Chapter 6: WHAT HAPPENED!
The company (and Linwë), exhausted from the day's walk (except for Linwë), stopped and set up camp at Weathertop. Aragorn, who was just passing out swords to the hobbits, paused and blinked in confusion.
"Weren't we just at the Prancing Pony? Like, two seconds ago?" He said, glancing at their surroundings.
"Yeah, we were…" Frodo looked up at the Mary-Sue, who was scowling in bad temper. However, her face only looked more beautiful. The lines of disapproval in her forehead accentuating- Frodo suddenly barfed.
"Don't look at me! It was that-" She seemed to come to herself. Her face went back to its usual mysterious expression. "No, Frodo Baggins, this was the work of a plot device."
"What's a plot device?" Pippin asked.
"A tool that the author uses when she's to lazy- er, I mean, when she wishes to progress the story further." She quickly corrected herself at the warning rumble of thunder.
Aragorn shrugged and reached into his "bag-o-pointy-objects" (provided by Pointy Objects Inc.) for a sword for Linwë. He pulled out a long sword that began to glow in his hands. It was studded with jewels, and runes on the scabbard seemed to come to life.
The light coming from the sword started to solidify into the figure of a man. He seemed young and yet old (?). Long white hair stretched down his back, and he was clothed in fine white robes. Instead of eyes, a light shown out where they should have been. His entire form glowed and he hovered above the ground. He opened his mouth and said these words.
"The chosen one shall bear this weapon through fire and death. The chosen one shall hail from a far land with a long heritage. The chosen one will have long black hair, a perfect voice, and pale skin. The chosen one shall have eyes that change colors. She will have a name that begins with 'L' and ends with 'Ë'. The middle letters of her name shall be as such: 'inw.' The meaning of her name will be 'poem' and she will travel with three hobbits and one man. The name of the hobbits shall be-"
"OKAY! WE GET IT!" Frodo screamed unexpectedly. The glowing man sniffed, insulted.
"Well soooooooorrrrrrry!" With that he vanished angrily. The sword stopped glowing. Aragorn stared at it.
"Why don't I remember putting a sword like that in my bag?" He wondered aloud. Meanwhile, Pippin looked mystified.
"Who do you think the chosen one is?" He asked, awed. At first, all they could do was stare at the youngest hobbit in disbelief. Then they all walked to the nearest wall and began to beat their heads against it.
Skip to after the concussions
Linwë approached the sword confidently. It had started to glow again, and became brighter and brighter the closer she got. As the presence of the chosen one drew ever nearer to the legendary sword, a song seemed to fill the air. It was a song of great power and ancient heroes. It sang of-
"What's with the slow motion? Is she going to get to the sword or not?" Frodo interrupted the narration. Sorry, got carried away.
Minutes passed, and Linwë finally reached the sword. Just as her hand touched the hilt, a heart stopping, ear splitting shriek like a drunk banshee (?) shattered the silence of the night.
Alarmed, Aragorn started shooing the hobbits toward the stairs that led to the very top of the watchtower ruins.
"Quickly! To the top! The author has finally put the ringwraiths into the story!" The ranger cried, failing to realize that by going up, they were only ensuring that they had no where to run.
Linwë followed, glowing dramatically once again. When they reached the top, the man and the hobbits formed a tight circle, facing outward. Linwë stood a little farther to the side.
"Something is troubling me." She said, looking extremely thoughtful, as though trying to look into the depths of some great mystery. She was, after all, a genius.
"You mean the creatures of unspeakable evil bent on killing us that are getting closer and closer by the second?" Frodo asked, rolling his eyes. "Yeah, they're troubling me too." At that moment, the ringwraiths reached the top of the tower and began to approach Aragorn and the hobbits.
"No, not that. It is something more troubling." She said, not even noticing.
"What could possibly be more troubling at the moment!" Aragorn shouted in exasperation before plunging into battle. Linwë just stood there, still thinking.
"Now, is this following the books or the movies? I mean, sure there was no Tom Bombadil, but she could have just left that part out because she was lazy. A lot of the dialog seems to follow the movie, but that might be just because it's easier to remember right off the top of your head." She didn't seem to be talking to anyone in particular. Which was good, because no one could hear her over the screams on the wraiths.
"A little help would be appreciated!" Frodo yelled.
"Aragorn wasn't here at first during the movie. And another thing, I thought we didn't learn his real name until Rivendell! My being here couldn't have changed that much-" Her musing were interrupted by the sound of Frodo screaming.
"What!" She said in annoyance, turning around to find that the Witch King of Angmar had just stabbed the ringbearer.
"Oh!" She swore, drawing her legendary sword and rushing to the rescue.
The battle that followed will long be remembered in song. The fell creatures fought with all the dark power at the their command. As the forces of absolute good clashed with the forces of absolute evil, the foundations of the world shook with the powerful power. The battle lasted for countless hours, lightning slashing the sky as the two forces-
"The battle only lasted five minutes." Frodo grumbled. "And what makes her the 'forces of absolute good' anyway? I thought Mary-Sues were more evil then Sauron himself?"
Frodo was not happy at the moment. His shoulder was in excruciating pain, he had just advertised the fact that he had the ring to the ringwraiths, he was turning into a wraith himself, but worst of all, Linwë was still here! Those good for nothing ringwraiths hadn't killed her!
This is ridiculous! This story is supposed to be about ME! It's called the Fellowship of the RING! Not the Fellowship of the Annoying Attention-grabbing Girl! THE RING!
Frodo paused, wondering what that was. Since when did he have a voice in his head?
SINCE BREE YOU STUPID HALF-WIT! THAT'S IT! I QUITE! FORGET THE DARK LORD, FORGET CONQUERING THE WORLD, FORGET THIS WHOLE STORY! I'M JUST GOING TO DESTROY MYSELF!
With that, the ring spontaneously combusted.
PLEASE READ THE AUTHOR'S NOTE!
A/N: Okay, this story is just getting weird. I have no idea where I came up with this last part, but I want to get my readers' take on it. I know that I'm just supposed to be writing for myself, but I do want to take my readers into consideration. LEAVE A REVIEW about this last chapter. I will not be offended if you don't like it, but leave something that tells me what you don't like. No flames. If enough people don't like it, I'll think of something else and rewrite the end of this chapter. Of course, if you have ANY ideas on how to make this funnier now or in later chapters, I will be glad to hear them.