"This scar", Hakkai started, moving his hand onto Gojyo's, resting on his abdomen, "Does not just remind me of Kanan. She was my life, my world, and she was taken from me. That's in the past. I left that part of my life behind me with those dead youkai. But when I stabbed myself, it was both the end and the beginning."
Gojyo didn't understand, and Hakkai could easily read Goyjo's face. He rolled his eyes and continued.
"It was the night I first met you. The beginning of our friendship. You found me, and saved me from myself. I wanted to die that night, but you didn't let me, and I'm more grateful than I can ever say." Gojyo was about to interrupt, but Hakkai placed a finger on his lips to silence him.
"Please, I need to get this out, it's been eating away at me for so long. I'm so glad that you saved me, and I found my strength in you. Your fire-like hair and temperament kept me going, and I found in you a wonderful friend. But typical me, I wasn't content with that, I craved so much more. So much more than friendship, from you." Hakkai paused, letting the gravity of the comment sink in. Gojyo sat, rooted to the spot, so many thoughts whizzing around in his brain, things starting to fall into place.
"Yet I knew you could never give me what I craved, you were too busy flirting and drinking, and being you. Each time I knew you woke up with someone else next to you, a little piece of my heart froze up. It was never your fault, you had no idea what I was thinking, and this gave me the tiniest bit of hope, that…one day…who knows?" He said with a sad smile. Now, Hakkai gathered all his remaining confidence and strength, and turned Gojyo's head towards him, one hand stroking the red hair he adored. Gojyo's face was unreadable, a first for him. "In case you haven't figured this out already, you idiot kappa, I love you. And I always will." Hakkai paused, wanting to explain so much better to the person he cared for most in the whole world. "So, when those youkai punched me here, they were attacking the reason that I first met you, and that hurt so much more than anything else they did. It made me feel like I was losing you, so I summoned my remaining chi, and stumbled back here to you. I thought I was going to die, and I needed to see you before…well…" Hakkai tore himself away from Gojyo's eyes, and looked down at his scar, where both their hands lay. "Do you see? I need to protect this scar. It is both my past, and my future. My future is you."
"Hakkai! You're awake!", yelled Goku, bounding into the room, followed shortly by a very irritated looking priest. "Wait, what are you doing to Hakkai, you perverted kappa?" The suddenness of their arrival meant that the two men on the bed were in rather a compromising position. They were sitting very close to each other, with Gojyo's hand on Hakkai's stomach, and Hakkai's hand stoking Gojyo's hair. Gojyo immediately jumped up from the bed, flushing red.
"Nothing, baka saru. Hope you left some food in this inn", Gojyo tried to retort, as he quickly left the room. Sanzo's eyes narrowed, and glanced over at Hakkai. This was not a good sign. Hakkai's hand was still hanging in the air where Gojyo had been just a few seconds ago. Goku either couldn't be bothered to reply, or he noticed the tension in the air too. If Goku noticed, it had to be bloody obvious! Sanzo cleared his throat loudly, which seemed to bring Hakkai to his senses, as he dropped his hand and swiftly pulled up the bedclothes up over his chest. His fake smile slipped into place, and he was back to normal.
"Hi there, Goku. I'm feeling much better now", Hakkai said, his smile not reaching his eyes.
"Yay! That's good!" Goku shouted as he ran and landed on the bed. "And guess what? I brought you some food, I thought you might be hungry too." Goku unwrapped the parcel he was carrying and tipped the contents onto the sheet in front of Hakkai. Sanzo raised his eyebrow, it was very unusual for Goku to think of anything but himself when he was eating, and he had not even noticed when the monkey put aside food for Hakkai. He was glad, of course, as he doubted Hakkai had eaten anything since yesterday, and he had forgotten to get the man something himself. Hakkai smiled again at Goku,
"Thanks, just what I needed." He replied, half-heartedly. Goku didn't seem to notice, and started chattering on about the food in the inn, eager to have someone to listen to him. Hakkai nodded in the appropriate places, but it was plain that he was still thinking of whatever had transpired between him and Gojyo. Sanzo prayed to the Gods that it was fixable. He wouldn't be able to stand the atmosphere, and having only Goku to talk to. He sighed, told the others he was going for a walk, and followed Gojyo down to the bar, where Sanzo knew he'd be. This isn't just going to sort itself out.