21 August 2005
A word from Starry: Here's the fourth chapter to this story, and I hope you guys like it! If not... well let's just say that my heart would break and I'd be feeling like Starfire. I apologize for my delay but I upgraded my computer and lost my dial-up internet connection. I did not have the internet for quite sometime.
Finally on the 17th of this month, my mum got DSL and I got the internet back! I had to back up all my files and it took time and it took some time to put them all back into my comp. I had a lot of catching up to do so I didn't have time to update, but now that I am done, here I am updating. We only have one more chapter to go so let us all give ourselves a tap on our shoulders for being almost at the end.
I apologize if this chapter is a bit confusing but I purposely made it like that. Reason why: To show you that sometimes love is very confusing. Another reason is to kind of give a bit of mystery to Starfire's decision.
Enought babble and on to the story!
Disclaimer: I don't own Starfire or any of her friends!
Finding friend Raven with eyes wide open was one of the most joyous moments in my whole Tamaranian life. I had not felt this happy since the day I met Robin and it looked like this moment was beating the old moment.
"Raven! Oh wow you're awake! You don't know how much I have- I mean we have missed you. We've missed you so much!" cried friend Beast Boy who I knew was eager to hold her hand and just give her a hug.
I could not help but look at Robin and Pamela who were on the other side of the medical room. My heart felt like one of those things humans call a balloon with no air.
"Wow Rae, you really had us scared right there. We thought you were a goner when you first got shot and you wouldn't respond to my medicines. Thank Robin here for being able to find a person who is very knowledgeable in the field of plants."
I moved my gaze from Robin to Cyborg who was patting Raven's hand. I did not want to smile due to the fact that my heart was not happy but another part of me wanted to smile because my best friend was well! I walked to friend Raven's bed and kneeled down to hold her hand. I smiled at her and said, "Oh friend! I am so glad to see that you have opened your eyes to the world once more."
I wanted to hug her but I knew that my Tamaranian strength mixed with my excitement would probably crush her at this moment, so I refrained myself from doing so. I got up and stepped back to allow Robin and Pamela access to her.
"Raven, I'm so glad to have you back. You don't know how worried we've been, and how much work Pamela has done to get you back to us!" said Robin.
I took interest in the floor and hugged myself as Pamela began to speak.
"This is a miracle! Eucolispha is a poisonous plant that kills instantly, I'm so amazed at how Raven survived this. You are a true fighter Raven." Pamela smiled and placed one of her hands on friend Raven's shoulder.
I noticed that friend Raven smiled and her eyes moved to me. I wanted to smile back but I did not have the strength to do so. My heart was confused at the time, and so was I.
Why was this happening to me? Why could I not just move on and live my life as having Robin as a friend? I could clearly see that Robin and this woman were going to keep on seeing each other because his heart belonged to her, even before I knew him.
Squeezing my arm to come back into focus I turned away from my friends. I did not want them to see me cry. Before anyone could notice I turned around and walked to the window in the medical room. The view was beautiful! For the first time in months I felt the happiness I had felt when I first learned the art of flight.
I do not know why I felt happy at that moment, but it only lasted for a few seconds. Robin was addressing me and I could not ignore him, my friends and Pamela would notice my behavior.
"Yes?" I asked him.
"Raven wants to talk to you, so I guess we'll get out and leave you two to talk. Call us if anything changes alright?"
I nodded and felt my stomach hurting once more. He spoke to me in such a very different tone today, very very different.
After everyone left, I sat on a small chair that was placed beside friend Raven's bed. My friend looked up and smiled at me, a true smile! I felt the want to shed tears of joy! Joy that my friend was well.
"Tell me why you look like your planet has been blown up?" she asked with her normal voice tone. I smiled at this, oh how I had missed that voice!
"What do you mean friend? I do not—"
"Don't lie to me Star, I've known you long enough to know when something is wrong. Besides while I was away, I actually heard the things you told me. So Robin is being a prick eh?"
I do quite agree with friend Raven, Robin has been acting like the male organ.
"Friend, he loves Pamela. I found them kissing and I felt the loss of everything that day. I could not take it! I do not know why I must go through this feeling! I wish Geuna could take me now…"
Friend Raven's expression hardened and her violet eyes turned into a deeper hue.
"Kori Anders, Tamaranian Princess! Don't you ever say that ever again, you understand? Robin is just one guy in a world full of millions of men. You shouldn't say your life is pointless and you wish to die just because he is being an asshole! You are beautiful and if he can't see that, then he clearly has a problem!"
I could not take it any longer, at that instant, I began to cry once more. Friend Raven was correct! What would my Ginorfka say? He would be very disappointed in me for wanting to end my life for a boy!
"I know friend, I apologize but it is that I love him and I can not feel anything else but that morbid feeling." I looked away from her and began fidgeting with the hem of my skirt.
"Starfire, I know it's hard and it's very painful, I know. When Terra was here and she and Beast Boy were all over each other, Azarath! It was killing me inside. I wanted to die every time I'd see them kissing, I wanted to rip them apart and throw her to oblivion. Deep down though, a voice would tell me, 'If you really love him then let him be happy' even if it wasn't with me. I know it's hard but time heals everything."
The sounds around the room had ceased and staring into my friends eyes, I felt a slight change in my heart. I took in a breath and when I let it out once more, I felt it. Sadness was surrounding the decision I had just made with that slight change.
"Thank you friend. I am very appreciative of those kind words you have shared with me. You are like a sister to me and I love you Raven." I got up from the chair and wrapped my arms around her, gently.
I was expecting friend Raven to just sit there emotionless or say something like she always did, but when I felt her arms go around me I knew I was not alone.
"Can you call Beast Boy? I need to talk to him, please?"
Nodding, I smiled at my friend and felt the mixture of both sadness and happiness tug at my heart. My stomach continued to hurt, but not as before.
Before I walked into the common room, I took in a lot of fresh air into my lungs and stepped in. Friend Cyborg was sitting on the couch playing on his game console with friend Beast Boy who immediately jumped off the couch and ran towards me. I searched for Robin and Pamela, but they were not there.
"Friend Raven wishes to speak with you friend Beast Boy." I winked at him and he ran out of the common room in a hurry. I sighed and my expression went into a blank one before walking over to where friend Cyborg was sitting.
"I'm glad to see you here again, Star. It seemed quite, quiet out here the last few months." He chuckled before setting a serious face at my lack of a smile. "Yo, what's wrong? And don't try to lie to me because it won't. My mechanical eye has sensors that can sense when someone is lying…"
"I am all right at the moment friend. There is nothing wrong, I feel a lot better after having spoken with friend Raven. She has made me realize something about your earthly ways in relationships and human behavior. I wish to apologize to you for treating you the way I did before. I was not feeling well, please forgive me?"
I did not want to lose a friendship over something so… foolish?
"Star! You don't have to apologize to me. Look I understand, so don't worry ok? Just give him some time and space and you'll see a change. Trust me." He smiled and at that moment I wished that he would have told me this before having that talk with Raven.
Hearing the doors sliding open, I straightened up and gazed over to them and remained emotionless. Robin's expression showed a very sad one indeed and so did Pamela's. My heart did a happy beat and I felt bad for that. Why was I glad that they were feeling like this?
"So then you're leaving tonight?" Robin asked the poisoned woman.
I did not look away from her as she answered.
"Yes, I have to. Remember, our deal was once Raven was out of her coma I had to return to Arkham. It's written in the release papers and if they find out I stayed more time, they won't cut short my time and we'll be apart much more longer…"
I thanked the moons of Tamaran that the pillows were not making any noise as I was squeezing the life out of them.
Robin sighed and rubbed the side of his head with both hands. I recognized that sign, it was the sign of frustration. I looked away and took interest in my fingernails. How they have grown in my time being here with the titans.
What friend Raven had told me was going through my head. Did time really heal these horrible wounds left behind by love? Was I to learn how to forget Robin and be able to move on and find someone else to love? Could this feeling that I was feeling at the moment go away and leave me be?
Getting up and without telling any word to my teammates, I walked out of the common room and into my room. I did not want to engage into a conversation with them at the moment. Everything was not right, right now. I needed what humans say space. If only I was not feeling like this, then maybe I could fly off to space and really have space!
Going into my room I locked my door and stared at the dent I had made a few weeks earlier. I do not understand why earth materials are so weak. In Tamaran everything is strong! Even hearts.
I took off my clothes and changed into a more comfortable attire, a shirt I had gotten off of friend Raven when I had insisted to do the 'sleep over' ritual. That had not gone well as I had accidentally lit friend Raven's book on fire thinking it was a candle.
Falling into my bed was such a joy at the time! My shoulders were hurting like a Nupin to the head and setting it on my soft bed was pure bliss! Closing my eyes made my thinking more easier so I decided to close them.
When I awoke, my room was dark giving me the knowledge that it was night. Sitting up I looked over to my clock and saw that it was one in the morning. My stomach made that noise when it requires feeding and I groaned.
The hallways are always dark, even during the day so I was not frightened of walking without turning the lights on. I felt better, more at home like this. I smiled, closed my eyes and at the thought of what I had decided, my smile faded.
I was about to begin to think about my decision once more when I noticed someone sitting at the kitchen table alone. I stopped walking and tried to see who it was.
"Who is in the kitchen at this hour?" I asked, trying to hide the fear behind the words.
The lights turned on and at that instant I felt blinded by the sudden rush of light that flooded the room. I expected to get hit or yelled at but after a second, my eyes got accustomed to the light and I saw who it was.
"Robin? Why are you up so late?" I stayed where I was.
His face was set into a very sad one and I felt my stomach begin to hurt for him. Poor thing.
"I didn't mean to wake you up Star. I just can't sleep."
Pushing my decision and everything that had been happening aside, I decided to be the old Starfire once more, and walked over to him and placed my hand on his shoulder.
"Perhaps if you were to drink a nice warm tea, you could finally acquire some sleep?"
Seeing him like this was making me want to hug him and tell him that I was there for him. That I had always been there for him, but he just never really took notice of me the way I wanted him to notice. I wanted to kiss his lips and feel him telling me, with our lips touching, that the decision I was making was either a wrong one or right one. I was about to do that when…
"No, it won't. She's gone Star, the love of my life has left and I won't see her for a long time…"
My lungs felt like one of those cleaning machines sucking out my air and my face felt like if I had just fallen off the tower roof and hit the water with full force.
That's when I realized that the decision I had made, was the right one.
Starry: Yeah, I guess her decision is super clear now right? Hmm we'll see! Robin sure is a confusing young lad. Well in this fic he is -smiles evily- Poor Starfire, -huggles her- don't worry time does heal wounds, eventually.
Thank you to all my wonderful reviewers, I don't know what it would be like without you! Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter (Reminder: One more chapter to go!) and please review!