Chapter 3: The Author Skips Parts and Shamelessly Changes the Plot

(A/N: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!)

It was several days later, after Bilbo's completely left out birthday party that our story picks up. (A/N: I couldn't think of anything funny to do during the Birthday party)

Bilbo had finally had enough of Linwe, and had run away to Rivendell the night of his party, while she was still down with the other hobbits. Gandalf was so mad at him that he vowed to take her to Rivendell and get his revenge. What right did HE have to get away when the one who had dealt with two others just like her couldn't?

"And that is why you must bring the ring of power to Rivendell. Only there can it's fate be decided by the wise." Gandalf walked in just as she was concluding a speech that had started this morning. It was now the early afternoon.

She instantly fascinated Merry and Pippin, who had come to visit today. They had listened to her speeches, and since no one else besides Sam had the patience to listen, it worked out well.

"What about your family? Who are they?" Pippin asked. Now THAT might take a while to tell. Gandalf was in a considerably better mood today, and he decided he could use a good laugh. Might as well listen.

"I grew up in Lindon. I was the favorite of my eldest brother, Feanor, so I learned from him his craft and skill." She began.

"I thought you said you were from a place far away that none of us had ever heard of. And I thought you also said Saruman was your brother. Besides, I know for a fact that Finwe never had a daughter named Linwe, and that Feanor didn't live long enough to live in Lindon." Gandalf put in.

"I was transported far away when it was learned that my cousin, Morgoth, wished to capture me and use my power. I dwelt in that far off land for many years before I learned that I needed to come back in order to defeat Sauron." She said, never losing a trace of her dignity.

"I doubt it. And you still can't be related to the Valar." But Gandalf was close to cracking up. "And I thought you said you were Manwe's daughter earlier."

"The enemy is moving, Mithrandir. We must leave and bring the Ring to Rivendell before the black riders find us." She said suddenly, standing.

"You didn't answer my question." He reminded her.

"No time! Evil draws near!" She practically wailed.

"How convenient." The wizard mumbled, but grudgingly agreed that they did need to be on their way to Rivendell. It wouldn't do to have Bilbo die of old age before they got there, or his plan for revenge would be useless.

After taking a ridiculously short time to pack, they were on their way. To Frodo's horror and dismay, Gandalf informed them that he was leaving them.

"I must see the head of my order, he is both wise, powerful, and he also knows how to get rid of Mary-Sue…er…I mean…evil rings of power." Gandalf said, but the look on his face told Frodo that he was just looking for an excuse to away from the girl. That meant they were left with her. Alone. For an extended period of time. The hobbit groaned.

"Can't I go see the head of your order instead, Gandalf?" He pleaded, but the wizard turned his horse and sped off. "Wait!" Frodo yelled "Take me with you!" But it was too late.

"Let us begin our journey." Linwe said, taking the lead without even consulting her companions.

It became clear that they would have to give her some distance. The first part of the journey was spent with Merry and Pippin, who had decided to join them for no real reason at all, constantly tripping on her dress as it billowed out behind her. Although it wasn't really necessary to walk a HUNDRED feet behind her, it suited Frodo just fine.

They walked through the shire, hobbits stopping to gawk at Linwe, many having never seen a big person before. She glowed in the sun, her hair shining, and the light of it caused Frodo to go temporarily blind.

It was the evening of their first day of travel when they finally stopped. Of course, the annoyance didn't seem at all tired, but no one was really surprised.

"So tell us-" Pippin began, but Frodo, seeing another long speech coming on, knocked the younger hobbit on the back of the head with a heavy branch.

"Mr. Frodo? Why did you knock Pippin out?" Sam asked, but he didn't seem at all displeased.

"Because I felt like it. Now, Miss Perfect, why don't you cook our dinner?" Frodo replied unhappily. It was going to be a long epic.

Linwe did cook. Within the hour, she had made sirloin steaks, corn on the cob, rice and gravy, baked potatoes, and triple chocolate fudge cake. At least she was good for that.

"Good. Now go collect firewood." Frodo said, ignoring Sam as he wondered out loud how she was able to make their dinner when they had only brought bread, cheese, and some dried fruit. For the first time, she lost her composure enough to glare at him.

"I cooked the meal. It would be only fair for you to collect the firewood, Frodo Baggins." Then she turned and was gone in a flourish of cloth and sparkly glitter. Where had that come from?

"Where is she going now?" Pippin asked, only pausing for a moment from stuffing his face.

"I think I heard her say something about 'deep meditation.'" Sam said helpfully.

"Which means she will probably have a lot to say tomorrow." The older hobbit sighed. "Let's get some sleep."

So they did, completely forgetting about the firewood.

None of the hobbits expected what happened in the morning.

A/N: BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Yes! I'm just going to leave it like that! THE END! MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! gets dragged off in a pretty white coat with long sleeves and is put in a nice room with lots of pillows on the walls Not really. But for now I must leave you hanging scene fades out as she cackles madly