Chapter 6 – Domestic Tranquility
Kate weaved through the fires, making her way to her pack, which held a ration of boar she'd saved and some fruit. She had knelt on her blanket when she heard the tarp she'd used as a makeshift door rustle behind her. She spun to find Sawyer's silhouette outlined against the fires in the background.
"What the hell, Sawyer?" She snapped, pushing past him. But he grabbed her arm and whipped her around to face him. He pulled her body flush against his. Kate scowled up at him.
"Where do you think you're going?"
"None of your goddamn business." She snarled.
"Going to run back to the doctor?" Sawyer said with disgust.
"What if I am?"
Sawyer released her and she stumbled a step back, not realizing he'd been practically holding her on her feet.
"Tell me you don't feel anything for me." He demanded, covering his vulnerability with a dangerous looking glower. Kate blinked twice, trying to understand him. When they'd had their affair, he was always so aloof with her. Now that he thought he'd lost her, he wanted her again. Typical. She grit her teeth.
"I don't feel anything for you." With that, she spun on her heel, but Sawyer grabbed the back of her shirt and stepped in front of her.
"I don't believe you." He stated. Kate's jaw dropped in disbelief.
"I don't care! Why is it suddenly so important, anyway? You didn't seem to care so much about me before."
"But I did! I always have!" He yelled in exasperation. Kate's scowl dissipated into the night. She looked soft, Sawyer thought. Something he never believed she could look. She was always tough, a hard shell. Seeing the transformation before his eyes scared him. His words had cut through her exterior, exposing her. Was that pity he saw? How could he have thought she'd change her mind about the super doctor in favor of a lying, cheating con man?
"Stupid." He concluded of himself and turned to walk away. Kate started from her reverie and bounded after him.
"Well hold on a second. You can't just say something like that and walk away!" She shouted as she hustled to keep up with his striding pace.
"Why not? Run away, isn't that your motto?" Sawyer said scathingly. Kate rolled her eyes. Typical, once again. Trying to jackass her away. He stopped at the door of his tent.
"Forget it, Freckles. You don't want me, remember." He ducked inside, and Kate followed.
"You're right, I don't, I'm just trying to understand why you're doing this."
"Doing what?"
"This!" She pointed feverishly between them. "This toying with me, pretending to be all sweet and soft when you're just jealous and selfish!"
"What?"
"You saw me with Jack and hated knowing he had something you didn't. Right?"
"No, I saw you with Jack and realized what I'd lost."
"You never had me." She spat.
Sawyer scoffed bitterly. "No, you're right. You were always his."
"I-" Kate began, but stopped short. A black bag stuck out from under the airplane seats Sawyer'd scavenged. Kate dove for it as Sawyer traced her gaze. She held it up and saw in permanent marker written on the inside, 'Kit Powers' followed by an address. Kate's jaw hung open, utter shock written across her features. But it quickly morphed into anger and disgust.
A play of horror, regret and finally smugness played over Sawyer's face in a matter of a second. "What can I say, Freckles. I wanted you to like me. Thieving isn't the best…" Kate stormed out, unwilling to listen to him anymore. It was all lies. "Wait!" He jumped after her. She'd turned around on him when he exited.
"You're a liar!"
"I wouldn't talk, honey. You're none too righteous yourself." Sawyer fired back, the vulnerability written in his eyes just moments before buried deep within him again, covered by his stoic mask. Kate knew he was turning the argument around on her, but was too angry and shocked to care and steer clear of his tricks.
"What is that supposed to mean?" She inadvertently waved the bag in the air as she threw her hands up in exasperation.
"I was just someone to play with until your real boyfriend came around, isn't that right?"
"Sawyer! Keep your voice down!" Kate said in a harsh whisper, glancing around at the fires near to them and the people sitting around them.
"Oh, you're ashamed of it, are you? So I take it you haven't told Jackie? Wouldn't he be interested to know." Sawyer said haughtily, threatening.
"Don't you dare, Sawyer." Kate said in a low, dangerous tone, fear ripping through her at the thought of Jack learning of her affair with Sawyer.
Sawyer scoffed, almost hurt. "So you really think that low of me that I would do something like that to you? Come on, Freckles." He cooed, and stepped in to her. She took a step back, but he reached out to take her shoulders gently. "Kate." He whispered, his eyes looking so strangely hurt and dejected she just stared for a moment as he stepped in to her and leaned down to her lips.
He kissed her once, and she yanked from his grasp. Sawyer just gave her a pitiful look, the most hurt look she'd ever seen him wear. He took a step toward her to apologize, but Kate jumped back, terrified. What did she think he was going to do, anyway? Sawyer took another step toward her, holding his hands up in surrender. All he wanted was to sit and talk with her, keep her near him for a moment longer.
But Kate didn't know this. She was thrown back into her past, when no one ever cared to ask what she thought. When boyfriends would throw her against the wall and take what they wanted from her with no apologies. Kate didn't see Sawyer in front of her anymore. He was a blur of all the others. The ones who'd hurt her.
She found her voice and screamed as loud as she could. It wasn't until she heard her own exclamation that she realized what she'd shouted.
"Jack!"
Sawyer jumped back in surprise. Kate stumbled backward, tripping over herself, and fell back onto her bottom in the sand. Sawyer stared down at her form, breathless and wildly terrified, until Jack came barreling up to them. He pitched himself in the sand in front of Kate and held her shoulders. She looked up at him, the fear in her face changing instantaneously to relief and gratitude. Jack looked up at Sawyer, who was still staring down at Kate in confusion.
"What did you do, Sawyer?" Jack asked angrily, standing in front of him, hands clenched into fists at his sides.
"He took Kit's bag." Kate piped up, and both men looked to her as she stood brushing the sand off herself, her eyes hard once again. She seemed to be back in the present again, and she hardly realized that for a moment she'd been completely lost to the helplessness of her life before going on the run.
Kit had seen Kate waving her bag in the air and tore across the beach to the three of them.
"I knew it!" She exclaimed and snatched her bag from Kate's hand. Kate hardly noticed.
"You looked me in the eyes and practically swore your innocence, you smug jackass." Kate said, shaking her head at Sawyer.
"Hope this won't affect our relationship." Sawyer spat pointedly with a glare. If she didn't want him, he was going to be sure Jack didn't want her either. Kit's eyes widened and she slowly stepped away, her bag clutched to her chest. She sensed they'd need their privacy for this conversation.
Jack scoffed sarcastically, "What relationship."
"I'm surprised she didn't tell you. You two seem to be so close. Or maybe it's a one sided thing." Sawyer said resentfully. Jack looked to Kate, and Sawyer took the distraction to duck into his tent. He settled on his cot, placing his trembling hands gingerly on his knees. It had never been so hard for him to shout before. He was angry, sure, but his voice seemed so weak. Jack and Kate's conversation leaked in from outside his shelter, and he laid back, trying not to listen. Sawyer squeezed his eyes shut tight, breathing deeply. Healing himself. It took a bit more effort than it ever had, but that was probably because he'd never lost anyone as amazing as Kate. When he opened his eyes, they were a bit deeper, darker, harder. But he pushed it so far down into his shell that he convinced even himself he'd forgotten about it.
"What relationship?" Jack asked Kate directly this time, Sawyer's hurt and bitter words worrying him.
"Jack, I…" Kate began, knowing she had to confess, but unable to force herself to say the words. "I was scared I wouldn't ever be able to feel anything again." Her voice was a trembling whisper. "You were busy with the island and didn't have time for me and Sawyer was there and…" She trailed off.
"You slept with him?" Jack half summed, half asked calmly, with a dangerously malicious undertone. Hurt in his eyes.
Kate squeezed her eyes shut tight, not wanting to see how she was killing him, and nodded once.
And just like that, Jack turned and walked away. Kate snapped her eyes open quickly and watched him disappear into the night. It was a small gesture, but hurt more than if he'd stood there screaming and hitting her.
Kate was vaguely surprised that the earth didn't spin off its axes. But campaigning continued. Runners for offices on the Council and the Board gave speeches as well. There was always someone to watch. But Kate didn't see any of them. Since her confrontation with Sawyer and Jack, she'd taken to hibernating in her tent. She exited only for necessities. Most of the time she would just lie on her back staring at the ceiling, thinking of nothing at all. But when thoughts did come, they were of Jack. A stabbing pain shot through her heart at the memory of his face and the pain in his eyes.
Sawyer, however, seemed unscathed by the whole ordeal. He sat in the sand outside his tent sunbathing all day. But to the citizens more observant and in tune with his demeanor, it was obvious he was troubled. He didn't eat fish with Jin and Hurley anymore, and had completely stopped making snide, sarcastic quips when someone walked by him.
Jack had taken the few days since his heartbreak to pretend like nothing had happened. But he tried too hard, and gave himself away. He worked and spent more time at the caves instead of the beach, and slept even less. There was a perpetual expression of pain on his face, and he never smiled, since Kate wasn't around him anymore.
Most people figured it out. Locke had seen it coming. Jack had somewhat heeded his warning, but not to the extent necessary, and certainly not soon enough. Locke shook his head as he split his attention between sharpening his knife and watching Jack bustle around the caves.
Jack took a moment to catch his breath. He'd been running himself ragged for the past five days. Now it was Election Day already. He didn't really expect to win, but would be glad for something to do if he did. The days had dragged on, but blended together in a blur. Hurley would tally the votes in a matter of hours, and the offices would be announced, and their government would be put into action.
His thoughts jumped suddenly to the woman that lingered in the back of his mind. Jack realized now what Locke had meant. He'd had a sinking suspicion of it before, but didn't want to think seriously that Kate had anything to do with Sawyer. Jack knew he hadn't paid attention to the comment and his suspicions until it was too late. He hadn't acted on his feelings for Kate soon enough, and that killed him. He was so distant that she turned to Sawyer for comfort. Jack slammed his fist painfully against the wall of the cave.
"Oh, mate?" Charlie began timidly. Jack turned his head to observe him. "Sorry to interrupt but they're announcing the offices at the beach." The Brit informed him in that light way that was only his.
"Thanks, Charlie." Jack wearily replied, and Charlie was gone. He leaned his back against the cool rock of the cave and slid down. He allowed himself the pleasure of closing his eyes for a moment.
"Jack?" Kate's voice called out unsurely. His eyes snapped open. Had he fallen asleep? Nowadays it was hard for him to distinguish between consciousness and dreams.
He stood to see Kate approaching, hands in her back pockets. She stopped in front of him and stared at the ground between them. Jack watched her face warily for a moment until she spoke.
"Sayid was elected Supervisor."
"They announced offices already." He said, more of a statement of disbelief than a question. He didn't think he'd fallen asleep for that long. He looked away from her eyes as she looked up at him.
"No, I just got Hurley to give me an exclusive." Kate revealed almost slyly. Jack suppressed a smile. He didn't reply, mostly because he wasn't sure what could be said between them after all that had happened. It seemed weird to attempt a normal conversation.
"Sorry you didn't get Supervisor." Kate apologized quietly, eyes averted as if ashamed. And she probably was. Jack smiled ruefully.
"It doesn't matter much to me, I told you all I wanted for myself was you." Kate heard the ache in his voice and snapped her eyes to him, but he was staring off into the distance. She grimaced; he couldn't even look at her.
"Jack, I'm so sorry." Kate said again, with much more feeling. "I wasn't thinking. I was just so terrified I'd become this empty shell. I wanted to feel something again. It seemed like I hadn't really felt anything for such a long time."
"So what did you feel with him?" Jack asked bitterly. Kate hesitated before replying.
"At first, passion. I knew that it was superficial and wrong, but was so desperate to feel that I didn't care. But when you looked at me and all I felt was guilt and shame. Then you started smiling at me the way you do, and I told Sawyer I was done with him, because I couldn't stand betraying what I know I'd always felt for you."
Jack was quiet for a moment, his eyes moving from one nonexistent point to another.
"I love you." He said pointedly and calm, his gaze training on her. "You do know that, don't you?" Kate blinked back tears. Mostly because hurting the man that loved her was a heinous and unforgivable crime in her book. Judging by his strangely nonchalant demeanor, she feared he wouldn't be able to forgive her. She gathered strength to nod once.
"And you do know that nothing you could do would ever make me angry enough not to love you anymore?" A tear fell down her cheek, and Kate nodded again, the exquisite words he spoke causing more tears of joy to well behind her eyes. "But if you do anything like that again with anyone but me, I won't hesitate." He warned, but it was a weak and whispered threat.
"I won't." She whispered at first. "I won't, I promise! Just please tell me again how you love me!" Kate's wavering voice grew desperate as she plead to hear the coveted words again. He'd lost her once by waiting too long. He wasn't going to wait anymore. Jack took one step and was pressed against her, his hands tangled in her hair.
"I love you, Kate." He said breathily into her ear. "I love you so much." Kate gripped his shirt in her fists and pulled him to her lips. She was crying too hard to kiss him more than once, so she just buried her face in his chest and cried. Jack held her tight, kissing the top of her head and rubbing her back soothingly.
When her sobs died down, she looked up to him, and he thought she'd never looked so beautiful. Her big hazel eyes were wet, and her cheeks were streaked with tears. He smiled and wiped her face gently with his warm hands. She closed her eyes at the touch, and felt him kiss her nose. Then her cheek, her neck, chin. He gently touched his lips to hers again, and Kate wrapped her hands around the back of his neck, pulling him to her, kissing him hard.
It was everything she wanted. Jack loved her, she loved Jack. He was kissing her, holding her tight.
Kate smiled into the darkness and felt Jack's even breathing on the back of her neck. She turned under his arm to watch his peaceful face. She fought the urge to wake him up with a kiss.
That was the moment. When Kate watched him sleeping, realizing she couldn't wait until he woke up, just to see what he'd say. It was then that Kate knew this was all she needed for the rest of her life.
Jack struggled to hold two pieces of wood together and tie the juncture with rope. The wood slid against each other into wrong angles, and winding the rope was too difficult with one hand. With a growl of frustration, he dropped the wretched supposed-table in the sand.
"Kate!" He shouted from inside the hut. "Kate, honey! Would you quit dicking around and help me?"
He heard Walt's exclamation and Kate's laugh from outside. They'd been playing soccer. Against his orders, he might add.
Kate's arms wrapped around his shoulders from behind, as kisses were placed on the back of his neck to his cheek.
"What're you yelling about now?" She joked. He reached around to slap her behind before pulling her carefully into his lap. He lovingly kissed her growing belly.
"You need to take a break. In this heat, you should be lying in the shade, not running around with a thirteen year old."
"He's fourteen now, and it looks like you're the one who could use a break." She quipped, taking note of the jumble of sticks and rope in the corner.
"Yeah…the coffee table whooped my ass." He said sadly, and Kate threw her head back in a laugh before placing a kiss on his lips.
"Mm, why don't you just have Michael build us one?"
"Because they're trying a case today. I don't want to bother him. He's pretty torn about this one."
"Oh, isn't it the one about Larry harassing poor Janelle?"
"You're not supposed to know about these trials." He warned with a smile.
"Secrets are hard to keep on this island."
"True. Hey, I was thinking about names again."
"Oh, no, Jack." Kate groaned and rolled off his lap. He reached over to pin her under him before she could get up.
"Just hear me out. I think I got a winner. Carter Dean Shepard. Huh, good right?"
Kate rolled her eyes, "What if it's a girl?"
"Then she could be Jeanette Marie Shepard. Like it?" He asked hopefully. Kate giggled at his giddy grin. She looked into his brown eyes. She hoped their child would have his eyes. Kate leaned her head up to kiss his lips.
"Jeanette Louise." She whispered.
"Deal." Jack whispered back down to his wife before kissing her again.
Thank you to all the wonderful people who have reviewed this story. It is ended now, but fear not, I already have a couple more LOST stories finished, and another on the way.I actually did write an entire Constitution for the island. I planned on posting it, but decided against it. It's too boring. I truly appreciate the words of support you all have given me throughout this story and all the others. Thank you.
Sin writes histories. Goodness is silent. - Thomas Fuller
We, the people, inhabitants of the island and survivors of the crash of Oceanic Flight 815 hereby set these regulations for order within ourselves and all that may follow us. To maintain order and happiness, ensure justice and domestic tranquility.
-Austin B.