He wanted to play her spine like a piano: to sink his fingers between the grooves of bone and coax musical notes from the flesh. The back of her neck was all he ever really saw, and it fascinated him.
"I'm sorry, I forgot your name," she murmured when he gave her a box of sweets on her birthday, claiming they were from Sirius, who was studying in the library and therefore too busy to deliver his present for his favorite cousin. He had bought them with his own pocket money, which was hard to scrounge up.
"Remus," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. His lips where cracked and dry, and his tongue darted out to lick them nervously, oozing saliva. Bad move. She blinked. "Sirius's friend," he said, slightly ashamed by his lack of name-face association.
She smiled. "Thanks, Remus. That was sweet, to go out of your way like this."
He blanched. "N-no problem."
Her fingers were long and slim: musician's fingers, though that assumption was incorrect. She could not carry a tune. (Any musical ability in the family had been delivered to her pale younger sister). Her name was of a galaxy: Andromeda, Andromeda, he'd whisper to himself. It was as potent as any spell.
She was sixteen, quite a bit older then him.
His desire and longing hurt him, caused him to break out into ugly spots. "Eyuccch!" James would tease him with, his new, adolescent skin still clear and pimple-free. Remus's skin was oily, his pores looming larger every day, and each angry red spot crusty with rage. Volcanoes that sprouted at night.
He was quite desperate.
Silly, really, this school-yard crush. But he couldn't shake it off. It clung to him, tongue in ear, whispering complaints and what-ifs and fantasies. Shame tinged his life in the months Andromeda Black's Hogwarts attendance coincided with his own. Just what-if, what-if, those droopy, pink lips mouthed "I love you" one day? If those slim-boned calves brushed against his? Fingers intertwining, both heads of brown hair intermingling, feet knocking against each other...He drew his breath in sharply at the thought, and exhaled slowly, and the bread crumbs stuck to the corners of his mouth fell to earth quietly.
He had seen Sirius with her. He had seen Sirius poking her with his quill, making faces and cracking stupid Sirius jokes, his fingers the same as hers. His bone structure very similar. They were obviously family, not so obviously cousins (a better guess, judging by looks alone, would be siblings), and so very obviously bred of an entirely different bone then Remus Lupin. The way they moved, talked, ate, laughed, breathed, cried, the way the lived, each move infused with a painful elegance and rapid-fire beauty. He was jealous of her affection for Sirius, and for his of affection of Sirius's life.
She was a seventh year, now, and it was May.
He glimpsed them kissing in the corner of a hallway: Andromeda and a sandy-haired boy her own age and from her own house, Ravenclaw. He was taller then Remus, slightly stooped, and had a straighter nose and kinder eyes and better skin. His fingers were not quite as long as Remus's, but they were less bony and much more gentle: fingers to be stroked with. His bones carried a quiet grace, an inward nobility. His name was Ted Tonks.
"I'm sorry, I've got to go," Andromeda had said when Remus began to chat with her in June. "My sister's calling me." Family. Family is what strung the Blacks together close, family is what burdened and chastised and harassed them. Mentored and molded them. Half-a-year later, Sirius would glumly announce that his favorite cousin was banished from the family tree. Disowned! Could you believe it? She was getting married, yeah, married. To a Muggle-born. Some bloke named Ted. Mother pitched a fit, she really blew her shit this time. Ha, I rhymed. Yeah, anyway, Aunt Esther locked herself in her room and now she won't eat and is just sort of sitting there. I really miss Andie, it's hell just sitting there with Cissy and Reggie and Mother breathing down my neck.
Remus buttered his toast. He was mildly jealous, but mostly just relieved. The spell of Andromeda had been broken.