Epilogue
"Are you going to be alright?" Asked a man from the kitchen counter holding a steaming cup of coffee to his lips.
"Yes, I'll be fine."
Six years ago the word "fine" would not even be registered in her vocabulary. After she gave birth to the children of her best-friend she seriously thought that things would not ever be alright, not to mention normal. She felt very much empty. It was as if she gave away everything in her along with her surrogate children.
Like Eriol predicted, the postpartum depression hit his beloved devastatingly hard. She had become delusional and often times tended to hurt herself by doing nothing. She would not sleep nor eat and was in serious danger of dying of a serious case of anemia. She was serious about taking the phrase "starving to death" to its last consequences.
The fact that she was not allowed to breast-feed the twins only made things worse for her body, highly influenced by hormones, refused to believe that her children were "dead" for clearly that was the only reason as to why she had not them with her. Milk always soaked wet her brassiers to the point where she did not care at all anymore. At the time the thought of Tomoyo with a high fever was more often a reality than was comfortable. Her body plainly refused the rational thoughts stated in a certain contract that was to bind everyone involved. A contract that was build for everyone's best interest but that was at the same time killing her slowly.
Sonomi had been pain-stricken and worried about her only child and she was often found crying by her darling's bedside by a maid in the rare moments when the younger woman fell asleep. It was not sane.
Three months of being like that paid hell to Tomoyo. She was dangerously thin bordering on anorexic, her complexion had lost all of its luster and now was of a grayish color while her eyes looked hollow; not to mention the dark circles under the once vibrant orbs. Family and friends were worried sick about her and no amount of psychologists could make her get over the fact that her children were actually not her own.
The Li family had kept away from Tomoyo for most of that time. Sakura tried once to visit but the result was devastating to both parties involved. Syaoran would do the same and, though Tomoyo did not resent his presence as much, it still was more than she could bear at the moment.
One day the heart-broken girl woke up to a day highly pregnant with menacing clouds of storm and instead of closing her eyes and fall to sleep again like she would usually do, she got up and got everything ready for a hot bath; which was the most hygiene-oriented thing she had done in what felt like an eternity.
When her mother saw her later that morning in the doorway to the kitchen, she almost dropped her cup of tea to the while tiles of the floor. She would not talk afraid of scaring her little princess and make her bolt up to her room and never come back.
"I want to get out."
Those words Sonomi heard and relief washed through her like a balm. In no time she had everything ready for Tomoyo to leave the country with a one way ticket to England, most specifically to the Hiiragizawa manor.
Even in her body-inflicted delirium she always felt the warm presence of someone who she did not recognize from sight at times but did so from the heart. It was of a man with deep azure eyes that looked so sad that she wondered if those were instead mirrors to her soul for everything she saw in them, she felt. He had dark hair of the most unique shade of petroleum blue that had been overgrown in some male recklessnes to reach his shoulders and though long hair was not a turn-on for her, she had to admit that it looked good on him. He looked thinnier than she remembered him to be in days when she felt more tuned in with her memory which did not happen often. He also was paler and held a cloak of weariness around him that made him look so much older than she guessed him to be.
Still he never failed to provide her with a comfort that she could not get from anybody else and it made some unacknowledged parts of her soul to thaw. She remembered him being by her side every evening for what her mother had explained as "after hours" time because he had a job. Most of the time they would keep silent, with her gazing out through the floor-to-ceiling window panel in her room or sleeping and him keeping a close watch over her. There were times when she was plagued with nightmares, which he could tell by her restless aura and the frantic movement of her eyes behind her thin eyelids, and the only thing that had proven successful to make her sleep in peace was him embracing her from behind, falling asleep with her after hours of stroking her one time gorgeous hair. She felt panicky if she were to wake up with no sight of him and so he made a point to be the first thing she saw whenever she woke up.
"Darling, wake up if for a moment." He whispered in her ear before kissing her temple.
She stirred and opened her eyes, taking a moment to focus her gaze on the alarm clock in the bedside table she was facing.
"I must get early to work today but wanted to greet you good morning before I leave." He said and she turned half her body to see him. "If that's alright with you, dearest."
She locked her gaze with his for a minute before nodding and falling asleep again, frustrated with herself at her inability to smile at him in any form or degree.
That scene happened more than once during the time when Eriol had been requested to attend some seminars that were taking place in the city. It did not matter if his mind was not into it.
Tamara and Hiroshi Hiiragizawa were more than happy to let their young lady-friend spend some time in their main residence located in London. The property was claimed to be the largest after the Buckingham Palace, with approximately forty-thousand square feet of living space. The Queen Anne-style property dated back to the early twentieth century and was built in great fashion atop a small hill. One of the features that Tomoyo seemed to like the most were the wood-paneled ballroom, the domed-cupola and the many gardens. Sir Hiiragizawa was often out on business trips but his wife made Tomoyo's safety the sole purpose of her existence. The Londoner kept her company at all times and provided her with means of entertainment. In doing so, she neglected her own work but she was an independent professional, a highly acclaimed one at that, and so it was not highly upsetting to her career.
During her stay in the european country the poor girl managed to keep her mind away from painful things with the excitement of unknown surroundings even if she was oblivious to it all the first weeks that were spent sleeping and getting used to the hour-zone change. Lady Hiiragizawa engaged her in many a trivial thing to keep her time well ocuppied. She signed her up for painting, photography and Spanish classes which the young woman took albeit a bit forcedly at first. She did not want to get out from the peace and quiet provided by the english manor; but understood that she had to put something of her part if she ever wanted to get out of the blackhole that her life had turned into.
Eventually she came to realize that though the memory of her pregnancy did pain her, she was and had to be able to get over it. She was not the only one suffering and they still had gone on with their lives. At that her mind argued that, even if her family and friends were also grieving, she was the one directly affected by it all. She was the one who had been sharing her body for nine months with two amazing human beings and then had to give them away in a day that for her held only two hours. No amount of preparation or therapy was ever going to get her ready for such a traumatizing event; which led her to wonder how there were women who would do that all to willingly in exchange of a few bucks. They must either hold no heart or be extremely strong. Apparently she was neither.
Her stay in London got prolonged for a bit more than a year and she became a woman in the social circles of the european aristocracy who no one knew about but that intrigued them all the same. She was back to her own self and conquered a glory that surpassed by great lenghts what she was. Like a phoenix she burned herself to death and from the ashes her new self was born; a much improved human being without the jaded quality that seemed to clog those who were mistreated by life.
For the first time in her twenty-something years the Christmas and New Year's eve were spent somewhere not her own. Her mother had been extremely sad about it, though she let her daughter do as she pleased for she knew how much she needed some time alone. Eriol had reunited with his family as soon as he got a free block in his overly-packed agenda and took some delayed vacations he had. In between everything, it was a merry season and the japanese lass did enjoy herself. Finally she was able to smile without restraints. Smiles that reached her eyes.
"I'm going home next week." Was said over dinner after the proper expresions of gratitude had been laid on the table.
The Hiiragizawa family seemed taken aback at that moment but after a minute or two of silence, Tamara's face broke into an overjoyed smile for they now finally had her lady-friend back for real. It was a huge step this young one was taking and she was so very proud of her for it. She always knew, deep within her, that Tomoyo had the strenght to overcome anything and emerge victorious in the end. Her son had chosen well. Hiroshi had been another story altoghether. He was to be assured that the one who he considered now his baby-girl was strong enough to face her demons and not get hurt while at it. It took them some time to get him see the fact that she was very much ready for life now and that she was not going to keep her stand-by status any longer. He fussed over her like a mother-hen and it made the fatherless child's heart swell with joy. Maybe she had lost the children, but she had gained a father and a fiancé. Everything in life is give and take and she had learned to play by the rules.
She remembered setting foot on japanese soil one sunny afternoon. It was early spring and the air carried the exquisite fragance of flowers in bloom with it which was truly refreshing and soothing at the same time. She fished her cellphone from one of her traveling coat many pockets and speed-dialed the number of her house asking to be sent a ride to Tokyo Narita International Airport. She was sure it came as a shock to their housekeeper to assimilate the fact that her ojousama was back in town; however the Daidouji family prided themselves in the efficiency of their employees thus in no time she was comfirmed that a limo had be sent to pick her up.
Resigned to wait for a while, she entered a coffee shop and ordered a vanilla latte with a generous sprinkle of chocolate. The enviroment was homey and inviting so she decided to sit in the sofa facing a window rather than walking aimlessly around the airport, risking to have the delicious beberage to be thrown at her by some careless traveler and possibly ruin her white, silk, halter top; burning herself in the process.
When the family chauffeur had collected her and the luggage, she instructed to be brought to Daidouji Enterprises main office building located in Shinjuku Skyscraper District directly from the airport instead of making a stop at home like he had suggested.
The sliding glass double door opened for her and she entered the core of the family business with a poise that was envied by many. Her mother's secretary all way up in the last floor of the fifty-storey building told her that Sonomi was enjoying a twenty minute break between meetings so it was okay to pay her a visit.
The elder Amamiya woman could not believe her eyes when the source of her worry for over twenty years stood before her, not a single strand of the lovely dark hair out of place. She looked even better than she remembered her to be before the whole altruist fiasco and it brought a smile to the burgundy colored lips that she was sure would split her face in two. The long gone daughter had returned home with a self-assurance that was not in that level before and a much more mature aura around herself that made her wonder if this truly was something worth doing. She was sure that someone as young as her daughet should not experience the dead weight of the world on her shoulders. However, when Tomoyo smiled, the first smile Sonomi had seen on her since such a long time, her youthfulness shone bright and her worries were put to rest.
"Tadaima!" Cried out Tomoyo with a voice thick with emotion before launching herself at her mother's wide open arms.
"Okaeri," whispered the elder woman to her precious child while stroking her hair and back in comforting motions.
It truly was going to be alright now... Or maybe not if she failed to be at Sakura's house at seven o'clock with the twins and the gifts as she promised. Today was Sakura's birthday and pretty much everyone in her family was planning a big surprise party for her. It so happened to be that seven was the time when she would arrive from whatever meeting that Syaoran had engaged her with.
"Well guys, have you decided? Because it's getting pretty late," said Tomoyo with a smile to the children flanking her.
The girl looked up at her brother and then at her with an exhuberant smile, "yeah, we got it, right Rai?"
Rai just nodded before taking off towards the direction of the soon-to-be birthday gift.
Tomoyo giggled in mirth at seing the pair of fluffly bunnie slippers that had been pointed at by Rai. She complimented them on their superb gift-shopping skills and instructed the sales attendant to wrap it up wonderfully and charge it at her blue American Express.
As expected, the price-tag was highly offending to some people but it was okay with her. They were, after all, in Ginza. Everything was bound to be expensive there.
Once home after the party, Tomoyo snuggled agaisnt Eriol to settle in for the night. He brushed her long hair with his fingers before turning her face over to him to give her a sweet kiss on the lips.
"Told you it was going to be okay." Her smile reminded him of why he loved her.
"I never doubted that it would."
Someday she will conceive and give birth to a child that is of her own flesh and blood, but until that happens his love and faith in her were everything she needed to keep walking.
Owari
Author notes: Well, it seems that this was not quite as finished as I thought. Right after I posted the 9th chapter, the idea of writing an epilogue seized my mind but I was not sure about it. My reviewers suggested that it would be well-taken and so, tonight, I decided to let this write itself; which it did, for I barely thought while writing it. I knew certain subjects had to be addressed but other than that, my brain was off; though I did some research on the locations and such. As a result, this will not be throughly examinated by me as I am bound to in fear of mutilating it or never posting it. I still hope, though, that you come to appreciate it and show your support. I acknowledge there might be some gaps. Let your mind fill in the wholes for me.
My most sincere gratitude for staying with be 'till the very end.
Dana Daidouji.
02:27 a.m. 21/08/2005