Ch 10: Cradled
Allie stood at the stove in their row house stirring beef stew with one hand while she held back a laugh. She watched her father staring seemingly through her and out the window behind her. His eyes crinkled at the corners and a slow grin crept across his face. Wherever he was, it wasn't present with her right now, but he sure looked happy.
She tapped the wooden spoon loudly on the rim of the pot. No reaction from her father. A grin appeared across her face as well as she took on a teasing tone. "Well? How was it?" Allie put one hand on her hip in playful impatience as she stirred the stew again with her other hand.
"What? Oh. The ride with Mrs. Thornton?" Nathan snapped out of his daydream as the color deepened across his cheeks. "It was fine."
"Fine? Dad, you've been smiling out the window for a few minutes and you haven't answered anything I've asked. It looks like it was more than just fine." Allie's eyebrow raised as she smirked at her dad.
"Oh… Right. It was really good. I took her to that flower valley with the lake."
"Oh I love that spot. Did she like it? Were there lots of flowers? She put the asters on her desk, Dad, in front of everyone. She smiled at them all day. She kept staring at them and she'd forget what she was teaching. It was kind of fun. She ended history ten minutes early because she thought she finished the lesson. None of us had the heart to tell her…" Allie was talking a mile-a-minute in her glee.
"How very noble of you Allie," Nathan deadpanned. He rolled his eyes and stifled a chuckle before continuing on in the most serious tone he could manage. "I'd better not find out any of you lied to her about your schoolwork." He said trying to hide his smirk in an attempt to be the responsible adult here.
"No Sir. We didn't, but…we didn't exactly correct her either. It was nice to see her so…happy. Emily and Opal said she was like she used to be before Mountie Jack died."
Nathan smiled. He had felt the lightness in his own heart. His recent times with Elizabeth had been like a weight had lifted and he could finally breathe again. It made his heart happy to know that Elizabeth was experiencing similar change—enough that others were noticing too. Gone were the days of hiding, stuttering, and dancing around each other. This was something new and real. It felt so good.
"Dad…Dad? Dad!" Allie said as she shook her head laughing.
"What? Oh. Sorry. What did you say?" Nathan asked sheepishly. Once again he was caught in his revelry.
"Is this how it's going to be now? You get that goofy grin and you're just gone." She laughed to herself sounding only mildly irritated, but obviously thrilled at the change in her father. It was a new look for him to be so obviously in love.
Nathan cleared his throat. "Sorry. I don't know Allie-girl, I sure hope so."
"So when are you asking her on a real date? It's obvious you like-like her." Allie replied obnoxiously batting her eyelashes.
Nathan rolled his eyes and sighed. "Soon. I don't know where to take her. I want to do something different that she didn't do with Mountie Jack or Mr. Bouchard."
"Well… lay off the candles and you should be fine." She teased earning another grin from her father. "Simple is still beautiful. Be you. Don't worry so much about them."
"How did you get to be so smart?" Nathan said shaking his head with a grin.
"Probably my mom." She answered flatly with a tease.
Nathan laughed. "You're probably right. Colleen always knew just what to say. You're so much like her Allie." Nathan replied somberly.
Allie brought the stew off the heat and turned to hug her dad. "Thank you. I wish I remembered her more."
"You were so little Allie. It would be hard to have many memories of her, but she loved you so much. She held on as long as she could. I'm happy to tell you any stories you want about her."
"I know. I just miss her. Some days are really hard." Allie sniffled into his henley.
"I know…and they are. She would be so proud of you Allie-girl. You were her little Maisy-Daisy." He smiled into her hair remembering.
"I loved when she called me that. I always thought Mays was weird. Mom made me love it. I miss that." Allie rested her head against Nathan's chest and looked up at him.
"Your mom had a way of doing that. Making tough things beautiful." He smiled down at his daughter thankful to have a piece of Colleen still with him today.
Nathan's stomach grumbled under Allie's ear. "Ok…ok the stew is ready." She laughed and unlatched from Nathan. She grabbed two bowls and what was left of a loaf of bread. "You slice and I'll butter."
"Deal." Nathan smiled. She was growing up so much and he enjoyed that she had started fussing over him in recent years. It was nice to be able to work side by side in the grind of daily life tasks.
Allie ladled two bowl fulls of beef stew and sat down across from Nathan taking his hand to pray. "Lord thank you for this food and for my dad's goofy grin. Heal his heart and guide both him and Mrs. Thornton. Amen."
Nathan smiled at her simple prayer. He could see the healing taking place already in her heart from even a few days ago.
—-—-
The next morning passed as usual, save an extra long wave and wink from the school teacher. She was holding a fresh bouquet of asters with a blushing smile that lit up her face before closing the doors to the schoolhouse.
Inside, several knowing smiles passed between students as Mrs. Thornton nonchalantly attempted to clear room for another vase on her desk. She didn't have the heart to dispose of the other perfectly good asters still.
Classes continued mostly uninterrupted with the exception of several long glances at her desk throughout the day. Allie recognized the same love-struck look in her teacher's eyes and gained the courage to have a woman-to-woman chat after class.
Mrs. Thornton rang the bell at last and her classmates piled out the door, but Allie hung back—studying her teacher who seemed lost again in her thoughts.
"Mrs. Thornton?" Allie implored cautiously.
It took a moment before the voice registered to Elizabeth and she looked up. "Oh Allie. Hi. Can I help you Sweetheart?" She had a softness in her eyes tempered with a bit of…what looked like fear in her eyes.
"Mrs. Thornton…can we talk?" Allie tenderly asked.
Elizabeth's pupils dilated. Fear. It was definitely fear. Her response emboldened Allie further to press on and take the lead.
Elizabeth nodded and swallowed rooting her feet to the ground as she gripped her desk chair willing herself not to run.
"Mrs. Thornton, I'm really happy to see you and my dad so happy." Allie approached the front row bench and sat while Elizabeth slowly took a seat—seeking security behind her desk.
"I can tell that you like my dad too. It's obvious the way you've been smiling all morning when you see the flowers. You like-like him don't you?"
Elizabeth took a deep breath and her shoulders slumped. She raised her eyes to Allie's. "Yes Allie. I do like him…more than a friend and I have for awhile now. I just couldn't face it. I was afraid. I'm sorry Allie for how I hurt you. I never meant to, but I did. Can you forgive me Allie?"
A smile crept across Allie's face and hope lit her eyes as she weighed her teacher's statement. "Yes Mrs. Thornton I can. I couldn't even a few days ago, but now I can."
Elizabeth stood and approached Allie with her arms out. Allie stood and entered the embrace of her teacher's arms. And then the tears came. Deep racking sobs as she clung to Elizabeth—wetting her dress with her tears.
Elizabeth stiffened for a moment in alarm before encircling Allie in a tender motherly hug. She smoothed her hair and rubbed her back as Allie cried years' worth of buried tears.
As her tears slowed, Elizabeth spoke up. "Tell me Allie what you are thinking. I want to hear your hurt even if—especially if—I caused it. It's ok Honey. I need to know. You've held it in long enough."
A fresh round of tears took hold and Elizabeth continued to rub her back.
"I…wanted…you." Came out in broken sobs. "To…be…my…mother." Allie crumpled in Elizabeth's arms at the admission and Elizabeth moved them to the front row bench where she could hold the big girl cradled in her lap.
Normally Allie would protest such a vulnerable position, but there was something so right about needing to be cradled. It was a position that had been sorely lacking in her young life without a mother. Nathan cradled her a lot when she was young and even occasionally now when needed. He was serving as both father and mother in her life—though his title until recently had indicated uncle, it had always been much more than that.
Allie's tears flowed as years of deep wounds and recent hurts bubbled up simultaneously. The dam just broke within her heart.
All the while, Elizabeth sat with the teen—stroking her hair and offering her a hankie from her pocket. She wasn't rushing her to speak up, but instead let Allie collect her thoughts and let her tears take their course. She sat silently and offered comfort and support.
"I wanted you to be my mother." Allie repeated softly though she couldn't yet look Elizabeth in the eyes. "That's why I made you that invitation to dinner with my dad and why I invited just you to the adoption…." Allie paused sniffling, but Elizabeth didn't interject and just listened. "I thought if I could just get you two together you would see that you were perfect for each other."
"I understand now Allie. I'm sorry that I hurt you then. It was a beautiful card. I was so busy hiding from my heart. I wasn't ready to see how I felt about your father. Everyone else danced around me and didn't push me for answers, but you took the step anyway. You invited me. You didn't let me hide. I'm sorry, Allie, for how I hurt you. I didn't realize then how much my choosing Lucas hurt not only your father, but you too. I'm sorry Allie."
Allie sniffled and looked up into her teacher's face. "I forgive you and I believe you."
Elizabeth let out a breath and hugged Allie close. It was a hug that was a healing balm for both parties.
"I thought you didn't want me." Allie sniffled into her shoulder.
"What?!" Elizabeth pushed back from the embrace to look Allie in the eyes searching them for answers. "Why would you ever think that?"
"Why else wouldn't you choose my dad? He's pretty much perfect. It had to be me." Allie sighed and looked down at her lap.
Elizabeth tenderly held Allie's chin and gently moved it up to look in her eyes. "Allie, it was never about you. I'm so sorry that you thought that. You were the one that I fell in love with first, you know. You've always been like a daughter to me."
A series of emotions crossed Allie's face as she processed what Elizabeth was saying. "You do? I am?"
"Of course Sweetheart. You and your dad are quite the pair. I couldn't help but fall in love with you." Elizabeth smiled softly at Allie as the light returned to Allie's eyes.
"I was running from my feelings for your dad. I never meant to hurt you too." Elizabeth admitted wiping tears from Allie's cheeks.
Allie looked up at her teacher. "It's just….everyone leaves me. Everyone but Dad." Allie burst into tears again.
"Oh Allie. I know it has to have felt like that for you, but from what your father has told me your mother loved you very much and never wanted to leave you. She loved you so much she entrusted you to her brother and best friend to raise. You don't give your most precious gift to just anyone Allie. It would be incredibly hard for me to give Jack to someone to raise if I had to, but your father is a wonderful choice. He's practically perfect, right?" Elizabeth teased on the last note hoping to illicit a smile.
It worked. Allie laughed. "He is. I'm glad to hear you say it though."
Elizabeth blushed at that, "I'm learning you're right. It's been an awfully nice lesson too."
"So…will you go out on a date with him?" Allie asked hopefully.
"Are you asking or is your father?" Elizabeth asked with playfully narrowed eyes.
"Oh. Right. Well a little bird told me he was working on it." Allie responded sheepishly.
"Well, tell the little bird to come ask me himself, but I'm glad to hear it." Elizabeth said with an amused grin.
"Noted. I'll…tell…the bird. Riiiight." Allie over-exaggerated a wink—delighted to have a role to play.
"Tell the bird what?" Nathan announced his presence with his signature lop-sided grin.
Both women looked up at him startled. They had been so lost in their own conversation that they didn't hear his boots on the steps.
Nathan leaned against the doorframe amused at having caught his girls together. They had obviously mended their relationship from the teasing tone he heard in Allie's voice to her puffy red face. She was still sitting in Elizabeth's lap.
"Nathan! So good to see you here." Elizabeth recovered first—though her cheeks reddened from more than just embarrassment.
"Ladies." Nathan nodded to them with an amused smirk. "I came to check on Allie when she didn't come home and she wasn't at Opal's. I'm glad that she's here with you. Looks like you got a chance to talk." He finished somberly—looking between both their faces.
"Hi Dad. Sorry to scare you. I really needed to talk to Mrs. Thornton." She hugged Elizabeth one more time and stood up approaching her dad.
Nathan took her in his arms and held her tight. "I'm so proud of you Allie." He whispered in her ear. He looked over her shoulder at Elizabeth who was smiling at the father-daughter pair. "Thank you." He silently mouthed to Elizabeth as she nodded.
"You should ask her out Dad." Allie mumbled into his serge.
"I should…should I?" Nathan smiled down at his daughter.
Allie released her dad and he took a few steps closer up the aisle towards Elizabeth. "Mrs. Thornton? Would you be free Friday night or even Saturday to go on a date with me?" Nathan confidently ventured.
"Why Constable…I hoped you would ask." Elizabeth replied with a wink—amused at Allie's nodding antics behind his back.
"Well then…I'll see you then…" Nathan trailed off.
Elizabeth cut in, "I hope I see you before then. I'll check with Laura and let you know which day. Thanks again for the flowers."
"I hope they weren't too distracting." Nathan teased as he continued forward.
Elizabeth craned her neck around Nathan to look at Allie in mock irritation. "The birds sure talk a lot around here."
Allie backed up to the schoolhouse doors. "That seems weird. Talking birds and all…I'd better check that out…uh…see you tomorrow Mrs. Thornton! Bye Dad!" She trailed off as she disappeared down the steps.
Elizabeth and Nathan shook their heads both enjoying the irony. Nathan held his arms out to Elizabeth and she gladly snuggled in.
"How did it go?" Nathan asked with his chin atop her hair.
Elizabeth sighed into his chest and looked up at him. "Better than I had hoped. She forgave me. I told her that I loved her like a daughter….I hope that's ok. It just slipped out."
"Of course it's ok. So long as you are serious about us. I'm all in Lizbeth." His eyes were so soft and honest as he looked down at her—stroking back the hair from her face.
"I am. I'm done running. You, Allie, and Jack are who is in my heart." She had a clear look of determination. No more pretenses. She was serious.
A big grin broke across Nathan's face. These were the words he had been waiting to hear from the moment he first saw her step into his office. Hope trickled through every cell in his body. "And you have my heart." He squeezed her again and kissed her forehead.
"So….are we courting?" Elizabeth asked looking up at him.
Nathan feigned surprise. "Why Mrs. Thornton are you asking me to court you?"
Elizabeth gasped and her eyes flared in surprise before she caught his teasing and mocked back holding him still at arms' length. "Now Constable, I'm not that modern of a woman."
Nathan chuckled nervously. "Honestly, Lizbeth I don't even know what I'm doing or how to ask. I've never felt like this for anyone else."
Elizabeth smiled at him. He was so honest and sweetly unpolished. It was so charming.
"Well… whether you ask me now or a week from now, my answer is yes." She answered softly.
"Is it that easy? Do I have to do some kind of ceremony or something? Do I get down on one knee?" Nathan looked awfully nervous, but ventured ahead anyway.
Elizabeth deadpanned "of course you drop to one knee." Nathan shifted nervously and started to drop to a knee when she grabbed him firmly by the shoulders on his descent chuckling. "Nathan…Nathan I was kidding!"
He flushed as red as his serge and squinted his eyes at her in mock irritation. "I'll remember that Lizbeth." His grin indicated otherwise.
Elizabeth let out a beautifully deep belly laugh and brought him in closely again. "You can just ask Nathan. I'm ready if you are. Lord knows we've wasted enough time already."
Hope grew in his chest. He held Elizabeth's elbows as he looked deeply into her eyes. "Elizabeth Thatcher-Thornton will you do me the honor of letting me court you?"
"Yes." Elizabeth answered with a broad smile—much quicker than Nathan had anticipated.
He let out a breath and held her close whispering simply in her ear, "good."
And so, they held each other for several long minutes gently swaying to a music no one could hear but themselves.
A/N:
Nathan's penchant for picking wildflowers is partially inspired by the beginning of the country song "Redneck Roses" by Tracy Byrd. I loved that they're more thoughtful than store-bought and it seemed like something Nathan would do while on rounds.
Nathan & Allie deadpanning and teasing is my favorite and I will write it in every chance I get.
I may….have experience with allowing my teachers not to remember what they were teaching. It was fun to write in here. Seemed like an Allie move.
The cradling was inspired by an article I read several years ago about foster children who had undergone trauma & the importance that they have a safe adult/parent hold them in their lap like a baby when needed—even well into their teen years. It had some neat research about our brains being wired for connection like that. Allie's traumatic childhood warranted this kind of healing reconnection.
Maisy-Daisy is a combination of my friend's daughter's nickname Maisy for Macy and my sister-in-law's nickname Daisy for her middle name Dae. It seemed to fit well for a little girl with the middle name Mays & just kind of wrote itself.
Nathan is practically perfect isn't he? That's my tribute to all my fellow N&E shippers keeping their romance that should-have-been alive.
PPS- I can't help but think of "Mary Poppins practically perfect in every way."