Well, that disproves her theory. My cousin told me that the MR bunch wasn't into the comedy, but here we are. I like depressing-as-crap stuff just as much as the next drama queen, but hey, what are ya going to do?
Ch. 2: Wow, these people are stupid
Gaggle of idiots walks into the nightclub
Guy taking up space hey, I do like that better: Dude, I can't feel my feet.
Christian: That's cuz the Argentinean fell asleep on your feet. Kick him in the teeth. Always woke me sister up!
Guy taking up space: You never mentioned your sister. How come?
Christian: She croaked due to extensive trauma to the head. Can't imagine why.
Guy Taking up space: Nah, I'll just leave him for the mall rats. They'll drag him into the alley and steal his pants, but at least he won't get trampled by the dancers.
Greaseball mall rats drag Argentinean away
Other friend: Shut your faces. The show is starting!
Annoying voiceover: Ziddler called them his "diamond dogs". The "dogs" part I understand perfectly, but I wonder why he put diamonds in the title when the closest thing to a diamond any of them had seen was a broken piece of glass in the gutter!
Dogs: Gittchy Gittchy ya ya ta ta! Voolay Voo coo shay ah ya ses swah!
Christian pulls out his Pig Latin dictionary
Christian: I had no idea burlesque had so much mental strain involved.
Ushers in the Audience: It is highly recommended that you all take your breaks now. This part plays out like a drunken nightmare.
Audience agrees and scampers off to the can.
Show progresses
Guy taking up space: I don't know if it's the booze talking, but this bitch won't leave me alone!
Green Fairy: It's always about you and never about me! Work, bars, blah blah blah! You just can't commit! Why do you run off with these morons every night when ….
Guy taking up space: Man, you have no idea.
Group: Lay off the absinthe and she'll hit the road in no time
Show like goes on forever
Phantom of the Opera: Dude, if this is supposed to be culture, then I don't wanna be French anymore Storms Away
Everybody: I'm sick of dancing. Let's all look at the shiny distraction above!
Satine comes down on the swing
Satine: Diamonds are a girl's best friend, so fork 'em over, dillhole!
Christian: Wow, she's divine!
Audience: More singing? What were these producers smoking?
Ziddler: Satine, you have to hook up with the duke after the show. Don't ask why. All I'm saying is that he'll take what he can get, take it from me. Shudders
Satine: You poor ugly baby. Which one is he?
Ziddler: He's the one that's kicking Toulouse's ass for stepping on his foot.
Christian just happens to trip over the misfortunate midge, who happens to already be having his ass kicked already.
Satine: The little guy's being ganged up on. Which one is the duke?
Ziddler: The one with the awful teeth. My god you're stupid.
Satine just sees Christian and decides he's the duke.
Satine: Gotcha. You owe me BIG for this one, Zid.
Ziddler: will do. No get ho-ing, girl!
Audience groans at the second razor-thin plot twist in minutes.
Victor Hugo and Gaston Leroux start weeping after watching the scene.