Once upon a time, there was a man. A very Manly Man. This man was so manly, that many people were awed by his manliness, and simply ignored the fact that he loved fire altogether too much.
One day, this Manly Man was mannishly strolling along the street, when he came across the most beautiful wo-man (man with a womb) in all the lands. This wo-man was also Very Manly, and the two hit it off straight away. It was a while after they got married, and the wo-man was already heavily pregnant with his first babe, that he suddenly realized how obsessed with fire his Manly Man of a Husband truly was. But by then it was too late, and so the Manther (father that carries a child on account of the fact that he has a womb) bore a Manly Man of a Son, and called it a very Manly name, and pretended he was happy with his lot in life.
And so the years dragged by. The manly couple bore another son, one who looked more like a woman than the Manther could ever hope to look himself. This son was called a much less Manly, and much more Pansy sounding name. He was not born with a beard like his Manly Man Brother you see, and was therefore looked down upon by the Manly Man Father. The Manther was dismayed that his son could be so very much prettier than he, and died an immediate and gruesome death. This caused the father to hate the Pansy Boy Son even more.
Then one day many years later, Pansy Boy Son had an Amazingly Relevant Dream and wanted to go on a quest to fulfill it. But the Manly Man Father simply lit a flaming torch, and sent his Manly Man Son out instead. Unfortunately, Manly Man Son died on that quest (in a Very Manly Man way, of course) and the Manly Man Father grew angry at this news. So angry in fact, that he blamed Pansy Boy Son for his loss, claiming that it should have been he, and not Manly Man Son, who'd died. The Pansy Boy's argument that he had wanted to go on the quest but couldn't because Manly Man Father had burnt down his horse, and so logically it was really Manly Man Father's fault, fell on deaf ears. Well, not literally. But the argument fell on ears that were much clogged with earwax, and were therefore as good as deaf.
But Manly Man Father was still very angry at his Pansy Boy Son (more for being so very Pansy than anything else) and decided to punish him. So one day, when Pansy Boy Son was dying of a fever, Manly Man Father seized his chance. He scooped Pansy Boy up in his arms, and took him lovingly and caringly into a room to burn and die.
Suddenly, Blond Sissy Man (along with Short Curly Weird Guy) ran into the room to stop him! And Manly Man Father realized how much worse off his son could have been.
With a sigh and a smile, all was forgiven, and everyone sat happily down for tea and biscuits.
Manly Man Father clumsily spilt burning tea on his lap, and with a chuckle, tried to cool off by pouring a bucket of icy cold fire all over himself.
Needless to say, he died.
The End.
Authors Notes
Thank you for reading the first of many Manly stories, both posted and still in the making. I don't believe i shall ever, ever tire of this. Now witness the glory, the epic, the true classic of the Manliest Men of Middle Earth, and quiver in unadulterated fear and envy! For who amongst you could boast such true Manliness, with a capital MAN?
UPDATE: Why yes indeed, this was written in '05 and i'm now updating it in '10. It had grammatical and spelling issues. I have not, however, changed anything else save a few words. So to answer your question, yes i WAS still this genius five years ago. I have ALWAYS been amazing.