Chapter 5: Never Argue with the Author!

Frodo, Sam, Merry, Pippin, and Aragorn all sat in the hobbits' room. The author had once again skipped parts. They had worked out their differences and were now calmly and maturely planning how they were going to get to Rivendell using teamwork and all that uninteresting stuff.

All of the sudden, Linwe burst into the room. She was glowing an angry red. With a murderous look in her perfect black eyes, she grabbed Aragorn and threw him out the door as if he weighed nothing. A confused "omph!" was heard as she slammed the door shut.

"How dare you meet a major character- I mean, HOW DARE YOU INVITE A STRANGER IN WITHOUT FIRST CONSALTING ME!" She raged, fire roaring up behind her (without burning anything).

"But he wasn't-" Sam tried to calm her, cowering.

"WHAT IF HE HAD BEEN DANGEROUS! I'M THE HERO IN THIS EPIC! YOU CAN'T JUST DO THINGS WITHOUT ME!" Her face was turning a perfectly lovely shade of red.

"Who says we can't?" Frodo yelled back, making sure to stay clear of the flames.

"THE AUTHOR! THAT'S WHO!"

No, I did not!

"YES, YOU DID!"

No, I didn't!

"YES, YOU DID!"

NO, I DIDN'T!

"YES, YOU DID!"

NO, I DIDN'T!

"Yes, you did! Hey! What's with the small font! STOP THAT!" She cried futilely.

Suddenly, the Mary-Sue was threatened with a REALLY BAD BREAKOUT if she didn't stop arguing with me!

"What! Okay, I'm sorry! I'll stop arguing!" Linwe gathered her (shattered) dignity around her and looked at the hobbits. They were cowering in the corner, looking at her oddly.

"What? She started it!" Suddenly, she noticed a very big zit right in the middle of her face. "I'm sorry! I started it! I started it! Just make it go away!" The zit vanished.

Meanwhile, Aragorn was still out in the hall, confused.

"It was very unwise of you to allow that man in here without first consulting me. But we will let him in and see what he has to say." Linwe said calmly, back in character after that disgraceful display of all her many faults and-

"ALRIGHT! THEY GET IT!"

"But we already-" Sam began to say, but Frodo quickly clapped his hand over his mouth.

Linwe opened the door and allowed the confused ranger inside. He looked at the hobbits, still cowering in the corner, and decided that he really didn't want to know.

"We require a guide, Aragorn son of Arathorn. We are on our way to Rivendell, on a mission of great importance." She said, sweeping her perfect black hair (at least that stayed the same color) aside. Of course, her hair would never get in her way, she was just doing in for effect.

"I know that. I was just saying that-" He tried to say.

"We are not able to tell you what it is we carry, for the spies of the enemy are numerous and often in places where we least expect to find them." She interrupted him, appearing tired, as though she carried a great burden (and not Frodo).

"They already told-" The ranger tried again, but to no avail.

"No, we cannot say." She held her hand up for silence.

"What's all this 'we' stuff?" Frodo asked in annoyance. Did she think she spoke for all of them, or that she was a queen or something? Maybe she was skitzo.

"I am the leader of this company. I speak for us all." Linwe said, glaring at Frodo. Before he could argue, she stood abruptly. "The black riders will attack us if we remain in these rooms. We must sleep elsewhere."

Merry and Pippin immediately protested, on account of the mini-bar, and Sam and Frodo just looked confused.

"The what?" Sam asked.

"The black riders. They were once men, great kings of men, then Sauron the deceiver gave to them nine rings of power. Blinded by there greed, they took them without question, one by one falling into darkness. They are the Nazgul, Ringwraiths, neither living nor dead." The room had darkened and ominous music began to play in the background. The others tried to speak at the same time.

"Hey! Those were my lines-"

"But the mini-bar-"

"Where is that music coming from-"

"Will you just shut-"

Linwe held up her hand for quiet. She turned and, packing everything in the time it took for the others to blink, headed out the door.

"You may stay in my room." Aragorn offered. Linwe looked at him sternly.

"You would do well to remember that you have a great love who awaits you at Rivendell, Aragorn son of Arathorn." At this, the ranger turned bright red.

"Not like that! I mean you can stay in my room so that the black riders don't find us!" Aragorn was getting seriously annoyed. Who does she think she is, assuming something like that? Linwe left the room.

"By the way, what was all that yelling about when I was in the hall?" Aragorn asked, as an afterthought.

"She was arguing with the author." Frodo said, rolling his eyes with exasperation.

"She argued with the author? The great and powerful author? How can she expect to win against a great being who controls our very world?" Aragorn gasped. He was, of course, absolutely right. Even a Mary-Sue cannot hope to win against my almighty power (almighty in this story, at least). If you notice that Aragorn is getting a whole lot of cool stuff out of this story, you know why.

A/N: Wow. That was probably the weirdest and most pointless chapter if this entire story, but hey, I may out-do myself before this story is done. Please review! I have takenthe idea of an author called 'Hobbit-eyes' and will do some 'call-outs.' I'll try to do it after every chapter, if I can find the time. LOOK BELOW FOR CALL OUTS!
WhiteLadyOfTroy: Yes, wouldn't we all like to be Feanor's sister. And don't worry about Frodo, the Mary-Sue will suffer!

Sdoinky: KILL THE MARY-SUE! The problem is, they just come back dramatically!

WhiteLadyOfTroy (again): I KNOW I'M LATE! sob

Someone who can't stand Mary-Sues: LOL! Well, I do at least TRY with the spelling and grammer. And I can stand to read Mary-Sues, I just can't take them seriously!