V: Chasing Perfection
Robin watched her make her way to the roof of the Tower, her hair flashing bright against the darkness around her. He followed, watched her push herself off from the edge of the roof, her long hair swirling about her.
Sometimes, when she flew, she became a streak of purple across the sky. She became a comet that had lost a fight with a rainbow. Red. Green. Orange. Purple.
Sometimes, when she flew, he wished she would come back to earth so he could be the one who made her happy. Sometimes, he wished she would fly away and never come back, so he could be the happy one.
This time, Starfire flew far, far away, until she had escaped his vision. He no longer worried the way he had when she had first joined the Titans. She could handle herself. He knew she could. He had taught her almost everything she knew about Earth.
No matter how much he sometimes wished she would keep on flying, she would always come back.
Love was like a cage, really. No matter how much you enjoy loving someone else, sometimes, you just need a wider space. You need to be away from love, from the one you love, from the responsibility of having somebody who cares that deeply for you.
She needed her freedom. She needed to fly. She needed it the way he needed the speed and danger of the R-Cycle. The way he needed his team to be complete. The way he needed to fight.
He loved his cage. He really did. But part of what allowed him to love being in love was the freedom he had when he didn't have to confine himself to love.
He slept restlessly, these days. Contentment in anything seemed to elude him, the way Slade seemed to elude capture. The way Raven eluded understanding.
All of the Titans lacked something. Starfire lacked worldliness. Beast Boy lacked maturity. Raven lacked security. Cyborg lacked control.
And he? He lacked contentment. He tossed and he turned. He did this and he did that. He obsessed and he relaxed. But he could never find the perfect sleeping position, the perfect routine, the perfect balance between work and play.
He would never find perfect.
On very rare occasions, he wished that he had never left Gotham. Now that he had entered Jump City, now that he had worked with a team, lived with a team, laughed and cried and loved a team... He couldn't go back to Gotham the person he had been when he'd come. And Gotham needed the person he'd been when he had gone to Jump City.
Sometimes, he wished that he had no more wishes to wish.