Han Solo was pacing the cockpit of the Millennium Falcon. The trip back to Tatooine was going as planned and it wouldn't be long before he would be safe with his fourteen thousand credits, counting the ones that Master Skywalker had added "for good measure." And by safe, he meant on the run again from the other scoundrels who were beginning to get jealous of him always having the limelight and trying to convince them that he hadn't just been paid handsomely.
He should have been worried about his ship or his life, or otherwise dreaming of those shiny credits. But instead here he was, thinking only of the Jedi code that seemed to interfere with all of his affairs.
Whenever he was around them, the code intruded on his life, causing mass chaos. He couldn't count how many times the Separatists had nearly ended the life of his beloved starship due to the fact that fighting "was not the Jedi way" and so in order to protect those not-so-innocent life forms, his pride had been damaged. Now things had gotten even worse with the arrival of the Skywalkers.
"I know it," he said to himself. "I accept it." Han was incredulous, realizing that admitting it would be his first step to recovery. "I accept the fact that I cannot control this, but I can control my actions. I know it, but I'm not going to act on it." It sounded good, and it gave him momentary relief.
But Han's mind was quickly cleared of all the positive mantras he could muster and instantly filled with the cold, biting truth. 'You want to act on it,' a dark voice in his head cackled menacingly. 'You know that if given the chance, you would, and that would mean destroying the future of the one you…'
"No!" Han yelled, sweat running down his forehead. "I would never be so selfish, to take all that away…" It burned to know that the voice had been partially right: despite Han's good intentions, he knew that his self-control could not be enough.
There was a sliding noise coming from the place where the cockpit was connected to the rest of the ship's body. That could only mean one thing: someone was coming in. Han quickly regained his composure, attempting to lean nonchalantly against the dashboard. The sight of Chewbacca in the doorway, bending forward to fit, surprised him so much that he slipped and did a face plant into the cushion of the pilot's seat.
Chewbacca howled in concern, extending a fur-covered paw to help Han to his feet. "Sorry," he gasped; rubbing his face where the cushion had broke his fall. "I guess it's a good thing that it was there to stop me from hitting the floor. Still…did it leave a pattern on my face?" Han wondered aloud, looking into the slightly reflective front window to check. After confirming that his facial features were still intact and no lasting damage had been done, he turned back to his Wookiee friend.
"It's not just you that's got me like this," he confessed. "I've just been thinking…I was talking to myself before you came in, and for a minute, I thought you were…someone else. Speaking of someone else, there's someone who's been on my mind lately. Mind if I talk to you about it?"
The Wookiee gave him a sympathetic moan and took the chair next to him.
"You see," Han began but stopped, noticing the Wookiee's smug expression. "Will you knock it off?" he demanded. Chewie hung his head in mock sorrow, but eventually perked up when Han scratched the tip of his head. "Anyway, there's a person I know who I really admire. I mean, she…this person, is really brave and can do just about anything. I'm scared to tell them this because they might take it the wrong way, and I couldn't bear to go through life with them hating me. And it's really hard because I don't know what kind of person I am if I'm willing to lie to myself…"
"And who is this mysterious 'she' you so admire?" said a calm voice from the doorway. Han stood there gaping at the door. Apparently, he hadn't heard it slide open while he was pouring out his soul to Chewbacca. He was shocked, but also somewhat relieved because once again it was not whom he'd expected.
"Luke," he grumbled. 'Should've known."
"I for one would like to know more about this female who has been deemed worthy of your admiration," he replied with a tone of mere amusement. "Seeing as there are only two females aboard who could possibly be causing this utter fascination, I would guess that it was either my mother or sister."
"You're right," Han said cheerily while his mind raced as he put together a plan. "When I saw the way your mother handled the news of the break-in I was highly impressed. She really is everything they say she is. Never in my life have I met such a brave and competent individual as Padme Amidala."
Luke chuckled. "You may be a good liar, Han, but I'm a better Jedi. I knew from the moment I entered the room that you were thinking about her, and no, I don't mean my mother. It's rather obvious that this so-called admiration of this individual is perhaps covering other feelings…?"
"If I weren't so desperate," Han said bitterly, "I would beat the heck outta you for even suggesting that. But unfortunately I am, and fortunately for you, I'd be too chicken to take on a powerful Jedi knight, even at Padawan stage. Which mind you, I'm still confused about. Is it Youngling, Jedi, Padawan, or…"
He shot Han a look that said, 'Don't try and change the subject.'
"Right," Han said, crestfallen. "But what am I supposed to do?"
"I recommend you keeping it a secret from her. If she ever found out, well, what would she think of you? It just might be enough to make her question her own feelings, and I'm afraid she might even see it as a good thing instead of a bad one. I don't want all of the Skywalkers to…" A knock on the door caused Luke to take a casual pause and Han to jump out of his skin for the third time that day.
"Am I interrupting something?" Leia said politely.
"Not at all. In fact, I was just leaving," Luke replied, happy to get away from Han the Hopeless Case. "Later, Han, and remember what I told you!" Despite the carefree tone, he still shot the pilot a warning glance as he made for the back of the Falcon. Han felt himself sinking.
"You know, you could at least knock," Han said in a grumpy tone.
"I did," she replied smartly. Han felt himself turning red. "If you don't have any more intelligent remarks you'd like to share, it would be helpful if you could advise me on where to look for Tatooine." Han opened a small box, where a small handheld computer had been jammed in with some greasy snacks.
"There," he said, thrusting the computer at her. "It's all in there. Your basic planet charts, all your information about time and traveling distance, even some stuff about lightspeed. And since you're such a smart girl, well, I'll bet you can even figure out how to work it on your own," he finished in an attempt to recover from his careless blunder.
"Well, thanks," Leia said, rolling her eyes. "You know, it would be nice if you could have at least turned it on for me. Well, I do take pride in my independence. I suppose this'll have to do." Once she figured out how to get the computer to start, Han figured he had at least ten minutes during which he could prepare himself for his next comeback, preferably one that would discourage further conversation.
Unfortunately, he had a knack for being wrong. "What's the matter, my state-of-the-art technology not good enough for you?" he accused. Chewbacca left the room promptly, not wanting to be there when the sparks started to fly.
"No," she said curtly. "I just think that it's a waste to have the knowledge to find these things without computers and instead of using it wisely, letting machines do the work."
"Knowledge? I'm surprised you think I have any brains at all." Leia gave him a look that told him he had better start learning to accept compliments when he got them. "Okay, well, that's Tatooine there, the big brown one with nothing on it, and that large lump is the Skywalker mansion." Leia let out a soft laugh; it seemed as musical as Padme's had been when they were first headed to Coruscant. "Okay, so it's hardly a mansion, but it's bigger than where I lived…"
"Where did you live?" Leia asked him, genuinely curious. This sparked another discussion, which lasted for some time. After a while there was a break in the conversation, during which Han gathered his thoughts.
"You know what?" he said. "You're utterly impossible to lie to." Leia gave him a surprised look. "You always confess the truth on the spot, and it'd eat anyone alive to hide something from you for any more than a day. I don't know why I didn't see this before," he said, as if something had just clicked into place.
"Well, as for always telling the truth, I don't," Leia confessed. "As part of being a Jedi knight, I have to always remember the code and so wind up keeping my feelings separate from my acquaintances. It's almost like I've got two-thirds of the process down, but I just don't make that final connection."
Han looked at her, and was filled with respect for not just her alone but the entire Jedi order. Never had he once thought of how it must be for the Jedi to leave all of their possessions, live away from their families, and never start families of their own. He sympathized with Master Skywalker, imagining the young lovesick Padawan torn between his commitment to the Jedi life and Padme. And suddenly, Luke's warnings seemed so silly and insignificant. He knew at that moment, even on a night when everything he'd tried to explain had failed, exactly what to say. "I love you," he declared with so much openness that Leia was stunned.
She fought the urge to ask him 'What?' or 'Why?' knowing in the end it would only cause her further heartache. "I'm a Jedi," she said simply. "Han, I'm a Jedi. I can't," she said, casting him a sympathetic look.
"I'm not asking you to," he said, reaching out a hand as if to stroke her cheek, but thinking better of it and stopping short. "I just wanted to tell you that I love you, and no matter how many flaws you point out, no matter what you say, absolutely nothing can change that."
"Oh, Han," she sighed, leaning back in the uncomfortable chair, "what are we going to do?"
"We're not going to do anything. I'm going to keep myself from doing anything stupid, like trying to convince you to elope with me, which, sadly, is a possibility I have considered. You are going to rest easy knowing that I never once in my life lied to you," Han insisted.
"How can I rest easy," Leia begged, "knowing that you're pining over me?" She took a deep breath and got up from her chair. "Crazy, that what all of this is. Crazy talk caused by a lack of sleep. I am going to bed, and you should get some rest as soon as possible, seeing as you need it the most. Goodnight, Han," she said briskly as she strode out of the cockpit.
Luke was waiting for her on the other side of the door. "How'd it go?" he asked. Leia collapsed against the wall opposite her bother and slid down into a sitting position.
"Luke," she whispered, "Luke…he loves me…"
There was an awkward silence during which a brother felt sorry for his sister, going though such painful trials as this and a sister felt thankful that perhaps there were a few sane beings in this galaxy.