WRONG with cats!?" Sirius repeated. "Well, since you asked so nicely, I'll tell you. They smell, cough up hairballs all over the place, can't tell where their litter box is, and they always have to be near you! You get no privacy with a cat around! Let alone TWO of the damn furry things!" he explained, hand movement and all.

Remus stared at Sirius, small grin of amusement on his face. "And I supposed you're going to tell me dogs are better?"

Sirius nodded. "Of course they are! Dogs want their independence!"

Remus sighed and cleared his throat. "One, dogs leave bigger messes then cats when you don't put them outside in time. Two, there are dogs who have to be around you 24/7, and whine when you aren't around. Three, I happen to like cats."

"Fine, but I warn you... I'm getting a dog and he's going to eat your ratty furballs." Sirius sulked. Well, considering he liked everything else about the other man, Sirius couldn't help but feel relieved that liking cats was his only fault, thus far. "It's going to be a big, mean rotty, just you watch."

"I'd like to see you try." Remus countered, he took his paint brush from James and mixed his slowly drying paint. The room was already mostly finished. "My cats would double-team your mutt and put the smack down on it."

Sirius stared in shock, James doing the same. "Remus! Never have I heard my sweet innocent puppy use such WORDS! You make me proud." Sirius exclaimed, enthused.

Remus stared at Sirius, shook his head, and laughed. "It's one of the few times you will." He stated.

James nodded. "I've only heard him swear when he's been pissed off to the breaking point. But never in a casual conversation!"

Sirius shook his head, laughing, "Remus, you naughty boy! Someone should wash your mouth out with soap for that!" he teased.

"You'd like seeing that, wouldn't you? Of course, you're the first to be poisoned by soap."

Sirius pouted, again, and turned away feigning sadness. "That hurts, Remmy."

Remus raised an eyebrow, and while knowing Sirius was only kidding, he couldn't help but feel somewhat guilty. "Sorry?"

"Okay, you're forgiven." Sirius grinned over his shoulder, finishing up a small portion and surveying the room. "Is it finished?"

They were quiet as they put the finishing touches on the walls. Finally satisfied, they washed up in the kitchen. James used his cell phone and each pitched in for two large pizzas and a bottle of Sprite.

James left the house for better reception on his phone, leaving Sirius and Remus in the kitchen.

The long haired man was kind of sad that their paint fight was cut short, and grabbed the spray nozzle from the sink. "Hey, Remus, I think you missed a spot," he lied, reaching behind him to turn the water on.

"I did?" Remus questioned. "Where?"

Sirius grinned. "Right there!" he said, spraying Remus in the face with the water. Remus spluttered in surprise, backing up some and raising his arms to block his face. He waited for the spray of water to cease before peeking over his arms and blinking wide amber eyes at his grinning friend.

"You know, Sirius, I think that was very cruel. Not only was I covered in paint because of you, I'm now completely soaked... how do you think that's supposed to make me feel?" He snapped, only pretending to be mad. Sirius bought it, his invisible puppy ears sagging. Remus smiled, smoothing his friend's silky hair, taking the hose from him and spraying it in Sirius's face, causing the other man to step back and slip, coughing in surprise. "Oh, I'm sorry!" He pouted, kneeling next to Sirius, his brows furrowed in concern. "I didn't know you'd choke on the water!" He inched closer, practically in Sirius's lap.

James walked in, raising an eyebrow at the situation. "Want me to come back?"

Remus jumped, banging his head on the counter and groaning. "I'm just drowning and banging up everyone today, keep your distance."

James quirked and eyebrow, then shook his head. "Right.... The pizza will be here in thirty, so I'm going to head into the living room, and pretend I didn't see you playing nurse to Sirius," he teased, leaving the kitchen.

Remus glared at his retreating form. "You only wish this was you, James!" he shouted, getting off the floor and helping Sirius up.

"Somehow, I doubt that," Sirius grumbled. "You look small, but you weigh a lot," he teased.

Remus stared at him, gaping slightly. "Are you saying I'm a closet fatty?"

"A what?"

"A closet fatty! Someone who has to hide their weight through different means of clothing!" Remus sniffled.

Sirius snorted, tugging on his shirt, though with the position he was in, it looked suggestive. He landed on his ass, legs apart with Remus kneeling between them and tugging on his shirt was just the most perfect gesture of; "Come hither."

"With those clothes, Remus, I doubt you could hide fat under those clothes. I can't even imagine you hiding an ounce of fat under the clothes you wore the other day." He gave a low whistle, winking. "Second skin, anyone?"

Remus blushed a deep red. "Had I known you were coming home, I never would have worn that, because now you'll never let me live it down," he muttered.

Sirius grinned. "Sure, I will! The next time you wear something like that, I'll forget the time in the library."

Remus scowled. "Whoever said I would wear something like that again? I might just throw out that portion of my wardrobe!"

Raising his eyebrow in disbelief, Sirius merely stared. Remus met his gaze, averting his attention first. "Okay, so that would be over half of my clothes...."

Sirius laughed musically, letting Remus back away and standing up first and slipping on the water, landing on his arse again, banging his own head this time, making a sound thump. "FUCK!"

"Are you okay?!" Remus reached over, nursing his head. "Well, it's not bleeding."

"It hurts, though." Sirius didn't sound bitter, just amused and in mild pain.

"Why, may I ask, are you so... amused?"

"Well, it's because you're such a mother hen."

"I am not." Remus protested.

"Are too."

James walked in, watching them bicker. "What was the noise? The thump, I mean."

Sirius shook his head. "That was just Remus wounding my pride," he said, pretending to sob.

"Oh, good job, Remus!" James said, leaving the kitchen again.

"What do you mean good job!?" Sirius shouted, walking out after James.

"Exactly what it sounds like! Now, if we could do something about your ego, we'd be set," James joked.

Sirius glared with a pout. "You are so hurtful, James Potter."

"At least it's only that." James sang back, causing Remus to blanc.

"What the hell's that supposed to mean?" Sirius whined.

"He doesn't mean anything by it, Siri." Remus said, picking himself up carefully, watching Sirius crawl closer and stand when he was out of the small puddles.

"I'm not sure I believe that, I see how you all are! All hiding shit from me, well guess what! I'm going to find out." Sirius babbled. "And when I do, you two are going to pay."

"Pay for what, exactly?"

Sirius paused, looking surprisingly pensive. "I don't know, but you'll see!"

Remus shook his head at the stupid and thoughtless threat, starting to chuckle. He walked into the living room, pulling the soaked shirt away from his chest. "You know, Remus, you could always just take it off," Sirius joked, sitting on his couch in his wet clothes.

Remus blushed again. "Sirius, you're such a pervert," he stated, ringing the cloth between his hands, draining off any water.

Sirius grinned. "I love you, too, Puppy!" he said, tossing a couch pillow at him.

"Are you making up for years of childish moments?" James asked. "First the paint, then the water, now pillows. What's next?"

"Why, feel left out?" Remus murmured, staring at his soaked shirt with dismay.

"You know, Remus, I have a shirt you can probably change into if you want... maybe. I'd have to check." Sirius said, staring at his friend chest and stomach. The shirt was clinging to him again, sticking perfectly against his body and Sirius held his breath when Remus made even the slightest movements.

"You know, Sirius, you seem kind of... dazed." James murmurs quietly, only for Sirius to hear, startling the black haired man.

"What?" Sirius blinked large blue eyes at him, having not quite heard what the messy haired doctor said.

James rolled his eyes. "Can you make it any more obvious that you were staring at Remus?"

"He hasn't noticed yet, so yes, I could," Sirius muttered, blushing softly.

James shook his head. "You're about as dense as he is," he stated.

"What?" Sirius asked, blinking in confusion.

"Nothing," James said, grinning slightly.

Sirius glowered at him, but didn't pry. That was a first.

"Pizza's here!" Remus said, and James stranded Sirius in the middle of the living room to pay for the delivery.

They settled the pizza on the floor, away from the walls and other paint containers, camping around the pizza box. James handed out the paper plates and cups they were nice enough to give, letting Remus and Sirius serve themselves first, grabbing his own slice.

"So, what room's next?" James asked, causing Remus and Sirius to look at each other, their pizza in mid air and inches from their mouth.

"Um..."

TBC.