A/N: This is the last chapter of this story. I feel two sides now, fighting. One side of me is very proudthat I finished my first story and is glad that it's done. The other side feels pity, I enjoyed writing this story so much, you can't imagine. Thanks to everyone involved, a short list is down there, in no order. Thanks to everyone I forgot to mention too. Thanks to Binx-349 for the beta.

This chapter is dedicated to the Nocent people, especially my namesharer Miri (GeekLoveFreak) and Lynn (Lynn Fox). Thanks gals:)

Epilogue.

Some weeks later

Days pass me by, melting easily into weeks. After two-and-a-half week of Warrick's care, I decided that I can take care of myself again. It took me a while to be on my own again. Physically, I must have been able to live on my own after one week, but I couldn't. I couldn't get used to the idea to be alone in my home, with no-one to hold me when I was scared.

So, now I am sitting on the floor, my back to the radiator. I seem to be cold a lot these days. I even wear a fleece blanket around my back. The heat is coming, entering my lower back. Still, I don't feel warmth at all, my skin is warm, but coldness collides, and wins. I don't know what it is, but I seem not to be capable to keep myself warm, not since the day I tried to kill myself. I tried everything: blankets, vitamins, hot water-bottles, drinking lots of tea, chocolate milk. It doesn't seem to work.

In some moments, when he was near me, it wasn't so cold. It was not that he was keeping me warm; it was just the fact that he was around me that created some warmth and brightness. Those moments lasted only for a couple of hours though. I discussed this with my PEAP counselor. She doesn't know what it is nor whether it's going to be over or not. It's not physical at least My temperature is perfect, 98.7 degrees. I try not to think about it too much.

I miss him, I still miss him. It has already been three weeks since he had left my home. And even though I see him a lot during the day, I miss his appearance in the room. It's 10 pm right now, and it's already dark outside. I don't fear darkness anymore.

After a nice lunch we shared, both of us decided that it was the best that he left. It's not over between us, not at all. But we had to take a little distance first. He has to figure his life out, and so have I. It was mostly my idea to take a step back, I don't know if I'm ready yet. Until he left me, we just shared my bed. And even not every day, sometimes I wanted to be alone and he took the spare bedroom. I don't want to do more, not yet at least. I think that, if he stayed here, it would have gone too fast. I would have done things I don't want to. Yet.

I think of the first hours after he left me. Just to remind myself. I thought I was strong, that I was almost over it, that it was enough to be with him. That the fact that I would never do it again was enough, but no, not at all. That day, I really understood that I needed more help than 'just' PEAP. I decided to take sessions at a psychologist, after I finished my required sessions. And it's working. She makes me see things, I understand that it wasn't just one attempt. Until she thinks I am ready to work, I'll be at home. Sometimes, Lindsey is with me, sometimes she's away. She understands that 'mom needs a little time on her own', she's such a sweetheart.

Flashback

Darkness. It takes me some time to figure out that the lights are out. I turn my head and stare in the darkness: the streetlights are off too. I feel my breath tighten in my trachea. Darkness. I close my eyes, fighting the fear that I feel. My heart starts beating too fast, I feel it in my throat. I'm all alone, in the darkness. On the floor, again.

I don't know what to do. I want the darkness to stop. I want the lights to turn on. I close my eyes and start counting. Maybe that will help, counting my fear away. I talk out loud to myself, hoping that that will control my breathing. Okay. Breathe. In and out. Slowly. "One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine." Breathe. I bite on my lip. "Ten. Eleven. Twelve."

Can't be alone now. Can't. He must come.

I look in my pocket and, thank God, I find my cell phone. My fingers tremble, my hands are shaking. Three buttons. "Pick up the phone, pick up!" I breathe into the phone, whispering the sentences. Three tones.

"Brown."

"Can you please come? Please?"

I can't talk, my throat is slipped by fear and unshed tears. I hope he comes. I need him. Now.

"Cath! What's wrong?"

"It's dark... I'm so scared... can you please come?"

Sigh. Oh, I remember. It's his first day at work again. He must be on a case... I shouldn't have called. I feel the urge to hang up the phone. But the fear wins it again. I think, if I don't have someone around me, I don't know what will happen.

"Where are you? Home?"

I can't say a word. I hope he considers the sound I make as a 'yes'.

"I'll come to you as soon as I can. Please, don't do something. Don't worry Cath, it'll be okay. I'll be there."

End of Flashback

I really don't remember what I did until he came, I just remember the fear.

Flashback

I hear a knock on the window. I open my eyes and look up. Warrick. I breathe in easily. Thank God, he's here. I stand up. I want to walk to the door, but my legs won't let me. I almost collapse. I turn and sink against the window, my forehead against the glass. I hear my name, vaguely: the window has taken the sound away. My eyes are opened. I see his hand through the glass, pressing at my cheek. Caressing it, though I don't feel.

"Cath! Open the door!" His voice comes through the glass, reaching my ears. I nod. Door. open the door. I press myself off the window, with both hands. He still looks at me, awfully concerned. I stand there, looking down. I catch a few breaths and walk to the door to open it. I don't want to collapse again. The room is dark, but I know the way. I open the door and realize that my hands are still shaking. As soon as the door is opened, I let myself fall in his arms. His hands around me, closely pressed.

"Cath, you okay?"

I nod. It's obviously not okay with me, but I don't want to scare him. Therefore I just nod.

"Thank God... I didn't know what was going on... I was so scared that something happened to you."

I try to smile, but it breaks into a sob. "I was so scared..." I pull myself closer to him, letting myself cry. He just stands there, in my embrace. From time to time he makes soothing sounds, but he doesn't push me. We stand there, and I forget what's his and what's mine.

"Cath?"

It takes me some time to answer. "Yeah..." I want him to talk to me, I want to focus on his voice. I'm still afraid, even now I'm in his hands. I want to know if he is still here. I know it sounds stupid, I am in his arms, but I need his voice around me.

"Cath... I'm here. What happened?"

I inhale. "It was dark... and suddenly... I was on that floor again, I was there again. And I was so cold, and... I don't know, I didn't know what to do anymore. I was so afraid... I was so scared. I thought... that it was over... but it's not. I'm just so scared... I don't know what to do..."

I feel my tears flowing over my cheeks. Cold drops are hanging under my chin, dripping on his shirt. "Hold me…" I'm begging him, I'm not ready to be let go.

"Cath, I'm hol-"

"Please…" He must hold me. I can't do it on my own. I don't even know if I am ready to stand on my own legs.

Silence now. We're standing together, for a very long time. I become peaceful if I notice that we're breathing in and out with the same rhythm, the same metre. Deep sigh, then it's over. I'm calm again.

Suddenly, I realize that I have no clue about time. I open my eyes. It's still dark around us. The power is still off. I mumble something. "Warrick… you can let me go now…"

"Oh…" He loosens his arms and we're standing opposed, his hands still on my shoulders. He smiles at me. I give him a small one back.

Awkward silence. I think of him. Oh shit… it was his first day at work… he just walked away from work… for me. And it was his first day! How must they feel about that?

"Sweetheart, what's wrong?"

Short panic, then I decide just to ask it. It was his decision to come… actually I let him no choice, but he still decided to come.

"It… it was your first night… you were still at work. And you came. You-"

"Don't worry… Leony completely understood. She told me that you should be more important for me than work. And you are."

"How… how was your first day?"

"Good… it was great to work with Nick again. Man, I missed him. And Leony and Jamie were nice too. I had an easy one: B&E in Henderson. Worked with Leony, evidence looks promising, already have two suspects."

He looks around and then moves back to me. "But that's not what counts right now. You okay again?"

I nod, eyes closed. And now I really mean it. He notices. He leans forward, places one hand on my cheek and kisses my jawbone, close to my ear. Just one gentle kiss. I feel the tension rise, down my spine, over my abdomen. I know it was not his intention to cause it, and I don't want to feel it right now, it's not appropriate. My breath stocks in my throat and I exhale deeply. I look at him and I see that he smiles. Satisfied, he knows what I feel right now, I shake my head. "I don't-"

"I know. I don't want to rush you. You look exhausted, Hun. You think you can sleep alone?"

I nod. "I want to. Really, War, I want to do it alone, it's best for both of us. Can you just bring me upstairs? My night-vision sucks these days and I find it a little… eerie there." I look at the stairs, smile with my head angled down. "Still not used to the dark."

End of Flashback

And I kept my word. I didn't invite him to stay over, and I still haven't made love with him. We have become closer. I am seeing him everyday, often he comes over to here. Sharing dinner, breakfast. Kisses, lots of them. He can see it if I am willing to want it or not. I have no idea how he does it, but somehow, he always notices.

Lindsey is always smiling when she catches us sharing intimate moments. She used to yell at me when she caught me kissing, or smash the door firmly. She doesn't do it anymore. I have asked her about it, we had a nice conversation. I know that it's my life, but she's a huge part in it. I think that she needs to be okay with it, before I do anything.

Flashback

"Linds? You have a little time for me?"

She looks up from the TV screen. She takes the remote control and turns it off. "Sure."

I move to the couch and take a seat, close to her. "I want to know… about me and Warrick. Are you okay with it? The way things go, I mean. You see us kissing, and… maybe doing more in the future. I know it's not your concern but I still I think I want to know how you feel about it. I mean… you're my daughter, you're the most important person for me."

She smiles widely at me. "Mom… I am okay with it. He's the first person who makes you smile again, really smile. And kissing is not bad. I know that, it's good. Warrick's a great guy. If you love him… just go for it."

Did my daughter just say that? I slightly blush. Love him… yes I do. But… what did she say about kissing? She knows about that? How does she know? "Lindsey… you have experience? In kissing, I mean?"

Her eyes widen. "Mom! That's none of your business! Don't say that I am too young. I am twelve years and four months old. I am old enough to decide."

I snicker from the inside, I so look down on myself again. When my mom found out that I kissed the boy-next-door. I remember that I ran out of the room with no words. Afterwards, my mom and I had a nice chat. I remember that I said completely the same to her as Lindsey told me.

"Oh, Lindsey, you must know… I think you're old enough. Just… be careful and slow. You must promise me not to do things against your will. Okay?"

She nods. "Okay."

End of Flashback

I change position and hear a knock on the window. Warrick. I hear it in the way he knocks. He has a key, but for some reason, he decided to knock on the window. I stand up, still holding the fleece blanket around me with one hand. He looks intensely at me and I wave at him with the other hand. Finger-wave. I don't feel the urge to open the door for him. I come closer to the window, let my blanket fall off my shoulders.

I place both of my hands on the window. He lays his on the other side of the glass. We look at each other. I see that he is saying my name, whispering, because I can't hear him. My lips move to the glass and touch it. It feels cool. My nose reaches the glass and with every breath I make, the glass turns a little wet and frosted. I still haven't lost contact with his eyes. He moves forward, and kisses my lips. Without looking away, the intensity is oddly elevated. It's not that it is hot, sensual in some way, definitely. I feel safe now, even though he's still standing at the other side of the window.

I want to kiss him, feel him but the glass prohibits it. I move my lips away from the glass, but my hands still touch it. "I'm opening the door." I whisper, 'cause I don't know if I will be able to say something and on the other hand, he won't hear me anyway. I walk to the door, as quick as I can. I don't want the tension to be over.

As soon as I opened the door, I let myself fall into him. I stand on my toes, laying my hands on his cheeks. I want to kiss so badly now, my mouth touches his. We breathe in the same air together, just touching lips. I feel my heatbeat increase, my breasts feel tense. My tongue enters is mouth and finds his. His fluid tastes nice and sweet. His hands move to my waist, lifting the fabric. He touches my skin, pressing to my hipbones with his thumbs. A warm and fuzzy feeling buzzes in my stomach.

I moan together with a breath. My tongue dances in his mouth, sometimes connected to his, sometimes free and tasting the inside of his cheeks. My hands move to the upper side of his shirt, automatically. I want to take his shirt, my hands start to unbutton it. In a soft moan from both of us, we let each other go.

"Cath…" Two short breaths follow. I'm a little breathless right now, but between my inhalations and exhalations, I manage to tell him that I want to go to the bedroom. He closes the door and we're hurrying upstairs. On the second step, he catches me, takes my hand and turns me around. He is standing on the step below me. I can look into his eyes without looking up.

He touches the side of my breasts, softly moving the fabric. I feel my nipples harden more with every movement he makes. I feel a deep hunger burning in my skin. I softly whisper his name, with closing my eyes. He moves his hands to my back and lowers them until they touch my ass. Oh, that feels so good. He makes small ticklish motions with his fingers. Then he lifts me and I wrap my legs around his waist. My head lingers on his shoulder.

We enter the bedroom and he lays me down on the bed. He moves down on top of me, his hands each side of my shoulders.

"Is this what you really want? Are you ready?" He asks me. I can hear the longing in his voice. I nod and look at him.

"Yeah… I want this… more than anything. I want to make love to you, Warrick… I need you." He nods and starts to loosen my blouse with one hand, the other one using for support. It doesn't work, my hand already moves to it to help him but he pushes it away.

"No."

He kneels down, both of his legs at the side next to me. He has his hands free and starts to unbutton it. One by one, I hear the pops of the buttons loosening. I make a groaning sound when he moves his hands down on my abdomen.

"God I missed you… I missed… this." I manage to hiss between my sighs. He quickly takes off his own shirt and moves down on me. He whispers things in my ear, soft things that make me laugh. Slowly, we continue.

I wake up, with my head on his shoulder. He's still sleeping, I notice by his regular breaths and I sneak a look through my eyelashes. I smile when I see his half-covered torso. He looks sexy and adorable at the same time. And he's mine. I cuddle myself next to him, softly, not willing to wake him. Before I fall asleep, I notice that I'm still warm. I smile to myself, enjoying the feeling, as long as it lasts.

October 9, 2005

A lot of things changed in the months between that day and today. I got back to work, working under Gil's supervision again. On the first day at work, we went to his office and he explained me everything again. His rules.

Flashback

I walk into his office, with a quick knock on the door. "Come in", I hear when I walk to his desk. Oops, my first mistake. This doesn't make me more confident.

"Catherine, you're here early."

I missed that way of greeting. For an outsider, it might look cold, but I know better. I radiate to him.

"Yeah, I wanted to go over your 'rules'. Just to make sure that everything's okay and that I understand everything."

He nods.

"Well, you told me that I had to tell you about everything I'm doing. How far will this go? I mean… do I have to tell you about every swab I'm making, or ask your permission for every question I ask?"

He sighs and looks at me. "No, I don't want you to tell me about every swab and you know you don't need my permission for everything. I still trust you. Though, I'm your supervisor and I think you need some structure, just to protect you. I don't want you to overwork yourself. We'll have an evaluation everyday in the first few weeks."

I can't tell him how much I appreciate it. I may not like it, at least not all of it, but he is doing it for me and I indeed think that it's the best.

"Okay. First night, I'm with you?"

He nods. "Yes."

I feel that it will take me some time to convince him that I can do things solo. But I'll be fine, I'll survive it. "Okay, I'll better go. I want to say hello to Greg and Sara before shifts starts. I know that at least she's already here."

As usual. Nothing important has changed since I left the building a few months ago. Sara's still early for cases, Greg still drinks his Blue Hawaiian. The guys still like to make small bets about silly things and I like it that way. When I'm at the doorway, he calls my name. I turn around. "Good luck today." I smile. It's really nice of him to tell me that.

End of Flashback

It was strange to get back to normal life again. Working full-time, nights. Even though Gil was awfully strict it didn't feel that way. I found it really hard, and I found myself crying in his office, after a hard evaluation. I completely screwed up, and he told me that. After a few weeks, it got better. I have nice co-workers, and they all seemed glad that I was back.

"Penny for your thoughts."

I turn around, and reality gets me back. My party. I smile at Greg. "I was just thinking how lucky I am with those nice co-workers."

He shrugs. "Yeah right, and since I'm a nice guy, I'm sure you want to dance with me. I mean, this is a nice song. A nice song for a nice lady. Well, what do you think?"

Greg. He'll never give up. I look over my lawn and see that a lot of people are dancing there together. I try to listen to the song and I indeed think that it's a nice one. A classic. I move my eyes through the dance floor and catch Gil and Sara. They're taking the dance slowly, but intimate. Very differently from Lindsey and her boyfriend, bouncing to the rhythm of the drums. Mia and Nick are just having a lot of fun. The dance has nothing of the intimacy both other couples have, but at least they are enjoying themselves.

"Well?"

I look at him with faked pity. "I would love to, but I doubt that my boyfriend over there will like it. It doesn't take a lot for him to be jealous. I'm sorry, I can't take the risk."

He pouts at me. "Come on, please. It's just one dance. I don't want to abduct you from your jealous boyfriend. I just want to dance with you."

I shake my head. "No, Mr. Sanders. Sorry."

"Okay… then I'll just accept my fate that I'll never be with you. It was worth a try."

I leave him and walk over to Warrick. He's talking to my mother. I want to know what they are discussing. I keep a little distance, so they won't notice that I'm eavesdropping, but close enough to hear everything they say.

Just when I got into the conversation, my mother turns around and notices me. "Catherine, come and join us."

I smile. Busted. I walk to Warrick and give him a quick kiss on his mouth. I'm going to stand next to him, his hand on my hip. Protective, but in a good way.

"Your mother and I were just discussing how lucky we both are to have you."

I look at him. "Oh, come on. Don't butter me up, please."

"No really, Cath, I mean it. I love you and I'm really happy to have you at my side."

Oh… kay. Where does this come from all sudden? I think I just need to accept the compliment. "Well, thank you, I guess…" I look up to him. "Shall we dance? I want to."

He takes my hand and guides me to the dance floor. He lays his hands between my waist and the side of my breasts. I place my hands on his shoulders. He pulls me closer to himself. The dance is slow, we almost don't move but I love the closeness and intimacy.

"I love you…" I whisper, more to myself than to him. He kisses the place where my hair meets the skin of my forehead. I get lost in his arms and I realize how much I love him and need him.

And I know he will never let me go again.

FIN

A/N: My last authors note for this story. You can ask for a sequel, there's a pretty high chance that I will write one, or something similar. I love Yo!Bling. Thanks for sticking with me.

Thanks to: Suiba, Miss Cam, Rabit-Tortise, Ramsey25, September, CSIFan4Life, Silent Cobra, Bene. Thanks to: Lynn Fox, Sara Sidle Grissom, GeekLoveFreak, Binx-349, Cybrokat, GrissomsButterfly1310, Fist-Tank36, Trialia. Thanks to all the nocent people I forgot to thank.

Thanks to Evanescence, Celine Dion, Hooverphonic, Jem, The Corrs and all the music I forgot.

Thanks to Marg Helgenberger and Gary Dourdan.

Thanks to everyone involved I forgot. Thanks for reading. You all rock.