Long Ago and Far Away
Chapter 3
Disclaimers: I don't own any of the JAG characters. I don't own any product or label mentioned for the purposes of telling this story. Any similarities to situations or persons living or dead are purely coincidental.
Spoilers: Any JAG episode or spoiler posted through season 10 is fair game.
A/N: Remember folks…this is AU. Mattie is alive and well and never crashed.
A/N: As always many thanks to Aerogirl for her excellent beta reading skills and input.
1010
Monday
May 23rd
Dare County Justice Center
Manteo, North Carolina
Cara looked at her CASA representative and long time mentor Sheila Prentiss.
"I'm scared." She was showing the apprehension Harm and Mac had seen moments earlier.
"I know, Cara. They probably are too." She tried to reassure her.
Cara looked toward the door and saw Harm and Mac walking toward it. Ms. Prentiss followed her gaze.
"I need to speak with them for just a few moments before they meet you."
"Will you be here?" She looked frightened.
"Of course I will, if you want me to." She stood and then looked back at her. "Just remember to give them a chance; this has to be hard for them too."
Cara nodded her acquiescence.
Ms. Prentiss stepped out into the hallway and closed the door behind her.
"You must be Sarah Mackenzie." She offered her hand.
"Yes, I am." She took her hand and shook it. She looked over her shoulder "This is Harmon Rabb Jr."
"I'm her father," Harm heard himself saying. He hadn't meant to say anything but he could not keep the statement in. He was here to see his daughter and he was going to be a part of this discussion. Not an outsider.
Ms. Prentiss looked at him in surprise. "Excuse me?"
Mac spoke up. "He is her father, Ms. Prentiss."
The details were not relevant as far as Mac was concerned; it was important that Ms. Prentiss understand that Harm was to be included in everything from now on. She felt the tension build up suddenly and now it was her turn to be calm and reassuring.
"Step into my office, please." She walked to the door just a few steps away.
Harm and Mac followed, looking back through the other door at Cara. She looked back warily.
While Harm and Mac spoke to Ms. Prentiss, Cara tried to prepare herself for meeting her mother. She was excited but feeling a little guilty about meeting her. She felt bad about calling anyone 'Mom' other than the only person she had ever thought of as her mother. She wasn't sure she ever could. Her Mam-Ma Johnston had encouraged her to find her birth mother when she grew up. She'd just thought this would all happen under different circumstances, a long time from now.
It had been difficult lately to remember her mother's face, something that had plagued her a great deal. The woman she saw through the doorway had to be her biological mother. She looked at her reflection in the window caused by the overhead lights in the room. She thought she might look a bit like her. What she couldn't figure out was who the man was. Was he her husband? What if he didn't like her, or want his wife to have other children?
She heaved a sigh and began to pace back and forth, waiting.
Harm and Mac sat in front of Ms. Prentiss's desk. She had just heard a condensed version of their story. She folded her hands and placed them on the desk in front of her. The biggest question was how Cara would react to all of this. She was a great kid but she had borne a lot of blows in her young life: her adoptive mother's death; her adoptive father's grief and finally his inability to cope with raising her; then the latest blow, her grandmother's death.
"On the surface this looks like a miracle." She gave them a thoughtful smile. "However, I think we should be very cautious with Cara. I have known her since she was nine years old. She is a wonderful and resilient child, but I don't think that should be taken for granted." She looked at Harm and Mac, who appeared to be in agreement with her.
"We don't want to do anything that would add to what she's already going through, but I don't intend to leave today without her knowing that I want to be her mother." She looked at Harm and reached for his hand. "That we want to be her parents."
The children's advocate nodded and again addressed them both. "The best thing may be for her to be with you both. However, Mr. Rabb, you will need to verify your paternity as soon as possible. I don't want you to misunderstand. It is not that I don't believe you, but the welfare of a child is at stake here. We need to be sure her parentage is documented if we want a smooth transition into another life for her. This also has to be what Cara wants. She has options here too."
Harm was quiet as he considered what Ms. Prentiss had said. He remembered Mattie and her reaction to any kind of pressure to behave one way or the other emotionally to a situation. He wouldn't make that mistake today; they had too much to lose.
Mac was willing to do whatever it took put Cara at ease while making her understand how important this was to them all. She looked at Harm and he returned her look. They both nodded in silent agreement with Ms. Prentiss.
"What do you suggest?" Mac looked back at Ms. Prentiss, questioning.
"Will you be able to stay in the area for a few days?"
Mac looked at Harm. "Yes, we will both be here at least a week. I have to fly to San Diego Saturday."
"You said when we spoke earlier that you would be transferring to the west coast – is that not right?"
"Yes, but a lot depends on Cara. My first priority is being sure that she feels that she can depend on me. It is important too that whatever changes have to made will preserve my ability to take care of her."
Harm frowned.
Mac looked at him. "I should say our ability to take care of her."
"Are you planning to marry?" Ms. Prentiss asked as a matter of fact.
They both answered "yes" without even looking at each other, though they had never discussed it. They both smiled, thinking that they were finally on the same wavelength after everything they had been through.
Ms. Prentiss was thoughtful. "Tell me something. Would you be marrying if you had not found out about Cara?"
Harm spoke up without hesitation. "Speaking for myself, yes, we would have, eventually. Although we might have had to wait another year, our duty stations being on opposite sides of the world now."
"What do you intend to do about that, as it affects Cara? It is bound to be another adjustment for her."
"I think that will be up to Cara. We will just have to talk honestly about it. If I know teenagers, they know when they are being told half of the story, right away."
Mac looked at him and smiled, remembering Mattie's candor when she spoke with her last fall about Harm. "I agree."
"What experience do you have with teenagers, Mr. Rabb?"
"I had the guardianship of a 14-year-old girl for over a year. The experience was…enlightening."
"Where is she now?"
"She has returned to her father. We still stay in touch, though. She is a great kid."
"I will need the name of the caseworker who handled this guardianship and all of your other information, Mr. Rabb."
Harm agreed and they finished the conversation. They had agreed to stay in the area and spend some one on one time with Cara to give her chance to get to know them. They also needed the time so that Harm's paternity tests could confirm his parentage.
The next challenge was Cara herself.
Harm and Mac followed Ms. Prentiss into the room. Harm had been going over all his 'lessons learned' from Mattie in his mind. He had learned what it meant to show affection without overdoing it. He had learned her 'code.' For all of her bluntness, she could sometimes be indirect in her expression of what was going on in her head.
Mac still felt calm and determined. She knew that Cara needed to see someone who knew her own mind and wasn't afraid to step up and tell her the truth. They filed into the room, Harm coming in last. Cara stood and looked at them all, focusing mostly on Mac.
Cara extended her hand to shake Mac's. "Hello, I'm Cara."
Mac smiled and gave her her hand. "Hello." She couldn't say 'I'm your mom.' She didn't know why. Thinking it would be too much to ask right now, she said. "You can call me Sarah, if you like. My friends call me Mac."
Cara brightened; she didn't feel as uncomfortable as she thought she would. 'Mac' had put her at ease. She seemed nice. "Okay…Mac."
Mac heaved an inward sigh of relief. At least she wanted to be her friend. She was willing to start with that. She saw her looking at Harm questioningly.
Ms. Prentiss had followed her gaze. "This is Harmon Rabb Jr. They are to be married soon."
Harm looked at Ms. Prentiss quickly and then at Cara. She suddenly looked afraid; he had also had wanted to put her at ease. What Ms. Prentiss said was true; he had wanted to wait, though. He offered her his hand. "Harm…my friends call me Harm,"
She relaxed a bit and said his name more softly. "Harm." He knew she wasn't sure about him.
"Shall we sit down?" Ms. Prentiss sat down at long wooden conference table. Harm and Mac sat next to each other. Ms. Prentiss sat on the end and Cara sat across from them.
There was an awkward silence. Then the children's advocate decided to get things started. There was a lot to be said, and for Cara's sake they needed to begin…now.
"Do you have any questions, Cara?"
"Yes, I do."
She folded her hands on the table and scooted forward in her seat. She looked at Mac, unable to keep from studying her, looking for herself in her face. She had felt so out of place at times. Her frame was so long and lanky beside her petite grandmother and she also stood at least a head taller than most of her friends at school.
"Why did you give me up for adoption?"
"I was young, barely able to take care of myself, and I wasn't ready to be a mother."
"You were in law school." When Cara had been told by her grandmother that Mac had been a law student at Duke, she thought she had just been an inconvenience to her so she had been given away. "Your family must have had money." Cara didn't know it would sound so mean when she said it out loud.
"I got into law school due to my service in the military. I'm a Marine." She watched Cara's face, trying to gauge her reaction.
"I was trying to make a better life for myself."
Mac looked at her hands. She had feared that Cara would resent her. There was nothing to do but plunge forward. She would understand… or not.
"The Marines gave me the only real home I had ever had. It gave my life a purpose and direction that I never had growing up. I wanted to continue in the service – I really had no where else to go." She leaned back in her seat and looked at Cara directly. "If I had failed at law school I was terrified I would end up back in the trailer park I grew up in. I didn't want that for myself, or you." There, she had said it.
"What about my father?"
Harm spoke then, trying to take some of the burden from Mac. She had spoken a painful truth. He wanted to take his part of this from her shoulders. "I didn't know."
She drew her brows down. Mac reached for his hand and Harm took it.
This was all too confusing for Cara. "I don't understand." Her brow still knitting, she sat back in her seat.
"He would never have walked away had he known."
"Why didn't you tell him?" Her tone was almost accusatory.
"I didn't know that about him then."
"So I was this big mistake?"
Harm and Mac both said at once. "No."
It came out more forcefully than either had intended. Cara seemed a lifeline to them both now. They couldn't allow her to think that about herself.
"Please try and understand – we were both different people then. We were both young and troubled and didn't know each other the way we do now." Harm placed his arm around the back of Mac's chair.
Mac looked at Harm and then at Cara. "We became better friends over the years. Then we came to love each other, and we hope you will become a part of our family and eventually love us too."
There was no need to tell her the way they had first found each other. The important thing was that they had found each other again and by some miracle had found her too.
Harm looked at Mac as she spoke and could not help but admire the courage it took to speak her heart this way. He knew Mac, he knew how difficult it was to bare her soul to anyone. Saying what she had to Cara in front of Ms. Prentiss had been a testament to him about how much this all meant to her.
Ms. Prentiss had been studying them both. She hadn't been sure how to feel in the beginning. She could see now that these were two people who not only loved each other but had admiration and respect for each other too. It seemed to be a good beginning.
"Cara, if you are willing–" She looked at the couple waiting with bated breath. "–Harm and Mac would like to stay in the area for the next couple of days and allow you to get to know them better. Would that be all right with you?"
Ms. Prentiss watched the girl for any sign of distress. She was definitely overwhelmed, but she seemed to be handling everything well so far.
Cara looked from Harm to Mac and then at Ms. Prentiss. "Okay."
That evening they began over a simple dinner what they hoped would be a journey of a lifetime with their daughter.
1750
Wednesday
May 25th
Cape Hatteras Light
Outer Banks of North Carolina
Cara had accompanied Harm and Mac to Hatteras Island. They had spent nearly every day together, gradually increasing their time together. Today they had picked her up at 0700 and had been able to take her on the ferry to the island for a day trip. She stood between them and looked back at the lighthouse as they made their way back to Nags Head. The black and white 'barbershop pole' against the blue of the sky and the blue green of the ocean made a breathtaking picture.
"I love that lighthouse. I've always wanted to come out here." She hadn't been able to. Her grandmother had a great fear of water; however wonderful she was, she and small boats on the water did not mix.
"Grandma couldn't come out here. She was afraid of the ocean. I love it." She looked at Harm and smiled. "Oh, look!"
A gray ship with white numerals written on the hull seemed to be cutting through the glittering sea. It looked to be a destroyer, from what Harm could see.
"Were you ever on ships like that?" She looked up at Harm curiously.
"Yes, at one time or another." Harm leaned on the railing and folded his arms across his chest. The ocean breeze was ruffling his shirt and hair. He squinted, following the ship with his eyes.
She looked at Mac. "You too?"
"Yes."
Cara thought of all the times she had looked out to sea from the beach at Kill Devil Hills and had seen a ship. Maybe one of them had been on it. She was suddenly fascinated with that possibility.
"I used to watch them all the time from the beach. I wonder if I saw you and didn't even know."
Mac smiled indulgently. "You may have."
It had been a great few days. They had become more at ease with each other. They had a meeting with Ms. Prentiss tomorrow and would discuss where they would go from here. Neither Harm nor Mac had wanted to pressure Cara. She seemed happy when she was with them and for now that was enough.
It had taken their first outing to break the ice, and then she had gradually become more comfortable with them. She had kept her physical distance, though, always aware of how close she stood to either of them. She didn't seem ready for them to become too familiar with her.
0900
Thursday
May 26th
Dare County Justice Center
Manteo, North Carolina
Cara sat on a chair between Harm and Mac. Ms. Prentiss had given Harm the results to paternity tests he already knew the answers to. He was Cara's father. His case worker in Mattie's guardianship had spoken of him in glowing terms. He had met Ms. Prentiss's approval anyway. Now to see how his daughter felt about him.
Ms. Prentiss looked up from her case file at Cara. "Have you enjoyed your week?"
"Yeah, it's been pretty fun. We went to Hatteras Island yesterday."
"Yes, I know." Harm and Mac had asked permission to take her to the island.
"I suppose I'll just get to the point, Cara. Are you feeling better about having a permanent relationship with your biological parents?"
Cara looked at each of them. She tentatively reached for her mother's hand first and then for her father's hand.
"Yes, I want to keep them." She gave her a look of determination that told her she had truly made up her own mind.
Mac smiled, a tear rolling down her cheek and Harm swallowed hard to keep down the lump forming in his throat. He prayed the child advocate would not ask him anything just now.
1425
Friday
June 3rd
Ronald Reagan International Airport.
Mac rose from her seat on the plane. She had finally gotten back to Washington, back to her family. 'Back to her family'… God, how she loved the sound of that. She had resigned her commission. It had been almost too easy to decide. She had had a successful career, one that she intended to resume at some point, but not before she got to know her daughter. Yes, she would have no doubt climbed higher in her career if she had gone to San Diego, but she would have compromised her newborn relationship with her daughter. This was about Cara now.
Harm's mother had come as soon as they informed her about her granddaughter. She had been thrilled that Harm had finally settled down with Mac and that she finally had a grandchild. She had helped Harm settle Cara temporarily, and also helped get things ready to go to London. Mac didn't know what she would have done without her, though as yet she had never met her.
They would accompany Harm to London and decide as they went what choices they would make career-wise. They just needed to be together now. Mac believed that they would be able to work out everything else in time. They both just wanted Cara in their lives and never to lose each other again. Anything else they would take as it came.
She walked down the concourse leading to the main lobby of the airport, searching for Harm and Cara. She spotted Harm right away, standing on the other side of the security barriers with all the other people meeting passengers at the airport… Cara stood in front of him and he had his hands on her shoulders. She saw him say something into her ear and point toward her. Identical smiles beamed in her direction and around Cara's neck glistened the red stone of the necklace that Mac had lost so long ago.
Long ago and far away.
FIN