The Mess We Became

A/N: I would respond to every single one of you awesome reviewers though you left me speechless. I can not put my gratitude into words. Cheesy, huh?

YOU REVIEWRS ARE SO FABULOUSLY AWESOME!

This chapter goes from kind of light, to mildly heavy though I tried not to mix the moods. I hope you like it. :D

Disclaimer: Have I not done this before?

How long had she been sitting there? And shouldn't Amber be home by now?

The clock by the kitchen read midnight so it must be midnight. So according to the clock she wasted half an hour of her life sitting on her couch and you can't argue with a clock now can you? You can only kill them. But Amber paid for this clock so she couldn't even do that.

Amber; she should've been back by now. Daren would have walked her back so she wasn't alone.

Rory's concerns vanished when she heard a soft snoring outside her door. She sighed and saw a sleeping Amber crunched against the door narrow door frame.

She dragged her roommate in by the arms and shut the door behind them.

"I'm sorry," she muttered as she opened her eyes and studied her surroundings to make sure she wasn't dragged of by some crazy bum.

"What?" Rory asked quietly; quietly because she knows how unpleasant it is to wake up to a loud voice. Though she wasn't sure why Amber was sleeping in the hallway in the first place.

"We finished shopping kind of early and there was no traffic so. I shouldn't have listened…I should have just left for a while. I'm so sorry. I didn't want to just come in and ruin your talk with your mom. And I heard you crying and…I am so, so, so sorry," Amber said swiftly with a very remorseful undertone.

"Oh." She wasn't sure what to say. How much could she know from hearing one side of a conversation? Most of words were muffled by sobs though that alone might have given something away and did retell the whole story of Jess at her dorm. She didn't want this to be something that Amber knew about. Though it's a lot better than hiding it and telling Amber that Jess was some old boyfriend she barely even remembered from high school. "It's okay," is what she said and she really meant it. Having someone that knows a little or knows everything with her right now made her feel not so alone.

Amber miserably shook her head. "This is entirely my fault, you should hit me over the head with a club or…drag me into an alley and just see what awaits me…or-"

"Make you eat cabbage?" Rory said with a semi-playful tone and cracked a small smile just to show that she didn't want Amber to beat herself up over this. "Come," Rory said and walked to her room and kneeled by her bookcase. She pulled out a couple of select novels from a more hidden spot in the shelf and tossed them onto the bed.

Her friend looked at the novels and knitted her eyebrows together in thought, "I'll just eat the cabbage. It's a hell of a lot quicker." She quipped as a sign of recovery from her guilt.

Rory rifled through the pages of the book she had threw on top and opened it to the first defiled page. She gave Amber a sullen look and gave the open book to her.

She gave Rory a questioning look and flipped through a couple of more pages. Rory looked at her for reaction, realization, anything.

"Rough estimate of how long you've had these?" She asked Rory as she read a few notes with genuine intrigue.

Genuinely unaware to what Amber was referring to she spoke, "Oh I think I got The Dharma Bums when I was about twelve and I'm not sure about-"

Amber let out a dry laugh at the situation and pointed to the notes which were what Rory was trying to show her in the first place.

"Oh right. Sorry. Um…about six to seven years." That was about right. He made notes up until the day of the party which led to his leaving.

A mixture of bemusement and sorrow showed on Amber's face as she looked at the copy of In Cold Blood that's cover was worn and almost torn straight of. "And you never replaced a single one, did you?"

"Well, you know how expensive some books can be," Rory explained unconvincingly even though it was part of the truth. If she sold the books to get money for replacements she knew she wouldn't get more than a dollar per book because of their condition and the writing which could be considered 'vandalism' would bring the value down to close to nothing. Personally, she thought the writing makes the book priceless…

"Though, you're in no hurry to replace this obviously. I mean you wouldn't want to waste time replacing this when you have all that time you spend reviewing books and getting paid with money which you blow on more books. Wait…is that irony? Why by golly gee, I think it just might be!" Amber said brightly with a grin.

"Is this what I get for forgiving you?" Rory asked annoyed at her roommate for making light of this situation.

"Sorry. My conscious is about the size of a peanut," she said putting on an apologetic face. "Are you okay?"

Her face was tired and tear-stained. Rory rolled her eyes and buried her face into her pillow. "Ugh…my eyes are burning. I really just need to sleep…"

"Nightie-night then…so I'll probably be gone by the time you wake up so see you probably Monday morning or night, either way it doesn't matter. I got the day off. Call anytime, preferably between the waking hours. Um…take care of yourself," Amber rambled with a soft smile.

Rory lifted her head a little and forced a smile of appreciation that turned genuine when she saw the concerned look on Amber's. She slowly nodded and plopped her head back down when Amber left and closed the door of her room.

First, she must sleep. Then, she will…wake up and go for a walk. Finally, she will forget all that happened. No, that's in the imaginary land in her head. Though, she still thought sleep would be best.

She silently revised the plan in her head. Sleep; good, walk; sure, forget; not much chance of that. Then again…

What is much?

"The same chance as winning the lottery and being struck by lightning at the same time, in my case," she quietly muttered to the voice of a memory that stuck like molasses in her head.

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"Something did. Come on, tell me."

He leaned forward and kissed her gently, she felt warm at the soft caress of his lips against hers.

"You aren't tired of me, are you?" Once again, he kissed her and ridded any doubt she might have had the least. It made it alright, better than alright. "That's a pretty good answer."

Another kiss came soon after but this time there was nothing more she had to add. For some reason she was living this kiss like it was the last, taking in every move, touch, emotion.

Before she knew it she was gently pulled onto his lap, he was handling her like she was made up of glass. Her heart was racing, but it was suddenly replaced with loneliness.

"Jess?" she asked skeptically. Rory was sitting on the bed of Kyle's parents but there was no Jess to be seen. All trace he had been here were gone. Not even he could disappear that fast. Why did he leave? "Jess?" Her worry was rapidly increasing.

She walked to the middle of the room expecting him to appear just as he had disappeared. "Where are you? Come back. Jess, come back…"

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"Come back Jess," she whispered near tears.

Rory observed her surroundings. It was her room with her bed on which she now sat bolt upright in; alone.

Hands that were clutching the sheets of her bed quickly traveled to her lips. They felt empty, like something was missing. That's because something was missing.

Part of her said 'get over it' and part of her said 'go see him.' Though in all reality, the part of her that said 'you don't even know where he lives' ruled out the latter. And chances of running into him 'randomly' are slim to none.

So, what have you been doing?

Nothin' much. Just hanging out…in the park, mostly.

Central Park?

Washington Square Park.

Without a second thought she grabbed her coat and ran out of her room. She took a quick glance at the clock that read eleven-something before rushing down the stairwell. Sun shone through the white frames of the windows so she guessed it was A.M. She shouldn't have needed the sun to clarify that unless she thought she had been asleep for almost twenty-four hours.

The breeze and mild New York stench hit her forcefully as she jogged through the streets to a subway.

She was sure he would be there and she really didn't think she was ready for it if he was. No, there is no if, Jess will be there. She'll wait if she had to, but Jess will be there and she won't be ready when she finds him.

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"Hey," she said with a shy tone as she faced the bench. She put on a hopeful smile, a half shy smile, as if he was going to turn around…any second now. He'll turn around and it will be just like before. Something about that thoroughly confused her; before what? Maybe before everything turned to crap, that would fall under everything before the party. Yes, Kyle's party was referred to as 'the party' for more reasons than one.

Expectancy rose in her stomach, her eyes were stinging. Her what-would-be smile vanished instantly and she slowly walked to the empty bench. The wood of the bench was cold beneath her. The loneliness made it freezing despite the sun's bright and intense rays. Somehow she knew she could wait days, and it wouldn't matter the least.

It looked like time had stood still in this spot, waiting for her come here and make a fool of herself thinking there will be someone here absorbed in The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test just like seven years ago. What she never understood was the effects of time. She never fully grasped that time doesn't only pass for her, that she is not the only person in the world that will change over time. Though, it's not like she was the only one who can't quite get that.

Her eyes widened at the very simple change that had occurred. Somehow, it made all the difference. There was now a trashcan a few feet away from the series of benches. She got up from the bench and looked at it and saw her reflection gleaming through. At first she looked at it quizzically, but her expression immediately became one of shame.

What was wrong with her? She looked ruined and pained, but she had no reason to be either. She looked every bit as lost as she felt. Nothing even a little tragic happened that she should look so fallen apart. A run-in with an ex-boyfriend should be nothing more than a 'so what?' kind of situation. This was not her the least.

Maybe this was just her version of having a hangover. That would be more logical if she had anything to drink. If she was under the influence of alcohol she'd feel a hell of a lot better. Then, she could just laugh of her terrible reaction to alcohol, possibly a nice little anecdote for the future.

Unfortunately, she didn't get drunk last night so here she was, waiting for nothing. This was just one more thing to add to the list of shenanigans she performed out of impulse. Had she thought it out what so ever, and not just run through the streets of New York because of another farfetched dream, she would have known she could have just called Amber and asked for his address. And if Amber had forgot she could have just handed the phone to Daren, assuming that he at least knows where he, himself, lives.

"Bye Je-," she started quietly and cut herself off. "Bye," she whispered sharply to the empty bench and turned before the word even completely left her mouth. She had already made an idiot of herself in plain view. It's a good thing nobody in New York bothered to look.

Rory walked away silently. She felt insane and possessed to have been talking to a bench. He wasn't dead; he was just gone from her life.

And the tears started…again.

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On the other side of the street stood Jess Mariano watching her with pain, wanting to make it better. Not knowing that all that was really needed was his presence.

A/N: If you're reading this I figure you read the chapter so why don't you just…I dunno…REVIEW? Pretty please? Ha, I'm pathetic.

The dream is meant to be read into, think symbolization.

If my updates start becoming a little slower it's just because things are getting kind of hectic with school. Though, the gaps shouldn't be that big at all, this is just a warning in case it does. I am not giving up. :)