Disclaimer: I don't own anything of Nintendo. I also don't own Shonen Jump…

Chapter 2: The Heaven beyond the Skies

"LINK!" Zelda screamed in horror, "Link! You musn't die!"

"Guh, Zelda, I wanted you to know one thing that I've always wanted to say," he whispered, "I… I cheated… on you."

"…That was a really retarded last words of anything that I've ever heard," Zelda was disgusted with Links face and threw him back to Ganon.

"Zelda, you musn't be gay, Hyrule depends on this boy or Kokori. Destroying him would be like putting oil in your pants," said Vaati.

"Be quiet, your oddly put together similes won't change my mind about Link, I'll cook him and enjoy him on my grill, soon after, I enjoy him on my grill!" Zelda offered to herself.

"Bah, you guys didn't give me RUM, now you must pay! I summon," Ganon summoned a giant spark of lightning creating the inevitable defeat of everyone, "I summon, MOLEST MONKEY!"

Everyone gasped at the same time like they do in TV shows, "I thought he was a myth!" they all said together, "DAMN! Stop copying me! No, you stop copying me! BALHae!"

"Wow, that's pretty odd, we all said the same gibberish at the same time, usually that doesn't happen for I am not gay," Vaati spoke to himself, "Oh yes, but Link is my successor and I must replay his wishes offering the will of nothingness."

"You deserve to be failed Vaati" said Ganondorf coming out of the blue… skies, "Link is also my successor, but that makes me superior to you for no reason, just because."

"Hey everyone! I seemed to have gotten lost in this town called Hyrule while I was trying to go back to Lon Lon Ranch, could you help me direct me to Lon Lon Ranch?" said a girl with orange hair, or should I say… MALON.

"Uh, are you part of the storyline or are you an NPC type thing?" Ganondorf asked Malon.

"No you bum, I'm a real girl," Malon said shocked.

And Ganondorf and Malon had sex long into the night as Link was still dying, "Damn it you bastards, help me and stop having sex. Anyways, it looks weird, you both have red hair.

"Well maybe if someone laid off the seaweed, you'd have red hair," Ganondorf said while he was not thinking.

"LINK! You're alive!" a relieved Zelda cried.

"Shut up, or I'll beat you with my penis cruncher," Link threatened, "but first, I need to use it to save Hyrule from Ganondorf, that fat ugly pig ogre thing."

"Promise me Link, PROMISE YOU'LL COME BACK A MAN!" Zelda wanted Link to promise.

"WHAT? Are you calling me a boy?" he asked, "Damn, I saved you, and you call me a boy?"

"Well, I never really said anything about you being a boy, I just said come back a man," Zelda corrected.

"…Okay, well, you have to promise me one thing too, you must give me 3 burgers and a large fries with a toy," Link demanded.

With that, he ran off into the wrong direction or the direction of which Ganon was not at, "Whoops, wrong way." So he ran into Ganon's foot.

"Excuse me Mr. Ganon, I found that there were many people chasing after you, but uh, there's only one that needs a baby sitter to sit so uh, do you think you could like, fart? No, no no, that's not what I meant, I meant to say, uh… Okay, um… how do I say this, you suck, BAHAHAHAHAHA!" Link ran off making Ganon chase him.

"Roar, damn you link, I'm gonna chase you and then, after I chase you, I'm gonna like, kick you and beat you up until you run out of 80 quarters of your hearts," Ganon threatened.

"But I have 6 bottled fairies, that would mean you'd have to kill 480 quarters of my hearts!" Link said as he ran. He ran into a wall and lost half his health, "Damn, what the hell?"

"After I beat you up, I'm gonna give you a shower!" Ganon screamed to him.

"Waaaah(ca-doodle), stay away from me you gay face!" Link told him off. He threw a boomerang at Ganon and since Ganon suddenly got weaker in this fic… ahem, story, he became blue and stopped moving for a bit. Look shot his hook shot to a roof and he threw some crates he found at Ganon.

"Stupid Link, I ate a damned cursed fruit or devil's fruit! Now I have the ability to be as hard as steel! Mwahahahaha!" (This is why I put I don't own Shonen Jump in meh disclaimer) Ganon yelled.

"Hold on, you mustn't die! I still have that axe you dropped when you died!" said Link.

"You idiot, I just said you can't hurt me!" Ganon yelled at him.

"Oh, really? I thought that you said that you died when you dropped your axe," Link attempted to correct himself.

"You fool, that's what you said, not me," Ganon yelled at Link. He rammed his head into Link's stomach, which really didn't even have enough room for a giant ugly pig thing to ram into his stomach.

"Well, anyways, no matter what, I won't allow you to destroy Hyrule or the world! I will defend this place with all my heart, as for I used to live here!" said Link.

"Wow, that's like the most honorable thing Link will or has ever done, other than beat up bad guys for no reason…" said Ganondorf, "although I was an evil guy with read hair and demented pale brown skin…"

"No, your pumpkins belong to me, I don't print for losers!" Vaati minished into a stupid log thing and was going to go up Ganon's pants.

"Okay Ganondorf, I'll just screw my plan and join or merge with you!" Vaati decided.

He jumped into Ganon's eye and they mutated into a monster known as Gohma, that giant gay-first boss of Ocarina of time, then Majora's Mask was put on it, and it was now known as Helmasaur King… for some reason.

End of Chapter 2

Yeah, okay, so my chapters don't get better, hoorah for me and please review. WHY DON'T YOU?