I walked over in my red sleep shorts and tank top, my hair braided…and opened the door…and came face to face…well more like face to chest with Mark…I said, "Are you lost?" Mark chuckled and said, "I'm beginning to understand why we put Ice Bitch on the Marriage Certificate…Can't I just be wanting to visit my wife?"
I said, "Please don't make me puke up whatever I had for dinner…You're so…"
Mark said, "Pleasant? Wholesome?"
I said, "Unwelcome."
Mark said, "Unwelcome? I guess someone still has her panties in a twist."
I said, "Don't for one minute think that you have any affect what so ever on my panties."
Mark smirked and said, "So what did I have an effect on?"
I said, "Other than my upchuck reflex…Ummm…Nothing."
Mark said, "I just wanted to talk…is it okay for me to come in?" I said, "Sure…it's your quarter." I opened the door wider and stepped aside and Mark leaned down under the doorway to walk into my apartment. I closed the door and crossed my arms over my chest and said, "So…to what do I owe for this visit from my big tattooed husband?"
As soon as I said tattooed, I felt the unmistakable soft fur rubbing against my bare ankles…I leaned down and scooped up the cat and said, "Oh look…Tattoo, meet tattooed…" Mark said, "You named your cat Tattoo?" I said, "Yea, being as it is MY cat…so did you plan on speaking or was you going to stand and ask me stupid questions for the next hour?"
Mark cleared his throat and said, "I heard about what that guy said to you…you know about the 6 month leave of absence…and I was wondering…just as a stress reliever to you, if you'd like to come with me while I do some traveling for a few months…you can come meet the guys I work with…they really aren't as bad as most people set them up to be…they are a nice group of girls and guys…I mean it's not like you have too…but I just figured it would be nice for you, to be able to get out of New York for a while…"
I said, "Are you insane? What the hell would I do while on the road with you, while you worked? Pick shit with chickens? I mean I honestly wouldn't mind meeting some of your co-workers and friends…but I am the type of person who if I'm not doing something or making myself useful I get bored fast…and I don't want to be a pain in your ass while you're trying to work."
Mark said, "You're my wife…you wouldn't be a pain in my ass…and I'll find something interesting for you to do while you're with me on the tour. C'mon you'll love it…and if in 2 weeks you can honestly tell me you're not enjoying yourself I'll get you a plane ticket to come back home. C'mon we're going right through my home town Houston Texas…I can show you the ranch I live on."
I said, "What are you gonna tell your friends about me?" HE said, "I'll just tell them it was a last minute marriage…and I brought you on tour to check things out." I said, "I don't…okay…I'll come with you…when do you need me ready to leave?" Mark said, "Good…3 days…until then, I'll stay out of your hair…I'll also make sure the hotel rooms we stay in have double beds…I don't want to intrude on your comfort level."
I smiled and said, "Thanks." Mark nodded and said his good-byes and left. I watched as he left…and couldn't help but think.
What the hell have I gotten myself into?