It was cold. Extremely so. Rain soaking Izaya's hair and coat the soft breeze that had picked up felt like ice being poured onto his skin.
The rain was falling heavier and heavier by the minute.
People were taking shelter underneath cafes. Others had actually brought an umbrella or abused their textbooks and coats to remain dry. It was common sense, really. Getting wet and cold was a sure fire way to get sick or at least a very uncomfortable experience.
And yet, right now, Izaya didn't feel anything.
No rain.
No cold.
No wetness.
Walking on the pathway in slow and even steps he had merely stuffed his hands into his coat´s pockets. Something about the encounter with Shizu-chan had hit him hard. He couldn't tell why, nor what it was- all he knew was that terrible feeling clutching his throat.
And that it was growing worse and worse by the minute. Why? Shizuo hadn't said anything of substance. He hadn't quit their appointments. The opposite, he had even confirmed that he would be there when he was needed. There was no danger of disappearing due to his genes. Izaya could do whatever he pleased, live his life to the fullest.
So why?
Why did just thinking about that fact choke Izaya's throat to the point it hurt?
Malice and anger tripled as he recalled that damned phone, ringing in Shizu-chan´s pocket. It was crazy. But thinking about Kasuka worsened his mood by the second.
Why?
Shizuo was merely fetching his brother from a shooting. Hell, his sisters were probably attending that very same shooting, and thousands of fans. So why did the fact that Shizuo had left Izaya in order to fetch his brother hurt?
Why?
How even?
Shizuo had a life, just like Izaya.
Just it didn't include him.
Feeling his throat constrict even worse, the raven swallowed as he stepped into an alley.
Was he going mad?
He was behaving as if he wanted the brute to include him in his life as well. Almost as if he were-
And suddenly Izaya stopped in his tracks. His eyes widened and his ears rang.
No way
Jealous.
He was jealous of his brother.
Of the time he got to spend with him that he could not.
Suffocated laughter bubbled from his throat as he shook his head in denial.
What the hell. No way.
Why should he be jealous?
It wasn't like he-
The lump growing worse there was suddenly hot liquid trailing down his wet cheek. Burning like hot iron stinging flesh.
Fuck.
Raising his sleeve to his face violently wiped them off. This was stupid- Just something his obvioisly bored mind must have cone up with.
Him and Shizu-chan? Hah! As if- he hated the guy- He always had!
Trying to gather resolve and counter the mess of thoughts inside his head he tried to think of past events that would support his idea.
An idea of hatred that is.
But somehow he couldn't find any. Instead, very fresh memories of Shizuo caring for him, looking at him, calling his name in a non angry fashion intruded.
The night from a few days before resurfaced from Izaya's mind. The morning after and how he had strolled through Shizuo's apartment.
How he had found himself oddly lonely and-
Swallowing harshly, the raven's back hit the alley's wall.
Slowly, like the realization dawning on him, his back slid down the rough facade.
He wanted Shizu-chan to stay. That morning he wanted to stay with him. Before when he left he just-
He wanted Shozu-chan to look at him more. Properly. Ask what was wrong, to say he would stay.
To just-
Choking Izaya's face met his knees as his arms encircled them. Really he must be quite the view. Sitting in a dark alley sobbing his soul out like some lovesick idiot.
And yet he couldn't help it.
He loved the blond.
Like a truck hitting him straight on the road the realization had suddenly dawned on him.
He loved him.
He loved spending time with him. He loved the way he looked at him, the way he moved, the way he cared even though they were just having one of their stupid appointments.
A deal.
Nothing but a deal.
That's right, that's what Izaya was to Shizu-chan.
A task.
A task that he had to fulfill.
No matter if he wanted to or not.
Tears over tears gathered as they soaked his pants. The rain hadn't let up either, slowly but surely soaking his hair and clothes as he choked on tears.
It hurt.
It hurt so much.
Why?
How the hell did that even happen?
How?
A feeling similar to nausea overwhelmed the raven as he realized what consequences his realization held.
He had to meet up again with Shizu-chan.
Shizu-chan would be gente, ask if he was okay. He would treat him with kindness stemming from nothing but pity.
How was Izaya supposed to do that? How was he supposed to keep their appointments? To look at Shizu-chan, hear his voice, look at his eyes, see the care he showed yet knowing there was not much more than that?
It was torture.
Just how...?
He couldn't do it- He couldn't-
Growing more and more in intensity the rain seemed to be mocking him as it started to pour even worse.
Izaya couldn't quite tell how long he had been sitting there. Nor had he checked the time before visiting Simon's.
It was just when darkness fell and his glance slowly trailed to the lights illuminating the city at night, that his body moved.
He was freezing, yet not really taking note of it. Soaked like a rat too.
But he couldn't bring himself to care.
Izaya just felt tired.
Exhausted.
The tears had finally stopped, but the pain in his throat just didn't let up. He must have ran out of tears or something.
Was that even possible? He should ask Shinra next time he saw him…
Stepping into an underground train Izaya found himself not caring what anyone would think, seeing him like that. He didn't care whether his reputation was going to suffer.
All he wanted was to sleep.
Go home.
Forget about all of this. About this feeling, about the pain, about Shizu-chan.
It was when he stepped out of the underground station in Shinjuku that he paused.
He didn't want to see Shizuo again. The idea of meeting him was painful enough as it was- he didn't need the real deal.
… yet he needed to survive.
Flicking his phone out of his pocket he sighed softly as he let his eyes roam his contact list.
It took only a few seconds to find Hachiro's number. And even less to call it.
He was going to end this.
He was nothing more than an appointment for Shizu-chan.
He would rather suffer real pain than this.
Once they met up the next time-
No.
He didn't want a next time.
He didn't want to look at the blond search for hints of something that couldn't ever happen.
Izaya would tell him he found someone else. Someone different.
Because ultimately, nothing Hachiro did would hurt more than this.
Ring after ring tormented his ears. But Hachiro didn't pick up.
Again Izaya called.
Twice.
Thrice.
In a burst of rage the phone's screen cracked as it met the ground with full force.
Anger and frustration overwhelmed the raven as he glared at the remains of his phone.
How stupid. Breaking his phone wouldn't help the situation.
Taking a deep breath Izaya let his hand comb through his wet hair.
He had to calm down.
Stop thinking.
Just stop.
Turning on his heels he made his way.
Home. Just home.
With bitterness Izaya realized he would have to move again. After all, even if he broke their deal, Shizu-chan was still going to show up once he got annoyed over something he thought Izaya initiated.
It was bound to happen sometime, really.
And Izaya would gladly pass on that.
The apartment complex wasn't far from the station. An elevator led up wards. Letting his wet hair lean against the wall of its inside he glanced towards the mirror.
Ah. Really. He served a pathetic sight.
Another sight he didn't want Shizuo to see.
With a soft tune the elevator announced it had reached the top floor. The hinges opened.
And suddenly there were men.
A dozen.
Wearing suits of black and dire expressions the group turned as they looked at Izaya entering the top floor.
Shortly glancing up Izaya found himself wondering who they were.
Looked like debt collectors.
There was no debt to be cleared, however, and neither had Izaya messed with anyone particularly dangerous recently. So his stance didn't change.
He wasn't alert, wasn't scared- just exhausted. Usually this would have been a sight to delight in. He would want to find out who had managed to piss this many people off at once. He would have wanted to stir some trouble for someone maybe. Or if he were in a good mood he might even get them off the guy's track and in exchange ask for compensation and a deal.
It was a very interesting occasion.
A chance of entertainment on a silver platter.
And yet …
Right now he couldn't care less.
Fishing out his keys he approached the door to his apartment.
Whoever they were here for it was none of his business.
"Are you Izaya Orihara?"
Surprised to hear his name, Izaya turned.
"Yes?"
A feeling of being out of place forced itself on Shizuo as he let his eyes wander. He was currently inside his brother's apartment.
He had picked him up from his shoot just as they had agreed. Shizuo thought they were simply going to grab something to eat, talk a little about their lives and that's it.
Instead, however, Ruri had been there, eagerly waiting for Shizuo's arrival it seemed.
He was invited to dinner and before he knew it Shizuo found himself in a very very fancy flat.
Considering the sums his brother was earning by shooting all those movies it was to be expected. Although the interior design seemed to have been Ruri's idea.
His brother had never been someone to care for details like that after all.
"Do you want something to drink, Shizuo-san?" Ruri suddenly asked, jerking Shizuo out of his stupor.
"Uh, sure, whatever you have at home."
Ruri nodded and with that she was off to the kitchen. Leaving Shizuo in a very awkward state as he sat on the couch.
It was awkward.
Way too awkward.
Kasuka was sitting opposite to him not saying a thing.
Why were they here?
No matter how he looked at it, there had to be a reason they were meeting like this.
Crap he was really craving a smoke to calm his nerves.
Letting his hand slide to his pocket the blond stopped halfway.
"Do you want to smoke?" Kasuka questioned, already having picked up the motion. "You can, I don't mind."
Quickly shaking his head the blond denied his desire.
"Kasuka," he started slowly, "...uhm.. did something happen?"
"I'm glad you ask!" Ruri suddenly chirped, jerking the soul out of Shizuo's body as the woman had appeared without a sound behind his back.
"Kasuka and me, well-" she started slowly, a smile spreading across her cheeks, and suddenly she pulled her gand forth. "We are finally engaged!"
Glittering, like a moondrop on a starry sky, a small crystal sat on top of a silver ring.
Yet, shining brightly as it was, it dimmer in comparison to the smile beaming on Ruri's face.
Shizuo's head turned, looking at his brother for just a moment.
He was smiling too.
"You are the first to know."
Warmth spread in Shizuo's chest. This- it was amazing.
More than amazing.
To think about his brother's fate, about his succubus genes and their compatibility, Shizuo had always known they got along. And he had been glad about it, because so many Incubus never found love or were able to live up to it.
So seeing his brother and soon to be wife happy as this- honestly it brought tears to his eyes.
"Shizuo-san?" Ruri suddenly questioned as he hadn't replied a single word yet.
"Ah, congratulations!" Shizuo quickly hurried, wiping at the corner of his eyes as he got rid of the dampness to his eyes. "Sorry, I'm just surprised. I'm not really good at these things." His expression softened, "You make my brother happy. I can see that."
Growing a bit teary eyed herself Ruri nodded enthusiastically, afraid her voice would crack if she replied anything by word.
"Okay so! We have something to celebrate- What are we ordering? Everything is on us!" Getting up from the couch Shizuo couldn't help but chuckle.
"Ordering?"
Kasuka nodded. "She can't cook."
"Hey you can't cook either!" Ruri complained quickly, only adding to the blond's amusement.
"Right, we both can't cook."
Snorting Shizuo made his way to the kitchen.
The fridge was opened and a quick glance cast inside.
"How about I fix us something then?"
A frown crossed Ruri's expression at the suggestion.
"Eh?!'' No way you are supposed to be enjoying a nice meal." But Shizuo just shrugged.
"Take it as an early gift for your wedding then."
Puffing her cheeks Ruri seemed anything but happy, while Kasuka actually laughed.
Shizuo couldn't help but feel warm at heart at the sight. Small banters like these, jokes and laughter. That was what was going to fill his brother's life.
Happiness.
Turning back to the fridge at hand he looked at the available ingredients. He wanted to make them the best dinner possible.
Sadly the fridge wasn't quite up to that.
They had barely anything at home.
Closing the fridge the blond turned- until the door stuck that is.
Looking at the door Shizuo pushed again.
It was halfway open. Nothing was blocking the way, so why couldn't he get it shut?
Again he tried.
Nothing.
Turning to the newly engaged couple he wanted to ask what was going on with the fridge. That was when he noticed it.
They had frozen on the spot. In the middle of talking.
Izaya.
Sighing deeply Shizuo couldn't help but feel a frown of annoyance overtake his expression.
Annoyance and a tinge of frustration.
Sadness even.
Izaya was testing his ability again.
Was he trying to get on his nerves on purpose?
Remembering their meeting in the alley before Shizuo couldn't help but feel a lump form in his throat.
Great the flea wasn't even here and managed to kill the mood.
Hearing the two talk again, Shizuo quickly pushed the door of the fridge shut, as time flew in its normal course once more.
Whatever. This was a delightful occasion. He wasn't going to let Izaya ruin it.
Continuing his search Shizuo opened a few cupboards.
A few potatoes were stashed away- curry paste too and now that he thought about it he had seen some carrots in the fridge hadn't he?
Opening the fridge again he checked once more. Only for the door to get stuck again.
"Oh, come on-"
"Is something wrong?" Ruri suddenly asked, the time having flown again just in the moment Shizuo complained.
"Ah, no no, just need to think what we can actually do with the ingredients you have at home." Shizuo quickly answered, not trying to kill the mood for the two as well.
"Ah," Ruri chuckled, "If you want I can fetch something from the groc-"
Again.
Time stopped.
Groaning Shizuo rubbed his temple.
What the hell was the flea doing?
"-ery store." Blinking Shizuo looked at Ruri.
"Ah yes, that would help. It will take a while until the food is done anyway, I can start with what you have and you go get the rest." he quickly answered, hoping Izaya wasn't going to stop him mid sentence.
"Understood!" Ruri announced, eagerly sitting down at the counter of the kitchen.
"So, what is the Chef's suggestion?"
Shizuo couldn't help but snort softly at his new title
Chef, huh.
"Curry?" he suggested, while taking note of the missing ingredients.
No answer followed and Shizuo looked at Ruri.
Again.
Sighing softly, Shizuo leant against the fridge.
By now he wasn't even annoyed anymore. He just hoped the flea would get tired of this shit soon enough.
"Oi, Kasuka, turn off the TV!" Ruri suddenly said, unfrozen from time as she had not heard Shizuo's words, she addressed Kasuka instead she had turned on the TV in the living room.
"He said it's taking a while." Kasuka shrugged.
"But still-"
"Izaya Orihara."
Perking his ears, Shizuo's attention drew to the screen. The guy had stopped talking. Obviously, as time had stopped yet again for the felt umotenth time. It gave Shizuo time to look at the location though.
There was some sort of news cast. It was raining. A reporter. The location seemed to be Shinjuku. Distress seemed to mark the man's face as he turned to the viewers in all seriousness.
And suddenly time unfroze again.
"A new Incubus has been discovered in Shinjuku and is on the run. This is what he looks like, he has been shot but is still dangerous anyone seeing him should report instantly to the police."
to be continued~
Aaaaalright~ Soo I wanted to update 5 chapters today- I ended up only doing 1 - x'D hm - next week better luck I suppose xDDD Nah joke aside a few things came up, also I fucked up my frist "book" release of "Behind closed doors" lmao
Apart from being available after 4 days, I also noticed amazon somehow cut off the page numbers x'D
aaand I actually found someone who is willing to draw WAY BETTER covers for the books xD Sooo I will be re-uploading Bcd as soon as I have the new cover, AND seeing as "Sinful desire" originified is the next book to be published on 10th December, I can actually promise this time that everything will be set and ready haha
New cover~ Check
Page count- Check
Punctual release? - Check xDDD
With that being said, see you next Friday in another update on Sd~ ;3