Chapter 2
Delicate Circles
I flop down lazily on my bed, my face buried into the soft, inviting pillows that tempt me to fall asleep. The smooth material warming my skin after the cold weather from Quidditch practice. I roll over and stare at the curtains of my four poster bed. I fight to keep my eyelids open but typically, they slide shut.
His hands run up and down my back as soft kisses are pressed onto my collarbone lovingly. Slow, delicate circles are drawn on my skin with his tongue. A moan escapes my lips as the hands travel down to the small of my back, pulling me closer. Those addictive lips leave my collarbone and his head lifts up, his amber eyes burning into me like nothing I've ever felt.
"Remus…"
"No…James," my eyes fly open and I'm met by my friend's face, which was way too close to me, his hair a total mess and glasses askew. "That dream sounded nice Padfoot… Getting some action were you?" A grin was plastered over James' face and I shoot him my best death glare.
"Get off you dolt!" I say, becoming aware he's sat on my legs and all feeling in them has vanished. He moves slightly to the right and he frowns at me.
"Are you alright mate? I've been worried about you… We all have… I mean, this is the third time you've slept through dinner this week. And when you get any spare time you're either in bed or, I don't know where you go but-"
"I'm fine," I cut him off, sounding more harsh than I had intended. He looks at me sceptically before straightening his glasses. "Really? Nothing's wrong." Just let me sleep!
"You might be an excellent liar, but I know you and you don't look fine at all." That's probably because I've just been woken from the most amazing dream I've ever had. He runs a hand through his uncontrollable hair, "So, you're trying to tell me nothing is wrong? Are you sure?" I groan, hoping he would just drop it.
At times like these James could really bug me, but at the end of the day he's one of my best friend and he would stick with me through it all. After all, I trusted him with my secret. I told him at the start of the fifth year, he was the only person I've ever about my sexuality. Because my fear of how everyone would act towards me, we kept it to ourselves until I was ready.
"Sirius?" Shut up!
I'm probably just cranky or something… That's the word Remus would use to describe my current mood. Personally, I thought that I was just a grumpy git. I focussed the little energy I had on trying not to yell at him. "Merlin James, everything's wrong!" I sigh tiredly and stare up at the ceiling. "I can't get him out of my head… And to make matters worse, he's avoiding me."
"Of course he's not… Why would you think that?"
"Maybe because he is. I haven't spoken to him properly in three weeks and it's driving me insane! It sounds so stupid but I just constantly see his face everywhere. I even saw his face appear in my Butterbeer… But I just put that down to having too much to Firewhiskey."
"Does he have a reason to avoid you?" Ugh, what an annoying question. I open my mouth to answer but hesitate and then close it again, trying to think of something more polite to say.. "Does he have a reason Sirius?" I look back at him, he looks deadly serious and I sigh yet again. What the hell do I say? Do I tell him? What if Moony wasn't actually gay? What if I was totally on the wrong track? Maybe I should just go back to sleep. Agh!
"I guess I kind of… Well… Sort of, erm- He's gay Prongs."
"That means you're in with a chance buddy!" His smile nearly stretches from ear to ear, threatening to jump right off his face to smother me. I just blink at him, beyond confused, it wasn't quite the reaction I was expecting. "You two were made for each other!" He's off his rocker. James Potter has totally lost it. What the hell has he been smoking?
"He doesn't have any loving feelings towards me whatsoever, apart from friendship of course." His smile fades and I can predict the next few words out of his mouth.
"You don't know that." Typical.
"And I doubt I ever will for sure. So I'm just going to be stuck in this same depressing train of thought forever."
"Don't sound so dramatic Padfoot." I snort and throw my head back against the pillow, knowing what was still to come. 'What's the worst that can happen?' I lay waiting till be proven right. "You never know unless you take a step forward… What's the worse that can happen?" I put an arm over my face, covering my eyes. I knew it.
"I could be rejected, which would result in Remus never talking to me again. And that would result in depression… I would have to live each day as it comes. Being destined to wander this life alone and just wallowing in my own self pity."
"You've really given this a lot of thought.
I shift my arm to look at him, "I've had three weeks."