Chapter 3 – Calculated Selfishness
Kate swallowed the last bite of her fruit and tossed, with impressive distance, the core into the bushes behind her. She then returned to her crouched position, staring out to sea. She was thinking, about the same thing she'd been thinking about for the two hours she'd been sitting alone down the beach from camp. Sawyer.
At first she'd been replaying their encounter in her head. Reliving the touches, soft at first, but increasing into desperation and ardor. But then she started thinking. Sure, she'd saved herself from living day to day numb like a ghost. She fought off the sinking feeling of hopelessness, if only by drowning it in other emotions. The question that posed itself in her mind now was, would that same sinking numbness return? She was quite positive it would, since the emotions Sawyer conjured in her to drown her own sorrow were only superficial.
A vice of fear gripped her heart at the thought. She was not out of the water, yet, as she had before hoped and suspected. Sawyer had not solved her problems of emptiness, rather he had increased them. Kate suddenly wrapped her arms around herself, feeling used and ashamed. Guilt had already been acknowledged. What had she been thinking? It was Sawyer, for God's sake. He didn't care about anything or anyone but himself. He didn't want to help her solve her problems, he didn't want to know anything more about her but how she looked without her clothes on.
"Good throw."
The voice startled Kate onto her feet. She spun to find Sawyer standing alarmingly close to her. Kate stepped back.
"Sawyer." She nearly whispered in shock, drawing her brows together in curiosity. "What are you doing?"
"Wanna take a walk?" He asked lightly, but his blue eyes danced seductively. Kate knew what he wanted. She shook her head and stared at the ground.
"What happened yesterday was…" She struggled to find the right word to describe what she was feeling and not offend him too much.
"Amazing?" Sawyer offered, and the smile in his voice caused Kate to look up into his eyes. She berated herself silently when the look on his face caused a smile to grow across her own lips.
"I was going to say a mistake. But now that you mention it, that too." She said shyly, her gaze once again finding the sand. Her heart beat rapidly, and she felt her face grow heated.
"A mistake?" Sawyer repeated incredulously. "How could any part of that have felt the least bit like a mistake to you?"
"Well, at the time it didn't, but thinking about it now…it just doesn't seem right."
"Kiss me again and we'll see how you really feel." Sawyer dared in a husky voice, stepping into her. The intensity in his eyes as he looked down into hers made Kate's heart jump and her skin tingle in anticipation of his touch.
"Don't say that." She begged in a whisper.
"Why not? Because you just might?" He goaded, closing the miniscule gap between them.
"Sawyer," Kate warned, but he had touched her face before any more warnings or escape attempts could be made. Kate had closed her eyes involuntarily upon feeling his touch, so she did not see him bend down to kiss her. Her eyes snapped open in surprise, but slowly closed again as Sawyer deepened the kiss. She moved her hands up to slide around his neck, and stood on her tip toes to kiss him fervently back.
The feeling of dizziness that had visited her the first time he touched her returned. That wonderful bliss that came with Sawyer's intoxicating kiss.
It was stupid, rash and unsafe. Kate knew all of this, but failed to keep her thoughts from drifting back to the night before. How Sawyer had all but thrown her down in the bed of vines Mother nature had placed there to invite them. The fevered unclothing of each other, hungry kisses and wandering hands. Kate thought she felt more last night than in the entire four months before it.
She avoided him again, of course, though it would not have seemed quite as awkward, Kate thought. She was sure they had a silent understanding. They both knew they needed this. To feel. Their 'relationship' was not an impulsive, one time mistake. It would be multiple, planned mistakes.
Kate was deep in avoiding Sawyer when she stopped in her tracks. There was something in the back of her mind. She looked up to the sky. The sun was straight overhead. Noon, she guessed.
Her eyes widened. Noon! She was supposed to be at the caves for the Constitution writing. Immediately, she bolted across the beach, earning curious stares from those who still refused to give up hope of rescue and move to the caves. Kate thrashed through the jungle, hardly hearing the voice behind her until it spoke her name louder a second time.
She spun, breathing heavily, to see Sawyer run up to her.
"Where the hell you going in such a hurry?" He gasped through gulps of air and leaned forward onto his knees. Kate smirked. That's what he gets for smoking.
"I'm late for a meeting." The words left her mouth and she grinned at the way they sounded. It was like they were back in the city, walking down the sidewalk to work.
"A meeting? What for?"
"The Constitution. I'm helping to outline it." Kate answered, then wondered upon their situation. Were they actually talking? It was the first time in a long time she and Sawyer weren't arguing, or kissing. But actually talking. It gave her a strange feeling. Not an unpleasant one, but one that started from the inside, instead of the outside, as feelings associated with Sawyer usually did.
"Why are you helping?"
"Because I know a lot of the people and am representing them at the writing." She said, a bit indignantly. Sawyer scoffed.
"Is that what Jackie told you?" He asked bitterly, and Kate just furrowed her brow at him, not understanding. Sawyer didn't explain, however, just shook his head and straightened himself. "Come on, let's go somewhere." He started walking off to the right, but when it was clear Kate was not going to follow, he stopped. She was staring at him in disbelief. He urged her on.
"No, I'm not going anywhere with you. I have somewhere to be."
"Come on, Freckles, they can get on just fine without you. I can't."
"Sure you can." She nearly growled, then continued on her way to the caves. Sawyer called her name a few times at her retreating figure, but she heard him scoff in disbelief, then give up and return to the beach.
The nerve of him! To undermine her part in the writing of the Constitution and try to get her to go fool around with him again. She was so angry it almost made her sick to her stomach. Kate tried wiping the scowl from her face as she walked into the caves. The rest of them were sitting around inside a cave already, waiting for her.
"Good of you to join us." Cole quipped, and Jack nudged him in warning. How did he know she was about to explode with anger? She was sure it didn't show in her face.
Michael began reading off some of Hurley's notes and Jack started translating them into rules and the outline of a Constitution.
Cole seemed to think copying the original Constitution word for word was plagiarism. So, the five of them created a Supervisor, the Council, and the Board.
In the next few hours, opinions clashed. Mostly between Sayid and Cole, mostly about the role of the Council, which would act like a miniature Congress.
They eventually agreed, with some mediation by Kate, that the Council would consist of ten individuals elected by the population in a free election. They would have the power to veto, pass, or override previously approved Supervisory rulings with a 2/3 majority. Council meetings would be open to any who chose to attend, and bills could be introduced there by any and all. But the point most controversial was the decision by the five representatives to give the Council the power to revoke the citizens' right to privacy in extreme conditions. This decision was reinforced by their recent scuffle with Sawyer over his alleged stealing.
The sun had long since set, and the five stood and stretched after coming to a conclusion on their last heated debate. Kate stood by the fire they'd made outside the cave for some light, and said goodnight as the other beach dwellers passed by her.
"You better walk with them to the beach. It's pretty late." Jack said as he appeared beside her. She watched the profile of his face as he stared up at the sky.
"I can walk by myself. I'm a big girl." Kate replied with a grin. Jack looked to her with a smile that told her what he couldn't find words for. That he was worried about her. That he couldn't deal with it if something happened to her. She was dumbstruck fora good minute.
"So what do you think about all this?" He asked suddenly. Kate looked to the fire.
"About our makeshift Constitution?" She sighed, thankful for the change of subject, "It's good. It's solid and balanced, and I think they'll agree with it."
"Good. I hope they will, too. Goodnight, Kate." Jack said with a smile before turning back to the cave. Kate just watched him retreat to sleep before turning for the beach, trying not to acknowledge disappointment.
The next day they presented their outline to the people at a meeting they held at the beach. The last few stragglers came running up after Hurley bellowed a five minute warning for the meeting to begin. Sayid read their proposed outline to the people, and waited for feedback with baited breaths. They'd worked hard on this piece of paper. They believed it would work, it would help them maintain order and peace.
"I don't believe anyone should have the right to revoke right to privacy." A man's voice came from the crowd. To his dismay, Jack realized he knew the man's face, but not his name. He decided to get better acquainted with the citizens. "It's what we had that made us American."
"We're not in Kansas anymore, Toto." Hurley quipped.
"It's true." Sayid began, in a no nonsense tone that made him the unofficial voice of reason of the island. "We are playing by a whole different set of rules on this island. Nothing is the same as it was back where we came from. We have to anticipate the worst to come. You people have to trust in the Council that you select to decide when is the right time to dig deeper."
A murmur ran through the crowd. Should we accept it? Should we cut this or that out? No one knew what to do. So, as was his nature, Jack took control of the situation.
"I'll let this draft stand for a few days while you make your decision. Come to any of the five of us to cast your votes. We'll need your names on your ballots for security sake. Votes will be tallied day after tomorrow."
The meeting was dismissed. Kate began to meander away with the rest of the dispersing crowd, but thought twice. She turned and walked to Jack, whose back was turned to her, as he was glancing over their outline of the Constitution and shaking his head with a chuckle.
"What're you laughing about?" She asked with a wry grin, arms folded across her chest. Jack glanced over his shoulder at her, then back to the document in his hands.
"We're writing our own Constitution." He stated, as if that justified his humor. "If that isn't digging in, I don't know what is."
"You said yourself this is necessary."
"It is. I truly believe we need this if we're going to survive on this island. It's just…I can't help but hate that it means we're really going to be out here for a while."
"I know. But, look on the bright side. You'll probably be elected President. Err…Supervisor, I mean."
"How is that the bright side?" He laughed, loving how light Kate's voice sounded when she talked to him.
"You'll be the most powerful man on the island." She grinned, walking in front of him.
"That doesn't matter to me." Jack stated, the playfulness suddenly morphing into intensity in his eyes.
"What does matter?" Kate nearly whispered, hating herself for hoping he'd say she was the only thing that mattered. Jack's tantalizing lips curved ever so slightly into a smile. He opened his mouth to speak, but his answer was lost to Hurley's booming voice.
"Uh, dudes! Hey, hey dude! We got a problem over here." He informed Jack, pointing behind him toward Sawyer's tent. Jack only growled in frustration and sprinted toward the shouting.
"Would you drop it already, psycho!" Sawyer shouted at Kit, who'd planted her feet firmly in the sand in front of him, a very sour look on her face.
"Never! Not until you admit you stole my bag!"
"Not gonna happen, sweets, cuz I didn't take your damn bag!" He drawled sarcastically, leaning towards her menacingly. Kit just squeezed her hands into fists at her sides and clenched her jaw.
"Alright, what's going on here!" Jack boomed as he came storming through the circle of spectators that had gathered. Neither Kit nor Sawyer spoke, just stood there staring each other down. "Kit, what are you doing?" He directed the question to the young woman who looked so out of place with her fiery eyes, nearly throwing punches with a man twice her size. His voice demanded her attention and a response.
"Trying to wrench the truth from him." She said through grit teeth.
"Kit, you have to stop harassing him." Jack said resigned, hating to stick up for Sawyer.
Her dark hair whipped her face as she snapped her eyes to him, expression bewildered.
"I can't believe you, Jack! I thought you were supposed to give this island rules and justice! You won't even punish a thief!"
"Kit, you have to understand-"
"No, Jack. I understand." Kit fumed, holding her hands up to stop him from trying to defend his position. "You're too afraid to stand up to him. Too afraid to give me some closure if it means being even a little forceful. You'd be a lousy Supervisor." She nearly spat, and stormed away. Jack stared after her, slightly shocked.
"Hey, thanks doc." Sawyer quipped, too pleased. Jack acknowledged the people still loitering about and quickly walked away.
Next update looks to be Friday or Saturday, if you're lucky. THanks for the reviews! They warm my heart!
Hekate – Thank you SO much! Sometimes people do suck, but turns out I got a few more reviews for chapter 2. Thanks for your support.
Elvenladygreenleaf4ever (henceforth, you shall be known to me as Elvenlady, because that's too long to write out. Yes, I am lazy.) sugr4sawyr, future cop – Thank you for your kind words!
Eclypse – How'd that swim meet go? You whooped them, didn't ya?
-Austin B.
FanOfLost – Am I a Skater or Jater? Well, you'll see at the end of the story, won't you?