Chapter 4: How did we get here! or Bugging the future king

Dear Readers,

This September I will be going to college. More specifically, a Christian college. Don't let this scare you, I'm not planning on discontinuing my stories. Here's the thing: I'm going to have a computer, but the only Internet aloud is the one provided by the college itself. That means, there will be a filter. I'm not sure if I will be able to log onto FF.N with those filters.

As you can imagine, many stories on this site are not acceptable reading material for a Christian. Since they have much better things to do then read some 10,000 stories individually and block those that are not appropriate, I'm 95 sure that this entire site will be filtered out. That means that I will have to do what writing I can on the word processor, and then wait until a school break to post them at home. I'm really sorry if this happens, but I respect the college's wishes.

Also realize that, besides the fact that I'm just a really slow writer, (--) my studies come first (but most of you probably knew that already). Again, I'm sorry. Thanks to all those who have supported me and my slow-moving stories, and I hope that I will be able to update more regularly then I have been.

-Mandy

It was early morning when the hobbits got up. Not surprisingly, Linwe had been up for quite some time. She had packed all of their things, except for the blankets they slept on.

"When did we get to Bree?" Frodo asked with a gasp. There if front of him was the town of Bree, filled with shifty looking men with strange, shifty looking pets. The hobbit soon realized he had made another mistake.

"It was a most treacherous journey." Linwe began, and the other three woke up to listen to her. This latest speech was the longest. It literally lasted until nightfall. It involved the beautiful wizard/Valar/elf/whatever finding that a band of fire breathing orcs had been tracking them. She went on to tell how she had bravely fought them off with both hands tied behind her back and without a weapon, only to discover that an entire army of demonic dragons had not been far behind. So she had picked up the sleeping hobbits and carried them to Bree all by herself (still with both hands tied). Then she had fought the dragons and won. All of this was accomplished while managing to not wake the hobbit, and also keeping her clothes and hair clean and in perfect order.

"And so the dragons were defeated to the last, and we have made it safely to Bree." She finished. Her posture had not changed throughout the entire day. The Hobbits, however, had taken it in turns to listen for an hour while the other three slept.

"Umm… sure. Now, lets go inside." Pippin suggested hastily, when it looked as if she was going to say something else.

"I agree. Let us tarry here no longer." She agreed, and got up with one fluid motion.

They made their way to the gate, which was currently closed. Linwe knocked on it. The noise that her knuckles made sounded suspiciously like bells.

"Who's there? Wait a minute… I didn't know we had a bell…" A gruff voice said from inside. One of the tiny doors opened, revealing the old gatekeeper's face.

"Hobbits? Four Hobbits?" He caught sight of Linwe. "Who's she?"

"We are hobbits of the shire, and we wish to stay at the inn." Then seeing the annoyance about to open her mouth with a look in her perfect ocean blue eyes that said she was about to launch into a long speech, he added hastily, "Don't ask about her. It's bad luck, and then we'll be standing here until tomorrow night."

The gatekeeper shrugged and let them in.

As they made their way towards the Prancing Pony, something occurred to Pippin. "Weren't your eyes purple back at the shire?"

"Silly hobbit. They have always been green." Linwe said with a perfect chuckled coming from her perfect throat.

"But they were blue at the gate." Sam said, looking up at her.

"And now they're pink." Merry said. "How do you change the color?"

"We must move more quickly to the inn! The enemy has spies abroad. We will be hard put to defeat one in the dark!" Linwe said suddenly, quickening her pace (I thought it already was night?).

"Not this time! Answer the question!" Frodo was becoming increasingly more irritated by her evasions. But the elf/Valar/Maiar ignored him in her haste.

After running though a series of twisting back alleys filled with thieves and murderers that Linwe easily defeated with her bear hands (the thieves and murderers were, of course, armed to the teeth), they made it to the inn. They ran through the door, the hobbits gasping for breath, while Linwe glowed dramatically. Everyone in the inn had stopped what they were doing to stare. The annoying girl turned to glare accusingly at the four of them.

"Fools! You are being far too conspicuous! If you continue to draw attention to yourselves like that, the enemy will be upon us in no time!" She hissed. Frodo was speechless for a moment, rage bubbling inside him.

"Us? You dirty liar! YOU WERE THE ONE WHO CAME IN HERE GLOWING LIKE A LAMP!" Frodo said, trying to launch himself at her. The other three hobbits tackled him.

"Mr. Frodo! Don't hurt her!" Sam cried.

"Yeah, she's our ticket to Rivendell!" Pippin said.

"If you kill her, we won't have anyone to rescue us from sudden doom!" Merry reminded him. Still Frodo fought, wanting to wrap his hands around that perfect throat.

"And no more gourmet meals on the road!" Pippin put in. That stopped him.

"Fine! I won't kill her until we get to Rivendell!" The wrathful hobbit promised grudgingly.

When they had all regained what composure a hobbit could have, they were not surprised to find out that everything had been arranged. Linwe had gotten rooms, paid for all their meals (and helped the cook make them), and given every single person in the room a cover story as to why they were all acting so strange (which everyone had believed, of course).

"If you are quite through making a spectacle of yourself, Frodo Baggins, we can remove to our rooms." She said, glaring at Frodo once again. The other hobbits quickly reminded him of his promise.

The rooms were large, luxurious sweets with 24-hour room service and Jacuzzis.

"How on earth did you get the money for these?" Sam asked, astonished

"I have a fortune hidden away, from the time when I was a smith under Aule." She said, as if this explained everything.

"Oh, really? Was this before or after your cousin Morgoth tried to kidnap you?" Frodo said sarcastically. Since he was the only one who didn't believe she was some kind of mini-God, Linwe made no secret that she didn't like him.

"It was after I served as Varda's handmaid." She replied, her eyes turning an angry red. Frodo blinked, then burst out laughing.

"I wish Gandalf was here to listen to that!" Frodo laughed, his sides beginning to hurt.

Suddenly, the room turned into a world of darkness. Where the beautiful girl had once been standing, now stood a monster. It was indescribably horrifying. Evil poured from it, and its eyes glowed a terrible red.

"I will not suffer you to insult me any longer!" It said, voice dripping with evil.

Just as suddenly, the room was back to normal. Wide eyed, Frodo's eyes darted around. Sam, Merry, and Pippin were completely oblivious. Linwe looked as she had before, glaring at him with those perfect eyes.

"Umm…guys? Did you see the monster?" Frodo asked later on, when Linwe was out 'scouting for the forces of evil.'

"Monster? Mr. Frodo, you seem tired. Maybe you should rest." Sam suggested nervously.

"I wasn't hallucinating! I think I see what Gandalf means when he says that Mary-Sues are the most evil beings in existence." Frodo said, shuddering.

"Gandalf didn't say THAT." Sam answered.

"That's what he meant, I'm sure. Well, we might as well go down to the bar and drink ourselves stupid. Our journey will be so much easier that way." Frodo suggested, and no one hesitated to agree. Even if a hangover would in fact make the journey harder, ignorance is sometimes temporary bliss.

So they went to the bar and drank a few (hundred) pints and half-pints of ale. Sam, who actually became more observant with more drink, pointed to a ruggedly handsome man sitting in the corner. He had a dark cloak on with the hood hiding his features. He smoked a pipe.

"What is that guy smoking that's making green smoke?" Sam questioned, obviously wanting some of it himself. "Oh, and he's been staring at you."

Baggins… Frodo looked up for the source of the voice. No one seemed to be talking to him. Baggins… baaaaggins… BAGGINS! Still he was confused. Where was that coming from?

Hello! In here! EVIL RING OF POWER THAT WANTS TO DESTROY THE WORLD! You know, the reason you left the Shire in the first place? Woo hoo! IT'S ME YOU NUMBSKULL! IN YOUR POCKET!

Startled, Frodo withdrew the ring from his shirt pocket. He had completely forgotten about it. Since when did inanimate objects talk?

You FORGOT! What kind of moronic dufus forgets that he has the fate of Middle-Earth sitting in his pocket! And another thing, where are the ringwreiths? Did the author forget to put them in, seeing as they are one of the most important evil characters in this story? What a dope!

At that moment, a bolt of lightening opened the door to the inn and struck the ring.

Ouch…

"You should know better then to sass the author." Frodo said, shaking his head. And he was absolutely right. NEVER sass the author. Ever.

"Mr. Frodo? Who are you talking too?" Sam asked, confused (again).

"The ring…ing in my ears." Frodo saved himself, then realized that that sounded worst.

"You're talking to the ringing in your ears?" The other hobbit looked concerned, like he wanted to reach over and make sure that his master didn't have a fever or a huge bump on his head.

"No, I'm not."

"But you just said-"

"No, I didn't."

"Oh, okay." Sam said cheerfully. He continued drinking.

"Oh wait! What were you saying about that man in the corner?" Frodo asked, suddenly. "Aside from the fact that you wanted whatever he was smoking."

"He's done nothing but stare at you since we arrived." The younger hobbit seemed unconcerned.

"Sure I know about a ring of power! The One Ring. It's over there in the pocket of Frodo Baggins. The right hand pocket, mind you, not the left. It was created by Sauron the Deceiver in the First Age, and he lost it in the Battle of the Last Alliance of Men and Elves. Gollum from there, took it into the Misty Mountains…" It was Pippin, who had had far too much ale.

Frodo, Sam, and Merry were all too busy bashing their heads on the table in despair to stop him right away.

"PIPPIN YOU MINDLESS, DIMWITTED MORON!" Frodo lost his temper, and in doing so called everyone's' attention to himself. Pippin burst into tears and ran off. Everyone glared at him, and some even threw their mugs at him. At least everyone seemed to have forgotten what Pippin had said.

Not everyone, however, was that stupid. The hobbits were not concerned, though, since the only ones who seemed to have noticed were a few black-cloaked, red eyed men who carried around signs that read "We're spies from Mordor." They also saw no reason to become concerned with the giant, disembodied, flaming eyeball that now hovered at the end of the table and glared at them (not that it could really do much else). It wasn't as if these beings were going to prove any real threat to them.

Just then, the cloaked man jumped out of his corner dramatically. However, since it was a very crowded room, he couldn't really stalk up to Frodo dramatically like he wanted to. After a few 'Excuse me's, and 'Pardon me's he made it to the table built especially for vertically challenged people. The four hobbits had forgotten about the incident (Yes, Pippin forgot and came back) and were once again sitting and drinking.

"You draw far too much attention to yourself, Mr. Underhill!" The man grabbed Frodo by the collar of his shirt. This made everyone stop what they were doing (once again) and stare.

"I draw far too much attention to myself?" The hobbit asked with the Raised Eyebrow of Doom © (used with express, written permission from Elrond).

"Urm… Yes." The strange man said nervously. "…far too much…" Everyone in the room continued to stare.

"Hey, is that the ice cream carriage I hear outside?" He asked. The result was that everyone in the bar squealed and ran outside into the dark.

"Now, as I was-" He turned back to the table, but the hobbits were gone.

"I want an orange push pop!" Came Frodo's voice from outside. When the hobbits had returned, eating ice cream, they found the not-so-mysterious man sitting at their table.

"Quite done?" He asked huffily. Frodo nodded, then found himself being dragged across the room to the stairs. For some reason, the other three hobbits thought it would be better to do something about it later.

A/N: dodging large blocks falling from the sky THE WRITTERS BLOCKS ARE ATTACKING! somehow survives Well, I know you waited awhile, but this is a loooooooong chapter. At least it is for me. Better get cracking on the next one! Should be easier, since we're getting into the more interesting parts of the story!