(A/N: If you have a craving for something obscene, get the Adam Ant b-side Why Do Girls Love Horses? from somewhere, and I promise it won't let you down like your ugly and sexually conformist boyfriend did last week)
Chapter 7: Why Do Girls Love Horses?
"So then, I laughed at him and said…" Don L was saying to his companion Severus Snape, when suddenly, he disappeared.
"Lu… Don L?" Snape said, wincing at the name. He looked around, but couldn't see him anywhere. Then he heard a stifled shrieking sound, which appeared to come from the ground. He looked down, and there, at the bottom of a hole in the ground, sat Don L. "What are you doing down there?" Snape said, annoyed. He took a step toward the pit. "Didn't I tell you…"
Most surprisingly, he found that the ground had disappeared from under his feet, and he was falling. 'What a bother.' he thought, as he landed hard on the floor of the pit. Having dusted himself off, he got up again and looked up, thinking he may as well disapparate. But before he'd even gotten out his wand, he discovered a small door in the side of the hole. He opened it, and there was Don L, in the adjoining hole in the ground.
"Severus! Fancy seeing you here." Don L said, "It's no use disapparating. I already tried. Must be a ward on here."
"Fantastic." Snape said, sitting down on the floor, "We're stuck."
"Do not despair, my dear!" Don L declared, emphatically, "I shall get us out!" He got up, looking heroic. Flamenco music struck up in the background. Don L, in a powerful and impressive manner, stuck his sword into the earthen wall a couple of feet above the floor, then climbed onto it. "Er…" he said, gazing up at the sky, which was still many feet above him. He got down again. "Well, I tried." He said.
"Well done." Snape sneered, then noticed that Don L was looking at him markedly.
"You could, of course…" Don L said, examining his finger-nails.
"No." Snape said, curtly. "I'm not doing that."
"Please!" Don L said. "It's the easiest and safest way."
"No! Go away. I'm not doing it." Snape said, turning away.
"Please, I beg you!" Don L said, getting down on his knees, and grasping Snape's robes in despair. "No-one can see you, anyway." Snape remained stubbornly silent. "Or do you want to be stuck here with me for the rest of your life?" Don L said, his eyes glistening wickedly, his hands sliding down Snape's back.
"Okay, alright." Snape said, getting up abruptly. "Best to get it over with quickly. Out of my way." He pushed Don L aside, and closed his eyes in concentration.
Don L looked on, intrigued, as Snape's ears grew longer, his body changed shape, and fur started to grow on his face and body. His robes split open, as he grew in stature, and his limbs grew longer, into hoofed legs. His hair changed colour, and he sprouted a tail. Finally, there stood, in place of the big-nosed, skinny Potions master, a silver unicorn, with gleaming pink manes, a golden horn on its forehead, golden hooves, glittering gold stars sprinkled over its coat, with, as the coup-de grace, two huge, fluffy-plumaged purple wings folded across its back.
"Fabulous!" Don L said, as he looked at the now transfigured Snape. "You have the best Animagus form I've ever seen, you know. And its so handy, as well."
The unicorn whinnied in a low, sarcastic voice, and shook its beautiful head in a thoroughly annoyed manner, as if to say: "Shut up, you idiot." But since Don L did not speak unicorn language, he couldn't be sure. However, he decided not to annoy his equine friend too much, and climbed onto his back.
"Just like old times, eh Severus?" He said, swinging his leg over Snape's wide, gleaming back, and entwining his hands in the silky, luxurious manes. Snape made a dangerous growling sound, and he thought it better not to push him, so he remained silent, as Snape spread his wings, and they took off.
It was quite hard to retain his balance, as they flew up in a nearly vertical line, but within seconds they found themselves out in the sunshine, and Snape lost no time in descending and landing safely on the ground. But before Don L had time to compliment his friend on his qualities as a mode of transport, he heard that most dreaded sound: the high and slightly nervous laugh of the awful El Lupin. "El Lupin!" Don L exclaimed, as he looked up. "So it was you who trapped us!"
"Yes, it was I!" El Lupin said. "It was I who enclosed you, and your trusty horse, Moonshadow…" That was too much for the poor Snape.
As Don L snorted, and said: "Moonshadow? That's ridiculous!" the now enraged Snape made a terrible noise, charged at El Lupin, and kicked him in the stomach, while insulting him wittily- El Lupin didn't understand it, of course, but he was very much used to people not understanding his witticisms and therefore couldn't care less- before he and his rider, the legendary Don L, galloped away, into the sunset.