III: Wrench

The wrench came flying out of nowhere. No, really! It did! Would I lie to YOU? I wouldn't lie to YOU. Promise. Get it?— got-it— good.

Okay, so maybe the wrench came from somewhere other than nowhere. Maybe it came from Her. Her. I really can't stand Her. She makes me so ANGRY sometimes. I mean, why does she have to treat me the way that she does?

Wait a minute. I didn't start out this conversation about Her, did I? What was I talking about again? Oh yeah. The wrench. It came flying out of nowhere. You do believe me, right? You know I can't lie to YOU, I know you know, you know I know, and this about to descend into one of those Middle School tongue-twister arguments.

But the wrench really DID come out of nowhere. No matter what Cyborg says.

Why would Cyborg know? Well, I was with him. Beast Boy and I hadn't exactly had a fight, but. . . Well. . . BB's great and all, but sometimes, you just can't spend your whole day with one person, you know?

Anyway, I was talking about the wrench. You'll have to forgive me. I'm writing this from the ward. Apparently, the wrench hit me hard enough to give me a concussion. I'm a bit scatterbrained as a result.

I know I had something to tell you, but right now, the only thing that's sticking in my brain is the look of confusion that came over Her face when I asked why She'd hit me with the wrench. She acted innocent, as if She didn't do it.

I know She did. She hates me. She's suspicious of me. She's right, but you know, they're the good guys. It wouldn't kill them to give people the benefit of the doubt. Believing the best in people is what they do, isn't it? And it's just not fair that She trusts the rest of them (and they're all far more annoying and rambunctious than I am, let's face it), but She doesn't trust me.

I know, I know. Life isn't fair. But that's not the point. The point is that they don't have to treat me like I'm going to go off and betray them again at the drop of a hat.

Not that I'm not already betraying them. But still! It's just not fair. You know, they give me everything I want. Basically, they spoil me pink. And it's not that it isn't enough. It's probably too much, being honest.

It's just that suddenly, having everything I wanted, being treated like a princess, is everything I don't\ want. Because they're doing it because they're afraid of me. Well, not afraid of me, but afraid for me. But they're doing it because they don't want me to run back to you.

Not that I haven't already, but. . .

Well. I don't know anymore. I mean, they're all being so nice to me. Except for Her, but they say that that's just Her way. And all this niceness is making me feel bad. Because they're right. I am going to betray them. I don't deserve the things they're doing for me. And I take them anyway.

Is that the mark of a bad person? To take everything you don't deserve, knowing you don't deserve it?

If you can dig a decent report out of this, I refuse to be amazed. We understand each other, you and I. I'm sure you see what I mean.

What I'm not sure of is if I do.