…
Fifty demons, three weeks, two villages, and a partridge in a pear tree later, the gang was speeding merrily along in the large expanse of desert, a few miles away from the next village.
Qing was in a rare mood on this particular day as she lay back, happily basking in the sun in anticipation of a good tan. Having travelled with them for the past couple of months, she'd decided that although they were weirdos—and she would never have associated with them had she been in her own world even if Cindy Crawford asked her to—they were beginning to grow on her like Chia Pets. Yep, even that homicidal monk with the major attitude problem. Okay, not really, but hey. The man was in a league all by himself.
Anyway, she figured that she was going to be stuck here for awhile, so she might as well make something out of it. Hence the acquiring of a tan.
"Hey Sanzo," Goku started, rearing up into a full-fledged, utterly predictable whine on the status of his digestive system. "When are we reaching? I'm hungryyyyyy!"
Gritting his teeth, Sanzo rested his head on a hand while the other automatically reached into his robes for his gun. He could feel a headache coming on already…he should've known that the peace was too good to last. He just hoped the wench didn't decide to join in this time. It was already annoying enough dealing with those two idiots without adding another moron to the mix.
"Yo dude," Gojyo, as usual, would never pass up on a chance to bicker with the monkey. He rolled his eyes. "Do you ever say anything except 'I'm hungry' day in day out? The saying 'monkeys only know one trick' must be true, then."
Deeply offended, Goku growled and moved to lunge towards the redhead when he was stopped by the amused kappa's hand. "What the hell did that mean, you perverted kappa?" he demanded angrily, oblivious to Sanzo's growing aggravation. "You're the one with sponge for brains instead of gray matter!"
Gojyo was even more amused. Goku had never showed any signs of creativity in insulting him before, and he doubted that the monkey even had the capacity to do so. Which meant that someone intelligent had taught it to him. There was no better candidate than the monkey's guardian. But then again… "If you don't know the meaning of that phrase, you might as well not use it, you dumbass monkey!"
"Shut up, you perverted kappa! Of course I know what that damn phrase means! That's why I'm saying it!"
"Oh, really? Explain it to me, then. Go on."
Goku growled even as Gojyo deliberately ground his hand against his temple in a bid to annoy him even more. "Go on, then. Tell me about it." Came the good-natured taunt.
Goku, when pushed to the limits—
—behaved like so: "Sanzoooooo…"
That was it. Sanzo could feel his blood pressure bubbling over. Growling, he rubbed his temple to ease the sudden throbbing that always mysteriously occurred whenever the two of them were arguing. "Shut the fuck up."
He was right! "So you were the one who taught the monkey how to say that, you corrupt monk!" Gojyo crowed, pushing Goku backwards as he latched onto a more interesting target.
"What did I teach him? I don't know what you're talking about." Said monkey's guardian responded evasively.
"All you monks really know how to act dumb. You damn well know what I'm talking about!"
"Can you move?" Qing interrupted lazily, not bothering to look up to where they were arguing. "You're in my light."
All of them ignored her.
"I told you I don't know what you're talking about!" came the annoyed reply. Hakkai, for one, simply smiled. This was shaping up to be a prelude to an interesting show.
"But Sanzo," Goku protested. "You said it last time when he—"
"Hey, everyone," Hakkai spoke up. "We're reaching the village. Please just stop—" he trailed off when no one was listening to him.
"If you want to blame anyone, blame Sanzo!" Goku complained loudly.
"Look, can't you two just fucking get along!" Said monk demanded peevishly even as the two of them bickered on.
A sharp shove to both their shoulders interrupted the pair's quarrelling as Qing finally sat back up, glaring at them through her sunglasses. "What are you people, deaf?" she demanded waspishly. "Get out of my light, you're spoiling my tan!"
"Oh well…" Hakkai sighed as the quarrel went on again; this time both Sanzo and Qing were added to the mix, thereby making the backseat resemble something like a world war. The serene youkai laughed to himself, amused at the insults that were flying around in abundance in the back. "This should make for a peaceful afternoon…"
…
This village—unlike the last two—was buzzing with activity. Children who had just returned from yet another storytelling session about the legendary Sanzo priest from the village's oldest and wisest man were now playing make-believe. For the more hyperactive children, they chafed at this and promptly launched into a customary game of tag.
"Food! Food! Food! Time for some food!" an elated Goku sang loudly as he bounced along in front of the group, all of whom were observing their surroundings idly. "Eat, eat, eat…"
"From the look of things, food and lodging shouldn't be a problem." Hakkai said happily. If he was lucky, he could even have a chance to stock up on the food supplies today.
"I need clothes, too." Qing tucked her sunglasses into her purse.
"If you didn't keep throwing your clothes out when you thought I wasn't looking, maybe—"
"Hakkai. You're a guy. What do you know about girls and clothes?"
"Hmm. That's a good point."
"Now the only problem is how many beautiful women are around here," Gojyo drawled, his eyes already busy scanning the crowd for someone to warm his bed tonight.
Sanzo snorted, mildly amused. The kappa really had a one-track mind, he decided. The idiot—
—he stopped in surprise as a kid ran into him, and quite literally bounced off his legs, landing on her butt. It was a child no older than eight.
"I'm sorry!" she winced as she rubbed her sore bottom. "We were playing tag…" she trailed off as she stared at the person standing directly in front of her. In addition to being the most handsome man she had ever seen in her entire life…
"Are you okay?" Hakkai said pleasantly, bending down. "You mustn't run in the street, you know. It's dangerous."
The little girl wasn't registering whatever he said. Rather, she gasped as she realized what she was seeing. White clothing, a sutra draped over both shoulders, and purple eyes that seems to see right through people…she grinned excitedly. "You must be High Priest Sanzo!"
At her shrill exclamation, everyone turned. They'd heard of the legendary High Priest Sanzo from the village's wise man, and now that a real Sanzo was here… "Oh my God!"
"Is it true?"
The whisperings and soft exclamations of delight and wonder intensified as more and more people finally noticed the five travelers and the little white dragon.
"The High Priest…"
"Wow…!"
"Look! It's the High Priest…"
It was a classic moment for Genjo Sanzo, the badass, trigger happy, foulmouthed monk, who at the best of times was dangerous, and at the worst was downright hazardous. Because this time, as the people crowded around them and murmured among themselves in wonder, he seemed to be no more dangerous than a rabbit; especially with that strangely endearing deer-in-the-headlights look.
What the f—
…
The scrutiny got worse even as all five of them sat at a long table facing what looked like to be the whole damned village. Sanzo was inwardly cringing at the amount of attention given to them, and Gojyo simply looked bored. Qing, for one, was curious. She turned to Goku, who was seated beside her and watching the crowd with interest. "Why are they looking at us like we're the second coming or something?"
"I don't know…"
"Everyone, please be quiet," the bearded, vaguely well-dressed, middle-aged man who looked to be the village's chief held out his hands to silence the crowd.
When the noise abated, he bowed at the waist courteously. "High Priest Sanzo, thank you for visiting our humble village. We are honored with your holy presence."
"Um…" Hakkai began uncertainly, feeling very much like a bug under a microscope. "Can you tell us why you're receiving us like this?"
"Oh, of course! I should start at the beginning." He cleared his throat. "Once upon a time, this village was saved by a High Priest Sanzo. It was around four hundred years ago…"
"Sanzo, were you alive then?" Goku asked, puzzled.
"What do you think?" came the acid reply.
"The title Sanzo is handed down from generation to generation among the protectors of the sutras." Hakkai explained.
"We were unable to give thanks properly the last time," the village chief went on. "So we—our entire village—have been waiting for a chance to properly thank you."
"I see." Sanzo spoke with no trace of a smile on his features. In fact, he looked like he desperately wanted to be anywhere but here. "I understand the situation."
The village chief brightened. "Well then…"
He stood up abruptly, cutting the village chief short. "While I understand your feeli—"
Before he could finish his sentence, both Goku and Gojyo jumped up and clamped their hands over his mouth, effectively stopping him from declining what was obviously the village's offer to 'pamper' them, so to speak.
"Sanzo says he feels very honored," Gojyo grinned.
Goku joined in happily. "Sanzo says he's very hungry."
They're dead meat. Sanzo thought dangerously even as Hakkai laughed awkwardly to cover the stunned silence. Qing just rolled her eyes.
"I see." the village chief bowed and moved to prepare the food for them.
"Wait right there!" Goku and Gojyo yelled in unison.
"Is something wrong?"
The monkey was obviously enjoying this and was milking it for all it was worth. "Sanzo says he wants a lot of meat!"
"Sanzo says he wants to be served by some beautiful women." Gojyo chimed in eagerly.
Seeing her chance, Qing added. "Ooh, Monk Boy says he wants the food cooked to be by one of your best chefs, and none of the roadside stall crap."
Even Hakkai jumped on the bandwagon. "Oh, Sanzo seems to be saying he wants a little wine, too."
Having his mouth sealed shut by two very enthusiastic hands, Sanzo could do nothing but stare, but it did not stop the rapid flow of ideas on how to kill the four idiots horribly and painfully. They're all very, very dead meat. Now, if only they could just take their grubby hands off his mouth…
The entire congregation stared, stunned at the amount and the nature of the requests. To cover up the silence, a sheepish Hakkai scratched his head and laughed a little. Oh my…
The village chief seemed to have gathered his wits around him, for he simply bowed and said, "…I see…we'll prepare everything right away…"
…
Unbeknownst to the Sanzo-ikkou, there was definitely trouble heading their way. Not trouble of a demonic kind. Rather…
"Are you sure I look all right?" A grossly overweight lady with too much makeup on adjusted the clothes. "This outfit is kind of skanky…"
An equally overweight man with a monocle perched on his pug-like nose bobbed his head at his wife approvingly. "That's the idea. Now, you know how this goes, don't you?"
She sniffed. "Of course!" There had been rumors about a young and beautiful woman joining the Sanzo-ikkou, and at least she had a chance to shine in the limelight instead of worrying about what those guys were doing and waiting for them to bring home the food. She was also pretty much sick of hiding while they cheated those gullible villagers of their hospitality and food. At least now she could walk freely.
"Now, let's go and show them who's boss!" A bald, visibly undernourished man announced, gritting his teeth as he stared at the building before them.
…
"Damn it…" Sanzo muttered darkly to himself. The crowd had long since gone; most of them to aid in the preparations of their requests, and they were all alone now. Which meant that they could speak freely without a few hundred eyes being glued to them.
"What're you so mad about, Sanzo?" Goku asked innocently, placing a hand on his shoulder.
"Come on, Sanzo. If they're offering, just accept and be grateful." Gojyo had an inkling of what it was that made the monk so pissed, and from the look on Sanzo's face, it was obvious that he was right.
"Listen, Abbot and Costello, what I'm worried about is what happens afterwards." He snapped.
"Meaning?" Hakkai queried.
"These are the kind of people who are always begging for me to stay on or offer them teachings. Or something."
The youkai chuckled, thoroughly amused. "I can see where it hurts you, Sanzo. But I don't think they would want something like that—"
He was cut off by the sudden appearance of a band of people who stood in the doorway. A loud voice rang out, imperious and demanding. "Are you the people who are calling yourselves the Sanzo-ikkou?"
"Sanzo-ikkou?" Qing echoed. "Who came up with that lame name?"
The fat man who dressed like Hakkai—but looked nothing like him—carried on as if she hadn't spoken. "Now that the real thing has appeared, you're not getting away with it any longer, you hooligans!"
Real thing!
Sanzo simply stared at them, stunned for a moment. Then they all burst out laughing, with the exception of Qing.
The 'real things' bristled and glared at them. "How dare you laugh, you uncouth bastards?" The one who looked like Goku—well, supposedly—snapped.
The 'Gojyo' wannabe growled as he gestured to a shrimpy, wilted guy who looked like a weasel. "Do you know who this exalted person is! This is the legendary High Priest Sanzo!"
Sanzo and the bunch laughed all the more, more amused than ever.
Still guffawing, Gojyo addressed his wannabe, who glared daggers at him. "Are you trying to make us die laughing or something, man? Uncouth!"
"That one, that one…" Goku could barely get his words out; he was practically apoplectic with laughter. "…now that's a work of art!"
"You'll have to pardon us," Hakkai said through his chuckles. "We…you…" he dissolved into laughter again.
The Sanzo wannabe glared.
"Who do I think that exalted person is?" Sanzo managed to ask as he laughed, unable to believe that someone so…pathetic could ever be considered the real thing. Especially when the real thing was right here laughing in his face.
Unfortunately, Qing was not seeing the humor in the situation. And the fact that her wannabe was both ugly and the size of a house did absolutely nothing to help matters. In fact, they made her all the more angry. How dare someone that dermalogically challenged try to pass off as her? To hell with the imitation is the sincerest form of flattery crap; this was the kind of flattery she could so do without.
That woman's clothes looked like they were strapping all the excess fat in judging by all the unsightly bulges, and what was wrong with her? Did she just clean out the entire makeup line back from whichever pit she crawled from!
Making a noise like an extremely upset pit bull, Qing snarled, getting off her seat so violently that her chair was flung back. "I'll teach you to use MY name and disgrace me, you overweight cross between a blue whale and a Goodyear bli—" By now she was halfway across the long table, and would've long since leaped on her when an alarmed Hakkai and Goku grabbed her and pulled her back.
Literally.
"Jeez, Qing! It's—I mean, don't you think it's funny?" Goku asked, mystified by her volatile reaction. Holding her back was like trying to stop a blood-crazed shark from charging.
That was obviously the wrong thing to say, because she stopped renewing her bid to get free and get at the utterly aggravating…person less than twenty meters away from her for a moment.
"Excuse me! Funny!" She whipped around to glare at Goku, the epitome of several millennia worth of female wrath—something that every member of the male species had learned never to mess with under any circumstances—bearing down on him. Unfortunately, Goku had yet to learn that lesson. "You think it's FUNNY!"
Subjected to the full force of that deadly glare, the invincible Seiten Taisei Son Goku; the one dude who had single-handedly turned the entire realm of Heaven upside down and had instilled the fear of God into everybody there simply—
—whimpered.
Which meant that he was learning.
And it was Hakkai to the rescue.
Well…sort of. "Miss Qing! Please, calm down! It's just—"
"Calm down? You want ME to calm down!" her voice was rising with each passing second as she struggled against them, intent on strangling the woman or something. "Look at her! God, calling her 'her' will be a compliment! Look at IT!"
"My, my," the other 'Qing' said disdainfully, fully in control of the current situation this time. "What a little savage. If you were even a tenth of the woman I am—"
"What are you talking about?" Qing sneered unpleasantly. It was obvious that there was no way she was going to wriggle out of their grasp, so she settled on doing something that she knew best. "Have you looked in the mirror lately? I am a tenth of the woman you are. Let go of me!"
She sank back down on her seat, foiled from committing what was obviously going to be homicide. For the moment. She tried to shrug off Hakkai's restraining hand on her shoulder, but apparently he thought that she was going to just try to tackle and possibly annihilate her wannabe again, so he didn't give in. The man was just too freaking civilized sometimes.
"Huh?" Goku asked, confused.
Sanzo smirked. He would never say it, of course, but he found the wench very amusing whenever she was in a rage like that.
The fake Hakkai's eyes narrowed as the insult sank in, and he growled. "Just cut the crap, you imposters! Who are you to insult us?"
"Who are we, eh?" Gojyo growled, his almost non-existent patience for anyone not belonging to the fairer sex already wearing thin. "Just which one of us is outta line here, you cheap-ass ripoffs?" This time, he was the one who was about to leap across the table and attack them, but was stopped by Sanzo's hand on his shoulder.
"Stop it." Sanzo replied, having had quite enough of people leaping across tables to attack, attack, attack. "Just let it drop." His gaze slid to a currently steaming Qing. "Both of you."
Qing was about to snap back at him when the village chief bustled in, then glanced from one party to the other clearly confused. "W…what is this?" Why were there two High Priest Sanzos here now? And why were they dressed almost alike? He looked to the real ones, then the fake ones…this was such a headache. "Which ones are the real ones here?"
…
"What just happened?" a confused Goku asked a little later as the gang found themselves behind bars and in a dark, damp prison cell that had obviously seen much better days.
"Apparently, we seem to be the imposters." Hakkai replied cheerfully, seemingly unperturbed.
Qing's blood boiled at that particular sentence. "Imposters!" She seethed. "I'll show them imposters! How can that—that—cow be mistaken for me? I mean, look at me!"
"Now, now, Miss Qing…"
"Don't you 'now' me, Hakkai!" She exploded. His amiable tone grated on her nerves, especially now. "What happened to the whole adoring masses thing? I mean, how can I be an imposter? And look at this place! It's a prison! I've never even been in a police station in my entire life, and now I'm in a jail!"
"Would you just shut up?" Sanzo snapped.
"Bite me." Came the automatic retort.
"I didn't even get to eat anything yet, too." Goku sighed disappointedly to Qing.
She stared at him. "You've still got an appetite? That guy who pretended to be you has to be one of the biggest freakos I've ever seen. Homeless bum much? And what is with that big green stone thingy on his head?"
"I thought he was…uh…funny." The monkey stepped a little way away from her, remembering the last time he'd mentioned that word. He didn't exactly understand why she was so pissed, but he'd learned enough not to cross her or try to state the obvious when she looked like that.
She crossed her arms over her chest imperiously. "You would."
"Well, at least now we won't get mixed up in that annoying priest shit." Sanzo shrugged.
"Sour grapes!" Goku blew up at him. "You're just saying that 'cause you're pissed that you got mistaken for an imposter!"
"What did you say?" Came the dangerous response.
"He's right," Qing joined in, glowering at him. "Face it, Monk Boy, you're just—"
"Now, now," Hakkai hurried to mediate before a large-scale quarrel broke out between the three of them. "Don't worry. At least our accommodation problems have been taken care of."
At his overly-optimistic statement, all four of them stared at their surroundings. Two filthy straw beds, a miserable toilet in a dark, mossy corner…
"Accommodations, huh?"
"God, I'm going to be sick."
…
Meanwhile, the imposters were enjoying all the attention even as the village folk gathered again to see the 'real thing'.
"Please, accept my humble apologies," the village chief bowed to them sheepishly, eager to make amends and embarrassed that he'd been tricked. "They had us completely fooled. I am very sorry; how could I have mistaken those uncouth people for you?"
The Sanzo-Imposter shifted in his seat and smiled slightly; it came out more like a pained grimace than anything else. The village chief continued angrily. "We will make them pay for that. We'll execute them!"
All the imposters twitched. They themselves were not the real thing either, and if the town wanted to execute them…
"No, no. It's all right. You don't have to go that far; this kind of thing happens very often."
The crowd was in awe at the display of his benevolence. "You're every bit as generous as the rumors say, High Priest Sanzo." the village chief spoke. "I wish the imposters could hear your words right now."
Imposter Hakkai's considerable stomach gave an angry growl, and Imposter Goku leaned towards him angrily. "Look, quit being so greedy, all right? We could get found out if you continue like this!"
Imposter Qing's stomach gave another growl in response, and she covered it up by laughing slightly. Gods she was hungry, too. At that, Imposter Goku shook his head and leaned towards Imposter Sanzo, murmuring softly. "Look, it's time to do your thing, okay?"
"Got it." He cleared his throat sanctimoniously. "By the way, Chief, my entourage has had a very trying journey this week…"
"Oh, but of course." The village chief perked up. "We've prepared our village's very own specialty just for you. Please wait a moment."
All the imposters' eyes grew wide at the mention of that word. "Specialty, you say?" Imposter Sanzo said gleefully. "Splendid! How very splendid!"
…
Unknowingly, Gojyo echoed that particular chuckle as he thought about the imposters. For some reason, he couldn't really get mad at them. Call that an ego thing. "Still, those guys've got some wits there. People like them really do exist, man." He was amused.
"Hey Sanzo, I'm hungry." Goku complained, rubbing his stomach. The jail, apparently, had lost it's novelty for him and he was now onto more important topics.
"Just go eat the walls or something."
"Hey, shut up over there!" their jailer—apparently having decided that they were talking a little too much—snapped, smacking the bars of their prison.
"Hey Pops," Goku was clutching said bars of prison as he gave their jailer his best whipped puppy-dog look. "But I'm hungry…"
"You're pretty shameless for a criminal," came the disdainful response.
"I don't care what it is, just bring me something to eat quickly, okay?"
"Don't be stupid!" their jailer exploded, glaring at the insolent kid. "There's nothing for people like YOU to eat!"
Goku didn't understand half of what he said—what he understood was that there was no food forthcoming, which meant that if he wanted any, he had to make an effort. "You're so mean. Fine, then I'll go get it myself."
"Don't try to make a fool outta me, you shitty little brat." The jailer growled. "Do you even know what you're—ARGH!" his sentence was unceremoniously cut off as a hunger-crazed Goku pulled apart the bars as if they were nothing more than plastic straws.
Jumping back, the jailer stared in shock as Goku walked through. "Food…" he moaned, doing his best impersonation of a zombie. "I need food…"
"AIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!" their jailer screamed as he turned on his heel and tried to beat a hasty exit. "MONSTERS! THEY'RE MONSTERS!"
"Ahh!" A freaked Qing shrieked, looking wildly around. "Where?"
Hakkai smiled. "I think he means us."
"Ew! There is no way I'm going to be lumped with you people! Hey, old guy, do you need glasses or something? Which part of me looks like a monster?"
At this moment in time, the jailer was concentrating hard on getting the hell out of here, which meant that Qing's entirely inane question had obviously fallen on deaf ears.
Then something tugged hard on the jailer's leg, sending him sprawling gracelessly onto the floor face first. Gojyo was behind him with his shakujou. "Hey, hey. That's not the way to do things, see?" he drawled.
"That's right," Hakkai said pleasantly as he stepped out gracefully through the bent bars. "You've got to watch over us properly, Mister Guard. Or else situations like these will happen."
He whimpered in fear as he got dragged closer and closer towards the monsters, who were now all out of their prison and staring at him bemusedly. "Let's see now…" Gojyo remarked as they all towered over him.
He was going to die. Eyes wide with mind-numbing terror, the jailer screamed again.
…
"Oi! We need a new ashtray." Gojyo called out as he held out the stuffed ashtray for the jailer to get.
"New ashtray coming right up!" the slightly roughed-up jailer announced as he sprinted into the cell, his arms full with plates of food. He'd been running up and down for ages now, and it didn't seem like he was likely to stop being Servant Boy anytime soon.
Hakkai took a sip of his sake and his eyes widened. Mm, this is very good wine! He thought delightedly, and happily proceeded to drain the whole cup.
Sanzo squeezed an empty can to get the jailer's attention. "More beer here!"
"Yes, sir!"
Goku, for one, was stuffing his face with anything he can get his hands on. Plates and plates of food were laid before him and emptied in record time, and to the jailer's credit, the food on the floor was always restocked with things like crab, prawns, lots and lots of different kinds of meat, and everything Goku loved as he and Gojyo gorged themselves on the food.
"I need a foot massage later," Qing called as he set down the multitude of beer cans in front of Sanzo. She was lounging on the large expensive cushion that he'd brought for her a million trips ago—she'd flat out refused to sit on the dirty floor or on the beds because of her white pants—and was currently daintily eating a little of every thing. She paused and looked him over, then said. "Once you thoroughly wash that grubby hands of yours and everything, that is."
"Yes, ma'am!"
…
While the Sanzo-ikkou enjoyed sumptuous meals and having someone serve them hand and foot—in Qing's case, quite literally—the imposter group stared down disbelievingly at the miniscule portions of food dished out to them. It was pathetic, to say the least; all their portions combined could not even feed a hungry rat.
"What is this?" Imposter Goku choked out, his eyes wide as dinner plates.
"As you can see, this is our ultimate vegetarian cuisine." The village chief replied cheerfully.
Imposter Hakkai stared at it with an expression akin to horror. Ultimate? In what way is it 'ultimate'?
Looks like an ordinary set meal to me. Imposter Gojyo thought angrily.
Imposter Qing simply glared at her husband, wondering, for the millionth time, what she had possibly seen in him all those years ago. If only she had waited a little while more; she could have found someone looking like one of those uncouth imposters—the blonde one would be perfect!—and would have had good food and a good life with a perfect husband instead of travelling around with these good-for-nothings and being subjected to these kinds of shitty food.
"Our village has prospered due to it's vegetarian research," the village chief explained. "And this particular dish is the result of all our efforts."
Imposter Sanzo tried to smile encouragingly, but all that came out was a pained half-grin. "W-well, isn't that just splendid!"
…
While Imposter Sanzo was struggling to accept the fact that that particular dish was all they were going to get, the real Sanzo was full-up and content as hell.
He was also currently snoring, a half-filled can of beer in hand as he sprawled unceremoniously on the straw bed—which was actually much more cushy than it looked.
Gojyo and Goku shared the other straw bed, both fast asleep and snoring like a pair of bulldozers. Qing was curled up comfortably on her large red cushion; Hakkai leaned against the side of her cushion and was snoring gently amidst the empty bottles of sake.
All in all, it was a happy and restful time for the gang.
…
The same could not be said for the imposters, however.
With a gigantic sigh, Imposter Sanzo collapsed on the bed, weary beyond belief from all the excitement. Something that, unfortunately, only the villagers felt, because all they themselves felt was hunger. Stingy bastards, the lot of them.
"Damn," he complained as he stretched. "That was all that we had to eat? I'm gonna give them an extra-long lecture just for that!"
"Man, quit complaining. Thanks to that exalted old dude, we got something to eat, at least." Imposter Gojyo, ever the optimist, replied as he sat down on his own bed. At least they've got good beds this time. He was sick and tired of having to sleep on cold hard ground all the time.
"True enough," Imposter Goku conceded.
"How about those people earlier?" Imposter Hakkai asked.
"Didn't look like the real Sanzo-ikkou at all!"
"Damn right they didn't." Imposter Sanzo laughed derisively. "They're the lowest of the low out of all the impersonators out there. They don't even have a single shred of dignity."
"He's right," Imposter Qing snorted meanly. "I mean, look at that little slut. Did you see what she was wearing? Which Sanzo-ikkou would bring someone like that along? And did you see how she behaved? She's nothing more than a common prostitute!"
"She's right," Imposter Hakkai conceded; in agreement with his wife as usual.
Imposter Gojyo cleared his throat. "You never know. They might actually be the real thing for all you know."
"No way!" Imposter Goku exclaimed in disbelief.
The other man chortled upon seeing the looks on their faces. "I'm just kidding, of course!"
They all laughed at the sheer absurdity of that notion.
…
Down in the dungeons and blissfully unaware of what the imposter group was saying about them in general, Sanzo sneezed, then shifted in his sleep.
…
…
AN: Qing's pretty much becoming more and more amusing as the chapters go on…I'm sorry if there aren't any Sanzo-Qing action going on because I don't believe in the love at first sight thing for this couple, and because she's not exactly a Mary-Sue, especially if you count that ego-thing of hers in… Anyway, whaddya think of this chapter?
Sanzo-sama's Lover: Heehee, I hope you liked this chapter too…Hmm, I might do a Yaone/Hakkai/Kougaiji story, though, 'cause they've got lots of potential! I don't know about a Hakkai/OC, though, because I'm kind of subtly putting in a love triangle here…I don't know if anyone can see it now, though, because Qing is still new to the group and she's still mostly unpleasant. This story tests the boundaries between friendship, love, and the gray area in between, lol. The sex talk thing was funny as hell; it had me giggling the whole time I wrote it. Can you imagine the look on Sanzo's face? I don't know if he ever has sex, though, but the guy broke just about every rule in the book, so I added it in.
SukilovesAnimeLOL, I hope you enjoy this chapter!
Pretty Stupid Girl: Yep! I've yet to see flamers write good stories! Oh, that will be a barrel of laughs. Qing sounds like one of your friends? Cool! Heehee, at least she resembles someone…
Blood-debt: Hey there, thanks for your compliments! I shall endeavor to not let Qing fall into the world of Mary Sues!