AN: This is started as something of a challenge fic. Basically, it's about me bashing Kikyo, on purpose, in the fic, and tormenting the hell outta her. Sure, it might be immature or whatever, but quite frankly, I found it fun. :) Of course, I don't go around hating and bashing characters for no reason. So here are my 3 reasons for bashing Kikyo:
1. She wants to take Inuyasha to Hell with her.
2. She tried to kill Kagome & gave the scared jewel to Naraku.
3. She's boring.
So, yeah. I don't like her. So now I shall go into the world of Inuyasha and bash her. Literally bash her. You'll see. R&R if ya want, and I have a feeling that despite what I say, someone is going to flame me. So go ahead and do that too if ya want.
---As part of my crusade to tidy up my fanfics, this fic has been edited.(Hopefully)All the typos and mess-ups are finally corrected. The orignal content is still the same, with just a little touch up here and there. This should now be easier to read.---
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha. (Yet.) Also, I claim no rights to Punk'd, from which the title was modeled after.
oO0oO0oBash'd V. Kikyo oO0oO0o
"I sense...an evil..aura..."
I glanced around. Nope, no one here but her and me. Huh.
"So then, are you referring to yourself?" I asked, thinking aloud.
My voice startled her. Or, at least, I think it did. It's really hard to tell with that Kikyo, ya know? Seriously. I've seen more expression in a gold fish. So maybe startled isn't the right word. Shocked? Surprised? Nah. I don't there's a word to describe it, since therereally wasn't anything to describe.Okay, how 'bout this: My voice caused her to turn around, look up and see me, and she didn't realize I was there before but now she did. Moving on...
"No. You." She said, just kinda staring up at me with those half-lidded eyes, "Who are you, demon?"
Aww, that hurt. She thought I was a demon! What's so demoney about me? I'm just your average fifteen year-old girl: normal brown eyes, normal brown hair, normal human body, wearing normal human clothes, with two not-so-normal white wings popping from my back for no apparent reason. (But not demon wings!) Oh, and I was armed with a gaint purple mallet. Big deal.
"Jo Mama." I retorted.
"Well, Jo Mama, if you have any business with me..."
I winced. Five hundred years in the past, gotta remember that. "My name's Zana. That was just a joke. And I'm not a demon! But, I do have some business with you, zombie girl." I grinned. Evily. (Oh hey, maybe that was my aura?)
I think she may have raised an eye brow, just a little bit. "Oh?"
"Yup, oh." I raised my Gaint Purple Mallet of Justice and held it like I was up to bat. Then I swung it.
SMACK!
A sucessful hit. I bashed in Kikyo's face. In reality, it would have broken her nose, bloodied her face, and possibly cracked some of her skull. So kids, please do not swing heavy mallets at people's faces! It's very bad!) Of course, this is just a fanfic, so none of that actually happend. Instead, her face was caved in, like something out of a cartoon. It was also very red, probably from the pain and sure-to-follow swelling. The undead preistess staggered backwards from the blow. She steadied herself and took a deep breath, inflating her face back to normal like it was a balloon. It was still swelling though. Then, within a blink of an eye, she had out her bow, arrow already notched and strung and pointing right at me. "You fiend!" She hissed.
I shook my head and wagged a finger at her. "Ah, ah, ah, Kikyo." I scolded, "You could hurt someone with that." At that, I snapped my fingers and her pointy arrow tip instantly changed into a little sucction cup and her wooden bow into cheap plastic one. She blinked and stared at her former weapon which was now just a harmless toy.
"How?" Her eyes flicked from the toy bow to me then back again to the bow. "Sorceress!" Was apparently her conclusion as she glared at me with hatred. Well hey, she can show some expression after all! Fancy that.
"Sure, let's go with that." I said, grining from ear to ear.
"You foul creature! What quarrel do you have against me?"
Aw man, do I hafta repeat what I said in the author's note? Guess it's only fair to explain. "Honestly, I don't like you, Kikyo."
"How do you know my name?" She asked, the emotion creeping out of her voice again.
"Oh, I know all about you, Ki-ki-oh. How you plan to drag Inuyasha away to Hell with you, how you tried to kill Kagome 'cause you're jealous of her, how you gave Naraku a large chunk of the scared jewel as part of your weird, idiotic plan, and how you're a boring zombie with miko powers who has no character or empathy. You should have just stayed dead. All you do slow down the storyline."
That last part really got to her. Her emotion came back and she was super-angry now.
"If it wasn't for ME, the storyline wouldn't have worked and there wouldn't even be a manga OR anime about ANY OF THIS!" She yelled loudly, and I stared, amazed by her outburst, vaguely wondering if steam would come out of her ears.
"Wow Kikyo, you must be really miffed to go and break the Forth-wall like that! You do have a point though." I admitted, and she seemed to calm down. "But you're still an evil physco witch."
"You're one to talk." She mumbled under her breath, but I heard her.
SMACK!
"Oppsie. My bad."
Kikyo rubbed her aching face, which was a huge, red, swelled up ball by now, and she was almost shaking with anger. "You...you will not get away with this!" She lifted her bow again, either forgetting that it was a plastic toy or not caring that it was, and quickly fired an arrow.
Thank God it wasn't pointy anymore because that arrow landed right on my forehead. It stuck there, still wiggling side to side. I plucked it off and tossed it on the ground.
"Ha! Your little arrows are no use against- OW!"
Another arrow was shot and this time it stung. It didn't punture my skin or anything, but it hurt. Kikyo notched another one, and I noticed it was glowing. Oh right, miko powers. There wasn't anything I could do about that.
So I turned and fled.
I wasn't running away from her, mind you. Definitley not. I never flee! It was all part of the plan, see? Somewhat slapdashed, but a plan no less. I threw my head back to see if she was following me and she was. Good. I skidded around a large tree, then ran straight forward through some thick vines. Kikyo folllowed me exactly, right on my tail. But it was as the vines were parted did she see what lay ahead.
A very conviently placed cliff.
Her eyes actually widend for a spilt second, then she dropped into the deep chasm below. I, of course, was fluttering safely in the air above the cliff, cheerfully swinging my mallet around like a baton. When a loud thump sounded, I flew down chasm, searching for a sign of the priestess.
"Kikyo! Oh Kikyooo!" I called. Ah, there she was, sprawled on the ground like a ragdoll. "Oi! Kikyo! Are you dead? I mean, like dead-dead?"
She twitched and muttered something unintelligable.
"Hm? Come again?"
"I'm going...to kill...you..." She gasped, reaching about in vain for her toy bow.
"Ah. Well, you'd like to anyways, but I'm afraid I'm out of time here." I glanced down at the non-exsistant watch on my wrist. "I had fun, though. And who knows, maybe we'll meet again, eh? Oh, but before I go..."
SMACK!
"Kikyo, you've just been Bash'd." I paused, then added, "Sorry. I did that already, didn't I?"
"...Tw...twice..." She murmered, just before blacking out. I felt kinda sorry for her then. Just a little bit. After all, she does get bashed a lot, and not just by me.
"Kikyo, for being such a good sport, you get a complementray bag of ice!" Literally pulling it out of nowhere, I carelessly dropped the ice ontop her swelled head. Then, with a push of my wings, I flew up into the sky, so far up that I broke free of the fanfic and returned to my own world. Kikyo had been Bash'd and justice had prevailed!
Mission accomplished.
--Fin--
Yeah, I know, that was a little weird wasn't it? Not my fault. Okay, most of it was my fault, but I was challenged! I had no choice! Well, I did but...
Both of the name of my mallet (The Gaint Purple Mallet of Justice) and the whole "Bash'd" thing were suggested by my friend, so...uh, blame her.
No, I do not have wings. I am just obessed with them and it helped with the fic. The rest of that about me is true. Aside from the wings. And the giant purple mallet. -blink- Anyhoo, please tell me what ya thought! (Although I have a feeling...Kikyo haters: I love it! Down with Kikyo! Kikyo fans: That was stupid and you're cruel. Leave Kikyo alone!...Aheheheh.)